Thursday, May 31, 2007
I recently met a woman who has been divorced for about the same amount of time I have-about 2 years. She was telling me a story about how she recently took her ex-husband back to court to increase his child support obligation for their four children.
What she told me next was shocking and disturbing.Even though her ex was making more money than when their divorce was finalized,his support was actually LOWERED by the judge! She is now expected to support four kids on only $203 dollars a week.
How did this happen? Well, first of all,she filed a motion on her own ,without a lawyer's help,to modify the support order. That is fine, and you can do that, but you must first prepare and gather your evidence before bringing your spouse to court. Although her ex was ordered to show proof of his income, he never supplied the court with his tax returns and the judge recalculated the child support based on his income from 2 years ago.
Was this fair? No. But the family court system rarely is.Since the judge reviewed her case without requiring her and her ex to be present, he probably spent about 5 minutes glancing over the paperwork and made a decision based on misinformation that is financially hurting the children.
Whether you are thinking about divorce, in the middle of a divorce battle right now or already divorced, you need to realize that the family court system cannot be trusted to protect your rights in your divorce.
You must be proactive. Do not assume the judge will do the "right thing".The system just does not work that way. It is overcrowded and filled with some money hungry divorce lawyers ready to pounce and take every penny they can from both you and your spouse.
Now I am not saying that all divorce lawyers are unethical or that all Family Court Judges do not care,but my divorce cost me $40,000 and a year and half stuck in the family court system.
Protect yourself and your finances. Don't go to court unprepared or rely completely on your divorce attorney. Gather your own evidence to bring into court. Make sure to have copies of all important documents and proof of all assets owned.
If you would like a step-by-step plan to save thousands on attorney fees, protect yourself financially and maintain your current lifestyle, go to:
http://www.secretsofdivorce.com/ and receive a free chapter of the best selling divorce book,
Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce-what every woman needs to know
Saturday, May 26, 2007
You are not a bad person because you are getting a divorce. If you and your spouse cannot longer get along, there is no reason to live together in a situation that makes you unhappy. You need to worry about your future and the well being of yourself and your children if any. Sometimes a divorce can be avoided with the help of a marriage counselor, but often there is just no hope.
Altohugh it is difficult to keep a positive outlook when you are going through a divorce., you cannot let yourself be taken down by what is happening around you. If you are being accused of untruthful accusations, you have to keep strong so that you can defend your name and your reputation.
Do not give up. You have to gather all of your strength an inner resources. If you are determined to get something that is rightfully yours, you need to stand up for it. Getting what you want in a divorce is not always possible, but you have to stand up for what you believe in.
Keep yourself surrounded by others that are positive as well. Keeping your friends and family around you is important. You need to make sure there is humor and laughter in your life even though you may feel like falling apart. This will keep you in a state of positive energy and keep you ready for what is ahead.
Once the divorce is over and done with no matter what the outcome, you have to be ready to go on with your life. You may not believe it now, but you will have an exciting new life to look forward to and make your dreams come true. Your life is not over even if you think that it is. There are always second chances and you deserve to have one. Your time will come for love again and if it does not, you will know that you are better off without your spouse.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Life After Divorce-Coping As A Single Parent
When the ink has dried on your divorce papers, and the dust finally starts to settle, you will find yourself facing an entirely new set of problems. Now you are alone with your responsibilities. The scheduling of your life is different, and probably more difficult.
If your husband is limited to brief visitation rights, then the day-to-day responsibility for your kids is now completely yours. Even if your spouse has your children part of the time, you will discover that you are more limited. If your ex did anything at all around the house you will now have to do it yourself. If he did any of the family bookkeeping, or helped the kids with schoolwork, or took them here or there, that service is no longer available. You have a household. Once there were two people who could take on the duty of running it. Now there’s one.
You will probably begin to see this happening from the start. During your divorce these things present themselves. But in some ways they aren’t as obvious then. This is partly due to the incredible turmoil you are already facing. There may also be other factors disguising the truth. Your friends and family knew what you were going through while the battle was still raging. Often some of them stepped up to bat, and helped in so many ways. Your best friend drove your boy to sports practice through an entire season, and maybe your sister took your daughter to shop for clothes. But that was when your days were endless cycles of lawyers, court dates, and searching for records. Now life is supposed to be normal.
The only problem with that is the workload: it seems to be permanently bigger.
In most cases the ex-spouse should be of help, but there are almost always problems and disagreements. Most likely these will last as long as your children are still underage and a shared responsibility. How much support and help your ex is giving you with the kids is usually a measure of your sanity. I’ve had my own problems with this, as does nearly every parent who keeps custody most of the time. My ex-husband’s mandated times with the kids only cover a couple of weekends and some weekday evenings each month. Often the evenings simply don’t happen.
Many divorced parents face the same dilemma: doubled responsibility not only for kids, but for shopping, cleaning, paying the bills, taking care of the pets, doing the laundry, and the list goes on and on!
Being a single parent is no easy task. For each of us the new responsibilities take different forms. When they are still together most parents gradually take on some aspects of the good cop/bad cop relationship with their kids. Sometimes dad is the one who is judge and jury, while mom seems willing to listen. Or those roles might be reversed. Maybe your ex-spouse was the disciplinarian; while you were the sympathetic one they could always come to. Whatever role you played before, now you must be both. If your boy gets in a fight, or your daughter mistreats a schoolmate, you have to dole out the punishment. Yet, if there were extenuating circumstances, you also have to understand. How can a person do both? It seems almost impossible.
This is aggravated even more by the divorce. A split inevitably sets up a competitive situation. In a conflict people always look for allies, and in a divorce both parents want the kids to be on their respective sides. This doesn’t end with the decree.
If dad was once the disciplinarian, but now only sees the kids for a few days a month, he’s likely to be much less help when they do something wrong. He’ll want his house to be the place where they have fun. At the same time, mom is going to get tired of always being the one to give punishments. She doesn’t want her children to hate her. This often turns into a competition for affection that can only hurt the children.
What every parent in a divorce must learn is that their children still have the same needs they had before the divorce. That means they need the adults in their lives to take on adult responsibilities. For instance, if you are about to leave your children off at your spouse’s, don’t work extra hard to leave the best impression. There’s no need to make your last stop one at a fast food joint where you fill them full of sugar and empty calories. Instead, just make them understand that you love them, and are concerned with their well being in every way. Ease them into the transition by assuring them of their place in your life, while helping them see that they still have that place in your spouse’s life as well. If your spouse doesn’t cooperate, try to resolve it when the kids aren’t there. Do all you can to make sure that the facts of custody are not rules of engagement, but rather are simply a structure for your children’s benefit. If you and your spouse still have lingering differences in this area, the best way to help your cause is to simply be the best parent you can be.
But whatever your arrangement is with your ex-spouse, life can’t help but be more difficult alone. So what do you do in the face of overwhelming odds, and the seemingly inevitable nervous breakdown?
First, remember you are not alone. There are millions of single parents out there facing the same thing you are. You probably know other mothers (and/or fathers) who are, or have been, in the same situation. Don’t be afraid about turning to them now. They may know things you don’t, and if not, they can always lend a hand, or at least some sympathy.
Others who have gone through the same thing will realize what pressure you are under. This isn’t simply a matter of finances (though that issue usually has a lot to do with it). You are now the one that your children come to every day of the week. They need you desperately for their own sense of security, especially after their world has been turned upside down from divorce. You are the one who picks up after them, feeds them, and gives them allowances. You are the one who talks to their friends’ mothers and fathers. You get the call from school. You talk to their teachers. You are the first one to hear about bills for education and health. If your children are about to go to college, you are the one they talk to about those possibilities.
If you are the parent they stay with most nights, and you are the parent they see in the morning before they go to school, then you are simply the one.
Because it used to be different, because there used to be two of you, and because there used to be two parental roles being played in this house, you now have to learn something new. Now you must develop some skills you never needed before. If you can do what is necessary you’ll find that this new order isn’t that scary. If you can adapt, you will not only survive, but thrive. A new exciting life is just around the corner. Your job is to figure out how to keep from getting so exhausted that “just around the corner” turns out to be an impossible distance to cover.
Your job as a newly single parent may not be easy, but in time you will adjust, fall into new routines, and discover a new found strength you never thought you had.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Christina Rowe interviews Best selling author, Alexandra Watson,THE HAPPINESS COACH
For the last decade Alexandra has helped countless women lead happy and fulfilling lives thanks to her easy-to-follow, highly-effective happiness techniques, tips and tools or system in her best-selling book, The Happiness System for Women.
John Gray author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus says her book `takes you on a vibrant and exciting journey to the center of your soul!`
Susan Jeffers, Ph.D. author of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway and The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love says, "Alexandra's wisdom helps you 'pick up the mirror', take charge of your experience of life, and ultimately gain the happiness you so richly deserve."
Find out how you can bring more happiness into your life today!
Click below to listen to Christina Rowe, author of the best selling book, Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce, interview Alexandra Watson, best selling author of The Happiness System for Women
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Natasha J. Rosewood
Parting can be such sweet sorrow . . . or hell on earth. The only constant is change. But because we are always either infecting or affecting others, it is how we deal with those changing relationships that reflect what we are really made of.
All kinds of people come and go in our lives, some leaving footprints in our hearts and some leaving a hole in our souls and/or our bank accounts. So what price do we pay for perpetrating more anger and hurt during a separation? We can make a different choice. We can choose to separate peacefully.
Although each separation is as unique as the individuals involved—the following tips offer a way to leave our relationships with grace and our souls intact.
Don’t leave it too late. Take positive action while you still have something to salvage in the relationship.
Focus on a higher purpose than yourself. E.g. Your children or world peace. Then keep your eye and heart on the goal. Don’t waver from that vision!
Remove yourself from the game. Walk away from the who-did-or-didn’t-do-what power (less) struggle. If you have safety concerns while dealing with the other person, contact your local social services.
4. Treat the other person as able and willing. People often unconsciously respond and behave according to that higher version of themselves.
Speak the truth with compassion. When communicating your grievances, use the sandwich technique; positive (e.g. I appreciate you for this . . .), negative (However, I feel hurt/angry/disrespected when you) and always finish with positive (I would like to . . . remain friends/thank you for . . .).
Take responsibility for your part in the breakdown of the relationship. Once we accept our part in creating the problem, we also have the power to solve it.
Welcome the opportunity to grow. Whether we are the "dumper" or the "dumpee," we can acknowledge that this milestone is an opportunity for a new life.
Say thank you for all that person has taught you. Give each other something good to take away from the relationship. Be specific and be generous in your praise.
Give above and beyond. “Generosity is the virtue that creates peace,” say the Buddhists. Give more than is fair or expected or what the lawyer tells you. (If you follow these tips, you won’t need a lawyer.)
Embrace the FEAR. (Fictional Evidence Appearing Real) Be aware of what your fear is and ask yourself if it is, indeed, real. Only deal in facts, not emotions.
Ask for help. You are probably hurting. The physical equivalent of what you are experiencing might be having your skinned ripped off, exposing raw nerves. Get support from counselors, friends, family or strangers. You are not alone unless you choose to be.
Be kind to yourself and the other person. If you are the dumper, you may have being going through the leaving-grieving process for years. If your loved one is ambushed by your departure, give them time to catch up and come to terms with it. Be gentle in all your dealings.
The greatest gift of all in separating peacefully is knowing that although the context of your relationship has changed, you can look back with pride. Perhaps you have inspired others to do the same. Because if peace begins with you, here is your opportunity to bring peace to the world. Amen/Awomen!
Natasha J. Rosewood is an International Psychic Coach, Facilitator and Author of Aaagh! I Think I’m Psychic (And You Can Be Too). For details about her services, to purchase her book or subscribe to her newsletter visit: www.natashapsychic.com.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Relationships On The Rebound: Can they be dangerous?
I recently came across this article and wanted to pass it on to you because the subject is so important. When you end a relationship, whether through divorce or a break up wit a boyfriend, you need to be careful when dating again and choosing a new mate. Read what Author Sandra L.Brown has to say about the dangers of relationships on the rebound.
Grief and It’s Impact on Relationship Selection
BY: Sandra L. Brown, M.A.
Author of: How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved
Grief can have devastating effects on the type of person you choose for a relationship while you are still actively grieving the loss of a previous relationship. Many people do not realize they are grieving when a relationship ends which actually places them at-risk of choosing dangerously while being impaired by their grief.
Some people assume that grief is related only if your partner has recently died and if you are currently still saddened by the loss. But actually grieving occurs when any relationship ends—whether it is anticipated, desired, prepared for, or not. The longer the relationship existed, the longer the grief normally takes.
Persons are often distressed to learn that there should be a ‘time out’ from dating or future relationships when one relationship has ended. The rule of thumb is 6 months time-out for every 5 years of relationship. So if you were with someone (married or not) for 10 years that would suggest you take 1 year off from being in a relationship or dating. I get horrified reactions to that because most people think ‘just get your self back out there. The best way to get over someone is with someone else.’ Nothing could be further from the truth.
Many of my clients ended up in counseling with me because they did exactly that. While still grieving from a previous relationship, they hooked up and made some bad choices in the selection of their next relationship which caused them even more problems and pain. When you are coming out of a relationship, you are in pain even if you aren’t acknowledging it, even if you wanted out of the relationship, even if you had planned for the ending of it. When we are in pain, we are not in our best decision-making mind. When issues of the previous relationship are not resolved, many people go on to choose someone just like the person in the relationship they ended. Subconsciously they are trying to work out those relationship issues—but with a new person, instead of the one they just left.
Drastically, many people jump from one relationship to the next to avoid being alone. Alone does not necessarily have to mean = loneliness. But in these cases, people don’t really care about the quality of the next relationship they only desire to avoid themselves and the feelings of the lost relationship. These are issues for the person to work out with a professional because people who cannot be alone are at a significant risk of choosing anyone to avoid being alone.
The baggage we carry from the last relationship has the ability to impact current and future relationships. Ideally, none of us want to hurt new relationships with our old relationship issues that are unresolved. That’s why time off from relationships help us get some distance where we can assess the good and bad things of the relationship, our part in it, the types of people who we tend to select and whether we need to make some changes. These insights do not happen overnight or even within a few weeks. That is why following the formula listed above protects you from your own impaired relationship choices. Sometimes it allows enough time that you see you might need a few counseling sessions to work out your anger, fear, or look deeper at your relationship selection patterns.
The longer we wait and the more we work on ourselves in-between relationships the better chances we have of bringing a more healthy self to the next relationship and being able to spot potential bad dating choices.
For more information on how to spot a dangerous man go to:
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Do you sometimes feel that life has given you a raw deal? Are you sick and tiredof going to work each day and then coming home to more problems at home?
If you are tired of struggling financiallybut wonder how on earth can you achieve your dreams when you are bogged down with personalissues, such as separation, divorce or beinga single parent, listen up.
Remember the post the other day about the woman who went through a terrible divorce, turned her life around and became a best selling author and millionaire?Well, I am honored to be able to interview her live, this Wednesday night, May 2nd at 9:00pm EST.
There is no charge for this lifechanging call for the first 50 people who signup. go to:www.christinarowe.com/internetmillionaire.htm
Tracy Repchuk is the best selling author of"31 Days to Millionaire Marketing Miracles". Tracysuffered through a violent marriage and a brutal divorce. She nearly lost it all, including her business.Find out how Tracy turned it all around and went on to build a fabulous new life and career and how you can too!
I am especially excited for this call because I face the same problems you do. I am a divorce mother of four and let's be honest, it is difficult trying to support my kids on my own. I am looking to learn from Tracy on Wednesday night and find out just how she reached millionaire status.If she can do it, so can we!
Make sure you sign up now-spaces are very limited!