Deadbeat Dad Runs For Office

I could not believe this story when I read that a Chicago man, who allegedly owes more than $82,000 in back child support, is running as a candidate
for Ward 47 Republican Committeeman in Chicago.

Gary Karlin disappeared 14 years ago, abandoning his young daughter. His ex-wife has been trying to locate him ever since. Imagine her shock when she googled his name and found him running for office as a "conservative".

This man should be arrested and barred from running for public office. How can someone who has broken the law expect to represent the people of his state? How sad for his daughter, now 16 years old, to see the father who has neglected and ignored her, make a mockery of the judicial system.

You have to wonder what someone like this is thinking. Recently, another deadbeat decided to protest his favorite's sports teams losing streak by camping out on the roof of a local bar and vowing not to come down until his team won. He basked in the media attention and was featured on TV. To his suprise, his ex-wife recoginzed him and reported him to the police. He was escorted off of the roof and arrested.

There needs to be tougher laws to catch these deadbeats who slip through the cracks and are allowed to amass tens of thousands of dollars in back support. Unfortunately, it is very difficult for a custodial parent to locate a parent who uses sneaky tactics to avoid paying support. These parents have no assets in their names, no bank accounts to seize and no wages to garnish. They stay one step ahead of the law, that is until their ego gets the best of them and they do something stupid like run for public office or go on television. More resources need to be allotted to investigating and apprehending these deadbeats.

Using Humor To Heal During Divorce...

Sometimes when you are going through a tough time, you can use a good laugh. Divorce is one of those times when you can use all of the humor you can get. Divorce is not a funny issue, yet we can still find humorous moments.

We need to keep our spirits lifted and have faith that although we may be going through one of the most difficult times of our lives, life will get better. Using laughter and humor can be therapeutic. When are at your lowest, go out and rent a funny movie or get together with your girlfriends for a girl's night out and share some laughs. Try to look for the humor in your daily life. Kids say the funniest things and pets have a way of making us smile with their antics. Stay in the moment and enjoy these times when they present themselves. It is often too easy to be focused 24/7 on your divorce without letting your mind take a break.

Here are a few funny jokes I found while searching the web that will cheer you up during a divorce (all of the authors are unknown):

1. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

2. A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager "How much is that new Barbie in the window?" The Manager replied, "Which one? We have 'Barbie goes to the gym' for $19.95 ....'Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95 ....'Barbie goes shopping' for $19.95 ....'Barbie goes to the beach' for $19.95 ....'Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19.95 ....and 'Divorced Barbie' for $375.00". "Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00, when all the others are $19.95"? Dad asked surprised. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture."

3. Yeah, my husband and I just split up. I finally faced the fact that we’re incompatible. I'm a Virgo and he's an asshole."

4. For Sale: wedding dress, size 12.Worn once by mistake

5. She was a great housekeeper, too. When we divorced, she kept the house.

Should You Keep Your Married Name After A Divorce?

One issue often overlooked during a divorce, is whether or not to keep your married last name. I remember my lawyer asking me if I wanted to continue to use my married name during a divorce hearing. It was honestly something I hadn’t given much thought to at the time. With all of the divorce drama going on, it had slipped my mind that I had the option to revert back to my maiden name.

I initially decided to return to my maiden name and asked for it to be changed at my final divorce hearing. But then something strange happened. As the months passed, I continued to use my married last name, putting off changing my driver's license and credit cards. Something just did not feel right about changing my name back to the name I once used long ago. I felt like I wasn’t that person anymore, yet I also did not feel comfortable using my married last name. I certainly was not the same person who used that name either.

In the end I decided to give myself a new last name. One that I choose. I shortened my married last name and gave myself a brand new identity. I went to court and legally changed my name. It felt right and it was empowering to begin my new life after divorce with my own chosen identity, not the name I was born with and not the name I got from being married.

There are several issues to consider when deciding whether or not to keep your married name after a divorce. Here are few:

1. Your children. Do you want to avoid confusion at school by keeping the same last name as your kids?

2. Paperwork. Changing your name means changing your driver's license, bank accounts, credit cards and countless other documents. Expect to spend time and energy taking care of this.

3. Have you established yourself professionally with your married name? If so you may not want to change it.

In the end, make sure it is your own decision to change or not change your last name. Don't give into pressure from your ex, who may object to you using your married name. It is perfectly legal to continue to use your married name after a divorce. If you no longer wish to use your married name, then make sure you are comfortable going back to your maiden name. If not, you may want to do like I did and create your very own new last name.

4 Secrets To Saving Your Marriage...

Divorce might seem like an easy fix, but the ramifications and consequences are serious. Not only will you end a relationship that you have invested years in, other people, like your children are deeply affected. If you are considering divorce, it makes sense, barring any physical or mental abuse, to do everything in your power to try and save your marriage. If it is your spouse who wants the divorce, you may be facing an uphill battle, but if saving your marriage is something you desire, it is worth attempting.

Here is a four step blueprint, based on the principles of the law of attraction, to help get your marriage and your life back on track:

1.Change yourself first. This may seem radical, but if you want to see changes in your relationship, you must first change yourself, not your spouse. The only person you are in control of is you. Wishing hoping, pleading and begging will not turn your spouse into the person you desire him to be. Take some time to do some inner work and clear up issues in yourself that are preventing you from being happy. Remember the qualities and traits that annoy and bother you in others are issues in yourself that need healing. Start by making a list of everything your spouse does to drive you crazy. Then consider if you are guilty of any of those sins yourself. You may be shocked and what you find. Does your spouse withhold affection? Think of a time in your life where you withheld affection from someone. Does your spouse lose his temper quickly? Again, look and see if there are times in your life where you are short tempered or maybe times when you feel angry and repress your emotions. Going through this list, without self-blame, but with the intent to heal yourself first, can be life changing.

2. How do you want your marriage to be? What does an "ideal" marriage look like? Spend some time visualizing the perfect marriage. See it, feel it and experience it like it was really happening. Feel the joy and love you get from sharing your life with a partner who loves and respects you.

3. Make a list of all of the qualities you wish your spouse had. List everything. Maybe you want him to be more attentive, loving, spontaneous and exciting . Now take that same list and start becoming that person. Become more attentive,loving, spontaneous and exciting. You may be reading this and feel skeptical and maybe even a little angry.After all, it is not your fault your spouse acts the way he does. But just try it. It can't hurt and you will feel better about yourself no matter what the end result is.

4. Let go of how you think your marriage should be. Release all expectations. Concentrate on yourself and creating a life you enjoy. Whether or not your spouse changes is not important. Spend your energy on becoming the best person you can be. Find a hobby or passion that excites you. Join a group of fun loving people and start getting out more. Take action and control of your life

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After following these steps your spouse may or may not change, but one thing is for certain, you will have changed for the better. This will strengthen and prepare you for whatever lies ahead. If your marriage is saved, that would be wonderful, if not you will emerge a stronger, more confident and self assured person, ready for whatever life hands you.

If you would like to find out how to use the law of attraction to change your life, I recommend reading The Attractor Factor and The Key both by Joe Vitale. Seat Of The Soul author Gary Zukav has many great books that will help inspire you and change your life for the better as well.

The 5 Worst Celebrity Husbands And Fathers...

1. Hulk Hogan-Sneaky Hulk Hogan is being accused of trying to trying to trick his wife, Linda, into signing a post-nuptial agreement and hiding millions that were made in a real estate transaction. He also has said that his"ex-wife can support herself". Not very nice considering he was married to his wife for over 20 years, while she stayed at home with the kids so he could advance his wrestling career.

2. Eddie Murphy- Eddie has separated from his new "wife"Tracey Edmonds, after only 2 weeks of marriage. Apparently their marriage was not legal. Let's also not forget how Eddie denied he was the father of Spice Girl, Melanie Brown's baby and reportedly has never met his child, even after a paternity test proved he was the baby girl's father. What a shame that the star of "Daddy Daycare" is a deadbeat dad.

3. Charlie Sheen. This insensitive jerk allegedly emailed his ex-wife, Denise Richards the following message:"You are a pig. A sad, jobless pig who is sad and talentless and, um, oh yeah, sad and jobless and evil and a bad mom, so go [expletive] yourself, sad, jobless pig." What a nice guy. No wonder he has court ordered, supervised visits with his two young daughters.

4. Alec Baldwin- Who can forgot Alec's vicious rant on his 11 year old daughter's cell phone last summer. If he can call his daughter a ""a thoughtless, rude little pig" you can only imagine the emotional abuse he might of inflicted on Kim Basinger while they were married.

5.Peter Cook- Ex-husband of Christie Brinkley. This man was married to one of the most beautiful women in the world and cheated on her with his teen assistant. What was he thinking? It is unsettling to think that a man in his mid forties would have an affair with a 19 year old, especially when his own step daughter, Alexa Joel, was around the same age.

Should Lifetime Alimony Be Banned?

"Mass Alimony Reform" will address the Joint Committee of the Judiciary in Massachusetts and challenge the current laws on the books that allow for lifetime alimony. It is interesting to note that the majority of the residents that are scheduled to address the committee regarding alimony reform are women. They are the second wives of husbands who once divorced.

These women feel that they are forced to "share the expense of providing living and other expenses for their present husband's first wives who are unwilling to support themselves".

This is unbelievable. Did these women know when they married their husbands that their husband had to make alimony payments? Now they are upset that they have to "share"their husband's income with the first wife? Give me a break, did these women ever stop to think that maybe the first wife was awarded lifetime alimony for a reason?

Lifetime alimony is usually awarded in most states when a marriage is over 20 years in length and the spouse receiving the alimony was either a stay at home parent during the marriage or made a significantly lower income than their spouse. Does staying at home raising children and giving up your career not count for financial compensation after a divorce? The women who gave up careers to raise families while their husbands advanced in their careers are at a great disadvantage after divorce. That is why we have alimony.

When you date and marry a divorced man you should know what you are getting into. It irks me when the "new" wife gets upset that her husband has to support the first family he created. You cannot expect to marry a man who has financial obligations to his ex-wife and children and not feel the financial repercussions on your own family. If a man who has been ordered by the court to pay alimony to his ex-wife cannot afford to due so, he has no business getting married again and starting a new family.

Do Couples Who Go To The Bathroom Together, Stay Together?..

A company who has invented the "TwoDaLoo - A Supertoilet That Saves Rocky Marriages and The Planet" seems to think so. According to the manufacturer's website "It brings couples closer together and conserves our water supply all with one flush. The TwoDaLoo features two side-by-side toilet seats with a modest privacy wall in between. An upgraded version includes a seven inch LCD television and iPod docking station". For a mere $1,400 you too can own a love toilet for two.

But why would you want to? If your marriage is on the rocks the last thing you would want to do is start going to the bathroom together. How horribly unromantic and disgusting. A person's bathroom activities should remain private. Couples usually start fighting because of too much together time and not enough personal space. This crazy product will probably cause more divorces. It is amusing and better left as an entertaining story than something someone would actually go out and purchase.

The Top 5 Songs To Cheer You Up During A Divorce...

Going through a divorce can be an emotional roller coaster, some days you feel sad and other days you feel angry. Listening to music can be a great way to lift your spirits. Here are 5 breakup songs that will empower you, make you feel better and help you move on.

1. I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor. Best line: "Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye, Did I crumble ,Did you think I'd lay down and die? Oh no not I, I will survive"

2. Fighter by Christina Aguilera-Best line"'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture I wouldn't know how to be this way now, And never back down ,So I wanna say thank you"

3. Survivor by Destiny's Child-Best line: "Now that you are out of my life, I'm so much better, You thought that I'd be weak without ya, But I'm stronger, You thought that I'd be broke without ya, But I'm richer, You thought that I'd be sad without ya, I laugh harder"

4. Strong Enough by Cher- Best Line: "I'm strong enough To live without you, Strong enough and I quit crying, Long enough, now I'm strong enough To know ,you gotta go"

5. Good Bye To You-Scandal-Best Line: "Could I have loved someone like the one I see in you, I remember the good times baby now, and the bad times too, These last few weeks of holdin' on, The days are dull, the nights are long ,Guess it's better to say "Goodbye To You"

Postnuptial Agreements Becoming Popular....

So what is a post nuptial agreement? We are all familiar with prenupitial agreements, but a postnup? A post-nuptial agreement is is a contract that is signed after marriage that divides a family’s assets between spouses. It seems that these agreements are on the rise. A poll published this year by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found that almost half its members had seen an increase in the practice.

Why would anyone want to sign one of these? The reasons may surprise you. Here is one scenario. A couple gets a postnup when their marriage is in trouble. If a spouse has committed adultery, he offers the postnup as a way to ensure his wife will be financially protected should they divorce, thus increasingly the likelihood of her forgiveness. Another reason is when a spouse gets a major promotion and now wants to renegotiate the terms of a prenuptial agreement. A more unusual reason is that hedge funds and other high-value equity partnerships encourage new partners to get postnups. They don't want a divorcing partner's spouse to get part ownership in the firm.

Although a prenuptial agreement can be very beneficial if a couple decides to divorce, no high cost attorney fees or battling for assets, a post-nuptial agreement sounds ridiculous to me. Can you imagine being married for years, supporting your spouse's career ,and then he comes home one day after getting a promotion at work and asks you to sign a postnup limiting how much money you will receive in a potential divorce? Even worse is your husband having an affair and then offering you assets in exchange for forgiveness.

Can you imagine how many couples will end up getting a divorce because one of them demanded that their spouse sign a postnupitial agreement? I think post-nuptial agreements are just another clever new tool divorce lawyers have in their arsenal to make money off of married couples.

Warning: Blogging About Your Divorce Can Be Dangerous...

A man was recently ordered by the judge in his divorce case to cease blogging about his divorce. Apparently his soon to be ex wife asked the court to stop her husband from writing about their divorce on his blog. Does this infringe upon this man's rights under the first amendment? It may. The man in question did not receive a hearing before the judge demanded he stop blogging.

But there is another issue here to consider. If you are currently going through a divorce and letting off steam by by blogging about it online, you run the risk of your ex using the very information you wrote against you in court. Remember the saying never to put anything in writing? Be very careful what you put out on the Internet if you are currently involved in a divorce or custody case. It could come back to haunt you.

The same goes for emails. Do not hit the "send" button after firing off a nasty email to your ex. Ditto for text messaging. You should also be wary of leaving detailed voice messages on your ex's answering machine. This all sounds like common sense, but when you are in a divorce battle with your ex, logic can fly out the window. Never let your emotions get the best of you. If you are feeling angry and upset with your ex, do not call, email, text or blog about him. Instead take out a good old fashion piece of paper and write him a letter. Then take that letter and shred it, burn it or rip it into pieces. You will feel better and you will not run the risk of harming your divorce case.

Do You Want To See Your Divorce Lawyer Naked?

If you are a client of Chicago attorney Corri Fetman now you can. She has recently posed nude for Playboy magazine. This is the same divorce lawyer who brought us the infamous billboards this summer with the slogan"Life's Short, Get A Divorce" and her latest, "Take Control, Get a Divorce"

The billboards stirred up controversy this summer and Ms. Fetman's firm, Fetman, Garland & Associates came under fire for promoting divorce. Not only is Ms. Fetman posing nude for playboy magazine, she is also writing a column for the magazine called "Lawyer of Love".

This divorce lawyer's tactics at gaining publicity are appalling. Her billboards suggest that divorce is an easy process, and if you are unhappy you should just "get a divorce". The reality is divorce is one of the most expensive, disruptive and life changing experiences a person will go through. To insinuate that getting a divorce is something you should take lightly is insulting. Suggesting that divorce is the cure for your unhappiness and will somehow fix all of your problems is misleading. For a divorce lawyer to promote divorce in such a flippant manner for her own profit is irresponsible . Sadly, many divorce lawyers resort to taking advantage of their clients everyday. It is time for divorce lawyers to step up and get a conscious. Your clients are not commodities, they are people who are vulnerable and need guidance from a divorce lawyer who will protect their interests, not exploit them.

"The Secret" To Getting Over Your Divorce...

By now most of us have heard of the movie "The Secret"and are familiar with the law of attraction. Basically, the secret is that what you think about is what you attract in your life, good or bad.

So how can you use the law of attraction to help you heal after a divorce? The first thing you need to ask yourself is "What am thinking about all day?"

Do you spend your days thinking about the loss of your marriage or are you actively planning a new and exciting life ? If you find yourself feeling depressed, angry and bitter after your divorce, you need to change your thoughts. It is not easy to simply turn off the many emotions you go through after a painful divorce. You do need to go through he stages of grief and let go of your marriage in a healthy way. The problem comes when you continue to feel negative feelings on a regular basis and cannot seem to get your life back on track.

Here are a few ways you can harness the law of attraction to change your life for the better after a divorce:

1. Spend some time each day feeling grateful. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself and dwelling on your divorce, start looking for the good things in your life. Take time to appreciate what you do have, whether it is healthy kids, a roof over you head, your pets, good friends, etc. Make a list and keep it where you can see it daily. When you start to feel down, grab your list and allow yourself to feel grateful for all of the blessings you currently have in your life now.

2. Have some fun visualizing how you want your life to be. Take the time to imagine your new life, in detail, and then commit to writing it down. Make a dream board. Cut out pictures in magazines of the things you want to attract in your life. Make a list of the top ten things you want to accomplish this year. Make sure to put your dream board where you can see it each day.

3. The most important step is to take action. Break down your big dreams into small doable steps and plan on taking one small step everyday to creating the life of your dreams. The things you want in life are not going to just magically appear if you sit on your couch all day just dreaming about them. You need to aggressively go after what you want. By taking very tiny steps at first, and building on those successes, you will be amazed at how different your life will become.

In time, your life will change for the better and you will recover from your divorce. The key is to be grateful for what you have now, see your life as you want it, not how it currently is and then most importantly, take action each and every day.

The top 5 Reasons Why Men Cheat...

Did you ever wonder what drives a man to commit adultery? Do they have no conscious? Do they just not care about their wives feelings or is there some underlying reason why a man would choose to violate his wedding vows?

Here are the top 5 reasons why men cheat on their wives:

1. Not enough sex. Men who are unsatisfied in the bedroom tend to look elsewhere. Naturally, after starting a family and meeting the daily demands of work and family obligations, many couple's sex lives change . For some men, the decrease in sex is an issue and they turn to a mistress to satisfy their unmet needs.

2. Mid life crisis. When a man reaches a certain age and starts to lose his hair, develop a beer belly and exhibit other signs of aging, he wants reassurance that he is still attractive to the opposite sex. An affair can make him feel sexy and desirable again.

3. Boredom. Some men become restless and bored and crave excitement. Having an affair can provide the danger and the "living on the edge" feeling that some men need to keep their lives interesting.

4. Not enough attention. A man whose wife devotes herself to taking care of the children may feel jaded and jealous that he no longer has his wife's undivided attention. A mistress provides him with the attention he is not getting at home.

5. His father was a cheater. Men who grew up in a household where dad cheated on mom are more likely to cheat on their wives. If this kind of behavior was something their own father engaged in, he may subconsciously feel that is acceptable to cheat.

Interestingly, most men who cheat do not want a divorce. They want the wife and family and the mistress on the side too. They only face the consequences of their actions when they get caught and their wives divorce them..Whatever the reason for a man's affair, it still does not justify betraying your spouse. All marriages hit road blocks and experience problems. It is in those moments when couples need to work together and fix their issues instead of turning to someone else to satisfy their emotional and physical needs.

Top Three Benefits Of Divorce...

Although divorce is an emotional and life changing experience, there is a bright side too. There really are benefits to being single once again. You may have been married for so long that you forgot them. Here are the top three benefits to getting a divorce:

1. No more in-laws. For many, no longer having to deal with a nosy,
intruding mother in law is cause for celebration.

2. Freedom. You can do whatever you want to, without having to consult another person. Did your ex get upset when you bought too many clothes or spent too much time on the computer or phone? You now get to call your own shots, set your own schedule and do as you please.

3. Peace. Did your ex snore? Leave the toilet seat up? Leave his dirty clothes all over the floor? You don't have to deal with your ex's annoying habits anymore. You will no longer have to put up with the things your ex did that drove your crazy.

How Divorce Affects Friendships

It can be difficult making the adjustment from being part of a married couple to being a single person once again. You may no longer share the same interests as your married friends and relationships can become awkward and strained.

It hurts when you feel as though you no longer fit in with the same people you once called your friends. If you and your spouse were close with other couples and socialized together, you may feel out of place at gatherings with other couples. After dealing with the loss of your marriage, it is especially hard to lose friends as well.

But divorce is a new beginning and sometimes divorcing your spouse means also shedding old relationships that no longer suite you. The truth is you may not have that much in common with your married friends anymore. Finding new friendships with other single or divorced people in the same situation as you can be therapeutic.

A great place to make new friends is www.meetup.com. Meetup is an online website
that you can join for free. You can find groups of people in your area that you share specific interests with and meet each other locally. You can find divorce support groups and other single groups. It is wonderful to meet with other people who understand what you have gone through and are there to support you. Finding new friends that share a hobby or passion of yours is also benefical.

Divorce means starting over and although you may see some friendships come to an end, new ones are waiting for you.

Deadbeat Parents Might Soon Have "Wall Of Shame"....


Parents who owe more than $500 in child support payments might soon be featured on a new website. Their name, addresses and how much they owe will be listed, similar to the department of Revenue's website that posts individuals with unpaid back taxes.

The legislation is being introduced from Wisconsin State Representative
Steve Wieckert (R-Appleton). Wisconsin currently has over 3 billion dollars owed in unpaid child support.

A website featuring deadbeat parents could help deter would be offenders from refusing to pay child support. However, "shaming" parents who maybe a few hundred dollars behind in support might not be a good idea. Illness or job loss could cause a temporary setback in payments from a parent who normally supports his or her children. It is an excellent idea for parents who owe large amounts of child support and are purposely avoiding their responsibilities.

The deadbeat parent that hides his assets, works off the books and engages in other sneaky behavior aimed at avoiding paying support, needs to be exposed. Non payment of child support does not just affect the children who go without support, it affects everyone. Many custodial parents who do not receive child support are forced to go on welfare and tax dollars are spent supporting the children of deadbeat parents. Businesses that employee custodial parents whose children are owed child support are also affected. Parents dealing with a deadbeat must take time off of work for court dates, make phone calls to case workers during business hours and are under both emotional and financial stress.

It is time more action is taken against deadbeats who purposely circumvent the system. A clear message must be sent to parents who refuse to financially support their own children. They must understand that there are consequences and they will not be allowed to "beat the system" and get away with neglecting their kids.

Finding New Love After Divorce...

How do you know if you are ready for a serious, committed relationship after going through a divorce? It can be a tricky question and the answer may surprise you.

Many people feel ready to date again after a divorce, but most are not ready to jump back into serious relationship. It is natural to feel lonely after a divorce and want to become intimate once again with someone special, but it takes time to heal emotionally from the breakup of your marriage.

So how do you know if you are really ready to make a commitment to someone new? The answer lies within you. Are you happy on your own? Do you like spending time by yourself and feel generally happy about your life now? If you feel that a new mate would compliment you at this stage in your life, but is not absolutely necessary for your happiness, then you are probably ready for a new relationship.

It may sound paradoxical, but if you are desperate for love and feel incomplete without a partner, it is a clear sign that you need to do some inner work on yourself. Jumping into new relationship at this point will most likely result in a rebound relationship that will not last.
It is difficult to suppress the overwhelming need for companionship and love. But it is a strong indication that you are searching for someone else to complete you when you feel desperate to find a new love.

When you feel content and satisfied with your life and can enjoy your own company, you are a whole person looking for someone to share your life with. Not only do you become very attractive to others, you will find potential new mates gravitating toward you and you will not have to go out searching for them. When we feel needy, unhappy and desperate for love, we only attract the same qualities in others. This increases the likelihood of a disastrous relationship between two people bringing many unresolved past issues to the table. Remember, like attracts like. If you are truly ready to attract an emotionally stable, happy, well rounded person, you must become that person first.

How Single Parents Can Get Ahead In 2008...

For single parents, it seems like there is a never ending amount of expenses incurred each month and having money left over to invest is often impossible. Most single parents shoulder the bulk of the child care expenses, even if they are receiving some form of child support. Children cost a small fortune to raise and often child support does not cover all of the extras, like dance lessons, sports, birthday parties, camp and other items the children need.

So how can a single parent get ahead financially? Fortunately there are ways for even the most cash strapped parents to develop new habits that will get them on the road to financial security.

Here are three ways to prosper in the new year:

1. Pay yourself first. You may laugh at the suggestion of being able to put aside part of your paycheck for yourself, but it is possible with some careful planning. The trick is to allot a specific percentage of your paycheck every week and automatically deposit it into a savings account. Make that the first payment you make, even before paying the bills. You may only be able to devote a very small percentage at first, but you will gain satisfaction watching your little savings account grow each month.

2. Record everything you spend in a typical week. Don't forgot to include money spent on incidentals, like coffee. An easy way to do this is to get a receipt for everything you buy and then tally it up at the end of the week. You may be shocked at how much you spend on fast food, Starbucks and other non-essential items. You don't want to completely cut out all of your guilty pleasures, just cut back on how many you indulge in.

3. After you have taken inventory and know now exactly how much you spend each month , you can develop plan to cut back. For example, if you decide to eat out once a week instead of two, take the money you would have spent on that second meal and put it into a jar. After a few months, take out that jar and now divide it equally into three sections: one third of the money is for investing, one third for your savings account and the remaining third is for you. Get a massage, buy a new outfit or spend it on something that you enjoy. As single parents we tend to spend most of our money on our kids and it is important to have some funds available to treat yourself with. Knowing that you are investing in your financial future and also taking care of yourself and your kids, you will gain control over your finances and your life.

Divorce On The Rise For the New Year

The holidays are coming to an end and a new year is on the horizon. Most of us will list losing weight, exercising and making more money for our new year resolutions this year. Some will also have divorce on that list too.

Many divorces are filed this time of year. If divorce was something you have been considering, you may have held off making a final decision until after the holidays.

If getting a divorce is a choice you are about to make for the new year, please think carefully about your your decision. The notion that a divorce is the cure for your martial problems, may be misguided. The realities of divorce are harsh and permanent. Some people, feeling depressed, restless and unhappy with their lives, think that a divorce will give them a new lease on life and free them from the misery they are now feeling. This may be true. A divorce may be just what you need to take control of your life and begin anew if you have been wrestling with these feelings for a long time.

But more often than not, a divorce will create a whole new set of problems, both financially and emotionally. Take time to seriously contemplate if you are really going to better off without your spouse this year. There are consequences and divorce affects everyone in your family, not just you and your spouse.

Recently, the rapper Snoop Dogg, made the following statement about calling off his own divorce several years ago: "I was going to split up with my wife - my wife wasn't going to split up with me,” The Sun quoted Dogg, as saying. "You know, I was caught up with Hollywood, and the girls and the night life. "I thought I was the man and I was willing to give up what I had at home for that, until I realized that what I had at home was irreplaceable, so I gave that up to go back home.
"I just don't want another man raising my kids. That was the main goal. I had kids with my wife because I wanted to be with my wife. And those three babies are all wanted, and I wanted to be with them."

I think what Snoop said was profound. He was able to save his marriage by understanding what was truly important to him in his life: his kids and his wife. Too often we under the illusion that somehow "the grass is always greener on the other side".

Whatever decision you make, take time to do some serious soul searching and consider marriage counseling before filing for a divorce. A divorce may be the right decision for you and your family, but make sure that you have come to this conclusion carefully, and not impulsively.

Selling The Family Home During A Divorce....

Many couples, facing a divorce decide to sell the family home and divide any profits after the sale. That is the way it used to work, back when the real estate market was thriving and couples were able to pull large amounts of equity from the sale of their homes.

Not so anymore. The real estate market is in trouble and many divorcing couples are at a loss about what to do about the family home. With the market flooded with homes for sale, foreclosures on the rise and homes on the market for many months before selling, what is a couple to do?

There are still some options left. One spouse can buy out the other and retain the property. If this is the option you choose, make sure to have the home appraised by a certified appraiser, not just a Realtor giving you his or her opinion abut how much the home is worth. Another option is to hold off selling the home ,if possible and stipulate in the divorce agreement that the home will be sold at a later date when the real estate market recovers. Some issues that must be worked out with this option are: Will the spouse occupying the home pay the mortgage,taxes and other household expenses? This is important because the spouse who does not contribute to the financial upkeep of home should get less profit when the home is eventually sold. These kind of issues need to be clearly outlined in the divorce agreement so that there are no problems down the road.

If selling the home right now is something that you must do in order to settle your divorce, use the following tactics to sell your house faster.

1. Hire the best realtor in town. Ask around and see who has the highest home sales in your area. You do not want to waste time trying to do a "for sale by owner" in this situation. You need someone to aggressively market and sell the house fast.

2. Be realistic about the asking price. Price the house to sell and you will be more successful selling in today's market.

3. Ask your spouse to help foot the bill for any minor improvements you must make to get the home ready to show to potential buyers. Things like painting, new carpeting, landscaping and fixing any obvious eye sores on the property can help sell your house much faster than other homes in your neighborhood. Home repairs can be costly, so set a budget with your soon to be ex and try to come up with a realistic amount the two of you can spend. If you are involved in a bitter divorce, you may have to have your lawyer ask your spouse's lawyer to include this in your divorce settlement.

Whether you choose to hold on to the family home for a few years until the market turns around or sell your home now, it is important to research all of your options carefully and make a step by step plan to protect one of your most important assets-your home.

Celebrating the Holidays After A Divorce...

As I was putting the decorations on the Christmas tree, I came across two very special ornaments from a Christmas long ago. They were the hand prints of my sons, ages 3 and 4, dipped in paint and pressed upon paper plates, decorated with gold glitter. After marveling how much bigger my boys hands are now, at ages, 13 and 1/2 and 15, I was reminded of the many Christmases before my divorce.

I recalled the many happy Christmas mornings with my ex and four children. If you would asked me back then, I would have never guessed that years later our family would be broken apart, my children's father never to spend Christmas morning with us again.

As joyous as the holidays are, after a divorce, they can also be bittersweet. A divorce forces you to develop new holiday traditions and abandon old ones. Most of the rituals of Christmas at my home are the same. "Santa" presents wrapped in special paper, carefully placed under the tree after the kids have gone to sleep and a plate of cookies and milk with a note written to Santa from my youngest daughter. My husband's job was to drink the milk and eat the cookies making sure to leave a few crumbs behind. It was also his job to take pictures Christmas morning while I helped the kids unwrap the presents. Now these jobs are mine.

The holidays signify the loss of the dreams and traditions you created with your spouse. This time of year forces you to remember what was and will never be again and can bring about a sense of sadness. It is normal to feel this way. The grieving process after a divorce takes time and a part of you, deep down inside,will always be sad for what has been lost.

Each year, as I celebrate the holidays with my children as a single parent,we create new memories and although I will never forget those Christmases with my ex, instead of feelings of loss and sadness, I now remember those Christmases with fondness. A happy day celebrated with my family. It is important to remember that although you and your ex will never celebrate the holidays as a couple again, you can create new memories and new traditions and embrace this new chapter in your life. Try focusing on the positive aspects of your life now and be grateful for your many blessings. By being in the moment and creating new holiday traditions and rituals, you will create new memories that you will remember for a lifetime.

Do's And Don'ts For New Step Parents

If you are divorced and dating, you might someday find yourself in the role of a stepparent. If you decide to date and marry a man who has children, there are some simple rules you need to follow.

1. Be sensitive. Do not ask the kids to call you "Mom". Recently, Katie Holmes, wife of actor Tom Cruise and step mom to his two children with Nicole Kidman, told People magazine that the kids call her "mom". Although it is wonderful her step kids love her, they already have a mother and I can only imagine how hurt she must of been by this comment.

2. Have patience. Children of divorce are dealing with many issues, and often have a hard time accepting a new mate for their mom or dad. Give the kids time to accept you and don't go overboard trying to gain their affections.

3. Be prepared to share. Remember the kids had your new spouse's attention first. There is a different dynamic to marrying someone with children. Don't expect your new mate to always put your first. A divorced parent must prioritize and many times that means putting the kids' needs ahead of their own. This doesn't mean your new mate doesn't love or care for you. Keeping the kids happy and a new spouse from feeling ignored can be a daunting task. Give your spouse time to adjust and work out the kinks so that everyone can eventually merge into a happy,well balanced ,blended family.

How Much Do You Think Your Divorce Will Cost?.....

After much soul searching, you have finally made the decision to divorce. Your next step, after informing your spouse, is to seek legal representation. But do you really have any idea how much this divorce will cost you? Unfortunately, most divorcing couples are unaware of how expensive a divorce can really be.

You may have the best intentions in the beginning of your divorce proceedings and even contemplate hiring a mediator to negotiate your divorce settlement. If however you or your spouse, decides to wage an all out divorce war, you may find yourself embroiled in a lengthy and expensive trial.

So just how much money does a divorce cost? Boston Law Collaborative, a law firm specializing in collaborative divorce analyzed 199 of its recent divorce cases, and found that mediation, collaborative divorce and litigation all produced high rates of successful settlement. Mediation was by far the least expensive option, with a median cost of $6,600, compared to $19,723 for a collaborative divorce, $26,830 for settlements negotiated by rival lawyers, and $77,746 for full-scale litigation.

These numbers represent the harsh reality of the high price divorcing couples pay financially when they refuse to settle their divorce amicably.From the Boston law firm's study, there is a difference of over $71,000 in savings by choosing to use a mediator instead of going for full scale litigation. That is money that can be used for your children's college educations instead of thrown away on divorce attorney fees.

Hopefully this information will serve as a wake up call to divorcing couples who are hell bent on destroying each in the courtroom. If there is any chance of settling your divorce through mediation or by using collaborative divorce lawyers, do it. The price you pay both financially and emotionally by battling your spouse in court is just not worth it.

Ten Questions You Must Ask Before Hiring A Divorce Lawyer...

If you are ready to interview divorce lawyers, you should be armed with the following questions to ensure you hire the right attorney. Many divorcing couples find out too late that they have invested money and time with the wrong divorce lawyer. Although it is possible to fire your lawyer and hire a new one during a divorce, save yourself the hassle and pick the right one from the beginning. Here is what you need to ask:

1. Do you specialize in divorce and family law? How many years have you been practicing in this field? (This is crucial. Do not hire a lawyer that does not specialize in divorce and family law.)

2. Are you experienced in the courtroom and how many of your divorce cases ended up in a trial last year? (You do not want an inexperienced attorney representing you at trial. Finding out how many cases went to trial will give you an idea of what kind of negotiator this lawyer is. If most of his cases end up at trial you can expect yours to as well.)

3. Are you a mediator or a collaborative divorce attorney? Do you encourage mediation for your clients? (Although not required, it is better to find a lawyer who is either a mediator or believes in settling divorce cases with one. Collaborative divorce lawyers tend to resolve your divorce in a more amicable and less expensive way.)

4. Will you be the attorney handling my case or will any other associates in your firm be involved? Do you have the time to devote to my case? (Do not hire a lawyer who does not have time for your case and will push your case off to a newer, less experienced associate.)

5.Will I deal directly with you or your paralegal or secretary? Is there a separate hourly rate to speak with paralegals, secretaries and assistants in the firm? (If there is no additional charge to speak to these employees, that is a good sign. You can save money by calling the secretary or paralegal directly for minor questions instead of being billed by the minute by your lawyer)

6. How much of a retainer do you require? What are your hourly fees? Do you require additional retainers after the initial one has run dry? If my retainer runs out, can you delay payment until my divorce is settled and take the funds out then? (Don't be shocked when your retainer runs out and you are required to replenish it or lose representation. Negotiate a deal now with your new attorney to have additional fees paid after your divorce is settled)

7. Can you file a motion in the court asking that my retainer and attorney fees be paid by my spouse? Is it possible for you to give me an estimate of how much my divorce will cost? (If your spouse is the primary breadwinner or controls the martial funds, it is beneficial to find an attorney who will ask the court to direct your spouse to cover legal expenses.)

8.What other costs can I expect during my divorce? Will I have hire other professionals like accountants, appraisers, investigators,etc? Do I pay extra for photocopies, faxes, and other office services? Do you charge for travel to court? If so, how much? (Find out the additional costs now so there won't be any surprises later)

9.Within what time frame can I expect you to return my phone calls? Do you bill by the minute or in blocks of minutes? (Many people are shocked when their divorce lawyer takes days, even weeks to return a phone call, find out this ahead of time and save yourself grief.)

10. Will I receive a written agreement with agreed upon hourly rates? Also, will I get copies of all of my legal documents concerning my case and is there an additional charge for this? (Make sure to get an agreement in writing outlining all of the hourly fees,additional fees and other costs your lawyer will incur)

How To Cope When Your Spouse Has Cheated.....

At a recent divorce support group I organize, one of the members recounted his recent heartbreak about how he is dealing with his wife's affair. Although he had been separated for almost a year and his divorce was about to be finalized, he was still in a great deal of pain. He confided that just a few months ago, he was unable to even speak about his wife's betrayal. He went on to tell us how he felt sick to his stomach thinking about the woman he once loved with another man. He also spoke of feeling ashamed and embarrassed.

It may be surprising to think that a person whose spouse has cheated would feel this way. After all, they were not the one who committed adultery. But there are many "symptoms" one suffers from when dealing with the painful issue of infidelity. Here a few :

1. Shock and Confusion:You are stunned and feel numb,l ike your life's has become a bad dream and you are waiting to wake up. You just cannot fathom why your spouse would betray you.

2.Sadness. You have physical symptoms, such as nausea, stomach pain, chest pain and dizziness. You may lose your appetite and feel tired and listless.

3. Anger. You become irritable and daydream of ways to get even with your spouse and his lover.

4. Guilt: As you search your mind for answers, you start to blame yourself. You are not good enough, smart enough or attractive enough. You convince yourself that the reason your spouse strayed is because of one or all of these reasons.

5.Shame: Because your spouse has cheated, you feel embarrassed and ashamed to let others know. You feel like they are secretly thinking it must be your fault.

Know that it is normal to experience these painful emotions after discovering your spouse's affair. It will take time to heal from these wounds to your heart and soul. The most important realization that you must come to accept is that it was not your fault. Your spouse's infidelity is a refection on the kind of person he or she is, not who you are. Eventually there will be a day when you will be grateful that you are no longer married to someone who cannot be trusted.

How To Tell The Kids Your Getting Divorced...

All divorcing parents dread the moment when they will have to sit their children down and tell them mommy and daddy are getting a divorce. It is heartbreaking to see the confusion and fear in their innocent eyes. So many questions arise in their minds from" is it my fault?" to "why do mommy and daddy no longer love each other?"

Often, parents are caught up dealing with their own emotions and the children's needs can get pushed aside. When facing the devastating loss of your marriage, it is often difficult to be strong for your children and know the right things to say about the divorce. Many mistakes are made.

A new, innovative book has the potential to solve the problem of how to tell the kids about divorce in a positive and healthy way. Author Rosalind Sedecca has written How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook(TM) Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! Parents are guided in preparing an attractive personal family storybook, in a photo-album-type format, that children will want to read and reread. Sedacca's two fill-in-the-blank templates talk about the family's past, present and future, reminding children that change, while often frightening, is a natural part of life. Using age-appropriate language, the text conveys the essential messages parents need to share -- and children need to hear again and again.

Sedacca's son, eleven at the time of the divorce, is now a veterinarian. His moving Introduction to the book, personally acknowledges the effectiveness of this unique approach to a tough conversation. "One of the most gratifying moments in my life came when my son, as an adult, confided that he understood why his Dad and I divorced," says Sedacca. "While he was very upset at the time, he said he could now see it was the right decision. He also thanked me for maintaining a positive interactive relationship with his Dad -- what I now refer to as a Child-Centered Divorce."

How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook(TM) Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! is available online as a downloadable ebook. It can also be purchased in CD format from attorneys, therapists and other professionals. To learn more visit http://www.howdoitellthekids.com .

Helping Deadbeats Catch Up On Child Support....

We have all seen the profile of the stereotypical deadbeat dad: A man who leaves his children, refuses to financially support his kids and often works off the books, hiding money and assets in his new girlfriend or mother's name. These deadbeats often owe thousands, sometimes, hundreds of thousands of dollars in back child support. Programs like garnishment of wages, revoking driver's licenses and jail time work well if you can find the deadbeat. They often stay one step ahead of the law and are difficult to track down and catch.

What we don't' always hear about are the "deadbeat" dads who may be behind on child support because of legitimate reasons. They have lost their jobs or have become ill. These fathers often want to support their kids and may find themselves facing serious legal repercussions if they fall behind in support.

In Carver County, Minn. they may of come up with a solution. The county is offering a new program to help parents who fall behind on support by offering them job training, such as resume-writing and computer classes. Some receive gas cards, bus passes or even have a county-paid cab take them to work. Others have been given work clothes and had their cars fixed so that they may return to the work and catch up on support payments.

Carver County is the state's most effective in collecting child-support payments. It recently was ranked No. 1 by the Minnesota Department of Human Services for the second year in a row. Their new program should be used as a model for other states to follow. Although tough child support enforcement measures, like jail time, are necessary in the collection of child support, a program that encourages and helps parents get back on track financially is needed. Many families' child support issues will be solved by providing parents with the tools they need to work again.

How To Hire A Divorce Lawyer With No Money...

The Washington State Supreme Court rejected a woman's claim that she had a right to have a publicly appointed attorney in her divorce case. Sadly, the woman lost custody of her three children during her divorce because she could not afford an attorney and represented herself. The court feels that "divorces are civil matters that do not warrant state-funded counsel".

The playing field in divorce court is obviously not level when the spouse who has greater access to money can hire a divorce lawyer and the poorer spouse is left to represent herself. The woman in this case did initially hire a divorce lawyer using her rent money, but was financially unable to continue to pay legal fees.

The old saying "only a fool represents themselves" is quite true in divorce court. Without a lawyer you stand very little chance of being successful, especially if your soon to be ex has hired a legal shark. But there are some measures you can take if you are facing a divorce and have very little or no money for an attorney:

1. Most divorce lawyers do not want you to know this, but they can file a motion with the court asking that your spouse foot your legal bills. If your spouse is the primary breadwinner and you do not have access to the martial funds, this is a good option. But beware, unless there are significant martial assets, most divorce lawyers prefer to get their retainer directly from you. They rather not petition the court before they have received any funds. You may have to interview several lawyers before finding one who will agree to this.

2. If borrowing from family and friends is not an option and you have no open credit or assets, then you can try pleading your case to divorce lawyers and ask them to represent you without a retainer. If there are martial assets that will be divided after the divorce is final, a lawyer may agree to represent you and collect his fee later.

3. If there are no martial assets to be divided in the divorce and you are facing a custody issue, you could try asking divorce lawyers to represent you pro bono (free of charge). This will be difficult, but if you are at risk of losing custody of your kids, and have a solid case, you may be able to persuade a law firm to help you. After all, lawyers are people too and you never know who may have a heart and lend you a hand. If this is the route you must take, you need to be persistent and not give up after being told no. Keep trying until you find someone who can help you.

Is Your Marriage Worth Saving After An Affair?

Looking back, I can now pinpoint when my marriage began to unravel. I was oblivious to the warning signs that my marriage was heading toward divorce. I missed many critical signs. Because of my own inability to see the truth, I was completely blindsided when I found out my husband was having an affair. I was shocked and stunned by his betrayal.For me, saving our marriage was not an option. The one thing I could not tolerate was a husband who cheated. All trust between us had been broken.

But some couples can and do recover from infidelity in their marriage. Can you really get over your spouse's affair? Will your marriage ever be the same? The answer to these questions will depend on many factors. Some couples may be able to forgive and rebuild their marriage after an affair with the help of a good marriage therapist, lots of open communication and the ability of the spouse who has been cheated on to look past the affair and forgive.

The underlying issue will always be a matter of trust. Trusting a spouse who has cheated takes time, love and a deep commitment to save the marriage. Once martial vows have been shattered by an affair, it will take hard work from both partners to repair the damage that has been done. With some soul searching and by trusting your own intuition, you will know whether or not it is worth it to take the long, difficult road toward saving your marriage after an affair.

When Divorce Turns Deadly

The other day I awoke to the shocking news that a couple was found dead in their car, just a few miles from my home. It seems as though the husband killed his wife and then killed himself. His wife had filed for divorce just 2 months ago in September.

After hearing this dreadful news, it brought back painful memories from my own divorce. My divorce began when my husband of 13 years twisted my arm and threatened to kill me. At that moment I had to make a choice, should I go to the police? Was his threat serious? Sometimes people make threats that do not mean, especially in the heat of anger. But on that day, the look in my husband eyes chilled me to the bone. He had sworn on his late father's grave that he would kill me. I went to the police and got a restraining order.

My neighbor's death, although I have never met her, pains me. So many women, when faced with an abusive husband, may not take threats seriously enough to protect themselves. I coach women who despite threats and violence from their spouse, still put themselves in harm's way.

Here are a few simple rules to follow to protect yourself during a divorce when violence could be a possibility:

1. Never meet your husband alone or allow him in your house after filing for divorce if you have any reason to believe he could become violent.

2. Do not go places alone. Make sure a friend or family member walks you to your car and to your door at home.

3. Get a restraining order. If you have been threatened or abused by your husband, report it to the police.

4. Do not talk to your husband on the phone. If he calls, let him leave a message on your answering machine.

5. When dealing with an abusive spouse, especially after filing for a divorce, be alert and aware at all times. Keep your cell phone handy and programmed to 911. Try not to go out after dark if possible and make sure all doors in your home are locked. If you have received threats and think violence may be imminent, ask someone you trust to stay at your home.

This may feel like extreme measures to take, but consider all of the women who have been assaulted or killed by a dangerous spouse. Laci Peterson most likely never saw it coming, more recently in the news, another Peterson, Stacy, is currently missing and her husband is under suspicion for her disappearance. Take precautions and protect yourself.

An excellent resource I have recently come across is a series of ebooks that teach you how to spot a dangerous man and protect yourself. Click here to find out more information.

Is Divorce Destroying The Planet?

It is bad enough that divorcing couples have to go through feelings of disappointment and loss when their marriage fails. Now they can add guilt.

According to researchers divorce contributes to global warming.

According to a study by Michigan State University, "Divorced couples use up more space in their respective homes, which amounts to to 38 million more rooms worldwide to light, heat and cool" noted the report. And people who divorced used 73 billion kilowatt-hours more of electricity and 627 billion gallons of water than they would otherwise in 2005.

"Dissolving a marriage also means doubling possessions, from the lowly can opener to the SUV. The report, however, did not estimate how many more natural resources the children of shared-custody parents consume by getting birthday and holiday gifts twice."

So now with all of the other issues you have to deal with during a divorce, should you consider global warming when making the decision to get a divorce? Probably not. Staying in an unhealthy relationship for the sake of the environment is silly. This argument is similar to the one used to control the planet's population and tell you how many kids you should have. What you can do to help the planet and reduce global warming is change your lifestyle and go "green". Think of the impact your decisions have on the environment and act in a responsible manner. Saving the planet does not have to mean staying in a bad marriage.

Should You Get A Divorce?

Making the decision to get a divorce is never easy. After investing years of your life with your partner, the decision to end your marriage is one that should be considered carefully.The impact of a divorce affects everyone, the children, your family and even your friends.

Often, when we are in the heat of an argument or feeling dissatisfied with our marriage, it becomes easy to fantasize about what life would be like single again. Images of starting a new life on our own, calling our own shots and being free from the arguments and conflicts we experience with our spouse, flood our minds. Divorce can become romanticized and we can forget about some of the repercussions divorce often brings.

If you are seriously considering a divorce, you owe it to yourself, your family and your spouse to make sure that you have explored all of your options and have tried everything possible to save your marriage first. When you got married you vowed to spend your life with your partner. All marriages go through trials and tribulations. There are ups and downs, good times and bad. A divorce will not simply eliminate your problems. If you are considering divorce because you no longer find your mate attractive, or are bored with your marriage, you might want to try fixing the issues you may have with yourself before looking for happiness elsewhere. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Seeing a marriage counselor is always a good idea. If after therapy, you feel that divorce is your only option, then you will know that you did everything in your power to make things work before ending your marriage.

If, however, your marriage is fraught with serious or even dangerous issues such as verbal and physical abuse, adultery or you are dealing with a spouse who is unwilling to work on your martial issues, then a divorce may be necessary. Filing for a divorce will be emotionally draining experience and require you to gather your inner strength so that you can take the important steps you need in order to protect yourself financially and ensure the emotional well being of your children.

When divorce is the only logical choice left for you to make, keep level headed, control your emotions and take the time to educate yourself about the divorce process. Enter into a divorce with the intentions of treating your spouse fairly and resolving your issues peacefully. It can make all the difference in the outcome of your divorce and how you and your family cope with this life changing event.

Children Grieve During Divorce Too

While experiencing a divorce, couples go through a grieving process. The loss of their marriage, the death of their dreams and hopes for the future, come crashing down on them in waves, much like the death of a loved one. What we sometimes forget is that children experience these emotions too, but differently than adults.

You may not even recognize that your child is grieving the loss of your marriage. Just like with depression, children often do not exhibit the "classic" symptoms we associate with grief and depression. An adult may become listless, sad and lose interest in activites while a child may act out in anger against siblings and friends, spend excessive time on the computer and video games and do poorly in school in reaction to a divorce.

Fortunately there are resources and help for children experiencing a loss. Rainbows, a non profit organization, is devoted to helping children through times of divorce, death, and crisis. Their services are free of charge and there are chapters worldwide. The organization was founded by Suzy Yehl Marta, a divorced mother of three boys, who gave up the security of her three jobs to do something she knew in her heart had to be done for children grieving over the loss of a parent through death, divorce, separation or a painful transition. Suzy is also the author of

Healing the Hurt, Restoring the Hope:How to Guide Children and Teens Through Times of Divorce, Death, and Crisis With the Rainbows Approach

Suzy says "A child’s grieving process is different from that of adults. The Rainbows program helps adults understand how children perceive loss and how to help them get beyond it with a unique approach of play-based activities. Drawing upon over two decades of experience with small groups, this guide shows how to keep misperceptions and sadness from permanently affecting children."

Rainbow is an excellent, free resource for divorcing parents looking for a way to help their children cope with divorce. If you would like to find out more information about Rainbows and find a chapter near you, visit http://www.rainbows.org/

When Divorce Becomes War

Once upon a time you were busy planning all of the details of your wedding, enthralled with the concept of marriage, convinced that you would live happily ever after with your new mate. As you walked down the aisle, vowing to spend the rest of your life with this person, did it ever cross your mind that someday this very same person could become your worst enemy?Probably not. So what happened? How could the person you once loved and trusted with all of your heart turn on you and try to destroy you in a nasty divorce battle?

Of course, not all divorces end on a sour note, but why do some divorces end peacefully while others turn into long, painful expensive battles where couples viciously attack each other?
I don't' think most divorcing couples set out to destroy each other in the beginning. Many may have hopes of resolving their differences in a mature matter and fairly splitting assets, but add in a unscrupulous divorce attorney, well meaning friends and family who give bad advice and the anger and frustration that led you to want a divorce in the first place, and you have a recipe for divorce disaster.

The difference between couples who are able to settle their divorces amicably and those who fight to the bitter end, may come down to the use of a mediator. Couples who seek out a mediator early on in the divorce process are more likely to spend less money on attorney fees, less time In family court and be able to end their marriage on a friendlier note.

If you want to aviod a divorce war, before you seek out the best divorce attorney in town, consider talking to your spouse about hiring a mediator. In the end, the only winners in a divorce battle are the divorce lawyers, everyone else, including the children, lose.

Deadbeat Parents Can Run But They Cannot Hide...

Deadbeat parents who are hiding in another country trying to avoid their support obligations are going to have a more difficult time dodging the law, thanks to representatives from 68 countries who finalized the text of a new convention .This act is intended to make it easier to catch deadbeat parents when they move to other countries.

Even though recovering international child support is currently regulated by a 1956 U.N. treaty, it is often nearly impossible to catch deadbeat parents who flee overseas.

European nations, the United States, Canada, Australia, Brazil and several Asian countries were among those who are participating in the new convention and signed the text. The act will be similar to international agreements on child custody and adoption.

This will give Country officials the power to exchange information about offenders, withhold wages, pension payments or tax refunds and revoke or deny driver licenses. Hopefully this new measure will act as a deterrent to parents hoping to avoid their child support obligations by moving to another country.

Battling Divorced Parents And the Holidays

I recently had a conversation with a friend who confided to me that she and her boyfriend are planning on having Christmas dinner with her boyfriend's father and his new wife. However, they cannot tell her boyfriend's mother of their plans because she will fly off the handle and become enraged if her son spends the holiday with his father.

This woman has been divorced for over five years and still has not gotten over her divorce yet. Not only is she living in misery, she is putting her son in the middle, forcing him into an impossible situation of choosing between his parents on the holidays.

Unfortunately, many innocent children of divorce get caught up between battling parents, especially around the holidays and special occasions. Family gatherings, weddings and other family events can cause stress and anxiety for kids of all ages who dread having their parents in the same room.

No matter how angry and bitter one parent feels towards the other, they must find a way to put their own feelings aside. It is selfish to ruin a holiday or special occasion becuase you cannot stand your ex. Making your children feel guilty by making them choose between parents is wrong.

My friend joked that if she and her boyfriend get married they will have to have two weddings, one for his mother and one for the father. Let's hope that her future mother-in-law finally comes to terms with her divorce and starts to let go of the anger and resentment she feels towards her ex. By holding on to these negative emotions, she is hurting herself and her children.