Saturday, August 29, 2009

An inspiring song for single moms...

I received an email this evening from a singer Kevin Burdick. Here is what he wrote:

"I’ve a special place in my heart for how difficult it is to be a single mom. One of my songs off of my 2nd Album was called “Firefly” and I’d like to dedicate it to you and your readers. Moms, especially single moms, are the real heroes in this world"

Sometimes being a single mom can feel like a thankless job. Taking care of children and being their primary source of support can feel overwhelming at times. How wonderful that Kevin appreciates single moms and wrote a song to honor them! Watch his video and listen to his song below:

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I have some great news. SWWAN (Single Working Women's Affiliate Network) is holding a series of online workshops from August 2- August 8th and my readers are invited to attend for free!

You won't want to miss "Secrets You Wish Your Mom Told You". 8 experts will talk about solving real-life issues--stuff you can take home and use immediately in your everyday life.

Pick your topic or topics, and when you register, SWWAN will give you a 100% discount--you'll get your sessions free (except for a 99 cent ticket fee).

When you register, use the code "speaker" (no quotes) to get your discount. Go to:

Here are some of the exciting presentations that you will have access to:

* "How to Write a Whole-Brain Resume" - Cat Thompson, video star and guru to the modern woman. Make your resume about REAL you. * "Living Fearlessly" - Michelle Kunz, owner of PEL Coaching, opera star, and advisor to the SWWAN Foundation. Learn how to conquer fears that get in your way.
* "The Emotion behind Money" - Julie Murphy Casserly, owner of JMC Wealth Management and author of the book, The Emotion behind Money. Learn how flawed beliefs about money can keep you from getting all you want.
* "How to Use Social Media for Marketing and Profit" - Chris King, owner of Creative Keys, publisher of Portfolio Potpourri, and professional storyteller. Demystify Twitter, LinkedIn and Facebook.
* "Surprising Truths about Being Single in the Workplace" - Dr. Karen Gail Lewis, provider of unique women's retreats and author of "With or Without a Man." Learn how to deal with hidden prejudices that keep you back.
* "Pursuit of Power through Networking" - Katrell Mendenhall,entertainment rerporter/writer and Founder of 100% Woman. Learn to develop personal power by networking the right way.
* "How to Package Yourself for Success Online" - Paula Constantino, founder of 1000 Women Can Change the World and the Women's Support Team . You already have skills that can make you money. Learn an easy way to package them into a product you can sell online. * "How to keep more of what you make in your home-based business" - Tina Frizzell-Jenkins. A home-based accountant tells all the secrets she's learned in 20 years.
Dates, times, course descriptions, and info about these dynamic experts are at:

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Has Your Divorce Made You Fat?...

Divorce is one of the most painful life experiences you can encounter, so it is no wonder that people gain weight after a divorce. If you have used food for comfort in the past, you are at high risk for overeating during a divorce. Filling yourself up with the foods you love can temporarily relive the pain. That is until you step on the scale and beat yourself up for gaining weight.

Some people will go to the opposite extreme and actually lose weight during a divorce. They completely lose their appetites. Others will reach for alcohol, prescription drugs or worse to soothe the pain. No matter what you use, it is a temporary fix. The pain you feel will be there to greet you again after you have finished that bag of chips or drank that bottle of wine.

Unfortunately, there is no magic solution. There is nothing out there that can ease the intense pain and suffering you are going through right now. Only time and allowing yourself to experience the grief and sadness can make you feel better.Working through and releasing your emotions in a healthy way is the best medicine. So let it out by punching a pillow, writing a letter to your ex and burning it and allowing yourself to have a good cry. Try to look for other, healthier ways to release your emotions instead of using food to make yourself feel better.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce..

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Do Separate Bank Accounts Lead to Separation?
Some couples decide to keep their finances separated after they marry. They maintain separate bank accounts and even divide the bills up each month, each contributing their share of the household expenses. Is this a good idea or do couples who do not share their money get divorced more often?
I am not sure. If either the husband or wife is not comfortable with keeping individual bank accounts during a marriage, then it can become a problem. Sharing your money with your partner is the ultimate sign of commitment. It is also a sign of trust to put your money together with your spouse and make decision together concerning purchases and finances.
A partner who refuses to allow his or her partner access to bank accounts, investments and other assets may be someone with something to hide. Any assets acquired during a marriage are considered martial property, so why hide them? Marriage is about commitment and sharing. But
if both parties are happy with keeping the finances separated and and it works for them it should not have any negative impact on their marriage. This is defintely an issue that should be decided and agreed upon before getting married to avoid any conflict later.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Getting Back Together with an Abuser..
I just read on that singer Rihanna and Chris Brown are back together after he was arrested several weeks ago for allegedly beating and threatening her. How sad. It makes me think about all of the married women who are abused and yet cannot escape their abuser.
I had an aunt whose husband beat her up regularly. My father told the story of how, after my aunt had been hit yet again by her husband, he went to her house and beat up his brother-in-law. As he was hitting him, my aunt jumped on my father and screamed "Don't hurt him!". My father was shocked that she would defend her own abuser. The abuse finally stopped for my aunt when her husband left her. He also left his 6 daughters, never to be seen again and never sending one dime of child support.
Why would a woman defend, forgive and take back someone who hurts them? I think is is a combination of low self-esteem and psychological manipulation on the part of the abuser. For Rihanna, we see a beautiful, young, famous, wealthy woman who is not trapped with an abuser because she has no where to go or no income. Does she really "love" someone who is capable of hurting her so badly or is she addicted to someone she thinks she cannot live without?
Looking at an abusive marriage or relationship from the outside, you want to tell the woman to please get out, to protect herself and end the abuse. But the reality is many women will stay in an abusive relationship until it is too late. If you are reading this and are being abused, please know that you are worthy of respect, love and kindness. No one deserves to be hurt, either emotionally or physically. If you cannot think highly enough of yourself to leave, then do it for your kids or family or even for the man you claim to love. Allowing yourself to be abused does not help the abuser. You become an enabler and your abuser will never get the help he so desperately needs if you continue to be his punching bag. Gather your inner strength and stand up for yourself. Believe that you are a worthwhile, valuable person who deserves to be in a healthy, safe, loving relationship.

What Do People Really Think About Your Divorce?
With the divorce rate so high, most people know someone who is divorced. In this day and age, we would think that the old stigmas of the past about divorce are gone. But do people secretly judge you for getting a divorce?
They won't say it out loud of course, but what really runs through someone's mind when you tell them your divorced? Do they pity you or blame you?
It is interesting because I think even divorced people judge each other. I recently met a man who told me he was going through a divorce and I have to admit I caught myself thinking "Why is he getting a divorce? Was he a jerk to his wife? Did he cheat?" It then hit me that maybe these are things people are thinking about me as a divorced woman!
Women may see a divorced man and question whether he is at fault and men might look at a divorced women and think the same thing about her. Thoughts like "Maybe she was a terrible wife or maybe she cheated" might run through their minds. Unfortunately, we are a society that loves to judge others. It has become second nature to judge everybody and everything we see as good or bad.
We have come along way with accepting divorcees in society, many years ago a divorced woman was looked down upon, even if the divorce was not her fault. But I think a divorce stigma, although unspoken, still exists. Maybe if we looked upon divorce differently, as an ending to a relationship that did not work and could not be fixed we could suspend our judgements and not view a divorce as a personal failure.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Are You Ready to Get Naked Again?...
Dating after a divorce can be traumatic and overwhelming. You may wish there was a guide book for women that told you how to get back in the dating game and find a new relationship that won't result in heartache. Getting Naked Again by NY Times best selling author, Judith Sills does just that.
This book is a godsend to divorced, widowed or dumped women in their thirties and beyond. Ms. Sills helps women get back out there again and not be afraid to date. Going through a divorce, especially if you are over 35, presents a whole new set of challenges. There are children to deal with, insecurities about age and looks and a whole slew of emotional issues to contend with.
Dating again after a divorce in your twenties is not the same as dating again in your forties. If you try your hand at dating without doing some inner work and developing your own inner confidence, you may find yourself retreating and backing off from the dating scene. Rejection stings at any age, but it is especially difficult when you have already been emotionally scarred from your divorce and convince yourself your "too old" to date or that there are " no good men" left. If you find yourself sitting home on the weekends, watching netflix movies and drinking wine, this book is for you.
I like this book because the author explores the divorced and widowed woman's psyche, understanding the feelings, emotions and concerns a woman feels after the loss of a significant relationship. Her savvy and often humorous advice will help you "get naked again" and not be afraid to let down your guard and allow a new love into your life.

Are You Scared to be Single Again?
With all of the doom and gloom about the economy bombarding us every time we turn on the TV, it is no wonder people are fearful. With job loss at an all time high, the high rate of foreclosures and a plummeting stock market, most people are nervous. if you are married and your spouse loses his job, you may have to live on one income. But if you are single and lose your income there may be no income coming in at all.
It can be scary to be divorced and single again. At least when you were married there was someone there to share your fears with. Together, you knew you could get through tough times . Now you are all alone and may have to be the primary caregiver and breadwinner in your family. This can feel overwhelming. You may even wonder why you got divorced in the first place. Was your marriage really that bad?
It is easy to let the fear take over but you need to take a deep breath and have some faith in yourself. You will be okay. Being single has many benefits, one is that you are free to call your own shots and create your life exactly how you want it to be. If you feed into all of the negativity that surrounds us nowadays and panic, you will see your worst fears realized.
Being responsible for your own financial and emotional well being can be frightening but it can also be empowering. Now is the time to take control of your emotions and face your fears. Some singles may be tempted to jump back into a relationship again to gain security, but is having so called security worth your freedom and happiness?
Hang in there and have faith. Things will improve, despite all of the dire warnings to the contrary. We will all get through these tough times. By being hopeful and having confidence in yourself as a single person, you will make it on your own.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Health Insurance and Divorce: What You Need to Know
If you are going through a divorce and are a stay at home parent, you need to make sure that your soon to be ex does not take you off the family health insurance plan. You may be thinking that your spouse cannot legally remove you from the policy, but that is not true. Technically, the court will agree that health benefits stay in place until the divorce is final, just like they say that no martial assets are to be sold, but the reality is that these things happen anyway, despite the court's warnings.
During my own divorce, my ex sold martial assets and removed me from the family health insurance plan. He was given a verbal warning from the court but no action was taken against him. I was forced to find and pay for new health insurance.
If you are not employed, finding affordable, decent health insurance is not easy nowadays. Try and prevent loss of health insurance by making sure your lawyer informs your spouse's lawyer that you need your health coverage continued. You should also have a clause added in your final divorce agreement that your spouse will continue to provide health insurance benefits until you can find an affordable policy on your own. Remember, if you have a pre-existing condition and then lose your benefits for a certain amount of time, the pre-existing condition may not be covered on your next plan.
Also, make sure to spell out clearly in your divorce agreement who will put the children on their health insurance plan and include exactly who pays for the deductibles, co-payments and any uncovered expenses. If your children will need braces, work out an agreement now on who will pay and exactly how much each parent will be responsible for. You can prevent many conflicts and problems with your ex post-divorce by taking the time now to include these issues in your divorce agreement.