"Like We Never Loved at all"....

Does this sound familiar? You are going through a divorce and feel as though your heart as been ripped out of your chest, yet your soon to be ex has not shed one tear and does not seem to even care. You wonder, after all of the years of marriage-years of sharing your lives together-how can he just walk away feeling no pain and worst of all, no remorse?

It seems to defy logic. A person is supposed to feel bad while going through a divorce, right? Seeing your partner move on with his life without a care in the world can intensify your own pain. You want him to suffer, to feel what you are feeling, to wake up every morning with that sick knot in his stomach. His reaction is downright insulting. Does it mean he never loved you and that your marriage was a farce, a joke that meant nothing to him?

There is a song by Faith hill that sums this up perfectly. The lyrics go" How can you just walk on by, without one tear in your eye, don't you have the slightest feelings left for me? Maybe it's just your way of dealing with the pain, forgetting everything between our rise and fall, like we never loved at all..."

The truth is that everyone deals with grief in different ways. What may seem like your ex's ability to recover from your divorce with ease may in reality be his way of suppressing and hiding his emotions. Men are very good at that. After all, many men were brought up to believe that showing emotion is a sign of weakness. This may be your ex's way of keeping it together. Not falling apart emotionally may be the only way he can get through the divorce.

Another issue to consider is that your ex may have been unhappy in the marriage and has been slowly grieving it's end for years now. By slowly detaching, little by little, over time, the actual breakup does not hit him like a ton of bricks. He appears to be over the divorce, but in actuality already has mourned the death of the marriage a long time ago.

Knowing why your ex is not suffering from the pain of your divorce may give you little comfort. Your hurting and you want him to hurt too. You were married and created a life together and you want that time spent together to have meant something. The fact is you may never see your ex express sadness or remorse over your divorce but it does not mean he is not feeling it. Since you cannot know what another person is thinking or feeling, you can choose to believe that he is sad but unable to show it. Whether it is true or not, is irrelevant.

You need to believe that the person you married did have a heart and once upon a time loved and cared for you. Your marriage was once meaningful. No one can take away the memories you have of the time you spent as a couple, they are yours to remember and reflect on. Focus on your own grieving process and allow yourself to fully mourn the end of your marriage instead of wondering if your ex is feeling badly too. Before you know it you will get through the dark times and just like your ex, be able to move on with you life.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce.....