This Dad Should be Ashamed of Himself...

Dow Jones heir Jeffery Stevenson lied about his income and hid assets during his divorce in an attempt to reduce child support payments to his child. He told the court he was only making $38,000 a year as a Carpenter and was ordered to pay only $512 a month in child support. He child even qualified for reduced free lunches.

It was recently revealed that Stevenson failed to disclose trust funds worth at least $4 million during his 1997 divorce. At a trial in 2007, Stevenson admitted he was not a professional carpenter and testified his net worth was $17 million. He also receives at least $358,000 in annual income from five different trust funds, In addition he owna a $3.3 million home in Key Largo, Fla., $600,000 in other real estate and $275,000 in vehicles. His child support payments have been increased to $5,500 a month and he will have to pay at least $160,00 in retroactive child support payments and his ex-wife's attorney fees.

How pathetic. This man knowingly allowed his child to live in poverty while he lived like a king!

Thankfully, justice has been served in this case, but how many other parents are out there who have hid assets during a divorce and lied about their income and are getting away with it? Sadly, the men and women who commit these acts think they are getting over on their exes but the they are hurting their own children instead.

If you have reason to believe your ex is hiding assets or lying about income, then you need to be proactive and find the proof you need to take him or her back to family court. It won't be easy, but with a little detective work you may be able to uncover hidden money you never knew your ex had. There are many online websites that can track down a person's assets and current employer. Do some research first so that you know you are dealing with a reputable company and most of all, don't give up! Your children's financial future and quality of life is at stake.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce...

When Your Kids Are Still Suffering from Your Divorce..

You would think that with the divorce rate at close to 50%, most kids would be going to school with other children of divorce. Apparently this is not the case in my neighborhood. My kids have informed me that ALL of their friends live with both their parents and they are the only ones whose parents are divorced.

I find this hard to believe, but it does seem like the friends they hang out with live with both parents. Of course, this makes me feel bad for my kids. No child likes to think that he or she is the only one whose parent's have divorced.

What brought about this recent revelation was an argument my teenage sons had with a close friend. He made a comment that " at least he has a dad who lives with him". This hurt both my sons deeply, since they are still recovering from my divorce and they only see their dad a few times a year. They are both very angry with this boy and no longer want to be his friend.

Just when I thought my kids were finally dealing with the divorce, the old wounds were reopened. I guess children never fully get over their parent's divorce. A comment said in poor taste, reignited my sons' anger and hurt. And of course, when your children are feeling hurt, you want to do everything you can to protect them and shield them from the pain. Unfortunately, there is not much a parent can do to make up for the other's parent's lack of attention and involvement in their children's lives.

My ex and I live in different states but I only moved when it was painfully obvious that my ex was not going to give my kids the kind of attention they deserved. He would frequently miss his weekend visits and never once used his once a week dinner visitation. Ironically, once we moved, he did become a better father. He calls them more and when he does see the kids, he pays more attention to them.

The other side of the coin here is that although children suffer from our divorces, how much worse off do the kids whose parents stick it out in a miserable marriage suffer? Some the same kids my children might envy for living with both mom and dad may be living a nightmare behind close doors. Appearances can be deceiving. My own parents fought all of the time and when I was a kid and I wished they would get a divorce. Living for years in an abusive, volatile household will most likely inflict more damage on a child than a divorce.

Not many children grow up in a perfect family. All we can do is our best and provide our kids with love, attention and support. Hopefully, they will grow up to be compassionate, caring adults who learned important life lessons from being raised in a single family household.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce...

Need an Increase in Child Support? Read this first...

With most of the nation facing tough economic conditions, many single parents may be tempted to take their ex back to court to get more child support. You need to be aware of a few things though before you attempt to get a modification of your child support order.

Most states calculate child support payments by using a computerized system where they input both parents incomes and then come up with a number based on a number of different factors, such as visitation, health care, etc. If you feel that your ex is earning more money than he was when the child support was first determined, you may be entitled to an increase in child support.

But be warned. By taking your ex back to court, he can also ask for a reduction. You need solid evidence that his income has substantially increased. If you do not have this proof, I would not advise trying to get your support order modified. I know a woman who went to court trying to get an increase and got a decrease instead after she could not prove that her ex-husband made more money. He owned his own business and was able to hide cash. Her ex, however, told the court that she had received a raise since their divorce. Since she worked at a company on the books and her income was easy to verify, she unfairly had her support reduced.

I know another woman whose ex owes her money for their children's health insurance and wants to go back to court. She is reluctant however, since her ex recently remarried and has a new baby. She is afraid he will apply for a reduction since he has a new child to support. She has a tough decision to make. Since her ex is not behind on actual child support payments, does she overlook the money she is owed for health insurance or take her chances in court and possibly have her child support payments reduced?

If you are receiving regular child support payments, now may not be a good time to rock the boat and take your ex back to court. Many parents are losing jobs and facing money problems right now. The last thing you want to do is go back to court and have your support payments reduced if your ex asks for a reduction.

If, however, you can prove that your ex is making more money and you have suffered a financial setback, you should file for a modification so that you can get the child support you need to take proper care of your children. Child support is not about trying to get more money from your ex for your own personal gain or attempting to reduce your support payments to get over on your ex-spouse, it is about two parents being responsible and doing their very best to financially provide for the children they brought into the this world.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce.....

What to Do When Your Ex Badmouths You ....

I am in the process of "deprogramming" my kids after they spent several days with their dad. Although my ex does not badmouth me directly, he likes to make jokes and wisecracks about me to the kids. Jokes about me being a vegetarian, about the books I read, and how mom is "chaotic" and "crazy" are the norm. I feel like my kids come home after a visit with their dad with a little less respect for me.

Many divorced parents struggle with an ex who blatantly disrespects them in front of the children. Lingering feelings of anger and resentment from the divorce are usually to blame for such behavior. The children are put in a no-win situation of having to either defend the parent being attacked verbally or go along with mom or dad's tirade.

There may be little you can do to stop your ex from badmouthing you in from of the children, but you can control your reaction to it and help your children deal with it. It is tempting to lash out or make jokes about your ex to your kids after hearing about his or her remarks, but that will only make things worse for your kids. Most divorced parents have been guilty of making a negative comment or two about the ex in front of the kids. Everyone slips up now and then. The key is to try and catch yourself and not let it become a habit. If you are feeling angry with your ex,vent to a friend in private when your children are not around. The damage comes when a parent continuously makes hurtful comments to the children in order to undermine the other parent.

I try and let my ex's little comments about me go and not make my kids feel uncomfortable when they tell me dad's latest "mom" joke. Of course, if your ex is trying to poison your kids against you and it has gone beyond the occasional comments and jokes, you need to take action. First, inform your ex that his or her behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. This probably will have little effect, but you still need to put him or her on notice. Then focus on helping your children understand that mom or dad is feeling angry and upset and that although it is not an excuse to say mean things about you to them, you will not take it personally.

You can also advise your children to politely tell mom or dad that it upsets them to hear negative comments about their parents and they would prefer it if neither parent talked about the other to them. If the comments continue, you may want to consider professional counseling for your children to help them cope. No child should be forced to take sides during a divorce or forced to hear disparaging remarks about a parent. A therapist or counselor can help your children deal with a parent who continues to badmouth the other parent in front of them.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce...

Dating After Divorce Dilemma: Blending Your Kids with His

Dating after a divorce can be an exciting time. With your divorce finally behind you, you look forward to meeting someone new. But when you or your new love have children, complications can soon set it.

It would be great if life were like the Brady Bunch and your kids and his kids all got along, but in reality, many children feel resentful and upset when their parents date. Expecting them to accept your new mate's children can be difficult as well.

A friend of mine has three children and her ex-husband recently remarried and had a baby. His wife has 4 children from a previous marriage. Her kids are overwhelmed and confused when visiting dad and his new, large, instant family. They complain that they no longer get any alone time with their dad and visits are chaotic are less frequent.

Blending families successfully is a huge challenge. If your kids do not like your boyfriend or his kids do not like you, it can put a huge strain on your relationship. Here a three ways to minimize the trauma to your kids and help them accept your new love and his children:

1. Take it slow. Do not introduce your kids to his kids to quickly. Give your kids time to get to know your new boyfriend first.

2. Keep visits with your boyfriend's kids short and infrequent in the beginning. Do not overwhelm your children by forcing them to spend time with your boyfriend's family. Give them time to develop their own relationship with his kids.

3. Make sure to spend plenty of time with your kids. It is easy to become distracted with your new love and want to be with him all of the time. However if you have children, they will become resentful. They crave your attention and need to feel secure.

A divorce is difficult enough on a child. You can only imagine how confusing it must be for a child to see his parents dating new people and then having to share his parents with other children who are not his siblings. The key is to take it slow and give your children time to accept your new relationship. With time, extra attention and patience, most children will eventually come around.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce...

Does Madonna's Husband Deserve a 76 Million Dollar Divorce Settlement?

Madonna's publicist announced today that Madonna will pay her husband, Guy Ritchie, between 76 -92 million dollars in their divorce settlement. The couple has been married for 8 years. That is a huge amount of money, even for a superstar. Should Guy Ritchie get such an enormous sum of money for only 8 years of marriage?

I think he should. Madonna, known for being a savvy business woman, made a huge mistake by not asking Guy Ritchie to sign a prenuptial agreement when they married. It amazes me that superstars like Madonna and Paul McCartney do not have the sense to protect their assets, knowing how often Hollywood marriages fail.

Since there was obviously no prenup, Guy Ritchie is entitled to half of whatever Madonna earned during their marriage. I think Madonna made the right choice settling the divorce and not fighting her husband in court like Paul McCartney did in his divorce. The couple have 3 young children who will be spared much heartache now that they have agreed to a settlement.

I am curious if the media will label Guy Ritchie a "gold digger" like they did with Heather Mills.

It seems unfair that Heather Mills was vilified in the press for wanting millions of dollars from Paul McCartney, while nothing negative is being said about Guy Ritchie wanting such a big chunk of Madonna's fortune.

Either way, whether you're man or a woman and whether you have a fortune or not, if you do not have a prenup, you can expect to share half of all assets acquired during a marriage. Madonna has set a good example by agreeing to pay her husband instead of engaging in a long, drawn out court battle.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce....

Dealing with Your Ex During the Holidays

Thanksgiving is almost here and Christmas is around the corner. Have you figured who gets the kids for which holiday? Is it even a issue or have you and your ex hammered out an agreement in your divorce settlement setting the rules?

If you do not have plan for the holidays and now find yourself arguing over whose house the kids are going to, now is the time to take a step back and consider how your children are feeling.

You may want your kids with you, but your kids want to be with both of their parents for the holidays. Can you put your feelings aside and make that happen by splitting the day, maybe lunch with mom and dinner with dad?

Sometimes though that becomes impossible if is one parent lives a considerable distant away. My own ex-husband lives in another state, so my kids do not get to spend holidays with him anymore. They will see him for almost a week after Christmas. If you are in a similar situation, try to have your kids get to spend some quality time with their father during the holidays, even if it is not exactly on Christmas or Thanksgiving day.

The most important thing you can do for your children this holiday season is try not to bicker and fight with your ex. Keep calm and try and not to call him out on every annoying thing he does. Tell yourself that you will let things go for the holidays and then if you want you can go right back to arguing after the New Year, although it would be so much better for your kids if you could continue to try your best to get along with your ex all year round.

Getting Through the Holidays when You Can't Stand your Spouse..

If you are in an unhappy marriage, you are most likely not looking forward to the holidays this year. Having to pretend that everything is fine in front of family and friends can be emotionally draining. You may want to ask for a divorce now but are waiting until the first of the year so that you do not upset the entire family and ruin the holidays.

This time of year, with all of the decorations and festive cheer can also grate on your nerves. Deep down you may know that this is your last holiday together as a family and want to make it special but at the same time you feel agitated with your spouse and can't wait until you are separated.

Divorce is difficult even if you are the one who wants it. If you and your spouse have decided that a divorce is imminent and you are waiting to tell your kids and family until after the holidays, you should come up with a plan. A good idea would be to declare a truce for the next 6 weeks and avoid confrontations and fighting. If your goal is to protect your family and have a nice holiday, it won't do much good if the two of you are at each other throats. You would be better off separating now and sparing your children a holiday filled with anger and resentment.

If you can be civil to one another for the holiday season it will also prove that the two of you are capable of being civil once the holidays are over and your divorce proceeding has begun. The best and least painful way to divorce is to try and work out the details of the divorce in a fair and amicable manner. Unfortunately many people are unable to do this and their divorce quickly escalates into a battle.

Take this time before your divorce to think about what kind of divorce you want and how you can make that happen. It will require compromise and thinking with your head instead of your emotions. It is possible to get through this holiday season even if you can't stand your spouse. You may even find that the extra time you have before filing for divorce can pave the way to an easier, more civil divorce and a better relationship with your soon to be ex.

Click here to find out the three things you must know before filing for a divorce...

Could You Go to Jail for Emotionally Damaging Your Child During a Divorce?....

A couple from Milan, Italy is facing up to five years in prison for emotionally damaging their son during their divorce. Prosecutors say that the couples' arguing and fighting in the presence of the child have caused him to become anxious and depressed. The describe the child as "disturbed".

If this applied to parents in the U.S., the jails would be filled. The sad part is most divorcing couples do not set out to intentionally harm their children. I believe most parents truly love their kids and try their best to shield their children during divorce, but often let their emotions get the best of them. They say and do things during a divorce without thinking, like bad mouthing the other parent or fighting in front of the child.

Sending parents to jail will only hurt the children further. Can you imagine this poor Italian boy, having already been through his parent's difficult divorce, now having to worry that both his parents will be taken away from him and thrown in jail? It it ridiculous. The Italian courts would better serve the child if they mandated that both parents and the child attend counseling sessions so that they can heal the wounds from the divorce and move on.

I interviewed Rosalind Sedacca, author of How do I tell the Kids About the Divorce? and asked her what is the most effective way to break the divorce news to kids. Watch the video for her answer.

Can't Afford to Get a Divorce?...

Many unhappy married couples, facing a declining real estate market and rising gas and food costs, cannot afford to get a divorce. The price of running two households is just too expensive.

This could be a good thing. Some couples, who in the heat of the moment, may normally choose to run to a divorce lawyer, may decide to work on their marriage and see if there is any possible way to save it. On the other hand, couples who are miserable and should separate are being forced to live under one roof. This cannot be healthy for them emotionally.

Divorce is still very expensive and there has not been a decrease in divorce attorney fees, ranging anywhere from $250 to $500 per hour. But since many divorce lawyers count on getting paid when a couple sells their home, the housing market conditions can be a potential problem for them as well.

Couples who cannot afford to divorce, yet must live together to survive financially, are in a tough position. They may have to wait until the real estate market begins recovering until they can afford a separate home for each of them. Being in such a unique situation, where you must live with someone you do not get along with, can be explosive. Couples in this situation must come up with ways to get along, especially if they have children. Living as roommates instead of as a married couple can work if both parties come up with a plan. They need to maintain peace and order in their household and wait until conditions improve enough for them to separate.

Hopefully we will not see a rise in domestic violence as a result of these economic conditions. If a couple has a volatile relationship, then one of them may have to stay with relatives or friends until they can figure out what to do financially.

Putting the Kids First During Divorce...

The second annual recognition of National Child-Centered Divorce Month will take place throughout July across the United States. Professionals who deal with divorce issues -- therapists, attorneys, mediators, coaches, educators, clergy and others – will be joining forces to share valuable parenting messages. One of the most significant is: Don’t Make Your Child a Pawn in Your Conflict. Instead, put your children's needs first when making decisions related to divorce or separation.
National Child-Centered Divorce Month was initiated by Rosalind Sedacca, a Certified Corporate Trainer and author of the new book, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! Sedacca has created a Child-Centered Divorce Network for parents and works closely with a broad group of therapists, attorneys, mediators, divorce coaches, educators and other professionals who focus on creating the most positive and harmonious outcomes for families transitioning through divorce.
Sedacca is passionate about enlisting the nation’s legal and therapeutic communities for one purpose: bringing a heightened awareness to parents about their children’s fragile sense of self-esteem. “We can never overemphasize how dramatically parental decisions about divorce can affect their children – for years – and often for a lifetime.”
Sedacca’s new book is based on her personal experience more than a decade ago when she was facing the difficult task of breaking her divorce news to her eleven year old son. She ultimately created a simple and compassionate storybook, integrating family photos and history, as a successful way to move through the tough conversation.
Now her innovative Create-a-Storybook™ strategy has become a customizable ebook with age-appropriate fill-in-the-blank templates, along with advice from six practicing therapists. The book is designed to keep parents on track with the right messages. Children (ages 5-15) love to see themselves in the family photos and derive comfort from being able to read the book again and again in the weeks and months that follow.
Sedacca attributes most of the negative consequences of divorce to one or both parents making choices that are not in the best interest of their children. “Frequently,” she says, “parents are so caught up in their own drama -- in anger, resentment, frustration, grief and other emotions -- that they forget their children love both Mom and Dad and in most cases do not want to lose the connection with their other parent.”
Throughout National Child-Centered Divorce Month she wants to remind parents to share some important messages with their children. These include:
None of this is your fault.
Both Mom and Dad still love you -- and always will.
Despite the changes in your life, you will be okay because Mom and Dad are handling things with you best interest at heart.
Sedacca stresses that “your children are innocent victims of your choices. They are also relatively powerless and emotionally fragile. If you love them, think before you act and remember to put their needs first.”

How to Get A Divorce If You Want Your Kids to Lose...

Reformed "killer" divorce attorney turned mediator, Cynthia Tiano shared with me some insightful information from a mediator's point of view. It is so sad to see what can happen when a divorcing couple chooses a nasty divorce battle. The children wind up being the biggest losers. Read on:

"I read an article about a divorce custody fight in one of the major local papers down here in South Florida. Even for a reformed "killer" divorce lawyer turned divorce mediator such as myself, it made me sick to see what can happen when the divorce process spins out of control. This case truly epitomizes how to get a divorce if you want your kids to be the ones who really lose.

In this divorce case, each of the parties hired the highest-powered, gun-slinging divorce lawyers that money could buy. The problem in this case was, as it often is, that one of these people had a whole lot more money than the other. A divorce agreement made between these parties after they got married in the event they ever got divorced, stacked the deck against one of the parents.For years they fought it out, up and down the court system, spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on legal fees.The end result was that one of these parents had to pay the other parent so much money, as decided by the divorce court, that they actually became a fugitive from justice, totally preventing them from seeing their children! If they showed their face, they would be thrown into jail.

Who is going to suffer here? Sure, one of these parents has been a "winner" (if you can call destroying your co-parent a win) and one has been a loser in this divorce child custody fight. But any kid who can’t even see one of their parents because of a bitter divorce custody battle is the real loser.I can’t help but wonder how different this family’s lives would look today if they used divorce mediation to create a peaceful divorce instead of the adversarial divorce process, which pits them against each other from the start. I’ll bet it would look a whole lot different. I hope that one day this family decides to learn how to get a divorce the peaceful, healthy way. "

Cynthia Tiano, Divorce Attorney/Mediator and Dr. Max Vogt, Marriage and Family Therapist, take you on an adventure into the lives of two families going through gut-wrenching divorces, and learn from their experiences in their new book, Happily Divorced: Secrets of the Win Win Formula. Click here get get a free copy of their groundbreaking ebook "The Ten Worst Mistakes You Can Make When Getting a Divorce"

Do You Ever Wonder How You Could Of Married Your Ex?...

I brought my kids to visit their dad this weekend and have been trying my best to get along with him so that we can co-parent our children in a healthy way. This has not been easy. My ex likes to challenge me and push my buttons. My goal has been to stay calm no matter what he is saying to me and not react in a negative way.

Today we were having a conversation in a public place and my ex started to pepper his language with some profanity. Not only was this in front of my two teenage sons who are very impressionable and are reprimanded for using foul language themselves, it was in earshot of other children and their parents. Needless to say I was embarrassed and asked him to watch his language. He refused and did not see anything wrong with cursing in public.

Later on, after the incident, I wondered how my ex could of changed so much. I felt like I did not know this person. Was this the same man I was married to for 13 years?At first, I could not recall him acting the way he did today. But then I remembered,there were times when he acted the very same way, I just had forgotten. Maybe he hadn't changed into this foul mouthed, angry man after our divorce, maybe he had been that man all along. Maybe the person who changed was me. I was now someone who would not tolerate that kind of behavior anymore.

The person I was at 22 years old when I married this man is not the same person I am today at 40. I am so thankful now that I was able to escape a marriage to someone who has such different beliefs and values than me. Even though my divorce was a nightmare, it has forced me to grow and change in ways I never thought possible. I am happier now that I have ever been in my life.

So will my ex and I ever be able to co-parent together and get along for the sake of our children? I am trying and things have gotten better, despite his outbursts and bad language. I have discovered that although nothing I do or say can change my ex's behavior, I can control my reaction to him and the way I behave.

Are Children of Divorce Spoiled?...

When you are going through a divorce, you naturally worry about your kids and how they will cope with the breakup of your marriage. Telling your kids about the divorce is painful and you want to protect them and make sure their lives are not disrupted or changed anymore than they have to be.

Parents often feel guilty about getting a divorce and it is normal to give your child extra attention during this difficult time. But all too often, in divorced families, one or both parents will start slacking with discipline. They are afraid that they will upset the child if they enforce the rules. Ironically, because of the divorce, kids will act out and behave badly. So it becomes a situation where the children are out of control and the parents are feeling too guilty to discipline them.

Children are smart and can sense when mom and dad are feeling guilty. They will exploit this weakness. What you need to remember is that the kids will do better if the rules that were in place before the divorce are still there after it. Kids crave structure and security. The best thing you can do for you kids during a divorce is to maintain your child's lifestyle without making too many changes too quickly. Sticking to your routines and familiar disciplinary measures will give your child a sense of security during your divorce.

How Kids Get Screwed Up During Divorce...

The latest celebrity divorce causality is the 17 year old son of Hulk Hogan and his wife Linda. The Hogan's divorce is becoming increasingly hostile and now both parties are asking the court that the other party be forbidden from speaking about the divorce to their son. In a motion filed by Linda Bollea(the Hogan's real last name), she claims that Terry Bollea (Hulk Hogan) has discussed in detail with his son what Bollea thinks are good reasons for selling the family's $7.2 million Clearwater home. Linda Bollea is currently living there with Nick, and does not wish to sell the property.

"The Husband has ... told the minor child that that the sale of the marital home will ensure the best result with regard to the minor child's pending criminal case, as well as the Husband's anticipated personal injury lawsuit," the motion says. In his own filing, Hulk Hogan accuses his wife of "highly emotional and degrading outbursts as well as ... derogatory descriptions of the Husband in the presence of the minor child."

You can only imagine what the young 17 year old Nick Bollea is feeling right now, being torn between his two parents. Sadly, many divorcing couples get so caught up in the battle with their ex, that the kids are swept into the drama. If you are going through a divorce, do not ask your kids to relay information to your spouse. Do not ask your kids to spy on your spouse either. As difficult as it may be, do not bad mouth your soon to be ex in front of your kids.

I know if is easier said then done, I have been there myself during my own divorce. Divorce has a way of bringing out the worst in people. Divorcing couples often border on being temporarily insane. All logic goes out the window and emotion takes over.That is why it is important that you take a step back and put aside your hurt and anger. Put the kids first. If you and your spouse set ground rules concerning the kids early on during the divorce, you can minimize the emotional trauma to your kids. Keep the kids out of it and you can safeguard their emotional well being.

Parents Who Use Their Children As Weapons during Divorce...

We are all aware of how children get caught in the middle during
divorce. Well meaning parents with good intentions sometimes make
errors. When a parent is in the throes of a divorce, it is struggle
to control one's own emotions. Knowing the right things to say to
your kids can be a challenge.

But some parents, who are filled with hatred and rage, purposely
use their kids as weapons against the other parent. The official term for
this is Parental Alienation.

Parental Alienation is is when parents repeatedly speak negatively about the other parent to a child or interfere with communication between a parent and child. Also, sharing inappropriate information, such as details of the marriage and divorce with a child, can leave children confused, angry, and frightened. The relationship between the child and the alienated parent often becomes strained.

Why would a parent act this way? These parents are so hurt and angry that the only way they feel they can gain control of the ex who hurt them is through the kids. Blinded by anger and in deep emotional pain, the needs of their children are put aside and they will do anything to ease the pain they feel inside. Hurting the other parent by destroying his or her relationship with the children satisfies their need for revenge.

If you are about to get a divorce or in the middle of one now you may be reading this and thinking that you would never do anything to hurt your childrens’s relationship with their other parent. But emotions sometimes get the best of us and you may slip up and find yourself saying
something negative about your ex. Or you might try to explain the divorce to your child and accidentally give away too much information.

No one is perfect. The key is to remember that no matter how much you resent your ex, the issue is between the two of you, not the kids. Fostering a healthy relationship between your ex and your kids will help your kids grow up to be healthy, well adjusted adults.

Deadbeat Parents Might Soon Have "Wall Of Shame"....


Parents who owe more than $500 in child support payments might soon be featured on a new website. Their name, addresses and how much they owe will be listed, similar to the department of Revenue's website that posts individuals with unpaid back taxes.

The legislation is being introduced from Wisconsin State Representative
Steve Wieckert (R-Appleton). Wisconsin currently has over 3 billion dollars owed in unpaid child support.

A website featuring deadbeat parents could help deter would be offenders from refusing to pay child support. However, "shaming" parents who maybe a few hundred dollars behind in support might not be a good idea. Illness or job loss could cause a temporary setback in payments from a parent who normally supports his or her children. It is an excellent idea for parents who owe large amounts of child support and are purposely avoiding their responsibilities.

The deadbeat parent that hides his assets, works off the books and engages in other sneaky behavior aimed at avoiding paying support, needs to be exposed. Non payment of child support does not just affect the children who go without support, it affects everyone. Many custodial parents who do not receive child support are forced to go on welfare and tax dollars are spent supporting the children of deadbeat parents. Businesses that employee custodial parents whose children are owed child support are also affected. Parents dealing with a deadbeat must take time off of work for court dates, make phone calls to case workers during business hours and are under both emotional and financial stress.

It is time more action is taken against deadbeats who purposely circumvent the system. A clear message must be sent to parents who refuse to financially support their own children. They must understand that there are consequences and they will not be allowed to "beat the system" and get away with neglecting their kids.

Celebrating the Holidays After A Divorce...

As I was putting the decorations on the Christmas tree, I came across two very special ornaments from a Christmas long ago. They were the hand prints of my sons, ages 3 and 4, dipped in paint and pressed upon paper plates, decorated with gold glitter. After marveling how much bigger my boys hands are now, at ages, 13 and 1/2 and 15, I was reminded of the many Christmases before my divorce.

I recalled the many happy Christmas mornings with my ex and four children. If you would asked me back then, I would have never guessed that years later our family would be broken apart, my children's father never to spend Christmas morning with us again.

As joyous as the holidays are, after a divorce, they can also be bittersweet. A divorce forces you to develop new holiday traditions and abandon old ones. Most of the rituals of Christmas at my home are the same. "Santa" presents wrapped in special paper, carefully placed under the tree after the kids have gone to sleep and a plate of cookies and milk with a note written to Santa from my youngest daughter. My husband's job was to drink the milk and eat the cookies making sure to leave a few crumbs behind. It was also his job to take pictures Christmas morning while I helped the kids unwrap the presents. Now these jobs are mine.

The holidays signify the loss of the dreams and traditions you created with your spouse. This time of year forces you to remember what was and will never be again and can bring about a sense of sadness. It is normal to feel this way. The grieving process after a divorce takes time and a part of you, deep down inside,will always be sad for what has been lost.

Each year, as I celebrate the holidays with my children as a single parent,we create new memories and although I will never forget those Christmases with my ex, instead of feelings of loss and sadness, I now remember those Christmases with fondness. A happy day celebrated with my family. It is important to remember that although you and your ex will never celebrate the holidays as a couple again, you can create new memories and new traditions and embrace this new chapter in your life. Try focusing on the positive aspects of your life now and be grateful for your many blessings. By being in the moment and creating new holiday traditions and rituals, you will create new memories that you will remember for a lifetime.

Do's And Don'ts For New Step Parents

If you are divorced and dating, you might someday find yourself in the role of a stepparent. If you decide to date and marry a man who has children, there are some simple rules you need to follow.

1. Be sensitive. Do not ask the kids to call you "Mom". Recently, Katie Holmes, wife of actor Tom Cruise and step mom to his two children with Nicole Kidman, told People magazine that the kids call her "mom". Although it is wonderful her step kids love her, they already have a mother and I can only imagine how hurt she must of been by this comment.

2. Have patience. Children of divorce are dealing with many issues, and often have a hard time accepting a new mate for their mom or dad. Give the kids time to accept you and don't go overboard trying to gain their affections.

3. Be prepared to share. Remember the kids had your new spouse's attention first. There is a different dynamic to marrying someone with children. Don't expect your new mate to always put your first. A divorced parent must prioritize and many times that means putting the kids' needs ahead of their own. This doesn't mean your new mate doesn't love or care for you. Keeping the kids happy and a new spouse from feeling ignored can be a daunting task. Give your spouse time to adjust and work out the kinks so that everyone can eventually merge into a happy,well balanced ,blended family.