Octuplet Rage: Is America Biased against Single Moms?

I am surprised by the public outrage against the woman who
gave birth to octuplets. It is odd for a single woman to have 14
children by in-vitro fertilization, but this woman's situation seems to have sparked intense anger and disgust from the media, bloggers and even the woman's own mother. People are angry that she has gone ahead and given birth to all of these children without a husband. Many assume she will be on public assistance and the tax payers will foot the bill for raising these children.

But no one questions the couple on the TV show who now have 18 children or the couple who star in the show "Jon and Kate plus 8". Jon and Kate were not well off by any means when their sextuplets were born. We do not know how the mom of the octuplets will support her children yet or if the natural father will help raise the kids , so to rush to judgement about her is unfair. I even read that diaper companies and other baby companies are not giving this woman freebies. Other couples who have multiple births get free diapers, baby food, clothes and even donated homes for free. But here is a single mom who is being offered nothing because she is not married? Or maybe it is because we think she is mentally unstable?

Whatever the reason, America has forgotten that 8 healthy babies have been born at once. These babies are the only surviving octuplets in our country. It is a miracle that they are alive and doing so well. How they were conceived is not our business. Let's not rush to judgment.
Children do deserve to have two parents and grow up in a loving home, but as many of us have found out through divorce, that is not always possible. I think it hits a raw nerve with people when a woman decides to become a single parent on her own. The bottom line is that these 8 babies are here and no amount of hatred and ill will towards their mother will change the circumstances surrounding their conception.

You may feel that this woman is off her rocker and disagree with how she conceived her children but the babies deserve our well wishes and good thoughts. I sincerely hope that people will rise above their judgments and lend a helping hand to this woman for the babies'(and her other children's) sake.

3 Money Saving Tricks for Single Parents...

Has this bad economy gotten you down? Are you fearful about the future and wonder how you are going to make ends meet? Most people, even if they have not been directly affected by a job loss, a foreclosure or loss of investments, have tightened their belts and decided to cut back on unnecessary purchases.

Some people have even taken "cutting back" to the extreme. A couple I know, who both have good, secure, well paying jobs, has decided to no longer go out on the weekends at all because of the economy. As a single parent, it is necessary to make adjustments and find ways to save money, especially in these uncertain times. I have found a few painless ways to save money lately that I would like to share with you.

1. I love to eat out, but with my kids now too old for kid's meals, the bill can be ridiculous. I have found a few ways to still take the kids out to dinner on the cheap. Here is one: Most restaurants charge a much lower price for a meal for lunch. Lunch is usually served until 4:00 pm on the weekends. So, if you get there at 3:30pm and have an early dinner, you can shave a nice amount off your meal. We did this recently at a Asian/Sushi buffet. For dinner they charge $19.95 a person, but for lunch, it is only $12.99 a person. So we saved $7.00 a person for the same exact buffet by getting their an hour and half earlier than we normally would.

2. I was never one to clip coupons, but now I find it challenging to see how much I can save each week. Last week I saved a total of $54.00! The trick is to use coupons on the "buy one, get one" free deals for the best savings. Try to shop in the afternoon too when the teenagers are working as cashiers. They will give you less of a hard time if you use a coupon for a box of cereal that is for an 18 oz box and you get the 12 oz box by accident. There is nothing more annoying when trying to use coupons than being confronted by a mean cashier who hands you back your coupons.

3. Another way to save money is to groom your dog yourself, I save about $80 a month now by giving, Luigi, my Maltese, his bath and haircuts. I also have a trick for those of you who color your hair. I used to own a salon, so I am very hesitant about using store bought color, I have seen way too many disasters, especially if you are a blonde. But here is a way to extend the time in between salon visits. A few of the store bought brands now carry a root touch up kit for a about $8.00. That is alot cheaper than the $50 plus tip the salon will charge you. Another salon tip to cut out spending money on pedicures, is to use the pedi egg. You can order it from the infomercial or get at a drugstore like Walgreens. It works great, and if you can clip your own toenails and paint them, you can save money doing it yourself.

Anyone else have some great money saving tips to share here?

How Single Moms Can Make Some Extra Cash Online...

With the holidays fast approaching and all of the expenses of the new school year, most single moms can use some extra cash. Here a few ways to make some quick money right from your computer.

1.Do you love to sew, knit, make jewelry or other crafts? Go to www.etsy.com and open an online store. You can list your items for a small of fee and your creations will be seen by over a million shoppers each month.

2. With most of us spending most of our time on the Internet, it is no wonder that buying and selling online is a huge business. We all know about Ebay, but did you know you can make money selling other people's online products? It is called "affiliate marketing". There is a free course online that teaches how to do Internet marketing in 30 days. Go to : www.thirtydaychallenge.com

3. Do you enjoy helping others and have a skill or service you can share? You can start your own online coaching business by going to: www.liveperson.com. LivePerson is a unique service that matches people who have questions to the people who are qualified to answer them.

These are just a few ways you can make money online. Check sites like www.elance.com and www.guru.com for freelance work if you have skills like writing, graphic or website design.

By searching the web, you can find many potential money making opportunities.

Tough Times for Single Parents...

With the recent increases in gas and food prices and the new school year around the corner, single parents need all the help they can get stretching a dollar. For most of us, the next few weeks will be spent buying school clothes and supplies and having to spend money on school lunches, after school activities and all of the other expenses the new school year brings.

So if our earnings and/or child support has not increased, yet all of our expenses have, how are we supposed to get by? I think most of us are asking ourselves this question, especially after filling our gas tanks.

I have found a resource that can help single parents save money on groceries and you can also get free samples and discounts at restaurants. The site to go to is www.couponmom.com . Believe it or not, I found out about this site from my ex-husband. My kids went for a visit to NJ to see their father this summer and came back home bragging about how dad saves all this money on food shopping.

I asked my ex what he was doing and he said he is using the system taught on the coupon mom website. I checked it out and it seems logical. I will be using the system and the coupons in my own home now. So check out the site and hopefully it will help you cut costs on groceries too.

Are You a Struggling Single Mom?...

With the gas prices on the rise and the current economic conditions today, many single moms are struggling to make ends meet. Now, even working full time at a good job may not be enough to make ends meet.

The mothers who do not receive child support on a regular basis are in even more trouble. Cutting back on expenses and trying to stretch your money is a good idea, but it seems like expenses always creep up at the worst time. The car breaks down, your pet needs to go to the vet or some other unforeseen expense arises that can put you over the edge financially.

So what can single moms do to get through the tough times and bring in some much needed cash? Here are three ways to make some money quickly.

1. Ebay. Go through your kid's outgrown clothes, video games and toys and put them for sale on Ebay.com. All you need is a digital camera to get started. Ebay is very self-explanatory and it is simple to list items for sale. If you don't own a digital camera, borrow one from a friend. You will be surprised at how much you can fetch for items that you no longer use.

2. Turn your old jewelry into cash. With gold prices up, now is a good time to gather up any jewelry you no longer wear. Get out those gold chains, earrings and bracelets and take them to a local jeweler that buys gold. You may get several hundred dollars for what was collecting dust in your jewelry drawer, depending on how much you have.

3. Consider starting a part time business. Think of some creative ideas you could implement to bring in a little extra money each month. Make a list of your current skills. For example, if you are good at bookkeeping you could put an ad on Craiglist.com offering your services to local businesses. Think of what you are good at already and come up with ways to market that skill.

Although times are tough, keep your spirits high and know that things will get better. You may be in debt, facing mounds of unpaid bills or even facing foreclosure like many Americans right now, but you still have your family and your own inner strength to pull you through. Most successful people in the world have hit hard times but what made them different from most is that they did not give up or give in to self-doubt and despair. Forge ahead and know that your life will turn around.

How Single Parents Can Get Ahead In 2008...

For single parents, it seems like there is a never ending amount of expenses incurred each month and having money left over to invest is often impossible. Most single parents shoulder the bulk of the child care expenses, even if they are receiving some form of child support. Children cost a small fortune to raise and often child support does not cover all of the extras, like dance lessons, sports, birthday parties, camp and other items the children need.

So how can a single parent get ahead financially? Fortunately there are ways for even the most cash strapped parents to develop new habits that will get them on the road to financial security.

Here are three ways to prosper in the new year:

1. Pay yourself first. You may laugh at the suggestion of being able to put aside part of your paycheck for yourself, but it is possible with some careful planning. The trick is to allot a specific percentage of your paycheck every week and automatically deposit it into a savings account. Make that the first payment you make, even before paying the bills. You may only be able to devote a very small percentage at first, but you will gain satisfaction watching your little savings account grow each month.

2. Record everything you spend in a typical week. Don't forgot to include money spent on incidentals, like coffee. An easy way to do this is to get a receipt for everything you buy and then tally it up at the end of the week. You may be shocked at how much you spend on fast food, Starbucks and other non-essential items. You don't want to completely cut out all of your guilty pleasures, just cut back on how many you indulge in.

3. After you have taken inventory and know now exactly how much you spend each month , you can develop plan to cut back. For example, if you decide to eat out once a week instead of two, take the money you would have spent on that second meal and put it into a jar. After a few months, take out that jar and now divide it equally into three sections: one third of the money is for investing, one third for your savings account and the remaining third is for you. Get a massage, buy a new outfit or spend it on something that you enjoy. As single parents we tend to spend most of our money on our kids and it is important to have some funds available to treat yourself with. Knowing that you are investing in your financial future and also taking care of yourself and your kids, you will gain control over your finances and your life.

Stressed Out Single Mom? 5 Tips To Regain Your Sanity

It isn't easy being a single mom and some days are tougher than others. Driving kids to play dates, sports and dance lessons, helping with homework and dealing with the other million things that come up in a day can leave you feeling burnt out. Here are 5 tips to help you relax and give yourself some TLC:

1. Make a date with yourself. Spend an hour doing something you enjoy. Read a book, meditate or just take a long, hot bath.

2. Use some retail therapy and buy yourself a new outfit or some new cosmetics. It is always a mood lifter when you pamper yourself.

3. Call a good friend you haven't spoken to in awhile. Pick someone who is supportive and will let you vent.

4. Watch a funny movie or sitcom. Laughing is an automatic stress reliever. Don't you feel better after watching reruns of "Will and Grace" or "Friends"? My personal favorite is "Curb Your Enthusiasm".

5. Join a group on meetup.com. you can find groups that meet once a month on so many different subjects, everything from wine tasting to learning about the law of attraction. There is a group there for everyone's interests.. You can also find support groups for single moms and divorced people who want to connect and share their experiences.

A Single Mom's Dilemma-Spending Quality Time With the Kids

As a single mom is is sometimes difficult to find quality time to spend with the kids. After working all day, making dinner, helping with homework, making school lunches , doing laundry and the hundred other things single moms must do to keep the household running smoothly, we are ready to collapse.

This is precisely the time when you will hear the little voice of your child imploring you to play or read a story. Of course you will oblige, but what you really want to do is chill out on the couch and watch your favorite t.v. show.

As you rush through the story or play a quick game with your child, the pangs of guilt will eat away at you. You will berate yourself for craving time to yourself instead of enjoying time with your kids. So what is the solution? How can you unwind after a long, stressful day and still enjoy some quality time with the kids?

I have discovered that the key to making everyone happy is to find an activity that both you and your child enjoy. Let's face it, may of us do not find playing barbies or with trucks to be all that exciting anymore. But if you think back to your own childhood and reflect on what activities you enjoyed back then, you may come up with an activity you can do with your own child.

As a child, I enjoyed arts and crafts. My youngest daughter is also very creative, so doing some form of arts and crafts is something we can both enjoy together. Since my boys are obsessed with video games and the computer, it is a little more challenging to find something we mutually enjoy.

They do like playing Uno and Scrabble, tow of my favorite games. I have found that by spending as a little as thirty minutes with my kids doing something we all enjoy, they are more than happy to move on and occupy themselves while I get some personal time to myself.

How To Deal With Your Ex's Bad Behavior

The ink may have dried on the divorce papers, but if you have children together, your ex-husband is still a part of your life, like it or not. You may be thinking that you got a divorce to get this person out of your life. But the reality is that although you now have separate homes, you still must be able to deal with each in a civilized manner for the sake of the kids.

This can be difficult sometimes. I know of a woman who has been divorced for over 2 years. Her ex comes over her house unannounced to see the kids, refuses to take the kids on his scheduled overnight visits and picks fights with her in front of the children.

If you are dealing with an ex-husband who is driving you crazy is there anything you can do?First,you need to set boundaries. If your ex is belittling you in front of the children, then you need to discuss this with him in private and explain that you will not tolerate this kind of behavior. If he refuses to cooperate, you should not have any contact with him when he comes to pick up the children for his visits. Why not use text messaging or emails to communicate instead of speaking to him on the phone or in person?

Show your ex that you mean business and will not accept his bad behavior. Remember , he may be treating you the same way he did during your marriage. He does not see you as the strong, independent women you have now become. You need to teach him how to treat you.

By standing up for yourself, you will be setting an example for your children. They will see their mother as someone who is confident and secure and does not allow others, including their father, to treat her badly. This will empower them and they will not tolerate bad behavior in their own future relationships.

Are You An Overwhelmed Single Mom?

Today was the first day of school here in Florida. As I searched stores looking for the school supplies my three younger kids require this year, I started to feel some resentment towards my ex-husband.

The fact is that I am responsible for all of their new school clothes, back packs, sneakers and supplies. I am the one who has to organize everything, sign all of their paperwork , and make sure their homework is done. I take them to after school activities, go food shopping and clean the house. Oh did I mention that I also have work and make money to support the kids too?

My ex on the other hand, only has to worry about going to work and paying his child support. He has no involvement in any of the daily responsibilities of child care. We have recently moved out of state, but even when we lived 15 minutes away from each other, he rarely took on any of the many responsibilities of parenthood.

Single moms across the country will get their kids ready for school this year and take on the role of both mother and father once again. To the fathers out there that take an active role in their children lives and help co-parent their children, I applaud you. To the single moms, just like me, who struggle each day to be the best mom they can be, tired and stressed from the huge weight of responsibility on their shoulders, you are heroes.

Instead of resentment towards my ex, I will choose today a different emotion. I am grateful to have my children and to be their mom. I get to be a daily witness in their every changing young lives. Although I may be tired, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

How To Use Private Investigation To Collect From A Deadbeat

Are you relying on a state agency to help collect past due child support?

Sometimes state agencies drag their feet, and other times they simply can’t get the money. An ex-spouse may find ways to work under the table, or may disappear completely. If you are owed back support, and your state’s child support enforcement agency is not pursuing your ex, and you cannot find out where he works or he is working off the books, then you need to take action.

A little detective work is in order. If you still know people who keep up with your ex, see if you can get one to tell you who he works for. Where is the job? Can you get pictures of him working? Private investigators cost money, but if you were to hire one, these would be the first questions: Where does he work? When does he work there? How much does he make? Hire the investigator for as limited a job as possible. Once the investigator finds out where the job is, you or a friend may be able to do the rest.

There are online “detective agencies” that claim they can give access to bank accounts, whereabouts, and other information. I have tried a few. The results weren’t great. Remember: You can do a lot of investigating on your own and save yourself money. Keep your ears open. Mutual friends and family members are great sources of information. People love to talk. Once they are talking freely they often slip up. As with any other part of this process, this is not something where you want to use your children. However, don’t close your ears to what children say. If you find out key information simply make sure you can explain how you got it in some other way. Often if you simply confirm what you know through others, this can serve as your source. You don’t want to involve your children in any more conflict than you have to, and you don’t want your ex blaming them for something they may not have intended to do.
Deadbeat parents learn many tricks. One is to hide assets by putting them in the name of a girlfriend, new spouse, or parent. That way there is no bank account. Wages (particularly off-the-books payments) go straight into this other person’s bank account. Property is in another name. Your ex may even move to another state. The traveling deadbeat is the hardest one to catch.

In any of these situations you will need hard evidence in the courtroom. Hiring a private investigator may become a necessity. There comes a point where unless you come upon a lucky lead, you will need the skills of a professional. As long as you pick the right detective, and know what you want, your money will be well spent. There are also private agencies that are devoted to support enforcement. These agencies work on a contingency fee, meaning they do not charge you unless they are successful at collecting your support. They do take a percentage of the support collected. Do your homework and be careful when selecting a service like this. Find people who have used them. Call or email these people, and ask them questions about their experience. These groups can be useful, but, as with any support agency, the more you understand about your needs and their services, the better they will do. If you go online and look up “Child Support Enforcement” on yahoo.com or google.com, you will find several agencies to choose from.

The Guilty Single Mom Syndrome

Are you a single mom feeling overwhelmed and tired? Do you sometimes yell at your kids and lose your temper?

Being a parent is the most difficult job in the world. Having to do it alone is even harder. Single parents should feel proud of themselves for being able to do the job of two parents. Sometimes though we tend to be too hard on ourselves. We beat ourselves up for not living up to what we feel the perfect parent is.

If you want to be a better parent, you must start making some time for yourself. By pushing yourself to the limit, you are not helping your children. Do you want them to see you as a tired, overworked, resentful mother? If not, then you need to find some creative ways to take back some control of your life.

You can start by grabbing a few hours each week for yourself. You need to devote one evening a week . I know most single moms cannot afford a sitter, so you have to get creative and brainstorm some ideas. Can you trade babysitting time with another overworked, single mom? You take her kids one night a week and she does the same for you. This way you both get some precious free time to regain your sanity and recharge.

Think outside of the box and I am sure you can come up with a few solutions. You must make this time for yourself. Your sanity and the emotional health of your children depend on it.

9 Tips to Easier Single Parenting

The reality is being a single mom or dad is a tough job. Trying to juggle the roles of two parents each day can be exhausting, frustrating and overwhelming.

Getting organized is one way to minimize the amount of work and run a more streamlined, calmer household. Try some of the tips listed below and before you know it you will be less stressed, more focused and able to spend more quality time with your kids!

• Time your phone calls. How many times have you spent hours chatting on the phone, only to hang up and realize that you don’t have time to do what you wanted to do? Set a timer by the phone. When it rings, politely tell the caller that you must hang up. You feel more in control and have more time to accomplish your goals.

• Clean out your kids’ book bags once a week. Take school notices and put them in a folder. At that moment go through the folder and throw out anything that does not need to be answered. Take action on all the other letters and write those checks to the PTA and book club now before you forget!

• Set your kids' clothes out every night for school the next day.If you have very young children you can save time by dressing them in their school clothes after the evening bath and letting them sleep in them. The clothes will be clean, although maybe a little wrinkled, and you can head out the door that much faster.

• Review your schedule every morning and evening. Make modifications for things that may come up unexpectedly.

• Schedule a specific time to answer your email.

• Clean your house and do laundry every day, instead of once a week. It is much easier to throw a load of laundry in while watching TV in the evening than to be overwhelmed with tons of it on the weekend. Assign a cleaning task each day, such as: Monday, bathrooms, Tuesday, vacuum, Thursday, kitchen, etc. By breaking down the big tasks you will be less overwhelmed and your house will be a lot cleaner!

Give those kids some chores! Even a young child can help fold laundry and clear the dinner dishes from the table. Have your family help out; after all they live there too!

•Be ruthless with your time! Try scheduling one hour a day for focus time: your time to decide on what is important to you.

•And remember to reward yourself. It can be anything, big or small, that refreshes you and that you enjoy.

Life After Divorce-Coping As A Single Parent

When the ink has dried on your divorce papers, and the dust finally starts to settle, you will find yourself facing an entirely new set of problems. Now you are alone with your responsibilities. The scheduling of your life is different, and probably more difficult.

If your husband is limited to brief visitation rights, then the day-to-day responsibility for your kids is now completely yours. Even if your spouse has your children part of the time, you will discover that you are more limited. If your ex did anything at all around the house you will now have to do it yourself. If he did any of the family bookkeeping, or helped the kids with schoolwork, or took them here or there, that service is no longer available. You have a household. Once there were two people who could take on the duty of running it. Now there’s one.

You will probably begin to see this happening from the start. During your divorce these things present themselves. But in some ways they aren’t as obvious then. This is partly due to the incredible turmoil you are already facing. There may also be other factors disguising the truth. Your friends and family knew what you were going through while the battle was still raging. Often some of them stepped up to bat, and helped in so many ways. Your best friend drove your boy to sports practice through an entire season, and maybe your sister took your daughter to shop for clothes. But that was when your days were endless cycles of lawyers, court dates, and searching for records. Now life is supposed to be normal.

The only problem with that is the workload: it seems to be permanently bigger.
In most cases the ex-spouse should be of help, but there are almost always problems and disagreements. Most likely these will last as long as your children are still underage and a shared responsibility. How much support and help your ex is giving you with the kids is usually a measure of your sanity. I’ve had my own problems with this, as does nearly every parent who keeps custody most of the time. My ex-husband’s mandated times with the kids only cover a couple of weekends and some weekday evenings each month. Often the evenings simply don’t happen.

Many divorced parents face the same dilemma: doubled responsibility not only for kids, but for shopping, cleaning, paying the bills, taking care of the pets, doing the laundry, and the list goes on and on!

Being a single parent is no easy task. For each of us the new responsibilities take different forms. When they are still together most parents gradually take on some aspects of the good cop/bad cop relationship with their kids. Sometimes dad is the one who is judge and jury, while mom seems willing to listen. Or those roles might be reversed. Maybe your ex-spouse was the disciplinarian; while you were the sympathetic one they could always come to. Whatever role you played before, now you must be both. If your boy gets in a fight, or your daughter mistreats a schoolmate, you have to dole out the punishment. Yet, if there were extenuating circumstances, you also have to understand. How can a person do both? It seems almost impossible.

This is aggravated even more by the divorce. A split inevitably sets up a competitive situation. In a conflict people always look for allies, and in a divorce both parents want the kids to be on their respective sides. This doesn’t end with the decree.

If dad was once the disciplinarian, but now only sees the kids for a few days a month, he’s likely to be much less help when they do something wrong. He’ll want his house to be the place where they have fun. At the same time, mom is going to get tired of always being the one to give punishments. She doesn’t want her children to hate her. This often turns into a competition for affection that can only hurt the children.

What every parent in a divorce must learn is that their children still have the same needs they had before the divorce. That means they need the adults in their lives to take on adult responsibilities. For instance, if you are about to leave your children off at your spouse’s, don’t work extra hard to leave the best impression. There’s no need to make your last stop one at a fast food joint where you fill them full of sugar and empty calories. Instead, just make them understand that you love them, and are concerned with their well being in every way. Ease them into the transition by assuring them of their place in your life, while helping them see that they still have that place in your spouse’s life as well. If your spouse doesn’t cooperate, try to resolve it when the kids aren’t there. Do all you can to make sure that the facts of custody are not rules of engagement, but rather are simply a structure for your children’s benefit. If you and your spouse still have lingering differences in this area, the best way to help your cause is to simply be the best parent you can be.

But whatever your arrangement is with your ex-spouse, life can’t help but be more difficult alone. So what do you do in the face of overwhelming odds, and the seemingly inevitable nervous breakdown?

First, remember you are not alone. There are millions of single parents out there facing the same thing you are. You probably know other mothers (and/or fathers) who are, or have been, in the same situation. Don’t be afraid about turning to them now. They may know things you don’t, and if not, they can always lend a hand, or at least some sympathy.

Others who have gone through the same thing will realize what pressure you are under. This isn’t simply a matter of finances (though that issue usually has a lot to do with it). You are now the one that your children come to every day of the week. They need you desperately for their own sense of security, especially after their world has been turned upside down from divorce. You are the one who picks up after them, feeds them, and gives them allowances. You are the one who talks to their friends’ mothers and fathers. You get the call from school. You talk to their teachers. You are the first one to hear about bills for education and health. If your children are about to go to college, you are the one they talk to about those possibilities.

If you are the parent they stay with most nights, and you are the parent they see in the morning before they go to school, then you are simply the one.

Because it used to be different, because there used to be two of you, and because there used to be two parental roles being played in this house, you now have to learn something new. Now you must develop some skills you never needed before. If you can do what is necessary you’ll find that this new order isn’t that scary. If you can adapt, you will not only survive, but thrive. A new exciting life is just around the corner. Your job is to figure out how to keep from getting so exhausted that “just around the corner” turns out to be an impossible distance to cover.

Your job as a newly single parent may not be easy, but in time you will adjust, fall into new routines, and discover a new found strength you never thought you had.