Why Staying Together for the Sake of the Kids is Not Always a Good Idea...

We hear so much about how damaging divorce is to children and how kids are almost always better off living with two parents who are married. But if your home is filled with shouting, anger and disrespect, a divorce may be better for your kids in the long run.

I was watching an episode of "Marriage 911" a show where a marriage counselor spends time with a family on the verge of a divorce. This couple was so mean to one another. The husband called his wife a "fat slob" in front of the kids and the wife told the kids that "dad is a moron". The fighting was endless, with the couple battling it out in front of the children.

Finally, the older daughter wrote a sign that said "Breakup or Shut up". Her parents were shocked, but realized the kid was right. All of their fighting and put downs was emotionally damaging their kids. Fortunately,this couple (with the help of the marriage counselor)was able to save their marriage and stop fighting.

The fact is children who are subjected to years of witnessing their parents fight, will suffer emotionally. They risk growing up and entering into their own dysfunctional relationships. If you are thinking about getting a divorce, but just staying together for the kids' sake, think again. Unless you can repair your marriage and start treating each other with respect, you are not doing your kids any favors.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce...

Should You Stay or Should You Go?

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about her husband. She has been married for 18 years and is unhappy with her marriage. She told me about all of her husband's shortcomings, how he was not supportive of her career and how he was uninterested in the things she felt most passionate about. I could hear the frustration and disappointment in her voice.

She was angry with her husband because he would not change and become the person she wanted him to be. Divorce was looking like a viable option, a way out and a path to freedom. I explained that the grass often looks greener on the other side, and as a person who went through a divorce, no one can guess how devastating a divorce can be unless you have went through one personally.

When you are married, getting a divorce seems like a quick and easy fix when things get tough. No one is ever prepared for how divorce turns your life upside down. Everyone is affected, from your children to your friends and extended family.

What I told my friend was that the only person she can change is herself. Although it seems this couple is growing apart, it doesn't mean that their marriage is doomed. I advised her to think everyday of some of the good qualities her husband possesses. What you focus on expands, so when she continually dwells on his faults, she will experience more of them. By thinking of him in a positive light, he will feel that and may react more positively to her. Let's face it, you always know when someone is angry with you. You can feel their negative energy and it does not inspire you to react kindly to them.

Who knows whether or not her marriage will survive, but my advice to anyone who is contemplating divorce, barring any physical or emotional abuse or adultery, is to try everything you can to save your marriage before getting divorced. At least you will know that you did everything in your power to make your marriage work, even if things do not work out.

Find out the three things you must know to have a successful divorce outcome....

Are You Having Second Thoughts About Getting Divorced?....

Actor Sean Penn and his wife actress Robin Wright have called off their divorce. Divorce papers were filed several months ago, but it seems that the couple have reconciled and are back together.

The couple have been married for many years and have two children, so it is good to see them attempting to work things out instead of rushing into a divorce.

This story has most likely aroused some feelings in people who are currently going through a divorce but may be having second thoughts. Divorce brings up so many conflicting feelings and emotions. One day you feel angry and the next you are overcome with sadness, reminiscing about the good times. How do you know if it is worth giving your marriage another shot?

I think it depends largely on the circumstances of the break up. Did your spouse cheat? If so, can you forgive him? Or maybe you are no longer attracted to your mate and want out of the marriage because you are bored. Can you rekindle the romance if you put some time and energy into the marriage and seek marriage counseling?

If you are having doubts about the divorce and your spouse is open to a reconciliation, then you owe it to yourself and your family to see if your marriage can be saved. Why live with what ifs and regrets? If after marriage counseling and some soul searching you still want a divorce, you can go ahead with a clear conscious and know in your hear you are making the right decision.

4 Secrets To Saving Your Marriage...

Divorce might seem like an easy fix, but the ramifications and consequences are serious. Not only will you end a relationship that you have invested years in, other people, like your children are deeply affected. If you are considering divorce, it makes sense, barring any physical or mental abuse, to do everything in your power to try and save your marriage. If it is your spouse who wants the divorce, you may be facing an uphill battle, but if saving your marriage is something you desire, it is worth attempting.

Here is a four step blueprint, based on the principles of the law of attraction, to help get your marriage and your life back on track:

1.Change yourself first. This may seem radical, but if you want to see changes in your relationship, you must first change yourself, not your spouse. The only person you are in control of is you. Wishing hoping, pleading and begging will not turn your spouse into the person you desire him to be. Take some time to do some inner work and clear up issues in yourself that are preventing you from being happy. Remember the qualities and traits that annoy and bother you in others are issues in yourself that need healing. Start by making a list of everything your spouse does to drive you crazy. Then consider if you are guilty of any of those sins yourself. You may be shocked and what you find. Does your spouse withhold affection? Think of a time in your life where you withheld affection from someone. Does your spouse lose his temper quickly? Again, look and see if there are times in your life where you are short tempered or maybe times when you feel angry and repress your emotions. Going through this list, without self-blame, but with the intent to heal yourself first, can be life changing.

2. How do you want your marriage to be? What does an "ideal" marriage look like? Spend some time visualizing the perfect marriage. See it, feel it and experience it like it was really happening. Feel the joy and love you get from sharing your life with a partner who loves and respects you.

3. Make a list of all of the qualities you wish your spouse had. List everything. Maybe you want him to be more attentive, loving, spontaneous and exciting . Now take that same list and start becoming that person. Become more attentive,loving, spontaneous and exciting. You may be reading this and feel skeptical and maybe even a little angry.After all, it is not your fault your spouse acts the way he does. But just try it. It can't hurt and you will feel better about yourself no matter what the end result is.

4. Let go of how you think your marriage should be. Release all expectations. Concentrate on yourself and creating a life you enjoy. Whether or not your spouse changes is not important. Spend your energy on becoming the best person you can be. Find a hobby or passion that excites you. Join a group of fun loving people and start getting out more. Take action and control of your life

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After following these steps your spouse may or may not change, but one thing is for certain, you will have changed for the better. This will strengthen and prepare you for whatever lies ahead. If your marriage is saved, that would be wonderful, if not you will emerge a stronger, more confident and self assured person, ready for whatever life hands you.

If you would like to find out how to use the law of attraction to change your life, I recommend reading The Attractor Factor and The Key both by Joe Vitale. Seat Of The Soul author Gary Zukav has many great books that will help inspire you and change your life for the better as well.