How Low Can You Go? John Edwards Cheats on Dying Wife....

When former Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards recently confessed his extramarital affair on television, I cringed thinking about the immense pain he has caused his wife, Elizabeth. This woman is battling incurable cancer. How could he put her through this?

What goes on in the mind of a cheater? How could John Edward put his own needs first without thinking about the devastating consequences to his wife, knowing the fragile physical state she is in?

I have spoken to many people on both sides, the cheaters and the ones who have been cheated on. The cheaters usually say that they were unhappy in the marriage and were tempted by someone who made them feel special and good about themselves. They usually confess that attempted to resist the affair, but eventually succumbed to the charms and seduction of their lover. The ones who have been cheated on are shocked, sickened and feel like they have had the wind knocked out of them. Feelings of not being good enough and sexy enough plague them.

We know affairs devastate and hurt people but can you imagine what Elizabeth Edward must be going through, knowing she may not live much longer, dealing with those emotions and now having to deal with the public humiliation and betrayal her husband has caused her? It is incomprehensible.

I think anyone considering an affair needs to think about what effect your actions are going to have on your spouse. Obviously John Eward is a selfish man who will now have guilt that he will carry with him the rest of his life knowing he made his wife's last days ones of pain and misery.

Should We Feel Sorry For the "Other Woman"?

There is a new book out written by a woman who has dated numerous married men. Her book is written for women who have affairs with married men. This author actually claims that the other women often suffers the most when the relationship ends.

Maybe I am biased, having dealt with my husband's crazy mistress, but I just do not have much sympathy for a woman who knowingly dates another woman's husband. I don't care what he tells you, how bad his marriage is, how unhappy he is and so on. He is still married.

Women who date married men are behaving selfishly, in my opinion. They are going to hurt others, including their lover's wife and children. I cannot see any good reason to put yourself in that kind of position. Is it low self-esteem? Do you just not care who you hurt? Do you use the excuse that you are just so "in love" that you cannot help yourself?

Granted there are marriages where one partner is miserable and feels like the marriage is over.
That is when the person who wants out needs to either go to marriage counseling or ask for a divorce. Having an affair only complicates things and hurts people.

I had a good friend several years ago who was having an affair with a married man. She begged me not to judge her, knowing that I was still reeling form my husband's affair at the time. I put my judgement s aside and tried to be supportive when she explained that her lover did not love his wife anymore and that she slept on the couch and there marriage has been over for many months, etc. After some time, it become clear that this man was not going to leave his wife and that it was more than likely his wife had no idea that their marriage was over.

My friend, the other woman, was dumped, left with the fact that she wasted almost a year in a relationship that went nowhere. In that respect, I do feel bad for women who have affairs with married men. The are in a no-win situation and their actions can only cause pain to themselves and others. But as grown women, they must understand that they are making a choice to have a relationship with someone who is not free to love them unconditionally.

I think if more women respected themselves and had higher self-esteem, a charming, sweet talking married man would not have the same effect on them and they would walk away for a potential affair.

The top 5 Reasons Why Men Cheat...

Did you ever wonder what drives a man to commit adultery? Do they have no conscious? Do they just not care about their wives feelings or is there some underlying reason why a man would choose to violate his wedding vows?

Here are the top 5 reasons why men cheat on their wives:

1. Not enough sex. Men who are unsatisfied in the bedroom tend to look elsewhere. Naturally, after starting a family and meeting the daily demands of work and family obligations, many couple's sex lives change . For some men, the decrease in sex is an issue and they turn to a mistress to satisfy their unmet needs.

2. Mid life crisis. When a man reaches a certain age and starts to lose his hair, develop a beer belly and exhibit other signs of aging, he wants reassurance that he is still attractive to the opposite sex. An affair can make him feel sexy and desirable again.

3. Boredom. Some men become restless and bored and crave excitement. Having an affair can provide the danger and the "living on the edge" feeling that some men need to keep their lives interesting.

4. Not enough attention. A man whose wife devotes herself to taking care of the children may feel jaded and jealous that he no longer has his wife's undivided attention. A mistress provides him with the attention he is not getting at home.

5. His father was a cheater. Men who grew up in a household where dad cheated on mom are more likely to cheat on their wives. If this kind of behavior was something their own father engaged in, he may subconsciously feel that is acceptable to cheat.

Interestingly, most men who cheat do not want a divorce. They want the wife and family and the mistress on the side too. They only face the consequences of their actions when they get caught and their wives divorce them..Whatever the reason for a man's affair, it still does not justify betraying your spouse. All marriages hit road blocks and experience problems. It is in those moments when couples need to work together and fix their issues instead of turning to someone else to satisfy their emotional and physical needs.

How To Cope When Your Spouse Has Cheated.....

At a recent divorce support group I organize, one of the members recounted his recent heartbreak about how he is dealing with his wife's affair. Although he had been separated for almost a year and his divorce was about to be finalized, he was still in a great deal of pain. He confided that just a few months ago, he was unable to even speak about his wife's betrayal. He went on to tell us how he felt sick to his stomach thinking about the woman he once loved with another man. He also spoke of feeling ashamed and embarrassed.

It may be surprising to think that a person whose spouse has cheated would feel this way. After all, they were not the one who committed adultery. But there are many "symptoms" one suffers from when dealing with the painful issue of infidelity. Here a few :

1. Shock and Confusion:You are stunned and feel numb,l ike your life's has become a bad dream and you are waiting to wake up. You just cannot fathom why your spouse would betray you.

2.Sadness. You have physical symptoms, such as nausea, stomach pain, chest pain and dizziness. You may lose your appetite and feel tired and listless.

3. Anger. You become irritable and daydream of ways to get even with your spouse and his lover.

4. Guilt: As you search your mind for answers, you start to blame yourself. You are not good enough, smart enough or attractive enough. You convince yourself that the reason your spouse strayed is because of one or all of these reasons.

5.Shame: Because your spouse has cheated, you feel embarrassed and ashamed to let others know. You feel like they are secretly thinking it must be your fault.

Know that it is normal to experience these painful emotions after discovering your spouse's affair. It will take time to heal from these wounds to your heart and soul. The most important realization that you must come to accept is that it was not your fault. Your spouse's infidelity is a refection on the kind of person he or she is, not who you are. Eventually there will be a day when you will be grateful that you are no longer married to someone who cannot be trusted.

A Thank You To The "Other Woman"

Four years ago this month I discovered my husband was having an affair. I was devastated. I remember waking up each morning feeling as though I had been punched in the stomach. The pain was, at times ,unbearable. The man I once considered my best friend, the person I trusted the most, had betrayed me.

But most of my anger at the time was directed toward his mistress. I hated her with a passion. She had destroyed my family and turned my world upside down. In my opinion she was an evil woman who had no qualms about wrecking my marriage, hurting my children and trying to get every dime she could get her hands on. Eventually, she did leave my ex, but only after he ran out of money and spent a large part of our savings on her.

Now, four years later, I have a different viewpoint. Although the hell both my ex and this woman put my family through is inexcusable, I now feel as though I should thank her.

That might be a startling statement, but had she not come along, I would still be married to my ex. His affair revealed things that I had refused to look at for many years. The fact that he is not a very nice person. He is selfish, mean spirited and verbally abusive. During my marriage I buried my head in the sand and refused to see the truth about him and the state of our marriage. I saw myself as a happily married woman. I would have never considered divorce had he not cheated on me. I overlooked his flaws, as many women do, in order to preserve my marriage and keep my family intact. It took a stranger 's involvement in our marriage to uncover the truth.

The illusion had been shattered, thanks to the other woman. My life is so different than it was four years ago, I am happier than I have ever been in my life. So sometimes there is a silver lining to even the darkest clouds. I suspect that the "other woman" is out there somewhere wrecking someone else's marriage. But I now believe that a predator like her can only expose the cracks that already exist in a marriage. A couple dealing with adultery can either try and repair those cracks through marriage counseling or divorce and go their separate ways.

If the choice is to end the marriage, there is hope. The pain will eventually subside and you may discover a new and exciting life that you never believed possible before.

Catching a Cheater

Should you spy on your spouse if you suspect he is having an affair? This can be a loaded question. Are you prepared for what you might uncover? Can you handle finding proof that your husband is cheating? What if you are wrong, are you prepared for the consequences of your husband finding out you are spying on him?

Be sure to answer these questions very carefully before deciding to act on your suspicions. Finding out your husband is having an affair is an emotionally devastating experience. If you decide to investigate, make sure you prepare yourself ahead of time for the worst case scenario.

Thanks to the Internet you can now be your own detective and purchase special tools to help you catch a cheater. According to http://www.chatcheaters.com there is array of high tech spy equipment to monitor your spouses every move.

Here are few available for purchase from their website:

1. Spy Software-you can install one on your husband’s computer and record everything he does. Some of these programs even install remotely

2. You can get a GPS recording device and place it into your husband’s trunk. You will be able to track your husband’s whereabouts, including the exact location on a street map and the time of day he was there. It records for up to 18 days.

3. How about this crazy gadget- a voice changer. You can buy this device and it will actually change your voice over the phone. This way you can call those numbers on your husband’s cell phone and pretend to be someone else to gather information.

4.There is even a portable lie detector. I am not sure how you would convince your husband to use it, although if he refuses this could be a sign of guilt.

5. If you husband is getting frequent emails from the same email address, you can use "The Email Tracer", it finds the identify of the sender of the email

Before you rush out and buy any of these gadgets, make sure you are comfortable morally and ethically with spying on your husband. Trust your gut instincts, if this kind of investigation makes you feel uncomfortable, then don’t do it. Confronting your husband and seeing what his reaction is might be a better option. Deep down you will know if he is telling you the truth, we are built with the most powerful lie detector in the world, our own intuition.