Wednesday, February 18, 2009

First Date Etiquette After a Divorce...
Going out on your first date after your divorce can bring up many questions. Just how much information do you disclose about your life and your divorce? You may be tempted to reveal all of the gory details of your divorce, especially if you hit it off with this new person. But is it okay?
It all depends on how you approach it. If you date asks about your divorce, it is fine to let him or her know the basic details. The problem occurs when you find yourself dumping all of your emotional garbage on your date, leaving him or her feeling more like a therapist instead of a potential new mate.
It is always a good idea to be the one asking the questions on a first date instead of doing all of the talking. People love to talk about themselves and when you express a sincere interest in a person and let them tell you about their life, they feel more comfortable around you. Keep the conversation light, if possible. Remember, the first date is all about finding out if this is someone you would like to go on a second date with, not if he or she will be your next spouse. Keep that in mind during the conversation and ask the questions that are important for you to know about this person.
Talking about careers, family, favorite hobbies and interests are all good ways to get to know someone. If the divorce comes up and you went through a particularly rough one, you can simply state the facts without getting emotional. Time will tell if this is someone you will want to open up to and share your personal stories with. You don't want to scare off a new date by making them feel you have not gotten over your divorce yet or that you are still in love with your ex.
Most of all, try to have fun and not have high expectations. If you secretly hope that this date will turn into a lasting relationship, you will be disappointed if your date does not feel the same way. By viewing the first date as a fun way to get to know a person, regardless of the outcome, you protect yourself emotionally. It may take many first dates before you finally meet the right person, so try not to take any rejection personally.


Russell said...

Sounds good! I might try it on my new friend Dotty (see


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