Should You Forgive Your Ex?...

Are you ready to let go and forgive your ex? It sounds like a wonderful idea, to be able to turn your feelings of anger, hate and disappointment into ones of peace and love. In an ideal world we would all be able to move on quickly after a divorce and be able to forgive the person who hurt us the most.

But in the "real" world it is not always possible to let go of angry feelings and release our pain just because other people tell us we should. We may want to forgive our ex and move on, but find that bitter feelings keep creeping up inside us.

The truth is that it takes time to reach a place where we can consider forgiveness after a divorce. We must go through the many stages of grief first. Trying to forgive someone who has hurt us deeply, before we mourn the death of the marriage, can be impossible. We may even lie to ourselves and think we have forgiven the ex only to discover deep seated feelings of rage and anger that won't go away.

After a painful divorce you need time to work through all of the negative emotions you are feeling. It is normal to feel hurt, angry, betrayed and sad after a divorce. You must work on releasing each of these emotions first before attempting forgiveness. Once you have reached a place where you can think about or speak to your ex without a strong emotional reaction, you are probably ready to start considering letting go and forgiving. But know that it can take years before you are ready to forgive and that is okay.

What you will discover is that once you are finally ready to make peace with the past and forgive your ex, the person who will benefit the most will not be your ex, it will be you. By forgiving someone who has hurt us, we take back our power. You become free to spend your energy in a positive way instead of dwelling on the past and seething with anger over the way your ex hurt you.

The road to forgiveness can be long and will take time, but it is worth it. Someday you will reach a place where you look back on your marriage without regrets and without blame and instead be grateful that the experience lead you to the wonderful place you are at in your life right now.