Wednesday, September 03, 2008



What to Do When Your Divorce Drags On and On...

The divorce process can take anywhere from a few months to a few years. Those couples who find themselves in a long, bitter divorce battle often suffer from anxiety, depression and anger. A divorce that has no ending in sight takes a toll on everyone involved, including the children.

You may want to settle and get the divorce over with but may be dealing with a stubborn spouse who refuses to negotiate. It is extremely stressful dealing with a spouse who won't even consider a settlement and rather drag the case through the family court system.

But since the only person you can control is yourself, there is little you can do to force your ex to settle. However, you can make this difficult time period easier by doing the following things:

1. Inject some humor into the situation. Laughter is really the best medicine and an excellent release, so go ahead and tell some jokes about the divorce and your ex to your close friends. I recently saw a photo on the web where a divorcing woman made up fliers with a picture of her ex and the caption read: "Lost Dog: Answers to Steven". I don't suggest you the same and possibly get yourself into trouble by publicly humiliating your ex, but the point is this woman definitely had a sense of humor. If she had shared that as a private joke between a few friends, it would of been harmless and a good emotional release.

2. Have faith. Tell yourself everyday that this too shall pass and your divorce will be settled soon. It is important that you change your negative thoughts about the divorce into ones that give you hope. Most divorces, even the worst ones, do eventually settle so have faith that yours will too.

3. Get your mind off the divorce. If your divorce is all that you think about you will be miserable. Now is the time to go out with friends, start a new hobby, take a vacation if financially possible or see a movie. Any action you can take to take your focus off the divorce and do something that is fun instead will help pass this time while waiting for your divorce to be over.

Finally, if the reason you cannot settle your divorce is because you are refusing your ex's low ball settlement, take some time to review it again while you feel calm and collected. It may not be that far off from what you are asking for. You also need to weigh in how much more you will spend on attorney fees if the divorce does not settle. Sometimes an unacceptable offer can be turned around into something you both can live with if you look at it logically and see where there might be some room for compromise. They say that there are no winners in a divorce case(except for the lawyers) and both spouses are usually unhappy with the settlement. Better to take an offer that you can live with than hold out for more money or assets and be miserable.

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