Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Deadbeat Dad Gives 1 Million Dollars to His College!...

I could not believe my eyes when I read that a deadbeat dad, who has refused to pay child support for years and owes $45,000 in back support, has bequested one million dollars to Michigan State University.

Is this unbelievable? This man has a million dollars to give away to a college, yet has refuses to support his two children. Greg Bradbury has acknowledged he had not paid child support but will not say why other than that "is is a very personal matter".

So this poor excuse for a father gets to choose whether or not he supports his kids? Apparently, since the state of Minnesota gave up on enforcing the child support order when his children turned 18, citing heavy caseloads. Katherine Bradbury, the mother of the two children was even told that " if I had been on public assistance, they would have been much more helpful."

There are many "father's rights" groups whining and complaining about how unfair child support is and how men never deserve to be punished for non-payment of child support because they cannot afford it.. I wonder how they will defend this guy? This man has at least one million dollars stored away to give to the University upon his death, yet cannot cough up the $45,00o in back child support he owes his children? I sincerely hope the state of Minnesota will freeze his assets and bring him into court. This man should be made an example of.

Find out the three things you must know to have a successful divorce outcome......

Monday, April 28, 2008

Does Your Ex Let His Girlfriend Sleep Over While Your Kids Are Visiting?

Dealing with your ex's new girlfriend is hard enough, but finding out she is sleeping over your ex's house while your kids are visiting can be too much to bear. The thought of another woman playing mommy to your kids for the weekend can fill you with rage, especially if you are in the early stages of your divorce and you have not had a chance to mourn the death of your marriage and work through all of the emotions divorce stirs up.

It is even worse if the woman in your ex's life is the same woman who broke up your marriage. During my own divorce my ex's mistress moved into his house. He had the kids for overnight visitation every other weekend and she was there, spending time with my children. Although it bothered me, I initially tried to accept the situation and give her a chance. That was until my youngest daughter, who was only about 6 at the time, came home and told me that she had slept in the same bed with this woman. Naturally, I was upset and called my lawyer. I was told that unless his girlfriend was a danger to my children, he was within his rights to have her sleep over when the children were there. I did however instruct my ex that under no cirumstances was my daughter to share a bed with his girlfriend. Thankfully, my ex eventually broke up with his woman.

If you are uncomfortable with your ex's girlfriend sleeping voer while your children are present there is very little you can do legally. You can try talking to your ex and setting rules and boundaries. Can they not share the same bed while your kids are there? Is it possible for her to sleep at a friend's or relative's house or if she does not live with your ex, stay at her own home during visitations?

As difficult as it is for you to have the ex's girlfriend sleeping over while your kids are there, imagine how the kids must feel. They have already been through their parent's divorce and it will take time for them to accept a new mate for either of their parents. The best way to introduce a new partner to take it slow. If your ex refuses to cooperate, then it is your job to explain to the kids about their Dad's new love and help them work through any conflicting emotions.

Then, in private, it is your turn to deal with the painful emotions this situation has caused. Feelings like anger, resentment, jealousy, and not wanting your ex to be happy are perfectly normal. Do not try and suppress them. Work through them and then try and let them go. Eventually you will reach a place where you can accept your ex's new girlfriend in your children's lives as long as she treats them well and is a positive role model.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Are You Dating A Divorced Man? Know What You are Getting Into...

If you are dating a divorced man with children, you need to fully understand what you are getting yourself into. It irks me when women date a divorced man and then complain that their boyfriend is paying too much child support and alimony.

Give me a break. You have to expect that if your boyfriend has an ex-wife and kids, he must fulfill his financial and parental obligations to his first family. Dating a divorced man is not like dating a man who has never been married before. Many women knowingly date these men and then get upset when he does not have the money or the time to spend on them.

Any decent man will put his kids first before your relationship. If you are not willing to accept the baggage that comes with dating a divorced man you should date someone who has never been married. Here are few things to expect while dating a divorce man:

1. Unless he is wealthy, he will have less money to spend on dinners out, vacations and other luxuries.

2. He will be spending time with his children. If you want him all to yourself, you are out of luck.

3. He must deal with his ex-wife when it comes to raising his children. You need to accept her as part of his life and get over your resentment.

Finally, if you plan on marrying a divorced man and want to have children, do not complain that there will be less money for your household because he pays child support. You knew about his obligations to his children before you married him. Also be aware that you will have a whole new set of issues with step children. There is nothing wrong with dating a divorced man and you can have a wonderful relationship, if you go into it with your eye wide open and know what to expect.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Are Children of Divorce Spoiled?...

When you are going through a divorce, you naturally worry about your kids and how they will cope with the breakup of your marriage. Telling your kids about the divorce is painful and you want to protect them and make sure their lives are not disrupted or changed anymore than they have to be.

Parents often feel guilty about getting a divorce and it is normal to give your child extra attention during this difficult time. But all too often, in divorced families, one or both parents will start slacking with discipline. They are afraid that they will upset the child if they enforce the rules. Ironically, because of the divorce, kids will act out and behave badly. So it becomes a situation where the children are out of control and the parents are feeling too guilty to discipline them.

Children are smart and can sense when mom and dad are feeling guilty. They will exploit this weakness. What you need to remember is that the kids will do better if the rules that were in place before the divorce are still there after it. Kids crave structure and security. The best thing you can do for you kids during a divorce is to maintain your child's lifestyle without making too many changes too quickly. Sticking to your routines and familiar disciplinary measures will give your child a sense of security during your divorce.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Dating After Divorce: Are You Ready? watch the video.....

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

The Divorce Ring: Symbolic or Ridiculous?...
Divorce rings are gaining popularity, with jewelry stores creating rings
specifically meant for divorcees. D. Jewelry Co. claims their rings are "not only an attractive jewelry, but act as a healing tool for broken hearts".
The rings have a separation in them to symbolize the divorce. The company states on their website that "the rings serve not only the purpose of remembering a particular separation, but also to symbolize a new beginning and positive outlook on the future."
So do divorce rings help you heal after a divorce or are they the brainchild of savvy marketers looking to make a quick buck off people who are divorced? I think a divorce ring can be helpful.
Having something to symbolize the end of your marriage can help you let go and move on. I don't think a divorce ring is something you will want to wear for long though. Eventually, when you have recovered and feel stronger, you will find that you no longer want a daily reminder of your divorce.
Another idea instead of buying a divorce ring, is to take your engagement ring and bring it to a jewelry and have it redesigned. This new ring can symbolize your new found freedom. After a divorce, anything you do that uplifts you and helps you feel better is something worth trying.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Child Support Crusader Takes on DeadBeats in Florida...

Sara Melich, a Southwest Florida woman who has been trying to collect child support from her ex-husband for the last 12 years, has found a way to charge deadbeat parents in the state of Florida with felony charges.

While researching child support cases in 2006, Melich discovered a Florida Statute that was created in 2000. It called for felony charges when a person has at least four misdemeanors for nonsupport or owes at least $5,000 for more than one year.

With more than a dozen civil warrants pending against her ex, she inquired about felony charges being issued. Everyone involved in the family court system, including the judge, was unsure whether or not they could charge her ex with felony charges. But finally a felony warrant was issued.

Sara Melich's ex-husband is now making child support payments and spending time with his daughters. Thanks to her work the Department of Revenue now red-flags repeat child support offenders who can be charged with a felony.

Single mothers like Sara Melich, who take action and challenge the court system are paving the way for easier child support collection. Too often single mothers give up, frustrated by a system that fails to enforce the law and prosecute deadbeat parents who are in arrears. Let her story serve a reminder that with persistence and hard work , you can get the child support owed to your children.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Friends With the Ex: It is Possible!...
You may think that there is no way you can ever be friends with your ex, but surprisingly,some divorcing couples, even those who have been through bitter, nasty divorces, have been able to repair some of the damage and become friends again.
I recently heard of a couple who went through a difficult divorce years ago. Neither of them ever imagined at the time that they would be able to be friends again. They now live on the same street, both are remarried and get together frequently with the new spouses.
Another divorced woman I know has her ex-husband over for coffee several times a week. My former mother in law, after being divorced for 13 years, took her ex-husband in when he was dying of cancer and cared for him up until his death. Stories like theses give us hope that just maybe we can put the bitterness and hurt feelings from the past behind us and be able to get along again with our ex-spouses.
In these examples, it took years for the couples to become friends again. Another factor to consider is that these couples are now in their 60's and 70's, so maybe time does heal all wounds.
Right now the only thing you may feel for your ex is hatred and anger and the thought of being his friend seems impossible. But give yourself time to work through your emotions. Friendship with the ex may not be possible right now, but you never know what the future holds.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Divorce, Youtube Style...

A NY woman has taken her divorce case to the Internet and posted a video about her divorce and her soon to be ex-husband on youtube. Tricia Walsh-Smith's video has had close to $150,000 hits on youtube.com. In the video, she goes through their wedding album on camera, making comments about family members and claims that her husband is trying to evict her from their luxury apartment. She also speaks about their intimate life, complete with embarrassing details.

Obviously this woman is hurt and wants to lash out at her husband by embarrassing him. I am sure making the video and humiliating her husband on the Internet has made her feel better. What better way to tell your side of the story than to make a video and have 150,000 people view it? Anyone who has gone through a nasty divorce battle can sympathize. During a divorce, you feel hurt, angry and sometimes out of control. you want to tell your story to anyone who will listen.

However, making a video about your ex and putting it on youtube,can have some serious legal ramifications. The judge presiding over your divorce case will most likely not appreciate this kind of public outburst. Presenting yourself as an angry, jaded spouse is definitely not in your best interest. You also open yourself up to a possible defamation lawsuit brought by your ex. Although it may be tempting to grab the video camera and spill your ex's dirty secrets on youtube, you need to think of the consequences first.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Win a Free Divorce....

An Australian men's magazine is offering one of it's readers a free divorce, complete with a divorce party featuring a bunch of pin-up girls. There is also a three-tiered divorce cake, a cleaner for two months, a plasma TV, Playstation 3 and a year's subscription to the magazine. They claim the total package to be valued at $10,000.

According to Zoo editor Paul Merrill ,"If a marriage fails it's sad, but what's sadder is being stuck under the same roof as a woman who's just slept with your best mate." He also says "Our lucky winner will get to escape and start a new whole new life. We'll help him at every stage - from buying a new plasma screen and throwing him a party, to finding him a new girlfriend".

So I bet there are scores of unhappy married men down under sending in their applications to win a free divorce, their wives completely clueless. Men who have only briefly thought of divorce, but now are encouraged by this magazine's vulgar contest.

How about offering to pay for marital counseling as the prize instead? Or maybe offer the divorce party and other goodies to a man who is already divorced or going through one. What is disturbing here is that this magazine is encouraging men to leave their wives. They are glorifying divorce with the promise of pin up girls, electronic toys and bachelorhood. It is irresponsible and unethical to participate in the breakup of a marriage. Offering help after the divorce decision has been made is a different story. It is too bad this magazine is more interested in publicity and magazine sales than their readers.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Are You Having Second Thoughts About Getting Divorced?....

Actor Sean Penn and his wife actress Robin Wright have called off their divorce. Divorce papers were filed several months ago, but it seems that the couple have reconciled and are back together.

The couple have been married for many years and have two children, so it is good to see them attempting to work things out instead of rushing into a divorce.
This story has most likely aroused some feelings in people who are currently going through a divorce but may be having second thoughts. Divorce brings up so many conflicting feelings and emotions. One day you feel angry and the next you are overcome with sadness, reminiscing about the good times. How do you know if it is worth giving your marriage another shot?
I think it depends largely on the circumstances of the break up. Did your spouse cheat? If so, can you forgive him? Or maybe you are no longer attracted to your mate and want out of the marriage because you are bored. Can you rekindle the romance if you put some time and energy into the marriage and seek marriage counseling?
If you are having doubts about the divorce and your spouse is open to a reconciliation, then you owe it to yourself and your family to see if your marriage can be saved. Why live with what ifs and regrets? If after marriage counseling and some soul searching you still want a divorce, you can go ahead with a clear conscious and know in your hear you are making the right decision.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

5 Ways to Take Back Control During a Divorce...
If you are going through a divorce you need to take some time out to take care of yourself. With all of the emotional upheaval and trauma you are experiencing right now, you need to do some things to regain balance and order in your life.
Here are 5 ways to take back control of your life:
1. Make an appointment at the salon. Go get your hair colored, highlighted and cut. A new look will lift your spirits and make you feel good about yourself again. It is critical that you raise your self-esteem and take care of yourself physically during a divorce. You will feel empowered when you walk into the courtroom looking your very best.
2. Redecorate your bedroom. If you are in the marital home and your ex has moved out, now is the time to make some changes to the bedroom. Put your ex's belongings in boxes if he has not already collected them. Buy a new comforter and some new sheets and pillows for your bed. The bedroom can be a painful reminder of your loss, so making some changes and bringing in some new items can lift your spirits.
3. Hire a babysitter and go out once a week. you need time to yourself to think and heal from the trauma of divorce. Go for lunch with a friend, spend an hour at the gym or join a group on meetup.com. Make sure to schedule this time for yourself.
4. Spend some time outdoors. Plant some new flowers or start a garden. Long walks or bike rides with the kids are great ways to get some exercise and release some energy. Just getting out of the house and into the fresh air will help you to feel better.
5. Go to the library or bookstore and read a novel. You want to lose yourself for awhile so that you are not dwelling on your divorce 24/7. Renting movies and playing board games with the kids are also great distractions. You need to get your mind off of the divorce from time to time so that it does not consume your every waking thought.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Should You Forgive Your Ex?...

Are you ready to let go and forgive your ex? It sounds like a wonderful idea, to be able to turn your feelings of anger, hate and disappointment into ones of peace and love. In an ideal world we would all be able to move on quickly after a divorce and be able to forgive the person who hurt us the most.

But in the "real" world it is not always possible to let go of angry feelings and release our pain just because other people tell us we should. We may want to forgive our ex and move on, but find that bitter feelings keep creeping up inside us.

The truth is that it takes time to reach a place where we can consider forgiveness after a divorce. We must go through the many stages of grief first. Trying to forgive someone who has hurt us deeply, before we mourn the death of the marriage, can be impossible. We may even lie to ourselves and think we have forgiven the ex only to discover deep seated feelings of rage and anger that won't go away.

After a painful divorce you need time to work through all of the negative emotions you are feeling. It is normal to feel hurt, angry, betrayed and sad after a divorce. You must work on releasing each of these emotions first before attempting forgiveness. Once you have reached a place where you can think about or speak to your ex without a strong emotional reaction, you are probably ready to start considering letting go and forgiving. But know that it can take years before you are ready to forgive and that is okay.

What you will discover is that once you are finally ready to make peace with the past and forgive your ex, the person who will benefit the most will not be your ex, it will be you. By forgiving someone who has hurt us, we take back our power. You become free to spend your energy in a positive way instead of dwelling on the past and seething with anger over the way your ex hurt you.

The road to forgiveness can be long and will take time, but it is worth it. Someday you will reach a place where you look back on your marriage without regrets and without blame and instead be grateful that the experience lead you to the wonderful place you are at in your life right now.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Your Ex and His New Girlfriend....

People magazine featured a photo today of Hulk Hogan, who is in the middle of a nasty divorce battle, at the beach, cuddling up with his new lover. You have to wonder how his soon to be ex-wife of 24 years feels. If she is like most women going through a divorce, it hurts her to see her ex with someone else.

I remember, when during my own divorce, I found out that my ex took his mistress to Christmas dinner with his family. It was shocking that I could be replaced so quickly after 13 years of marriage. Months later I found out that he was planning to take her on our family vacation, a timeshare in Florida that we had gone to with our kids every year. To me that was almost sacrilegious. It is one thing to cheat and quite another to bring your lover to a place where you have many happy memories with your wife and kids at.

Thankfully the trip did not happen. Other women have not been so lucky. A women I know found out that her husband not only took his mistress to their favorite vacation place, he was also taking their beloved dogs with him to visit his girlfriend. The thought her husband's lover touching her pets made her sick.

Why do men become so insensitive during a divorce? Even Jenifer Aniston said that ex-husband Brad Pitt was "missing a sensitivity chip" when he began going out in public with Angelina Jolie before the ink was dry on their divorce papers. I think men become so armoured with a new love that they forget that they are hurting their ex-wives and children by flaunting their new loves.

My advice to men is be discreet and keep your new relationship quiet during the intital stages of divorce. Stop and think how your actions are going to affect your ex-wife and kids. And make sure to pick a new vacation place to take your girlfriend to! There is no need to bring her to a place you visited with your wife.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Gaining Weight After a Divorce...

Last night I was watching an episode of the new show "I Can Make You Thin". The host claims to be able to help people lose weight by using various tapping techniques to help them conquer emotional overeating.

There was a woman featured on the show who gained a substantial amount of weight after her divorce. She was shocked and devastated when she discovered her husband was having an affair with her brother's wife.

For two years, she suppressed her emotions and turned to food for comfort. This reaction to a divorce is common. People who suffer through a traumatic event, such as divorce, often use food, alcohol, drugs or other distractions like gambling or shopping to help numb the pain. So how can you avoid putting on the pounds or becoming addicted to something after a divorce?

The best way is to deal with your emotions while you are having them. Do not suppress feelings that arise. If you feel angry with your ex you need to acknowledge the feeling, allow it to be and then let it go. The key is to feel the feelings, accept them as normal and them release them. Deal directly with painful emotions instead of burying them with food or alcohol. You find that you will reach less for comfort foods when you find out what is really bothering you inside.