Protect Yourself And Prepare For A Divorce...

Last night we were under a tornado watch here in South Florida. Having moved to Florida from NJ last summer, I have never had to prepare for a possible tornado before. The watch turned into a warning several times during the night, forcing my kids, two dogs, and four cats and I to cram under the stairs in the laundry room. A small tornado did touch down about 20 minutes from us, but luckily no one was hurt and there was minimal damage.

I was shocked to hear today that most of my neighbors had slept through
the whole thing. The people I spoke with did not prepare or take any precautions, even
though they knew a tornado was a possibility. Had that tornado been larger and hit our neighborhood, they would have been caught off guard.

I see this kind of lack of preparation from the divorcing women I coach often.
Although the warning signs are there, they do not adequately prepare for a divorce.
It is only after they discover that their husband is hiding assets or lying about how much income he earns, do they realize they made a mistake by not making copies of all of the financial records while they had the chance.

Do not be caught in the storm of divorce. You must prepare. Many people say
they did not see the divorce coming, but usually there are tell tale signs. Trust your intuition.
You need to be able to protect yourself and your children financially in the event of a divorce.

Make copies now, before it is too late. Here is what you need to gather:

Make copies of your spouse’s pay stubs for the past eight weeks.

Make copies of your joint tax returns for the past five years.

Copy all bank statements and documentation of stock accounts, IRAs, and pension plans.

Make copies of all of your monthly bills over the past three months. These should include mortgage statements, rent payments, utility bills, car payments, insurance premiums, children’s expenses, medical expenses, and credit card statements.

Copy deeds to any properties owned jointly or in your spouse’s name.

Copy documents relating to any investments. These should include stocks, bonds, real estate, and any corporations or businesses owned in any part by you and your spouse.

Make a list of all collectibles, jewelry and other valuables. Photograph or videotape these items. Also list all furnishings and take pictures of these as well.

Discover how to secure your financial outcome during a divorce...

How To Be Your Own Valentine This Year...

With Valentine's Day just around the corner, you may be feeling a little
down. After all this holiday of "love" is a painful reminder of love gone
wrong, especially if you are recently single. There has been much written
about how to survive this dreaded holiday, but here is a relatively new concept: Why not be your own Valentine this year?

Okay, I know it sounds corny. But think about it, if you don't love and accept
yourself for who you are, can you really accept others to do the same?

The experience of divorce has most definitely changed you and forced you to grow and mature in ways you never thought possible. Can you learn from the pain of divorce and use the lessons it has taught to look inward and starting respecting and loving yourself?

Instead of beating yourself up, thinking negative thoughts and indulging in self-blame,
start thinking about all of your good qualities. I know it is not easy, we are conditioned
to play down our strengths and highlight our weaknesses. But try this. Take a rubber band
and for the next several days wear it on your wrist. Every time you have a negative
thought, pull the rubber band and give yourself a zap. It will literally "snap" you out of your self-defeating thoughts.

Next, make a list of all of your positive attributes. Read them every night before you go to bed. Then finally, on Valentine's Day, buy yourself a present. A big box of chocolate and some champagne, a dozen roses, or a stuffed teddy bear.

Become your own best friend and start enjoying being by yourself. A funny thing
may happen. Because like attracts like, once you start loving yourself and treating yourself well, you may attract someone who does the same. Who knows, you might just have that special someone to spend next Valentine’s Day with.

Should You Take Time Off Of Work For A Broken Heart?...

A Japanese marketing company has found an innovative solution to the broken heart. They give their employees paid time off after a break up. Tokyo-based Hime & Company, which also gives staff paid time off to hit the shops during sales season, says "heartache leave" allows staff to cry themselves out and return to work refreshed.

The rules for "heartache leave" at the Japanese company are as follows: Employees 24 years or younger can take one day off per year, while those between 25 and 29 can take two days off and those older can take three days off. They feel it is takes longer to mend from a broken heart as you age.

What a company! Imagine if all companies offered this kind of program to people going through a divorce. It may sound outrageous and a little bit odd, but if you think about, how productive can a person really be at work if they are emotionally devastated and can barely hold themselves together?

Even if "heartache leave" does not catch on in the U.S., it may be good idea to take a day or two off of work in the initial stages of a divorce. Especially if your divorce comes as a surprise and is unexpected. Going to work while you are in a state of shock and emotionally impaired can even be dangerous depending on the kind of work you do. Would you want your doctor performing an operation or administering medicines when his or her mind is not clear and focused?

I used to own a salon years ago. I remember when one of the hairdressers was dumped by his boyfriend. He spent the entire day teary eyed and then proceeded to give a client a crooked haircut. Maybe he should have taken the day off.

When someone dies you take off time to grieve. A divorce is the death of your marriage and taking a few days off to emotionally recover is a good idea. A broken heart is a good excuse to use a few sick days. Just make sure to spend the time off doing something that helps you heal, like talking to a therapist or a good friend, getting a massage or a pedicure or just staying in bed for a few days and crying your eyes out, releasing all of that pent up emotion you feel inside.

Discover the secrets to a successful divorce for women....

Should You Keep Your Married Name After A Divorce?

One issue often overlooked during a divorce, is whether or not to keep your married last name. I remember my lawyer asking me if I wanted to continue to use my married name during a divorce hearing. It was honestly something I hadn’t given much thought to at the time. With all of the divorce drama going on, it had slipped my mind that I had the option to revert back to my maiden name.

I initially decided to return to my maiden name and asked for it to be changed at my final divorce hearing. But then something strange happened. As the months passed, I continued to use my married last name, putting off changing my driver's license and credit cards. Something just did not feel right about changing my name back to the name I once used long ago. I felt like I wasn’t that person anymore, yet I also did not feel comfortable using my married last name. I certainly was not the same person who used that name either.

In the end I decided to give myself a new last name. One that I choose. I shortened my married last name and gave myself a brand new identity. I went to court and legally changed my name. It felt right and it was empowering to begin my new life after divorce with my own chosen identity, not the name I was born with and not the name I got from being married.

There are several issues to consider when deciding whether or not to keep your married name after a divorce. Here are few:

1. Your children. Do you want to avoid confusion at school by keeping the same last name as your kids?

2. Paperwork. Changing your name means changing your driver's license, bank accounts, credit cards and countless other documents. Expect to spend time and energy taking care of this.

3. Have you established yourself professionally with your married name? If so you may not want to change it.

In the end, make sure it is your own decision to change or not change your last name. Don't give into pressure from your ex, who may object to you using your married name. It is perfectly legal to continue to use your married name after a divorce. If you no longer wish to use your married name, then make sure you are comfortable going back to your maiden name. If not, you may want to do like I did and create your very own new last name.