Dating After Divorce Dilemma: Blending Your Kids with His

Dating after a divorce can be an exciting time. With your divorce finally behind you, you look forward to meeting someone new. But when you or your new love have children, complications can soon set it.

It would be great if life were like the Brady Bunch and your kids and his kids all got along, but in reality, many children feel resentful and upset when their parents date. Expecting them to accept your new mate's children can be difficult as well.

A friend of mine has three children and her ex-husband recently remarried and had a baby. His wife has 4 children from a previous marriage. Her kids are overwhelmed and confused when visiting dad and his new, large, instant family. They complain that they no longer get any alone time with their dad and visits are chaotic are less frequent.

Blending families successfully is a huge challenge. If your kids do not like your boyfriend or his kids do not like you, it can put a huge strain on your relationship. Here a three ways to minimize the trauma to your kids and help them accept your new love and his children:

1. Take it slow. Do not introduce your kids to his kids to quickly. Give your kids time to get to know your new boyfriend first.

2. Keep visits with your boyfriend's kids short and infrequent in the beginning. Do not overwhelm your children by forcing them to spend time with your boyfriend's family. Give them time to develop their own relationship with his kids.

3. Make sure to spend plenty of time with your kids. It is easy to become distracted with your new love and want to be with him all of the time. However if you have children, they will become resentful. They crave your attention and need to feel secure.

A divorce is difficult enough on a child. You can only imagine how confusing it must be for a child to see his parents dating new people and then having to share his parents with other children who are not his siblings. The key is to take it slow and give your children time to accept your new relationship. With time, extra attention and patience, most children will eventually come around.

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