Wednesday, October 03, 2007

A Thank You To The "Other Woman"

Four years ago this month I discovered my husband was having an affair. I was devastated. I remember waking up each morning feeling as though I had been punched in the stomach. The pain was, at times ,unbearable. The man I once considered my best friend, the person I trusted the most, had betrayed me.

But most of my anger at the time was directed toward his mistress. I hated her with a passion. She had destroyed my family and turned my world upside down. In my opinion she was an evil woman who had no qualms about wrecking my marriage, hurting my children and trying to get every dime she could get her hands on. Eventually, she did leave my ex, but only after he ran out of money and spent a large part of our savings on her.

Now, four years later, I have a different viewpoint. Although the hell both my ex and this woman put my family through is inexcusable, I now feel as though I should thank her.

That might be a startling statement, but had she not come along, I would still be married to my ex. His affair revealed things that I had refused to look at for many years. The fact that he is not a very nice person. He is selfish, mean spirited and verbally abusive. During my marriage I buried my head in the sand and refused to see the truth about him and the state of our marriage. I saw myself as a happily married woman. I would have never considered divorce had he not cheated on me. I overlooked his flaws, as many women do, in order to preserve my marriage and keep my family intact. It took a stranger 's involvement in our marriage to uncover the truth.

The illusion had been shattered, thanks to the other woman. My life is so different than it was four years ago, I am happier than I have ever been in my life. So sometimes there is a silver lining to even the darkest clouds. I suspect that the "other woman" is out there somewhere wrecking someone else's marriage. But I now believe that a predator like her can only expose the cracks that already exist in a marriage. A couple dealing with adultery can either try and repair those cracks through marriage counseling or divorce and go their separate ways.

If the choice is to end the marriage, there is hope. The pain will eventually subside and you may discover a new and exciting life that you never believed possible before.

1 comment:

Livin' La Vida Solo said...

The 'other woman' in my relationship wasn't a woman at all but the same emotions were present in me. While the pain is still almost unbearable at times I'm beginning to be thankful. Recent events have helped me see what others saw along. Love truly is blind. She is also ignorant at times. Livin' La Vida Solo to us all!