Why Staying Together for the Sake of the Kids is Not Always a Good Idea...

We hear so much about how damaging divorce is to children and how kids are almost always better off living with two parents who are married. But if your home is filled with shouting, anger and disrespect, a divorce may be better for your kids in the long run.

I was watching an episode of "Marriage 911" a show where a marriage counselor spends time with a family on the verge of a divorce. This couple was so mean to one another. The husband called his wife a "fat slob" in front of the kids and the wife told the kids that "dad is a moron". The fighting was endless, with the couple battling it out in front of the children.

Finally, the older daughter wrote a sign that said "Breakup or Shut up". Her parents were shocked, but realized the kid was right. All of their fighting and put downs was emotionally damaging their kids. Fortunately,this couple (with the help of the marriage counselor)was able to save their marriage and stop fighting.

The fact is children who are subjected to years of witnessing their parents fight, will suffer emotionally. They risk growing up and entering into their own dysfunctional relationships. If you are thinking about getting a divorce, but just staying together for the kids' sake, think again. Unless you can repair your marriage and start treating each other with respect, you are not doing your kids any favors.

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Why Both Men and Women Cheat....

This Friday night, Christine Brinkley's cheating ex- husband, Peter Cook is being interviewed by Barbara Walters on ABC. In sneak previews, Cook blames Brinkley for his affair, saying he did not get attention or "thank yous" for all of his efforts and felt like he was living with his sister.

This is the typical excuse for both men and women who cheat. It is just so much easier to blame your spouse than to take responsibility for your actions. However, there may be some truth here as to why a person would be tempted to cheat. Many have cited the same reason Cook has. Lack of attention, affection and feeling unappreciated. Of course this is not a valid reason to cheat. These are reasons to ask your spouse to attend martial counseling and if all else fails, ask for a divorce. Most people really do not want to get a divorce., but instead of letting their spouses know how they are feeling, they look outside of the marriage for excitement, fulfillment and love.

If your ex cheated on you it is important not to blame yourself. But the affair is almost always a symptom of a failing marriage. If you find that your spouse is acting depressed, withdrawn or complaining of lack of affection, those are red flags. Martial counseling and opening up the lines if communication may prevent an affair and save your marriage.

Should You Stay or Should You Go?

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about her husband. She has been married for 18 years and is unhappy with her marriage. She told me about all of her husband's shortcomings, how he was not supportive of her career and how he was uninterested in the things she felt most passionate about. I could hear the frustration and disappointment in her voice.

She was angry with her husband because he would not change and become the person she wanted him to be. Divorce was looking like a viable option, a way out and a path to freedom. I explained that the grass often looks greener on the other side, and as a person who went through a divorce, no one can guess how devastating a divorce can be unless you have went through one personally.

When you are married, getting a divorce seems like a quick and easy fix when things get tough. No one is ever prepared for how divorce turns your life upside down. Everyone is affected, from your children to your friends and extended family.

What I told my friend was that the only person she can change is herself. Although it seems this couple is growing apart, it doesn't mean that their marriage is doomed. I advised her to think everyday of some of the good qualities her husband possesses. What you focus on expands, so when she continually dwells on his faults, she will experience more of them. By thinking of him in a positive light, he will feel that and may react more positively to her. Let's face it, you always know when someone is angry with you. You can feel their negative energy and it does not inspire you to react kindly to them.

Who knows whether or not her marriage will survive, but my advice to anyone who is contemplating divorce, barring any physical or emotional abuse or adultery, is to try everything you can to save your marriage before getting divorced. At least you will know that you did everything in your power to make your marriage work, even if things do not work out.

Find out the three things you must know to have a successful divorce outcome....

Are You Having Second Thoughts About Getting Divorced?....

Actor Sean Penn and his wife actress Robin Wright have called off their divorce. Divorce papers were filed several months ago, but it seems that the couple have reconciled and are back together.

The couple have been married for many years and have two children, so it is good to see them attempting to work things out instead of rushing into a divorce.

This story has most likely aroused some feelings in people who are currently going through a divorce but may be having second thoughts. Divorce brings up so many conflicting feelings and emotions. One day you feel angry and the next you are overcome with sadness, reminiscing about the good times. How do you know if it is worth giving your marriage another shot?

I think it depends largely on the circumstances of the break up. Did your spouse cheat? If so, can you forgive him? Or maybe you are no longer attracted to your mate and want out of the marriage because you are bored. Can you rekindle the romance if you put some time and energy into the marriage and seek marriage counseling?

If you are having doubts about the divorce and your spouse is open to a reconciliation, then you owe it to yourself and your family to see if your marriage can be saved. Why live with what ifs and regrets? If after marriage counseling and some soul searching you still want a divorce, you can go ahead with a clear conscious and know in your hear you are making the right decision.

Want To Save Your Marriage? Try The 30 Day Sex Challenge..

A Florida pastor has presented this unusual challenge to his congregation. He wants to lower the 50% divorce rate in the U.S. by having couples participate in a 30 day sex challenge. Relevant Church head pastor Paul Wirth thinks this will reduce couples chances for divorce. Men who are reading this are most likely thrilled with the pastor's advice, where I am sure many women are thinking "you got to be kidding me".

It does sounds quite shocking that a pastor would advise his church to have sex, but I think the pastor may have a point. Couples that are intimate are naturally closer and probably get along better.

I think this 30 day challenge can work for couples who may be dissatisfied with their marriage and haven't been communicating well. By becoming intimate again, they will strengthen their martial bond and may rediscover why they were attracted to each other in the first place.

However, if a couple is having serious martial issues, I don't think 30 days of sex is advisable. Therapy would be a better option. There is going to be resentment and deep rooted anger that needs to be addressed in couples heading for a divorce. When you are feeling angry with your spouse, the last thing you want to do is have sex with him. Before a couple can get their love life back on track, they should try professional counseling.

4 Secrets To Saving Your Marriage...

Divorce might seem like an easy fix, but the ramifications and consequences are serious. Not only will you end a relationship that you have invested years in, other people, like your children are deeply affected. If you are considering divorce, it makes sense, barring any physical or mental abuse, to do everything in your power to try and save your marriage. If it is your spouse who wants the divorce, you may be facing an uphill battle, but if saving your marriage is something you desire, it is worth attempting.

Here is a four step blueprint, based on the principles of the law of attraction, to help get your marriage and your life back on track:

1.Change yourself first. This may seem radical, but if you want to see changes in your relationship, you must first change yourself, not your spouse. The only person you are in control of is you. Wishing hoping, pleading and begging will not turn your spouse into the person you desire him to be. Take some time to do some inner work and clear up issues in yourself that are preventing you from being happy. Remember the qualities and traits that annoy and bother you in others are issues in yourself that need healing. Start by making a list of everything your spouse does to drive you crazy. Then consider if you are guilty of any of those sins yourself. You may be shocked and what you find. Does your spouse withhold affection? Think of a time in your life where you withheld affection from someone. Does your spouse lose his temper quickly? Again, look and see if there are times in your life where you are short tempered or maybe times when you feel angry and repress your emotions. Going through this list, without self-blame, but with the intent to heal yourself first, can be life changing.

2. How do you want your marriage to be? What does an "ideal" marriage look like? Spend some time visualizing the perfect marriage. See it, feel it and experience it like it was really happening. Feel the joy and love you get from sharing your life with a partner who loves and respects you.

3. Make a list of all of the qualities you wish your spouse had. List everything. Maybe you want him to be more attentive, loving, spontaneous and exciting . Now take that same list and start becoming that person. Become more attentive,loving, spontaneous and exciting. You may be reading this and feel skeptical and maybe even a little angry.After all, it is not your fault your spouse acts the way he does. But just try it. It can't hurt and you will feel better about yourself no matter what the end result is.

4. Let go of how you think your marriage should be. Release all expectations. Concentrate on yourself and creating a life you enjoy. Whether or not your spouse changes is not important. Spend your energy on becoming the best person you can be. Find a hobby or passion that excites you. Join a group of fun loving people and start getting out more. Take action and control of your life

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After following these steps your spouse may or may not change, but one thing is for certain, you will have changed for the better. This will strengthen and prepare you for whatever lies ahead. If your marriage is saved, that would be wonderful, if not you will emerge a stronger, more confident and self assured person, ready for whatever life hands you.

If you would like to find out how to use the law of attraction to change your life, I recommend reading The Attractor Factor and The Key both by Joe Vitale. Seat Of The Soul author Gary Zukav has many great books that will help inspire you and change your life for the better as well.

Divorce On The Rise For the New Year

The holidays are coming to an end and a new year is on the horizon. Most of us will list losing weight, exercising and making more money for our new year resolutions this year. Some will also have divorce on that list too.

Many divorces are filed this time of year. If divorce was something you have been considering, you may have held off making a final decision until after the holidays.

If getting a divorce is a choice you are about to make for the new year, please think carefully about your your decision. The notion that a divorce is the cure for your martial problems, may be misguided. The realities of divorce are harsh and permanent. Some people, feeling depressed, restless and unhappy with their lives, think that a divorce will give them a new lease on life and free them from the misery they are now feeling. This may be true. A divorce may be just what you need to take control of your life and begin anew if you have been wrestling with these feelings for a long time.

But more often than not, a divorce will create a whole new set of problems, both financially and emotionally. Take time to seriously contemplate if you are really going to better off without your spouse this year. There are consequences and divorce affects everyone in your family, not just you and your spouse.

Recently, the rapper Snoop Dogg, made the following statement about calling off his own divorce several years ago: "I was going to split up with my wife - my wife wasn't going to split up with me,” The Sun quoted Dogg, as saying. "You know, I was caught up with Hollywood, and the girls and the night life. "I thought I was the man and I was willing to give up what I had at home for that, until I realized that what I had at home was irreplaceable, so I gave that up to go back home.
"I just don't want another man raising my kids. That was the main goal. I had kids with my wife because I wanted to be with my wife. And those three babies are all wanted, and I wanted to be with them."

I think what Snoop said was profound. He was able to save his marriage by understanding what was truly important to him in his life: his kids and his wife. Too often we under the illusion that somehow "the grass is always greener on the other side".

Whatever decision you make, take time to do some serious soul searching and consider marriage counseling before filing for a divorce. A divorce may be the right decision for you and your family, but make sure that you have come to this conclusion carefully, and not impulsively.