Monday, December 29, 2008

A New Year and a New Beginning: What will you do differently in 2009?
No matter how difficult 2008 was, a new year is only a few days away and you have a chance to start over and do things differently this year. After all, someone once said the definition of insanity is doing things the same way over and over again and expecting different results.
You may wonder how you will be able to make this upcoming year better than last year. We all make our new year resolutions only to find ourselves breaking them weeks or even days later, so how can you make sure that this year you really will accomplish your goals?
Start first by making a list of want you don't want. That may sound strange, but you need to get clear about the things in your life that make you unhappy so you know what needs to be changed. Work on letting go of the past and any resentments you may have with other people, including your ex. When you hold on to anger, the person you hurt is yourself. You may never actually like your ex or someone else who has hurt you, but you can release the negative energy you harbor around that person and free that energy up for yourself.
Next, write down a detailed description of how you would like you life to be this year. Include everything you want, from a new relationship to more money, to a better relationship with your kids. Be specific. Visualize your life in 2009 as you want it to be. Warning: do not allow any thoughts about how you are going to get these things to creep in. Just trust and have faith that this next year will bring you everything you hoped and wished for.
Finally, to really ensure that 2009 will be your best year ever, make a list of what you were grateful for in 2008. Feeling thankful for the good things in your life can only bring more of the same to you. Instead of focusing on what went wrong last year and beating yourself up for your mistakes, focus on what you did right. No matter how difficult your life has been so far, it does not have to continue that way. Stop placing blame on your ex, your lawyer, the court system, etc. and understand that you are on control of your destiny and only you can change your life for the better.
Dating After Divorce Dilemma: Blending Your Kids with His

Dating after a divorce can be an exciting time. With your divorce finally behind you, you look forward to meeting someone new. But when you or your new love have children, complications can soon set it.

It would be great if life were like the Brady Bunch and your kids and his kids all got along, but in reality, many children feel resentful and upset when their parents date. Expecting them to accept your new mate's children can be difficult as well.

A friend of mine has three children and her ex-husband recently remarried and had a baby. His wife has 4 children from a previous marriage. Her kids are overwhelmed and confused when visiting dad and his new, large, instant family. They complain that they no longer get any alone time with their dad and visits are chaotic are less frequent.

Blending families successfully is a huge challenge. If your kids do not like your boyfriend or his kids do not like you, it can put a huge strain on your relationship. Here a three ways to minimize the trauma to your kids and help them accept your new love and his children:

1. Take it slow. Do not introduce your kids to his kids to quickly. Give your kids time to get to know your new boyfriend first.

2. Keep visits with your boyfriend's kids short and infrequent in the beginning. Do not overwhelm your children by forcing them to spend time with your boyfriend's family. Give them time to develop their own relationship with his kids.

3. Make sure to spend plenty of time with your kids. It is easy to become distracted with your new love and want to be with him all of the time. However if you have children, they will become resentful. They crave your attention and need to feel secure.

A divorce is difficult enough on a child. You can only imagine how confusing it must be for a child to see his parents dating new people and then having to share his parents with other children who are not his siblings. The key is to take it slow and give your children time to accept your new relationship. With time, extra attention and patience, most children will eventually come around.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce...

Sunday, December 28, 2008

How to Get a Deadbeat to Pay Child Support

If you are a single parent and your ex refuses to pay child support, you may be at your wit's end trying to collect the child support owed your children. It is a frustrating, long process if you are dealing with a deadbeat who works off the books, hides money or moves from state to state.

The child support enforcement agencies can only do so much and they are overloaded with cases. Private investigators are expensive and you may feel like you have reached a dead end.

I recently found a website that may help you in tracking down your ex and finding the evidence you need to collect the back support owed. has a few services that are affordable and can give you the proof you need to bring your ex back into family court. Here are a few of the services that can help:

1. A background check. For $99.00 they will give you, addresses (10 Years),a list of relatives ,assets ,judgments, liens lawsuits, bankruptcies and UCC filings

2. Locating a current employer. The price for this service is not listed on the site. If you provide a social security number, address and name, they can find the current employer your ex is working for.

3. Asset Search. This one is pricey at $399.00 but you will get a complete list of your ex's assets including:

Real Estate
Investments: Stocks / Bonds / Mutual Funds
Bank Accounts: Checking and Savings
Trust Accounts
Real Estate

The company also lists email trace reports and many other services on their website. If you find any information on your ex that can help you in the collection of child support, you should either file a motion at your family court or if your case is handle by a state child support enforcement agency, contact your case worker and turn the information over.

Remember, you must be persistent. That may mean calling your case worker every few days so that your case dos not get lost in the shuffle. The state agencies can also do searches for bank accounts and employers for you for free, but they are slow and it can take a considerable amount of time to get results.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce...
Have You Ever Wished Your Ex Was Dead?
Does your ex make you so upset that you sometimes wish he or she were dead? Do you feel rage and anger towards your ex and think your life would be better off if your ex were no longer around?
Many perfectly normal people have had fleeting thoughts such as these during a difficult divorce. Thankfully, most do not act of these thoughts. However, some people, overcome with pain, lose control and become violent towards their ex-partner.
You have probably heard about the man, who dressed as Santa Claus, gunned down 9 people at his in-laws house on Christmas Eve. This man recently went through a divorce and was seeking revenge. I am sure no one who knew him would have ever thought that he was capable of such a despicable act.
Predicting who will become violent during a divorce is tricky, since divorce tends to bring out the worst in most people and people say and do things they would never do under different circumstances. Only someone who has gone through a divorce can understand the deep feelings of hurt and betrayal, the feelings of having your life spin out of control and not being able to control your emotions. Most divorcing people will find a way to cope with these feelings, but more often than not, some will act out and become vengeful.
If you are going through a rough divorce right now and are consumed with anger and rage, you need a way to release these feelings in a healthy way. Writing down your feelings in a journal or talking someone is a good way to let it out. No matter how much your hate your ex and blame him or her for your pain, acting out in anyway will only hurt yourself and the people around you.
The incident with the divorced man who committed mass murder might be rare, but there are many divorce related deaths not regularly reported by the media. You may think that even though you despise your ex you would never be capable of hurting someone else. But many divorce related crimes are not premeditated and happen on impulse. If you cannot control your emotions, you are at risk of lashing out and possibly hurting someone physically or emotionally.
Watch your thoughts and become aware of your feelings. When that feeling of rage rises up in you, identify it and find a way to let it go. If you find yourself fantasizing about hurting your ex and it occurs on a regular basis, it is time to seek professional help. Remember, that although your divorce will be one of the most painful experiences you will ever go through, this time period in your life will pass. If you stay in control and develop coping mechanisms to deal with your anger, one day soon your divorce nightmare will be a distant memory and your new life will begin.

Friday, December 26, 2008

When Children of Divorce Take Sides....

It is a well known fact that divorce not only hurts children, it can also sever relationships between parents and grown children. When a teenager or adult child decides to side with one parent during the divorce, it can damage the parent-child relationship forever.

My own 22 year old daughter has not spoken to her father in almost 5 years. Because of my ex's actions and behaviors during our divorce, she chooses not to have him in her life. I have encouraged her to try and forgive her father, but she is not ready to make amends. She feels that until he expresses true remorse over his behavior during the divorce and stops placing blame on others, she does not want a relationship with him.

Of course it makes me feel horrible that my ex and her father, who were once very close do not have a father-daughter relationship anymore. But what drove my daughter to cut off ties with her dad were some horrible comments he made during the divorce about her grandfather who then passed away months later. At her age, I must respect her decision to not speak to her father, but it is still makes me sad to hear my ex tell people he has 3 children when he has 4 and I feel bad that my daughter will not have a father to walk her down the aisle someday. Maybe they will eventually reconcile, but until then there is little I can do to help repair their relationship.

I think divorcing couples need to be careful about confiding in teenage or adult children during a divorce. You may have the best intentions and want to be honest with your adult child about the divorce, but letting adult children in on the ugly details of the divorce can backfire and cause the child to take sides. It is bad enough that friends and family often take sides, but when a child chooses end a relationship with a parent because of a divorce, it can be devastating.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

How to Find a New Love for the New Year...
Are you finally ready to meet that someone special? Do you feel you have moved on after your divorce and can now enter into a new relationship, baggage free? You may feel that you are ready, but there a few things you need to do before joining that dating website or getting fixed up on blind dates. Here are three ways to guarantee your next love will be a keeper:
1. Get yourself ready first. If physical appearances are important to you, make sure you look your very best. You say you want someone who is fit and trim? then make sure you lose those extra pounds. Remember, like attracts like.
2. Get rid of unrealistic expectations. You will have a difficult finding someone if you require that your mate be certain height or work in a particular profession. Narrow your "must haves" down to the things that really matter to you and be flexible about the rest.
3. Work on removing your old limiting beliefs and habits. Spend some time analyzing your past relationships and take an objective look at what part you may have played in your breakups. It is not easy to accept responsibility for your divorce, but until you can figure out your part in the breakup, you will bring the same issues into your next relationship. This is about self reflection, not blame, so don't beat yourself up.
One last piece of advice: When searching for your new love this year, remember to take it slow and don't be upset if he or she does not appear right away. You will meet the right person if you do not rush into a new relationship just because you are lonely. Don't waste time dating someone you know, deep down, is not the right person for you.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

A Christmas Present for the Ex?
A divorce presents many new challenges and many are ones you probably have never thought of before. When you have small children, the issue of getting your ex a present for Christmas arises. Should you buy a gift for your ex for your kids to give?
Your ex may be the last person on earth you want to buy a present for, but it is important for your kids to be able to give presents to their parents on the holidays. You may be thinking that since your ex does not get a present for you from the kids, why should you bother? But I believe that if your child has asked about getting a present for daddy or mommy, you should buy something small for your children to give.
Remember, this is not about you or your ex, it is about making your children, who do not have money on their own or the ability to go shopping, feel good. Imagine how sad a child would feel, wanting give a present to their parent and not being able to? Of course, if it really kills you to spend a dime on the ex, then have your child make a homemade gift.
I took a photo of my kids under the Christmas tree and ordered an 8x10 and some wallets for my ex as a gift from the kids. I know he will like that and my kids will feel like they gave dad something for Christmas. It was also very inexpensive.
So even though your ex may be on your naughty list and deserve a lump a coal instead of a gift, try being the better person and make your kids happy by providing them with a small gift to give on Christmas to their mom or dad.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

New Tool to Catch a Cheating Spouse...

Do you suspect your spouse is cheating? Need evidence? Forgot hiring a private investigator, there is a new way to get the proof you need: DNA

An Israeli woman took her husband's underwear to the lab and traces of DNA that were not hers or her husband's were found. She is now presenting the evidence to a Rabbinical court . Evidently there is a large sum of money involved in this divorce case.

But before you run off to the lab with your spouse's underwear, there are a few things to consider. The lab may not find any evidence if your spouse used protection during the sexual encounter, so your instinct about the affair may still be correct but you might not get the evidence you hoped for. If you plan on using the test results in court, it may not even be admissible. You would need to check with a divorce attorney.

It may sound crazy to test your spouses underwear for DNA, but I can understand someone doing it. When you suspect your spouse is cheating and have no proof, it can drive you crazy. You need to know the truth so you can deal with the affair and decide if you want to stay in the marriage or not. But you may not get the proof you need unless you actually catch them in bed together. Some cheaters, unless caught red handed, will not admit they have had an affair. If you suspect your spouse is cheating, your probably right. Trust your instincts.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Does Madonna's Husband Deserve a 76 Million Dollar Divorce Settlement?
Madonna's publicist announced today that Madonna will pay her husband, Guy Ritchie, between 76 -92 million dollars in their divorce settlement. The couple has been married for 8 years. That is a huge amount of money, even for a superstar. Should Guy Ritchie get such an enormous sum of money for only 8 years of marriage?
I think he should. Madonna, known for being a savvy business woman, made a huge mistake by not asking Guy Ritchie to sign a prenuptial agreement when they married. It amazes me that superstars like Madonna and Paul McCartney do not have the sense to protect their assets, knowing how often Hollywood marriages fail.
Since there was obviously no prenup, Guy Ritchie is entitled to half of whatever Madonna earned during their marriage. I think Madonna made the right choice settling the divorce and not fighting her husband in court like Paul McCartney did in his divorce. The couple have 3 young children who will be spared much heartache now that they have agreed to a settlement.
I am curious if the media will label Guy Ritchie a "gold digger" like they did with Heather Mills.
It seems unfair that Heather Mills was vilified in the press for wanting millions of dollars from Paul McCartney, while nothing negative is being said about Guy Ritchie wanting such a big chunk of Madonna's fortune.
Either way, whether you're man or a woman and whether you have a fortune or not, if you do not have a prenup, you can expect to share half of all assets acquired during a marriage. Madonna has set a good example by agreeing to pay her husband instead of engaging in a long, drawn out court battle.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

5 Divorce Dirty Tactics You Need to Know About.....

Unfortunately, many divorces turn ugly and it is usually due to one partner resorting to dirty divorce tactics. The spouse who decides to implement these tactics feels desperate and out of control and will do anything to hurt his or her spouse. You need to be aware of these dirty divorce tactics so that you can protect yourself during your divorce. Warning: If you are someone who thinks that using any of these tactics will help you in your divorce, think again. These tactics always backfire. The courts are well aware of them and if you use any of these against your spouse, you will be the one who pays for it in the end.

Here they are:

1. Filing a phony restraining order. This is also know as an order of protection. Your ex decides that he wants you out of the house so he makes up false allegations of abuse. This is also done to get custody of the children.

2. Fling for sole custody of the children. A spouse who files for custody when he or she knows that the other parent has been the primary caregiver and the children are being well care for does this for several reasons. It is the ultimate way to hurt the other spouse and extract revenge. It is also done as a ploy to avoid paying child support.

3. Claiming to be disabled. This tactic is used to reduce alimony and child support payments. A spouse will suddenly come down with a disability and claim he or she can no longer earn the amount of money they have been earning throughout the marriage.

4. Selling and hiding assets. Hiding money in bank accounts that are out of state or in another country or selling assets to friends or family members for a fraction of their value on paper and then pocketing the cash are some examples of devious divorce tactics a divorcing person may use.

5. Refusing to mediate or settle the divorce. A person who does this wants their spouse to suffer and does not care how much money is spent in attorney fees. They are so hurt and full of rage that by prolonging the divorce, they feel they have some sort of control.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce...

Thursday, December 11, 2008

What Would You Have Done Differently During Your Divorce?...
If your divorce is over, do you ever find yourself wondering what you could of done differently? Something that may of helped the process go more quickly and smoothly? Do you have any regrets?
I was recently asked this question and my first reaction was that since my ex refused to pay child support and spousal support during our divorce and felt that I deserved nothing, I had no choice but to fight back. I had 4 children, a house with a mortgage and little money coming in. Everything was at stake. I was dealing with an irrational person at the time who refused to settle our divorce fairly.
On second thought, however, I do feel that there was one area during my divorce where I could have handled myself better and that is with my children. Although I tried my best at the time to protect them, they still were caught in the cross fire and suffered as a result.. I do regret confiding in my 17 year old daughter at the time. Even though she was a young adult, I think she took on too much responsibility at too young of an age. If I had to do it over, I would have told her less and not relied on her so much.
I am sure most parents feel guilty about getting divorced and the effect it has on the kids. We are just so unprepared to deal with the ugliness and pain that divorce can cause. We have a hard time keeping ourselves emotionally stable so it is no wonder that we are ill prepared to deal with our children's emotions and help them cope with the divorce.
So do you wish you could have done anything differently during your divorce? If so, what would you have changed? Hopefully, those who are still in the divorce process or thinking about getting a divorce will read your comments and gain some insight from someone who has already been in their shoes.
Can The Law of Attraction Help Children of Divorce?

Listen below to the interview I did with Rhonda Ryder, Founder of Kid Awakening and the creator of "Inspired Parenting", her interviews with 3 teachers from the movie "The Secret", Dr. Joe Vitale, Mike Dooley and Dr. John Demartini. I asked Rhonda how we can use the law of attraction to help our children cope with divorce. Click here to get her free e-book, “The 7 Secrets to Sharing The Law of Attraction With Kids and Teens”

MP3 File

Sunday, December 07, 2008

What You Can Expect When Going to Family Court...

If you have never been to family court before and you have court date coming up for you divorce, there are a few things you need to know. Spending time at family court can be quite a shock. Here are 5 things to expect so that you can prepare yourself:

1. It will take all day long. Even though your case is scheduled for 9:00 am, be prepared to spend the entire day waiting. Family courts are overbooked and it is quite common to be there all day. Bring reading materials to keep your occupied. The court breaks for lunch so make sure you bring money so that you can buy lunch or a snack while you wait.

2. Your case might be rescheduled. This may happen the day before the court date you have waited weeks for. It can even happen while you are already there. I once waited 8 hours for a court date only to have it rescheduled. I had to pay my lawyer over $1,200 for sitting there all day. The court system does not reimburse you or care.

3. Do not speak or even look at your ex. If you start an argument with your ex while waiting outside the courtroom, you can be sure it will be used against you. Do not speak to your ex without your attorney present. You do not want your ex making false accusations against you. If you are there with a family member, tell him or her to keep quiet as well. During my first court date my father confronted my ex. My ex had his lawyer march into the judge and falsely accused my father of threatening him. He then filed a restraining order against my father!

4. Keep your mouth shut while in the courtroom. The judge will scold you should you make any outbursts. If you feel your ex or his attorney is saying something that is not true, alert your lawyer by jotting it down on a legal pad. Your lawyer is your mouthpiece in the courtroom and you are not allowed to speak unless directed to by the judge. Even whispering can get you in trouble. Remember, everything is being recorded inside the courtroom.

5. Be prepared to be disappointed. The family court system is not always just and fair. You may be shocked at the judge's ruling. Control your emotions the best you can. You will most likely have the same judge throughout your divorce and he or she will be the one ruling should your divorce go to trial. You do not want to appear to the judge as someone who is out of control. If you are upset with the judge's ruling, discuss this with your attorney and he can file another motion.

If there is any possibility you can settle your divorce fairly without going to court, do it. The expense, stress and aggravation of having to appear in court, often multiply times throughout your divorce, can take a huge emotional and financial toll on you.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Would You Spend the Holidays with Your Ex and His Girlfriend?...
I just read on that Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore plan to celebrate Christmas with Bruce Willis and his girlfriend, Emma Heming. Apparently, they all went to Europe with the kids to celebrate Thanksgiving too.
The article referred to this situation as being "awkward". I think it is wonderful that Bruce Willis and Demi Moore's children are able to spend the holidays with both parents. They do not have to feel torn between their parents on the holidays and obviously have not suffered emotionally because of their parent's divorce. Their parents were mature enough to put their differences aside and maintain a friendship after the divorce.
Is it common or even realistic for most divorcing couples? Unfortunately, no. I have never spent a post divorce holiday with my ex. I bet most of us haven't. We are still dealing with trying our best to not let our ex get under our skin and push our buttons. Spending Christmas dinner with our ex and his girlfriend would seem bizarre to most of us.
But flash forward 10 or more years to a time when your kids are now grown and have children of their own. Your son or daughter wants to have Christmas at their house and wants to invite both his parents and their new spouses. Is it fair to not go simply because your ex will be there? Would you miss out on spending Christmas or another holiday with your grandchildren because you still cannot stand your ex after all these years?
Wouldn't it be great if we could somehow resolve our differences with our ex, accept and embrace his new relationship and be able to sit down to dinner with our children for a holiday meal with no animosity? What would it take to get to that point? I think Demi Moore says it best in this quote:
"We had an unconventional Thanksgiving, and we will all be together for Christmas as well with our three daughters. I think the key with any past is that you recognize and hold on to what you loved and what you gained and you don't attach yourself to what you've lost."
Can we overlook what caused the divorce, let go of the hurt and anger, no matter how justified and instead think of what we once loved about our ex? Can we focus on the good qualities about him, the reasons we married him in the first place? If we could get those feelings back and view our ex as a friend now instead of an enemy, everything would change. We would no longer hold on to bitterness from the past and it would be possible to spend holidays together.
Of course none of this is easy to do and it I think it depends on how far past the divorce you are. If you recently went through a bitter divorce you need time to work through the grief and hurt feelings before being able to let go and forgive. But making peace with your ex is something to strive for. If not for yourself, then for your children.

Monday, December 01, 2008

When Will You Be Happy Again?
When you are going through a divorce you often wonder when you will begin to feel happy again. A divorce can feel like a dark cloud has parked itself over your head. With thoughts of your divorce consuming your ever waking moment, you may feel as if there no escape from the pain. You may not even remember what it felt like to be happy.
Don't worry, you will be happy once again. When is up to you. This may shock you but you could even be happy right now, in the midst of the pain, hurt and agony your divorce is causing you. You might not be be jumping for joy, but you can give yourself moments of happiness throughout your day.
How? By choosing to focus on the positive things in your life, despite what is happening with your divorce. Do your kids make you laugh? Does watching your favorite TV show or reading a good book bring you joy? What about a favorite hobby you have long forgotten? Start paying attention to the little pleasures in life. Eat your favorite ice cream, play with your dog, take your kids to the park and swing on the swing. Anything you can do to life your spirits even a little bit will help lighten your mood and help you get through the dark times of your divorce.
My good friend, Alexandra Watson is a "Happiness Expert"who coaches celebrities, Olympic Athletes and business professionals, she’s a Mom and a best-selling author and she can help turn your life around.

She is the UK’s Leading Happiness Expert and each week she shares some of her highly successful information ranging from relationships to wealth, so if you would like a regular dose of practical and proven happiness tips go visit her Blog at:

Because perhaps it’s YOUR turn to be happier and if you feel that, then now’s the time to discover her significant secrets!