Would You Spend the Holidays with Your Ex and His Girlfriend?...

I just read on popeater.com that Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore plan to celebrate Christmas with Bruce Willis and his girlfriend, Emma Heming. Apparently, they all went to Europe with the kids to celebrate Thanksgiving too.

The article referred to this situation as being "awkward". I think it is wonderful that Bruce Willis and Demi Moore's children are able to spend the holidays with both parents. They do not have to feel torn between their parents on the holidays and obviously have not suffered emotionally because of their parent's divorce. Their parents were mature enough to put their differences aside and maintain a friendship after the divorce.

Is it common or even realistic for most divorcing couples? Unfortunately, no. I have never spent a post divorce holiday with my ex. I bet most of us haven't. We are still dealing with trying our best to not let our ex get under our skin and push our buttons. Spending Christmas dinner with our ex and his girlfriend would seem bizarre to most of us.

But flash forward 10 or more years to a time when your kids are now grown and have children of their own. Your son or daughter wants to have Christmas at their house and wants to invite both his parents and their new spouses. Is it fair to not go simply because your ex will be there? Would you miss out on spending Christmas or another holiday with your grandchildren because you still cannot stand your ex after all these years?

Wouldn't it be great if we could somehow resolve our differences with our ex, accept and embrace his new relationship and be able to sit down to dinner with our children for a holiday meal with no animosity? What would it take to get to that point? I think Demi Moore says it best in this quote:

"We had an unconventional Thanksgiving, and we will all be together for Christmas as well with our three daughters. I think the key with any past is that you recognize and hold on to what you loved and what you gained and you don't attach yourself to what you've lost."

Can we overlook what caused the divorce, let go of the hurt and anger, no matter how justified and instead think of what we once loved about our ex? Can we focus on the good qualities about him, the reasons we married him in the first place? If we could get those feelings back and view our ex as a friend now instead of an enemy, everything would change. We would no longer hold on to bitterness from the past and it would be possible to spend holidays together.

Of course none of this is easy to do and it I think it depends on how far past the divorce you are. If you recently went through a bitter divorce you need time to work through the grief and hurt feelings before being able to let go and forgive. But making peace with your ex is something to strive for. If not for yourself, then for your children.