Has Your Divorce Made You Fat?...

Divorce is one of the most painful life experiences you can encounter, so it is no wonder that people gain weight after a divorce. If you have used food for comfort in the past, you are at high risk for overeating during a divorce. Filling yourself up with the foods you love can temporarily relive the pain. That is until you step on the scale and beat yourself up for gaining weight.

Some people will go to the opposite extreme and actually lose weight during a divorce. They completely lose their appetites. Others will reach for alcohol, prescription drugs or worse to soothe the pain. No matter what you use, it is a temporary fix. The pain you feel will be there to greet you again after you have finished that bag of chips or drank that bottle of wine.

Unfortunately, there is no magic solution. There is nothing out there that can ease the intense pain and suffering you are going through right now. Only time and allowing yourself to experience the grief and sadness can make you feel better.Working through and releasing your emotions in a healthy way is the best medicine. So let it out by punching a pillow, writing a letter to your ex and burning it and allowing yourself to have a good cry. Try to look for other, healthier ways to release your emotions instead of using food to make yourself feel better.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce..

What Do People Really Think About Your Divorce?

With the divorce rate so high, most people know someone who is divorced. In this day and age, we would think that the old stigmas of the past about divorce are gone. But do people secretly judge you for getting a divorce?

They won't say it out loud of course, but what really runs through someone's mind when you tell them your divorced? Do they pity you or blame you?

It is interesting because I think even divorced people judge each other. I recently met a man who told me he was going through a divorce and I have to admit I caught myself thinking "Why is he getting a divorce? Was he a jerk to his wife? Did he cheat?" It then hit me that maybe these are things people are thinking about me as a divorced woman!

Women may see a divorced man and question whether he is at fault and men might look at a divorced women and think the same thing about her. Thoughts like "Maybe she was a terrible wife or maybe she cheated" might run through their minds. Unfortunately, we are a society that loves to judge others. It has become second nature to judge everybody and everything we see as good or bad.

We have come along way with accepting divorcees in society, many years ago a divorced woman was looked down upon, even if the divorce was not her fault. But I think a divorce stigma, although unspoken, still exists. Maybe if we looked upon divorce differently, as an ending to a relationship that did not work and could not be fixed we could suspend our judgements and not view a divorce as a personal failure.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce...

Health Insurance and Divorce: What You Need to Know

If you are going through a divorce and are a stay at home parent, you need to make sure that your soon to be ex does not take you off the family health insurance plan. You may be thinking that your spouse cannot legally remove you from the policy, but that is not true. Technically, the court will agree that health benefits stay in place until the divorce is final, just like they say that no martial assets are to be sold, but the reality is that these things happen anyway, despite the court's warnings.

During my own divorce, my ex sold martial assets and removed me from the family health insurance plan. He was given a verbal warning from the court but no action was taken against him. I was forced to find and pay for new health insurance.

If you are not employed, finding affordable, decent health insurance is not easy nowadays. Try and prevent loss of health insurance by making sure your lawyer informs your spouse's lawyer that you need your health coverage continued. You should also have a clause added in your final divorce agreement that your spouse will continue to provide health insurance benefits until you can find an affordable policy on your own. Remember, if you have a pre-existing condition and then lose your benefits for a certain amount of time, the pre-existing condition may not be covered on your next plan.

Also, make sure to spell out clearly in your divorce agreement who will put the children on their health insurance plan and include exactly who pays for the deductibles, co-payments and any uncovered expenses. If your children will need braces, work out an agreement now on who will pay and exactly how much each parent will be responsible for. You can prevent many conflicts and problems with your ex post-divorce by taking the time now to include these issues in your divorce agreement.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce...

And You Thought Your Ex was a Jerk....

You may think that no one could be worse than your own ex, but this guy wins the prize for "worst ex-husband ever". Dr. Richard Bastista of NY donated his kidney to his wife several years ago and now wants it back!

He is actually suing her. He says if he can't have the kidney back he will take 1.5 million dollars instead. He donated the kidney in 2001 and his wife filed for divorce in 2005. They have three small children.

When I read this online, I thought it must be a joke, but it is true. I think this divorce will go on record as one of the nastiest divorces ever. It is clear that this man feels hurt about his divorce and we do not know the details of why the couple is divorcing, but to ask for a donated body part back or over a million dollars in compensation because you are bitter about your divorce is insane.

This man is obviously so racked with revenge and anger that he cannot think rationally. Can you imagine what his poor children must think? To know that daddy wants to take back the kidney that helps mommy's body function properly? Dr. Bastista works at Nassau County Medical Center on Long Island in NY. Ironically, that is the hospital where my oldest daughter was born.

By going public with his outrageous lawsuit, he is also damaging his reputation as a doctor. Would you want a crazy doctor who wants to take back his kidney from his wife caring for you? This is just another sad example of how a divorce can cause a normal, sane person to become irrational and out of control.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce...

A New Year and a New Beginning: What will you do differently in 2009?

No matter how difficult 2008 was, a new year is only a few days away and you have a chance to start over and do things differently this year. After all, someone once said the definition of insanity is doing things the same way over and over again and expecting different results.

You may wonder how you will be able to make this upcoming year better than last year. We all make our new year resolutions only to find ourselves breaking them weeks or even days later, so how can you make sure that this year you really will accomplish your goals?

Start first by making a list of want you don't want. That may sound strange, but you need to get clear about the things in your life that make you unhappy so you know what needs to be changed. Work on letting go of the past and any resentments you may have with other people, including your ex. When you hold on to anger, the person you hurt is yourself. You may never actually like your ex or someone else who has hurt you, but you can release the negative energy you harbor around that person and free that energy up for yourself.

Next, write down a detailed description of how you would like you life to be this year. Include everything you want, from a new relationship to more money, to a better relationship with your kids. Be specific. Visualize your life in 2009 as you want it to be. Warning: do not allow any thoughts about how you are going to get these things to creep in. Just trust and have faith that this next year will bring you everything you hoped and wished for.

Finally, to really ensure that 2009 will be your best year ever, make a list of what you were grateful for in 2008. Feeling thankful for the good things in your life can only bring more of the same to you. Instead of focusing on what went wrong last year and beating yourself up for your mistakes, focus on what you did right. No matter how difficult your life has been so far, it does not have to continue that way. Stop placing blame on your ex, your lawyer, the court system, etc. and understand that you are on control of your destiny and only you can change your life for the better.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce...

A Christmas Present for the Ex?

A divorce presents many new challenges and many are ones you probably have never thought of before. When you have small children, the issue of getting your ex a present for Christmas arises. Should you buy a gift for your ex for your kids to give?

Your ex may be the last person on earth you want to buy a present for, but it is important for your kids to be able to give presents to their parents on the holidays. You may be thinking that since your ex does not get a present for you from the kids, why should you bother? But I believe that if your child has asked about getting a present for daddy or mommy, you should buy something small for your children to give.

Remember, this is not about you or your ex, it is about making your children, who do not have money on their own or the ability to go shopping, feel good. Imagine how sad a child would feel, wanting give a present to their parent and not being able to? Of course, if it really kills you to spend a dime on the ex, then have your child make a homemade gift.

I took a photo of my kids under the Christmas tree and ordered an 8x10 and some wallets for my ex as a gift from the kids. I know he will like that and my kids will feel like they gave dad something for Christmas. It was also very inexpensive.

So even though your ex may be on your naughty list and deserve a lump a coal instead of a gift, try being the better person and make your kids happy by providing them with a small gift to give on Christmas to their mom or dad.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce...

5 Divorce Dirty Tactics You Need to Know About.....

Unfortunately, many divorces turn ugly and it is usually due to one partner resorting to dirty divorce tactics. The spouse who decides to implement these tactics feels desperate and out of control and will do anything to hurt his or her spouse. You need to be aware of these dirty divorce tactics so that you can protect yourself during your divorce. Warning: If you are someone who thinks that using any of these tactics will help you in your divorce, think again. These tactics always backfire. The courts are well aware of them and if you use any of these against your spouse, you will be the one who pays for it in the end.

Here they are:

1. Filing a phony restraining order. This is also know as an order of protection. Your ex decides that he wants you out of the house so he makes up false allegations of abuse. This is also done to get custody of the children.

2. Fling for sole custody of the children. A spouse who files for custody when he or she knows that the other parent has been the primary caregiver and the children are being well care for does this for several reasons. It is the ultimate way to hurt the other spouse and extract revenge. It is also done as a ploy to avoid paying child support.

3. Claiming to be disabled. This tactic is used to reduce alimony and child support payments. A spouse will suddenly come down with a disability and claim he or she can no longer earn the amount of money they have been earning throughout the marriage.

4. Selling and hiding assets. Hiding money in bank accounts that are out of state or in another country or selling assets to friends or family members for a fraction of their value on paper and then pocketing the cash are some examples of devious divorce tactics a divorcing person may use.

5. Refusing to mediate or settle the divorce. A person who does this wants their spouse to suffer and does not care how much money is spent in attorney fees. They are so hurt and full of rage that by prolonging the divorce, they feel they have some sort of control.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce...

I did something a little crazy...

Before my divorce, I was more conservative and reserved. For some reason, after the divorce, I began trying new things and became more adventurous. I walked across a bed of hot coals at a Tony Robbin Seminar, sang in front of 100 people( even though I cannot sing very well) and moved to a new town in a new state where I did not know anyone and had only visited twice on vacation.

I feel empowered when doing the very things that scare me the most. So when I saw the ad for "reality dating show host" on craigslist, it got my attention. But as I thought about making my audition video, I try to talk myself out of it. The thought of putting myself "out there" was frightening.

I decided to let go of my fears and do it anyway. Of course my kids thought it was "crazy" and had a good laugh at my video. But one I uploaded the video and it was a done deal, I felt good. It is another "crazy" accomplishment to put on my list, post divorce.

They are picking the host by the most votes and I am lagging behind two younger girls right now, so if you want to vote for me, go to: http://www.100sx100s.com/content/christina-rowe-host-audition Whether I actually get to be a reality dating host or not, I feel like I have already won by pushing myself to try something new and following through, despite my fears.

When your Ex Blames You for the Divorce....


Does your ex refuse to take any responsibility for your divorce? Is the divorce "all your fault" even though your ex may have been the one who has cheated or been abusive? If so, you may be frustrated and baffled at how your ex cannot accept any blame. It may be obvious that your ex's actions caused the breakup of the marriage ,yet he or she goes on blaming you.

Believe it or not, this is typical in many divorces. The person who had the affair or acted in other ways that contributed to the demise of the marriage turns the tables and blames their spouse. It actually makes sense when you think about it. If your ex was to admit wrongdoing, he or she would feel guilty and have to face those emotions. It is easier to blame you and not have to deal with the shame and guilt.

A recent example of this is the book actor Alec Baldwin wrote after his nasty divorce to actress Kim Basinger. He rallies against the legal system, placing blame on everyone except himself. Even after he called his daughter a "thoughtless, rude, little pig" he blamed his ex. He excused his actions by saying "parental alienation" drove him to verbally abuse his child. In all fairness, we all lose our tempers with our kids and he may have experienced parental alienation, but I don't think Alec Baldwin is ready yet to look at himself and see how he is the creator of his own life and experiences.

Yes, your ex can push your buttons but ultimately it is you who decides to react in anger. No one can force you to do anything you don't want to to do. We all have free choice. A person who cheats may say that their ex was cold and unloving, but no one forced them to have an affair, they made that decision freely. You could say your ex made you so angry, you lashed out verbally or physically. But again, you made that choice.

So the next time your ex tries to place the blame on you for the divorce, you can make a different choice. Instead of feeling angry, frustrated and feeling the need to justify why your ex is the one responsible, you can choosee to let it go and understand your ex cannot face the truth without also facing some very painful emotions he or she may be unwilling to deal with at this time.

Feeling Down About Your Divorce? ...

Divorce is often a very negative experience that can overwhelm you and take over your life. Day after day your think about your ex, the divorce and grieve the loss of your marriage. Add in feelings of anger, betrayal and shock that your marriage is over and you have a recipe for long term depression.

When thoughts of the divorce consume you, you need to try and get some emotional relief. The more you dwell on the divorce and your ex, the more angry and hurt you feel. Just because the marriage has ended it does not mean that your life has ended too. It may feel that way at times and that is normal, but all too often a divorce saps the energy from you and leaves you with feelings of hopelessness and despair.

You need to move your thoughts away from the divorce and replace them with thoughts that feel better. The key is to catch yourself in a negative thought before it spirals out of control. As soon as you start thinking about what a rotten ex you have or how unfair your divorce is, that is your cue to stop and turn your thoughts around. Obviously you are not going to be able to suddenly think positively about the situation, but you can distract yourself by doing things that make you happy.

Start by making a list of the 10 things you enjoy doing most. Maybe you have a particular hobby you enjoy, love to read or like to take walks on the beach. Whatever it is, go out and do it. By forcing yourself to get out of the house and stop the negative chatter in your mind, you will start attracting better thoughts and circumstances into your life. Little by little, the pain you feel about your divorce will start to fade into the background and then one day you will find yourself not thinking about your ex or the divorce at all.

Newly Single? What you need to know how to do....

If you have been married for a long time and especially if you married at a young age, you may have relied on your husband to take care of certain tasks usually delegated to the man of the house. It may come as a surprise to you that you do not know how to do some simple tasks that you relied on your husband to take care of.

Here are a list of things every newly single woman should learn how to do:

1. Fix a flat tire. I have not learned how to do this yet, but found myself a few months ago with a blown out tire on the side of the road with no one to call. Luckily I was able to get a mechanic to come to my aid, but had it been later in the evening I would have been out of luck. So either learn how to put the donut tire on your car and have the necessary equipment stored in your car or make sure you have road side assistance coverage.

2. Fix a toilet. You should know how to snake a toilet and install a toilet repair kit. Why pay big money to a plumber when you can fix it yourself?

3. Patch a hole in the wall. I found out how to do this after my divorce because I have two teenage sons who have twice put holes in the walls. Once by one throwing a water bottle at his brother and missing and the other time by my son swearing he "accidentally" hit the wall with his foot(ironically this was after he punished and sent to his room). Fixing a hole in the wall is relatively easy. Just buy a repair kit at home depot and some spackle and sandpaper and then repaint.

There are many other household tasks that your husband may have been responsible for that you now find yourself unable to do. Hiring a local handyman is a good idea. you may not want to take on chores like mowing the lawn, cleaning the pool, trimming the trees or cleaning the gutters.

When I have had those moments where I missed having a "man" around the house, I remember how I had to repeatedly nag my husband to do these simple tasks anyway. Blinds sat in boxes, pictures were left unhung, all with the promise to do them "later". In fact when I think about it I had to hire gardeners, mechanics and other professionals while I was married.

So if you are newly single, try not to panic about not having a man around. You can learn what you need to know and hire others to take care of the rest.

Selling the Assets Before the Divorce is Final...

After a couple files for divorce, neither is supposed to "dissipate" the assets, meaning sell them or give them away. Yet, in many divorce cases, the law is ignored and assets are sold without the permission of the other spouse or the court.

It was in the news the other day that actress Hilary Duff's father, who is divorcing her mother, sold about $350,000 in assets and was sentenced to jail by the family court judge. I was surprised to read that the judge actually imposed a sentence and held Mr. Duff accountable for his actions. Most of time, although it is clearly stated in the divorce order that assets are not to be sold, it happens anyway and there is no repercussions.

In my own divorce, my ex sold our car and our boat for substantially less then they were worth and although the family court judge was made aware of his actions, he was not disciplined. I was credited my half based on the actual value of the assets in the final divorce settlement, but many women who have had this happened to them have a hard time proving what the assets are worth.

I cannot even tell you how many women I have coached who have told me about how their husband's have sold martial assets without permission during the divorce. One woman's husband cleared out the joint bank account, sold a very expensive car to his friend for pennies on the dollar and moved other assets out of state. Their divorce case is still ongoing, but to this date he has not be reprimanded by the court.

If you are thinking about getting a divorce, now is the time to protect yourself. Take photos and videos of all valuables. that includes cars, jewelry, furniture, boats and any other tangible assets. Make photo copies of all paper assets, like stocks, bonds, IRA accounts, etc.. It may even be wise to have valuables appraised. It is better to take care of these things now, before the divorce, then to find yourself unable to prove how much an asset is really worth later on.

When The Divorce Never Ends....

Did you hear about the woman in Florida who has been going through a divorce for 13 years and has been through 16 lawyers and 10 judges? Sounds unbelievable, but unfortunately it is true. Even though she was awarded $240,000 and $6,000 a month in alimony and attorney fees, she has only been able to get $162,000 of that, half of which the lawyers took and the rest went to martial debt. Now Marlene Forland is on public assistance and living with her mother.

Ms. Forland continues to fight for justice and force her ex-husband, who has eluded the law by moving out of state, to pay up. What I wonder is how much has this divorce case actually cost this woman emotionally? I cannot fathom fighting a divorce case for 13 years. My own divorce battle lasted 18 months and that was more than enough.

Maybe it is time for her to let go. Yes, it is not fair. Her ex should not get away with dodging a court order and leaving his ex-wife destitute. But what if Ms. Forland decided to put all of her energy into herself and rebuilding her life? What if her focus switched to starting a business or going back to school so she could get off public assistance? I am not judging her in anyway and can completely understand her outrage and frustration. The problem is that she is caught in a web of negative energy fighting in a legal system that only benefits the lawyers. The more she fights, the higher her legal fees.

Even the judge in the case recently said, “Even if I rule 100 percent in your favor, I’m just going to add another piece of paper [to your casefile] — the next page of Volume 13.”

If she could emotionally detach herself from this and release her anger at this injustice, she might be able to create a new life without focusing everyday on how to get her ex to pay. I have a feeling this man will get what he deserves in the end, anyway. "What goes around , comes around" and someone who flees the state and goes into hiding to avoid paying their ex alimony cannot be attracting good things into his life.

Find out the three things you must know to win your divorce....

Florida’s 1st Successful Divorce Showcase provides free passes to those in need....

Community Agencies encouraged to distribute passes to Showcase featured at South Florida Singles’ Lifestyle Expo in Boca Raton, June 8th Boca Raton, FL:

Because divorce affects adults and children in so many significant ways, Florida’s first Successful Divorce Showcase is reaching out to people in particular need for information, resources and advice. The Showcase, a first-time feature at the 14th Annual South Florida Singles’ Lifestyle Expo, will take place on Sunday, June 8th at the Embassy Suites Hotel in Boca Raton, FL from 3:00 on.

Christina Rowe and Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, co-hosts of the event, have contacted many community agencies in Palm Beach and Broward Counties to send them free passes to the Successful Divorce Showcase. Jennifer Mahoney, Special Events Coordinator for AVDA, Aid to Victims of Domestic Abuse, said she will distribute the free passes to any of the female residents who are interested in learning more about issues related to separation and divorce – legal, financial, career planning, parenting, self-esteem and more.

Jewish Family Services, Catholic Charities, Children’s Home Society, Legal Aid and other family-focused organizations were also sent free passes to the Expo/Showcase. Some of South Florida’s most experienced and respected divorce professionals – attorneys, mediators, coaches, therapists and others – will be providing educational seminars on topics of major importance to those facing, moving through or transitioning beyond divorce.

Women in distress of Broward County will be exhibiting and presenting a lecture at the Expo as well. Exhibitors at the Successful Divorce Showcase will include experts in mediation, psychotherapy, legal issues, financial advice, divorce coaching, parenting, relationships, dating, college planning and other related topics, offering valuable products and services.

The Showcase is a new feature of the South Florida Single’s Lifestyle Expo which has been bringing together manufacturers, distributors and representatives of products and services specifically related to single adults and their unique lifestyle for the past thirteen years. This year Show Coordinator Al Barry, president of Multi-Expo International, Inc., a Miami-based Convention Planning and Professional Management Group, says he expects more than one hundred companies and over eight hundred attendees.

Besides the exhibit tables, “what makes this event so special,” notes Barry, “is the Live Entertainment, Speed Dating Sessions, new Divorce Forum, Seminars and Florida’s largest Singles’ Dance Party with DJ Bobby Curbelo – all included with admission. It’s a great place for singles to meet other singles in a positive, healthy, safe and friendly atmosphere.” The Singles Expo, including the Successful Divorce Showcase, is open to the general public. Admission is $20.00 at the door or $15.00 in advance. Registration is required in advance or at the door. For more information about the Successful Divorce Showcase contact Al Barry at 305 448-7976 .

Three Ways To Avoid Picking "Mr. Wrong" Again After A Divorce..

You may feel ready to start dating again after your divorce but do you wonder how you can avoid picking a new mate just like your ex? Studies say that the divorce rate for second marriages can be up to 70%. It can be scary getting back into the dating game again. You may even question your own judgement, if you picked the wrong kind of man last time how do you know you won't do it again? Here are three ways to avoid picking "Mr. Wrong"and find the right guy the second time around:

1. Be in the moment. When you go out on a date, try and enjoy your time with your date without projecting into the future. As women we tend to size men up very quickly and make judgements about him. He may not be the right height, have the right job or be someone we are immediately attracted to, but by rushing to judgement, you could overlook a gem. If you are having a good time and are feeling good, go out with him again. Take it one date at a time and only go out with someone who makes you feel good.

2. Judge a potential new mate by his actions, not by what he says. Pay close attention to how your date behaves. Is he reliable? Does he call when he says he will? Do not make excuses for someone who is a sweet talker but may be unreliable. Always trust your instincts and if you have doubts, get out of the relationship.

3. Do not try and change someone into the person you want them to be. All too often, women make the mistake of trying to mold their new man into the man of their dreams. If you cannot accept your new man the way he is, he is not the man for you.

The best way to avoid another failed relationship is to work on yourself and your own happiness. When you are feeling happy, you naturally attract other happy people. Remember, like attracts like. The traits you desire in a new mate are the very same traits you need to cultivate in yourself. Become the type of person you desire a relationship with and you will attract that kind of person into your life.

Does Your Ex Let His Girlfriend Sleep Over While Your Kids Are Visiting?

Dealing with your ex's new girlfriend is hard enough, but finding out she is sleeping over your ex's house while your kids are visiting can be too much to bear. The thought of another woman playing mommy to your kids for the weekend can fill you with rage, especially if you are in the early stages of your divorce and you have not had a chance to mourn the death of your marriage and work through all of the emotions divorce stirs up.

It is even worse if the woman in your ex's life is the same woman who broke up your marriage. During my own divorce my ex's mistress moved into his house. He had the kids for overnight visitation every other weekend and she was there, spending time with my children. Although it bothered me, I initially tried to accept the situation and give her a chance. That was until my youngest daughter, who was only about 6 at the time, came home and told me that she had slept in the same bed with this woman. Naturally, I was upset and called my lawyer. I was told that unless his girlfriend was a danger to my children, he was within his rights to have her sleep over when the children were there. I did however instruct my ex that under no cirumstances was my daughter to share a bed with his girlfriend. Thankfully, my ex eventually broke up with his woman.

If you are uncomfortable with your ex's girlfriend sleeping voer while your children are present there is very little you can do legally. You can try talking to your ex and setting rules and boundaries. Can they not share the same bed while your kids are there? Is it possible for her to sleep at a friend's or relative's house or if she does not live with your ex, stay at her own home during visitations?

As difficult as it is for you to have the ex's girlfriend sleeping over while your kids are there, imagine how the kids must feel. They have already been through their parent's divorce and it will take time for them to accept a new mate for either of their parents. The best way to introduce a new partner to take it slow. If your ex refuses to cooperate, then it is your job to explain to the kids about their Dad's new love and help them work through any conflicting emotions.

Then, in private, it is your turn to deal with the painful emotions this situation has caused. Feelings like anger, resentment, jealousy, and not wanting your ex to be happy are perfectly normal. Do not try and suppress them. Work through them and then try and let them go. Eventually you will reach a place where you can accept your ex's new girlfriend in your children's lives as long as she treats them well and is a positive role model.

Should You Forgive Your Ex?...

Are you ready to let go and forgive your ex? It sounds like a wonderful idea, to be able to turn your feelings of anger, hate and disappointment into ones of peace and love. In an ideal world we would all be able to move on quickly after a divorce and be able to forgive the person who hurt us the most.

But in the "real" world it is not always possible to let go of angry feelings and release our pain just because other people tell us we should. We may want to forgive our ex and move on, but find that bitter feelings keep creeping up inside us.

The truth is that it takes time to reach a place where we can consider forgiveness after a divorce. We must go through the many stages of grief first. Trying to forgive someone who has hurt us deeply, before we mourn the death of the marriage, can be impossible. We may even lie to ourselves and think we have forgiven the ex only to discover deep seated feelings of rage and anger that won't go away.

After a painful divorce you need time to work through all of the negative emotions you are feeling. It is normal to feel hurt, angry, betrayed and sad after a divorce. You must work on releasing each of these emotions first before attempting forgiveness. Once you have reached a place where you can think about or speak to your ex without a strong emotional reaction, you are probably ready to start considering letting go and forgiving. But know that it can take years before you are ready to forgive and that is okay.

What you will discover is that once you are finally ready to make peace with the past and forgive your ex, the person who will benefit the most will not be your ex, it will be you. By forgiving someone who has hurt us, we take back our power. You become free to spend your energy in a positive way instead of dwelling on the past and seething with anger over the way your ex hurt you.

The road to forgiveness can be long and will take time, but it is worth it. Someday you will reach a place where you look back on your marriage without regrets and without blame and instead be grateful that the experience lead you to the wonderful place you are at in your life right now.

Want To Save Your Marriage? Try The 30 Day Sex Challenge..

A Florida pastor has presented this unusual challenge to his congregation. He wants to lower the 50% divorce rate in the U.S. by having couples participate in a 30 day sex challenge. Relevant Church head pastor Paul Wirth thinks this will reduce couples chances for divorce. Men who are reading this are most likely thrilled with the pastor's advice, where I am sure many women are thinking "you got to be kidding me".

It does sounds quite shocking that a pastor would advise his church to have sex, but I think the pastor may have a point. Couples that are intimate are naturally closer and probably get along better.

I think this 30 day challenge can work for couples who may be dissatisfied with their marriage and haven't been communicating well. By becoming intimate again, they will strengthen their martial bond and may rediscover why they were attracted to each other in the first place.

However, if a couple is having serious martial issues, I don't think 30 days of sex is advisable. Therapy would be a better option. There is going to be resentment and deep rooted anger that needs to be addressed in couples heading for a divorce. When you are feeling angry with your spouse, the last thing you want to do is have sex with him. Before a couple can get their love life back on track, they should try professional counseling.

Protect Yourself And Prepare For A Divorce...

Last night we were under a tornado watch here in South Florida. Having moved to Florida from NJ last summer, I have never had to prepare for a possible tornado before. The watch turned into a warning several times during the night, forcing my kids, two dogs, and four cats and I to cram under the stairs in the laundry room. A small tornado did touch down about 20 minutes from us, but luckily no one was hurt and there was minimal damage.

I was shocked to hear today that most of my neighbors had slept through
the whole thing. The people I spoke with did not prepare or take any precautions, even
though they knew a tornado was a possibility. Had that tornado been larger and hit our neighborhood, they would have been caught off guard.

I see this kind of lack of preparation from the divorcing women I coach often.
Although the warning signs are there, they do not adequately prepare for a divorce.
It is only after they discover that their husband is hiding assets or lying about how much income he earns, do they realize they made a mistake by not making copies of all of the financial records while they had the chance.

Do not be caught in the storm of divorce. You must prepare. Many people say
they did not see the divorce coming, but usually there are tell tale signs. Trust your intuition.
You need to be able to protect yourself and your children financially in the event of a divorce.

Make copies now, before it is too late. Here is what you need to gather:

Make copies of your spouse’s pay stubs for the past eight weeks.

Make copies of your joint tax returns for the past five years.

Copy all bank statements and documentation of stock accounts, IRAs, and pension plans.

Make copies of all of your monthly bills over the past three months. These should include mortgage statements, rent payments, utility bills, car payments, insurance premiums, children’s expenses, medical expenses, and credit card statements.

Copy deeds to any properties owned jointly or in your spouse’s name.

Copy documents relating to any investments. These should include stocks, bonds, real estate, and any corporations or businesses owned in any part by you and your spouse.

Make a list of all collectibles, jewelry and other valuables. Photograph or videotape these items. Also list all furnishings and take pictures of these as well.

Discover how to secure your financial outcome during a divorce...

How To Be Your Own Valentine This Year...

With Valentine's Day just around the corner, you may be feeling a little
down. After all this holiday of "love" is a painful reminder of love gone
wrong, especially if you are recently single. There has been much written
about how to survive this dreaded holiday, but here is a relatively new concept: Why not be your own Valentine this year?

Okay, I know it sounds corny. But think about it, if you don't love and accept
yourself for who you are, can you really accept others to do the same?

The experience of divorce has most definitely changed you and forced you to grow and mature in ways you never thought possible. Can you learn from the pain of divorce and use the lessons it has taught to look inward and starting respecting and loving yourself?

Instead of beating yourself up, thinking negative thoughts and indulging in self-blame,
start thinking about all of your good qualities. I know it is not easy, we are conditioned
to play down our strengths and highlight our weaknesses. But try this. Take a rubber band
and for the next several days wear it on your wrist. Every time you have a negative
thought, pull the rubber band and give yourself a zap. It will literally "snap" you out of your self-defeating thoughts.

Next, make a list of all of your positive attributes. Read them every night before you go to bed. Then finally, on Valentine's Day, buy yourself a present. A big box of chocolate and some champagne, a dozen roses, or a stuffed teddy bear.

Become your own best friend and start enjoying being by yourself. A funny thing
may happen. Because like attracts like, once you start loving yourself and treating yourself well, you may attract someone who does the same. Who knows, you might just have that special someone to spend next Valentine’s Day with.