Friday, February 27, 2009


What Do People Really Think About Your Divorce?
With the divorce rate so high, most people know someone who is divorced. In this day and age, we would think that the old stigmas of the past about divorce are gone. But do people secretly judge you for getting a divorce?
They won't say it out loud of course, but what really runs through someone's mind when you tell them your divorced? Do they pity you or blame you?
It is interesting because I think even divorced people judge each other. I recently met a man who told me he was going through a divorce and I have to admit I caught myself thinking "Why is he getting a divorce? Was he a jerk to his wife? Did he cheat?" It then hit me that maybe these are things people are thinking about me as a divorced woman!
Women may see a divorced man and question whether he is at fault and men might look at a divorced women and think the same thing about her. Thoughts like "Maybe she was a terrible wife or maybe she cheated" might run through their minds. Unfortunately, we are a society that loves to judge others. It has become second nature to judge everybody and everything we see as good or bad.
We have come along way with accepting divorcees in society, many years ago a divorced woman was looked down upon, even if the divorce was not her fault. But I think a divorce stigma, although unspoken, still exists. Maybe if we looked upon divorce differently, as an ending to a relationship that did not work and could not be fixed we could suspend our judgements and not view a divorce as a personal failure.

13 comments:

trisha said...

The following are extracts from that well thumbed lexicon, "The Embittered Divorcee's Dictionary of Life,":


Man man (noun) a foolish knave
Woman wuman (noun) a frivolous maiden
Love luv (noun) an illusion
Marriage marrij (noun) reality
Separation separayshun (noun) purgatory
Divorce devorss (noun) hell
Marry marree (verb) wed
Divorce devorss (verb) future tense of marry
Financial-Settlement fynanshall setulment (noun) robbery
Pre-nup pree nup(noun) insurance
Maintenance maintenanss (noun) lifeline, if the recipient; millstone, if the payer
Lump sum lump sum (noun) blood money
Pension share penshun share(noun) penury in retirement

Ross said...

I find with a lot of societies prejudices and misunderstandings, that much of it boils down to a lack of empathy from either or both parties. If a person fails to at least try and understand it from anothers points of view, then there's no hope.

Andrew said...

Deciding whether to divorce may be the most important decision of your life. Two essential factors in a divorce are emotional compatibility and legal issues. For couples with children, the children's welfare also becomes a key factor. Children of divorce are more vulnerable to depression, behavior problems, and problems in their own relationships. Because of this, it is important for parents to think carefully about how they will tell their children and what they will tell them. When possible, the entire family should meet together so that both parents can answer children's questions. This strategy may also help parents to avoid blaming each other for the divorce. Visit Professional negligence solicitor for more information.

Women and Divorce said...

It is normal even for divorced people to doubt and question couples on the verge of divorcing. Separation usually connotes negative views because it is - divorce is a fruit of a failed marriage. However, with better understanding of the situation, people will understand divorce and accept it as what it is. It may be the fault of the other or both, but divorce is for the best in this case.

Ms. Monet said...

I think that divorce is not a failure but instead a very wise decision to leave a relationship that isn't working. As a result, it can (and should) be an opportunity for new experiences, friends, lovers, jobs and travel. Although I resisted it at first, my divorce has turned out to be the best decisions I have made. http://www.postcardsfromapeacefuldivorce.com

PA & NJ Uncontested Divorce said...

of course, some people are really judgmental in regards to this sensitive issue. But if you're really decided and you think your reason is valid, then no one can stop you make your choice.

Michelle Gillett said...

Divorce, is a highly controversial topic. I agree that even in the most liberal of setups, stigma are still attached to people who terminates their relationship using this legal recourse.

Effective divorce lawyers (Jacksonville Fl and other parts of the country) usually handle this matters. It usually results to an emotional and financial whirlwind between the divorcing parties. In different places including Jacksonville, criminal lawyers represent an individual who wanted to assert his rights in defense or against another party.

Although such tough times might have negative repercussions, it is still a good option in ending a relationship. It can help settle the properties and the courts can decide if the reason behind the separation is valid in the first place.

Thanks for sharing!

Anonymous said...

Great Article! If you want to learn more about this topic you should read
Divorce-Money Matters, A Planning Guide For Women on Financial Matters Contemplating or in Divorce.
It had lots of good information and was very convenient to have during my divorce.


http://www.amazon.com/Divorce-L-Burke-Files/dp/0982372310/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1292948581&sr=1-3

No Fault Divorce VA said...

The biggest thing in marriage besides love, is honesty and respect. This guy is giving a patch job, while what you really need is a brand new way of doing things. I new way to relate, and a new way of living your own life and how you percieve things. If both aren't willing to eventually do this, and work together, then there isn't much hope. One person can go to save the marriage with a new approach and lots of delving into maritaul self help type books, by the more well renowned trusted authors. In the end though you are bringing them around to the ultimate goal of working it out together. Lots of maritual therapy should follow. lol This is what saved my marriage.

sharon marie said...

Facing divorce is one of the most difficult times that one has to endure and accept things with grace. Every couple should understand its consequences and we often misunderstood and overlook some common reasons why they consider divorce as an option. I found this very informative for couples who are finding some answers on why divorce and separation happens.divorce

boros1124 said...

Not long ago I read a book. The address to the "SOS Divorced!" A romantic bestseller in Hungary. The book was written by a woman who was standing before the divorce. Thus the book is partly true story of funds to feed. Of course, another part of the fantasy, but I think the book can be very helpful if someone is going through a divorce. Although the book is published only in Hungarian, but you might be interested, then this is the cover associated with it, which is based on whether you can find: http://www.konyv-konyvek.hu/book_images/44a/999641244a.jpg

Divorce Utah said...

I don't think people should judge anyone like that. Divorce is one path in life you have no control of.

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