How To Get A Quick Divorce And A Vacation At The Same Time

Did you ever wonder how some celebrities are able to get divorced much faster than the rest of us? You may think that maybe this is possible because of their money, fame or connections. But the truth is anyone can get a quick divorce and it is affordable too.

The secret is taking a trip to The Dominican Republic. According to Wendy Diaz and Associates International Law Firm "A quick divorce is available to foreigners or Dominican citizens residing abroad, when both spouses agree to file this divorce before Dominican Courts. This procedure is very simple and only requires the attendance of one of the spouses during the hearing which takes usually less than half an hour and you can leave Dominican Republic the same day in the afternoon. It takes ten to fifteen days to obtain your divorce decree, which is to be sent to your home or office by courier (DHL or FedEx)."

The price for this service is relatively inexpensive, only $1,550.00 plus the cost of travel. Of course, this type of quick divorce is only for couples who have agreed on a divorce settlement and are both willing to finalize the divorce outside of the U.S..

If you and your spouse have agreed to divorce amicably and there are no settlement issues, this might be a great way to sneak in a vacation on a tropical island and get divorced at the same time. What better way to end your marriage, then by sitting on the beach, basking in the sun under a palm tree and sipping a tropical drink?

Can't Blame This Woman For Wanting A Divorce...

An Egyptian woman has filed for divorce because her husband refuses to take a shower. In this strange but true story, the husband has supposedly not showered in eight weeks. He claims he has a rare skin condition that makes him allergic to water. However, his own doctor disputes this, agreeing that his patient has a skin condition but no known allergy to water .The couple was only married for a few months and apparently only knew each other for two weeks before they wed.

Some other unusual reasons for divorce, according to AlArabiya.net:

- An engineer in Port Said filed for divorce because her veterinarian husband insisted on keeping cats and dogs in the house.
- A civil servant divorced her husband because he had bad breath from eating too much garlic and because he did not wash his feet.
- An Egyptian housewife filed for khol’a after her husband refused to let her go to her father’s funeral.
- A sorcerer's wife filed for a divorce after he refused to give up his job.

Who Gets The Kids For The Holidays?

With the holiday season fast approaching, an issue most divorced couples

face is who gets the kids for the holidays. Many couples specify which parent gets the kids on a specific holiday in their divorce settlement.

Some parents may fail to include a written plan in their divorce agreement and this can lead to trouble. Working out a plan ahead of time is a good idea, it can prevent many arguments about where the children should spend Thanksgiving ,Christmas and other special days of the year. The children will benefit from knowing where they will spend the holidays and are less likely to feel torn between both parents.

If you and your ex have not figured out whose house the kids will be spending the holidays with and are in disagreement about this issue, try to compromise. You both must remember to put the children's needs and feelings first. Maybe you could consider letting your ex have them for Christmas Eve dinner while you get the kids on Christmas day. You could even split the day between both parents, with you celebrating Thanksgiving with the kids at lunch and your ex taking them for dinner.

Another thing to think about is what holiday is most important to you. For me, I would have my ex take the kids on Thanksgiving so I could have them on Christmas. I also offered him Christmas Eve dinner so that I could have them on Christmas day. Again, the key is compromise. Your children will be happier and your holidays less stressful.

Man Wants Divorce Because The "Other Man" Is A Dog

I realize I have written a few posts lately about divorce and dogs, but I just could not resist sharing this odd story. A Japanese man filed for divorce because he was jealous of his wife's dog.

Apparently they had a happy marriage before she brought home the pooch a year ago. The marriage went downhill when she starting giving the dog attention and allowing it to sleep in their bed.

The judge is this case threw it out of court and said "the couple should try to reach an agreement on the best way to treat the pet", according to chinadaily.com

Although this story may seem strange, many men have the same sort of feelings when a new baby is born. They feel neglected because their wives are busy caring for the newborn and feelings of jealousy arise. These pent up feelings of anger and resentment can lead to arguments and even divorce.

The solution? If you are having marital issues soon after a new baby or pet has joined your family, make sure that your husband is included in the baby's or puppy's care and try to give him some extra attention so that he feels loved and wanted.

Get A Divorce Online

You knew it had to happen eventually. We are able to shop online, find a date, book a trip and now we can even file for divorce! That is of course, if you live in Broward County Florida .

With a few clicks of a mouse and for an extra $20 online filing fee, in addition to the regular $364 fee, you can be on your way to being single once again. It does feel impersonal to get a divorce this way, though. I can just imagine a spouse sending an email informing their partner that they have just filed for divorce online. Reminds me of how Britney Spears supposedly text messaged K-Fed with the news she was divorcing him.

Although filing for divorce online may sound convenient, I would not recommend it for couples with children and any assets. You need to consult with a divorce lawyer in those cases. Representing yourself in your own divorce proceedings is never a good idea, so unless you have been married for a very short amount of time, have no children and no assets, I would not suggest taking advantage of filing for divorce online.

How To Protect Your Assets During A Divorce

Most people, when considering a divorce, fail to realize that they must take certain actions to protect their martial assets. Divorcing couples usually enter into a divorce hoping for the best and believing that their spouse will act fairly. Often this is not the case and you may find out too late that your soon to be ex has put your martial assets in jeopardy.

There are things you can do to minimize the risk. One of those things is to put a lien on any martial property you may own. This will prevent your ex from trying to refinance the home or even sell it. This is especially important if your name is not on the deed or mortgage.

Once a divorce is filed a judge will usually order that no martial assets be dissipated, meaning sold or disposed of. But even with this order, spouses have been known to violate it and sell cars, jewelery and other assets. I know of a woman whose husband emptied their daughter's college fund to pay his lawyers. Protect yourself and your assets. Think smart and consult with your divorce attorney about ways you can protect the martial assets during your divorce.

How A Divorce Can Affect Your dog

We all know divorce hurts kids, but can it hurt the pets too? According to David The Dogman, dogs and cats can suffer from the turmoil and emotional upset in the home that divorce and marital problems often bring.

David says "When couples shout and argue with each other this will indeed affect the dog (and also the cat). Our blacker moods and tantrums will have an adverse effect on our pet dog. Nervous behaviour is often caused by the owner's actions. Whenever I am called to a home where owners have a howling, barking, destructive, digging, house soiling, or one showing symptoms of an anxiety related behaviour, where it is apparent that the dog has an inability to cope with life, I always ask if there has been a death, separation or indeed a divorce that could have triggered the problems, as this behaviour is a typical expression of canine anxiety."

Since our pets are treated as members of our families and are sensitive to our feelings, it would make sense that any disruption in the family would affect them adversely. The best advice on how to help your pet deal with your divorce is probably the same for your children. Avoid fighting in front of them, try to maintain a normal routine for them as possible and most importantly, try to resolve your divorce peacefully. Everyone, including your dog will benefit.

How To Get Your Ex To Pay Your Divorce Legal Fees

Britney Spears was ordered to pay her ex-husband, Kevin Federline's legal fees stemming from their nasty divorce and custody battle. She has been ordered, by the court, to pay $120,000 of the $160,000 attorney fees racked up by her ex.

So how did K-Fed get the court to order Britney to foot the bill? Most of their recent court activity has been directly related to Ms.Spears bad behavior and concerns over the welfare of the children. Also, Britney was the primary breadwinner during their marriage and earns substantially more than her ex-husband.

If you are currently in a divorce battle and the attorney fees are adding up, here are some things you should consider:

Does your soon to be ex earn more money than you? Were you a stay at home mom during your marriage? If so, you should ask your attorney to file a motion asking the court to order your ex to pay your legal fees.

Are your legal fees adding up because your ex is not paying child or spousal support? Again, this is a valid reason to ask for attorney fees to be paid by your ex. After all the reason you are in court is because of his violations and disregard for the court system. You should not have to pay your lawyer thousands of dollars to enforce a support order.

Finally, keep in mind that your own attorney may not volunteer the fact that she or he can file a motion and ask for legal fees to be paid by your ex. Some attorneys rather have you pay their fees for fear that your ex may stiff them on the bill. It is up to you to approach this subject with your lawyer and specifically ask them to ask the court to order your ex to pay your attorney fees incurred during the divorce.

The World's First Divorce Fair

The world's first divorce fair was held in Vienna, Austria recently. Instead of ferris wheels, cotton candy and carnival games, there were divorce lawyers,mediators, detectives to help catch a cheating spouse, and even a laboratory to conduct DNA tests! Also on hand were hairdressers offering extension hair pieces and makeovers to divorcing women.

Vienna's divorce rate is currently a whooping 66%, but the actual number of of divorcing couples who attended were low. I think this is most likely due to the impersonal nature of a "divorce fair". I would think that a person going through a traumatic event such as divorce would not want a circus type atmosphere when ending their marriage. It would be an overwhelming experience to visit a fair where divorce professionals are trying to sell you their products and services. You are better off sticking to recommendations and referrals when hiring divorce professionals.

How To Get Through A Messy Divorce

With endless court dates, attorney fees mounting and no settlement in sight, it is easy to become emotionally distraught and overwhelmed during a divorce. Staying calm and focused is not always easy.

But staying in control while going through a difficult divorce is exactly what you need to do to succeed. So how can you get yourself back on track emotionally while going through one of the most agonizing times in your life? Here are three ways to take back control:

1. Spend some time visualizing the outcome you desire. See yourself signing the final divorce agreement. Visualize in detail, how you feel when your divorce papers are signed. Imagine the relief you will feel and the weight that will be lifted off your shoulders once your divorce is over.

2. When you are at your lowest and feel like giving up, take some time out. You need a break from your divorce and need to find something that will distract you and help you focus on something positive instead. Get a massage, have lunch with a friend, but whatever you do, the rule is no discussing your divorce on this day. This is your break, even if it is only for a few hours.

3. When you are alone and feelings of grief, anger and depression wash over you, allow yourself to release them. Cry, punch a pillow, or write a letter to your soon to be ex letting him know just how much he has hurt you. Be sure to take that letter and burn it. Do not send it! This is an exercise for you to get rid of pent up anger and resentment.

Eventually your divorce will be over and you will be free to begin a new and fulfilling life. That day will be here sooner than you think, so hang in there and gather your strength and resources. Someday soon this will all be a distant, painful memory.

Stressed Out Single Mom? 5 Tips To Regain Your Sanity

It isn't easy being a single mom and some days are tougher than others. Driving kids to play dates, sports and dance lessons, helping with homework and dealing with the other million things that come up in a day can leave you feeling burnt out. Here are 5 tips to help you relax and give yourself some TLC:

1. Make a date with yourself. Spend an hour doing something you enjoy. Read a book, meditate or just take a long, hot bath.

2. Use some retail therapy and buy yourself a new outfit or some new cosmetics. It is always a mood lifter when you pamper yourself.

3. Call a good friend you haven't spoken to in awhile. Pick someone who is supportive and will let you vent.

4. Watch a funny movie or sitcom. Laughing is an automatic stress reliever. Don't you feel better after watching reruns of "Will and Grace" or "Friends"? My personal favorite is "Curb Your Enthusiasm".

5. Join a group on meetup.com. you can find groups that meet once a month on so many different subjects, everything from wine tasting to learning about the law of attraction. There is a group there for everyone's interests.. You can also find support groups for single moms and divorced people who want to connect and share their experiences.

Another Reason For Divorce-When Your Spouse is Gay

A reason for divorce that you may be surprised to hear is about is when one partner admits that he or she is gay. This is more common then you might think. Usually, the spouse who has "come out of the closet" may have not wanted to admit he or she was gay and was suppressing their true feelings during the marriage.

I know of a woman whose husband announced he was gay, after a few too many drinks, at her son's first communion party. She had no idea that her husband was gay and the news came a complete shock. She got a divorce and is now remarried. Her ex is in a happy, long term, same sex relationship.

Former New Jersey Governor James McGreevey shocked the nation when he announced in August 2004 that he was "a gay American" and would resign. Governor McGreevey has been married twice and is the father of two children. He is currently embroiled in a bitter divorce and custody battle with his ex-wife, Dina Matos McGreevey

So how do you know if your husband is gay? Here are a few signs, according to infidelity expert Ruth Houston and author of "Is He Cheating on You: 829 Telltale Signs."

Suspicious non-verbal communication with other men -- a look, a touch or hug that lasts a little too long or has undertones of intimacy
Frequenting gay or bisexual Web sites -- check the history in your Internet browser
An abundance of male friends with whom he seems to be too close or too familiar
Lots of phone calls from other men
Buying or receiving expensive, intimate, or overly personal gifts from other men
Overreacts to anything concerning gay men -- extreme homophobic behavior
Unusually high percentage of male friends who are gay
Spends more time with his male friends than with you
Male friends who are overly friendly

It is important not to accuse your spouse of being gay without proof. If you are suspicious, you should ask your husband if he is gay. He may be relived to finally be able to admit the truth and stop living a life where he is not being honest with himself or you.

Divorce Season Has Arrived

According to salon.com, the marriage season is from May until October and we are now entering the "divorce season". The new trend among many divorcing couples is to send out email divorce announcements to friends and family.

Some even post their upcoming divorce on their myspace or facebook site.

There are even some who send out printed divorce cards in the mail. Is this tacky and tasteless behavior?

I think if someone who is going through a divorce can keep their sense of humor and send out a funny divorce card, it puts friends and family at ease. People do not always know what to say or how to comfort a person going through a divorce. Injecting some humor into your divorce, no matter how devastating the experience may be, may help you heal emotionally.

So send that funny divorce card or make some jokes about your ex if it makes you feel better. Keeping a sense a humor during your divorce may be the best therapy of all.

3 Signs That You Have Not Gotten Over Your Ex

Just because you have signed legal divorce papers doesn't mean you are necessary emotionally "divorced" from your ex. Here are 3 signs you have not gotten over the end of your marriage yet:

1. You are still fighting regularly. If you were ready for closure, you would not be interested in the drama and attention you get from engaging in arguments with your ex.

2. You ask the kids all about Dad's new girlfriend. Although you may think you are done with your ex, deep down you are curious about who he has found to replace you.

3. You tell everyone you know what a jerk your ex is. This is a sign that you are still angry. Remember the opposite of hate is love. Only indifference will set you free.

If you recognize yourself in any of the above, don't be too hard on yourself. It takes time to heal the wounds of divorce and eventually you will reach the point when you are finally ready to move on emotionally.

5 Things You Need To Put In Your Divorce Settlement

When it is time to finally settle your divorce and the papers are drawn up by the lawyers, it is easy to miss some of the less obvious things you need to include in the settlement. Major issues, like custody, alimony and child support are covered, but some of the things you may not be thinking about today, but will affect your financial future, are often overlooked.

Here are 5 things you need to consider putting in your divorce settlement:

1. Credit card debt. The division of credit card debt is usually outlined in the final divorce order, but you must make sure that credit card account numbers are also included. It is not enough to say that your ex will pay the american axpress card balance. You need to list the account numbers so that if the credit card company comes after you for payment you can mail them a copy of your divorce order that clearly states whose responsibility the debt is.

2. Car Insurance. If you have children , you may not know that when they reach the age to get their driver's license, most insurance companies will automatically increase your premium. If you are the custodial parent, you need to add a provision in your settlement that when the children get their licenses and your car insurance goes up, you ex will pay 50% of the extra costs. I learned this the hard way, I did not have this in my divorce order and when my daughter got her license, my insurance payments jumped up almost a $1,000 a year, even though she was not driving my car. The insurance company only assesses this fee if the child lives with you, so the non-custodial parent is off the hook. It is only fair that they help out with this extra cost too, so put it in your settlement now.

3. Birthday parties, Christmas presents, clothes, camp and other non-essentials not cover by child support. Be sure to decide now if you are going to split these or if the child support is enough to cover these expenses.

4. Braces. You may think that this would be covered under medical expenses, but it is not. Braces are considered "cosmetic", so if you have kids, make sure to work this out before signing the final divorce papers.

5. College. Again, many parents automatically assume that both parents have to split college costs for the kids. Not true. Most courts consider college an elective and will not force a parent to pay for tuition. Work this out with your ex ahead of time and save yourself grief and money down the road.

Who Gets The Pets In A Divorce?

During a divorce there are so many issues to be decided. Martial assets have to be divided, alimony and child support awarded and custody arrangements must be made.

But what about the pets? What happens when both spouses want custody of the dog or cat? Since animals are considered "property" in most states, the family court usually treats pets much like it would when dividing the china and other household items. This is sad, because as any pet lover will tell you, pets become beloved members of our families.

In my own divorce, I got to keep our 17 pound black and white cat, Woogie. Luckily, as bitter as my divorce was, my ex did not pursue custody of Woogie. I am sure he did not want to hurt the children by trying to take their cat away. Some couples who do not have children and consider their pets their "kids" may wage an all out battle for their pets.

The best way to resolve a pet custody dispute is to think of what is in the best interest of the pet. Also allowing the spouse, who does not get to keep the pet, visitation rights is a good idea. If there are children who have bonded with the pet, it is always a good idea to let the pet live with the custodial parent so the children are not traumatized by having to have their pet live in a different home. Couples need to work together and put their differences aside for the sake of their dog or cat. Don't put the fate of your beloved pet in the hands of a family court judge.

Can A Divorce Make You Go Crazy?

This certainly seems the case for a Pennsylvania woman. This woman, bitter over her divorce ,asked her ex-husband's girlfriend to try to kill him by spiking his drink with cocaine, state police said. She knew her ex-husband had a heart condition and believed spiking his drink with cocaine would cause "his heart to possibly explode and kill him" . Luckily for her ex-husband, his girlfriend contacted the police and the woman is now being charged with attempted murder.

Divorce brings out the worst in people and sometimes they can react badly and do terrible things they never imagined they were capable of. This story is an extreme case, but more commonly we see once normal people turn vicious and vindictive while embroiled in a divorce battle. False restraining orders, hiding of assets and money, and even false allegations of child abuse are commonplace in family courts across the country.

So why do good people turn bad when faced with a divorce? Divorce is such an emotionally devastating experience that some people just cannot control their emotions. All of their hurt and anger is unleashed and they can become out of control. Feelings of rage and betrayal are normal during a divorce, but it is how we cope with these emotions that makes all of the difference.

If you feel like you cannot control your emotions during your divorce and are consumed with thoughts of revenge, seek help immediately. Talk with friends and family and consider seeing a therapist. You need to release those bottled up emotions in a healthy, safe environment.

The Main Causes Of Divorce


There are no absolutely reliable figures on how many of us divorce. Several states, including California, don’t keep a tally of divorces. That makes any truly nationwide numbers impossible to calculate. Still, a number of organizations and agencies try to figure it out.

For many years the U.S. Census Bureau said that 50% of all marriages in the United States ended in divorce. Several years ago the National Center for Health Statistics revised that figure down to 43%. In 2002 the Census Bureau pushed it back up to 50%, but a recent New York Times survey puts the figure at 40%. From these figures it’s easy to see that no one knows the exact number, but clearly the fact is that a lot of us divorce.

But why do we divorce?
Because we are no longer friends?
If so, what killed the friendship?

It’s easy to say that a marriage failed because of an affair, or a lie, or some other breakdown. But what caused the breakdown? In most divorces there is a trigger, then there are reasons for the trigger, and finally there are underlying causes. Affairs and abuse can comprise all three factors: trigger, reason, and cause. Most surveys find that affairs and abuse taken together cause 45% to 55% of all divorces. Affairs are usually listed as causing anywhere from 25% to 34% of all divorces. In most polls 15% to 20% of all surveyed mention abuse as the main reason for their breakups.

The Truth About How Divorce Affects The Children

This morning, I was on The Morning Show with Mike And Juliet" on the Fox Network. The show was about how divorce negatively affects children. My children were interviewed and I was surprised at how my divorce is still affecting them even though the divorce has been final for over two years.

I agreed to do this show to help other people out there who are going through a difficult divorce and are concerned that their kids are caught in the middle. In my situation, I am dealing with an uncooperative ex-husband who refuses to co-parent in a healthy way.

What I learned from this experience today was that even though I and dealing with someone who pushes my buttons and loves conflict, I have to figure out a better way to protect my kids. A key issue I have been dealing with is that my ex smokes in front of my children even though it is forbidden in our divorce order.

This summer he fell asleep with a lit cigarette in his hand and it was burning the carpet while he had my kids at his house for his weekend visitation. My son called me and told what happened and I was furious. I confronted him, but he then proceeded to take it out on my son, angry that he had "snitched" and told me. As upset as I was , I should of waited until the kids were home with me before confronting him.

As divorced parents, we love and want to protect our kids, so it is so heartbreaking when we inadvertently make mistakes during our divorce that can hurt them. We try our best, but sometimes it is just not good enough. After all, we are only human. So if you are like me and struggling to co-parent after a divorce , give yourself a break, take a step back and honestly look at what actions you might be able to take to minimize the damage to your kids during your divorce.

Three Reasons To Throw Yourself A Divorce Party

1. You need closure. We mark important occasions with ceremonies, like weddings, christenings and funerals. Why not have a divorce party to officially end your marriage in a therapeutic way? If you are having a difficult time dealing with the end of your marriage, having an official ceremony where you are supported by friends may help you to move on with your life.

2. You need a good laugh. Divorce parties are known to be creative, funny and outrageous. Anything goes. You will have a great time with good friends and be able to inject some humor into your divorce. Being able to laugh , even in the most difficult times, is great therapy.

3. Your ex got half of all the appliances, dishes and other household items. Design your divorce party like a bridal shower and not only will you have a good time, you will be able to replace some much needed items. You may even want to create a registry so friends know exactly what you need.

If you do decide to throw a divorce party, have fun and enjoy yourself. Make this about beginning a new chapter in your life and closing the door on the past. A divorce party may be just what you need to start over and begin living your new life as a single woman.

Need An Emergency Court Date? Only If Your Britney Spears

Britney Spears was granted an emergency hearing today in Los Angeles to ask the court to allow her overnight visitation with her two young sons, despite the fact that her next court date was not scheduled until late October.

How was Ms. Spears able to get a court date on such notice? Her emergency was that she simply wanted more time with her children. Her kids were not in any danger. In the real world for us average people, it can take up to 3 weeks to be granted an emergency court hearing.

During my own divorce, my ex refused to pay child and spousal support leaving me with all of the household bills and very little money. The mortgage was 2 months overdue and the utilities were about to be shut off so I asked my divorce attorney to request a court date. I was told that the courts were overcrowded and that "emergency" requests were rarely granted. I waited three more weeks for my court date, only to sit in court for eight hours and have the court date rescheduled at the end of the day! Of course my attorney billed me for those hours in court.

This is the sad reality for many people dealing with the family court system. Most family courts in our country are overcrowded . It is typical in divorce and child custody cases to be in court all day long. Often your court dates are adjourned and it can take months or even years before your case is settled.

But this is not the case for Britney Spears. She was able to arrive to court five hours late and still be heard by the judge. I wonder how many "normal" people in L.A .had their court dates cancelled today to accommodate Ms.Spears? Of course, it is not Britney Spear's fault that the Los Angeles court system bends over backwards for celebrities. It is just unfair.

Behind on Child Support? You May Lose Your Driver's License

Should you lose your driver's license if you fail to pay child support? The Tennessee Department of Human Services is threatening to do just that. It wants to revoke the driver's, professional and hunting and fishing licenses of more than 14,000 parents who are delinquent on child support payments.

This is a terrific idea that may be an incentive to deadbeat parents. Another initiative that some states have implemented in child support collection is revoking a delinquent parent's passport. Another great idea.

Obviously if a parent can afford to travel out of the country they can afford to support their children. Of course, there are those who oppose taking away passports and licenses of deadbeat parents. These are the same people who oppose jail time for parents who refuse to pay child support. Many of these activists, mainly father's rights group, claim that the parent cannot afford to pay child support because they are low income earners and it is unfair to pursue them legally.

I wonder who they expect should support their children? The government? Many single parents who do not receive child support are forced to apply for welfare. Those parents who struggle to support their children without financial support are often forced to work two jobs just to make ends meet.

Both parents are responsible for their children's financial well being. If a parent blatantly ignores his or her financial obligations for their child, taking away their right to drive and travel may make them think twice before dodging their responsibilities.

Should Wait Until Your Divorce Is Final Before Dating?

If you are separated and the middle of a divorce you may wonder when it is okay for you to start dating again. Should you wait until your divorce is final?

That would be ideal, but many divorcing women are dealing with long, drawn out divorces, thanks in part, to the overcrowded family court system. It can takes months and even years before your divorce is finalized. Especially if your divorce is a bitter one and you are fighting over assets.

If you marriage is over and you no longer live with your spouse, then it is safe to start dating again. But only if you are upfront about your situation with a potential partner. Make sure you inform your date that you are still legally married, but have filed for divorce and are waiting for your divorce to become official. It would be unfair to withhold this information since some people might have a problem with dating someone who is still technically married.

Although you should not have to put your life on hold because the court system is slow, you might want to consider holding off dating again if you feel that you are not ready emotionally. If your divorce is a messy one and you are still plagued by feelings of anger, sadness and confusion, it would be unfair to bring someone new into your life when you are not yet ready to commit to a new relationship.

Slinging Mud In A Divorce: Should You Go There?

The Denise Richards-Charlie Sheen divorce/custody battle has become dirtier than ever, with Ms.Richards submitting some shocking allegations to the court about Mr.Sheen. Everything from vicious emails to alleged pornography use by Mr. Sheen, are now public knowledge. (Read more here)

Sadly, vicious divorce battles where both parties reveal horrible things about each are not limited to high profile celebrities. Which leads us to the question, is anything off limits when it comes to winning a divorce or custody battle? Or should couples do whatever it takes to triumph, even if it includes humiliating the father or mother of your children?

It all depends on your motive. If you are seeking to destroy your ex in court purely to get revenge, then you will have to deal with the fact that your children will someday be privileged to the information you are exposing. If however, the allegations are true and you feel your children may be affected negatively by your ex's behavior, you need to report that information to the court. Of course it depends on the severity of the allegations, if your spouse does drugs or or engages in other dangerous behavior you must protect yourself and your children by reporting it. However, if your ex is a loving parent and has an embarrassing habit that does not in any way affect the children, revealing that information can only be damaging to your kids.

If you are tempted to expose your ex in court ask yourself this question: Am I doing this to ensure the well being of myself or my children? Or am I so hurt and angry at my ex that I want him to suffer? If the latter is true, take a step back and get in touch with your feelings before taking harmful actions based on revenge.

A Thank You To The "Other Woman"

Four years ago this month I discovered my husband was having an affair. I was devastated. I remember waking up each morning feeling as though I had been punched in the stomach. The pain was, at times ,unbearable. The man I once considered my best friend, the person I trusted the most, had betrayed me.

But most of my anger at the time was directed toward his mistress. I hated her with a passion. She had destroyed my family and turned my world upside down. In my opinion she was an evil woman who had no qualms about wrecking my marriage, hurting my children and trying to get every dime she could get her hands on. Eventually, she did leave my ex, but only after he ran out of money and spent a large part of our savings on her.

Now, four years later, I have a different viewpoint. Although the hell both my ex and this woman put my family through is inexcusable, I now feel as though I should thank her.

That might be a startling statement, but had she not come along, I would still be married to my ex. His affair revealed things that I had refused to look at for many years. The fact that he is not a very nice person. He is selfish, mean spirited and verbally abusive. During my marriage I buried my head in the sand and refused to see the truth about him and the state of our marriage. I saw myself as a happily married woman. I would have never considered divorce had he not cheated on me. I overlooked his flaws, as many women do, in order to preserve my marriage and keep my family intact. It took a stranger 's involvement in our marriage to uncover the truth.

The illusion had been shattered, thanks to the other woman. My life is so different than it was four years ago, I am happier than I have ever been in my life. So sometimes there is a silver lining to even the darkest clouds. I suspect that the "other woman" is out there somewhere wrecking someone else's marriage. But I now believe that a predator like her can only expose the cracks that already exist in a marriage. A couple dealing with adultery can either try and repair those cracks through marriage counseling or divorce and go their separate ways.

If the choice is to end the marriage, there is hope. The pain will eventually subside and you may discover a new and exciting life that you never believed possible before.

Explaining The Financial Implications Of Divorce To Your Kids

As a parent, you want the to provide your kids with everything they need and desire. But when you are a single mom, it is especially difficult to say no to your kids. Often we feel guilty and ashamed telling our kids that we cannot afford to buy them what they want
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Quite often, divorce can be a financial earthquake for both parents, and the children feel the effects. Before the divorce they were used to living a certain lifestyle and now because there are no longer two incomes contributing to one household, life has changed.

This can be hard for kids to understand. You should be honest and tell your kids the truth. Tell that that although you would love to buy them that new video game, right now you need to save your money to pay the bills. Give them some suggestions on how they may be able to earn some money themselves. If they old enough maybe they can take on a paper route or do some babysitting. For younger kids, give them a small allowance to help around the house .This is a great way to teach them an important lesson on how to be responsible with money.

My own teenage son was very excited when the new Halo 3 xbox video game came out last week. He asked me to purchase it for him. I explained that right now, that was not something I could do. I suggested that he save his money so that he could buy it for himself. He got creative and went through all of the video games that he no longer played with and was able to exchange them at the game store for the Halo 3. I think he is enjoying his new game more, knowing he figured out a way to buy it himself, then had I simply went out and bought it for him.

Another important thing to consider when explaining your finances to your kids is to not blame your ex-husband for your current financial situation, even if he is behind on child support. This will cause your child to become resentful of his father and create bitter feelings. Although your ex's lack of support may be contributing to your financial woes, do not involve the children.

Most importantly, congratulate yourself on doing the best job you can, raising children as a single parent. It is not an easy job. Do not feel guilty over not being able to afford the latest toy or gadget for your child. Your kids will grow up to appreciate and value money more than a child who has had everything handed to him.

Divorced and Deceived: How To Trust Again

How can a woman who went through a bitter divorce ever be able to trust a new man again? If your husband, a man who you once loved and trusted, can hurt you so deeply, is it possible to open your heart to someone new again?

Often the wounds from a nasty breakup are deep and take time to heal. Although they do heal eventually, they leave scars. A woman entering into a new relationship after a breakup is on guard. Afraid to be hurt again, she protects herself by assuming the worst about her new mate, that he will eventually hurt her.

It is ironic that what you expect of someone is usually what you will get. If you feel you cannot trust someone, they pick up on that and may just prove you right. The key is not to rush to judgment and assume that the new man in your life will be like the last.

It is imperative that you trust your own instincts about this person. Listen to your gut. If this man is giving you no indication that he is an untrustworthy person, then give him the benefit of the doubt.

Love is about letting go and taking some risks. If you are guarded and defensive you will never find that special someone. It is not easy to take a leap of faith and trust a new man after you have been so deeply hurt, but the risk may be worth it and you might be pleasantly surprised at the outcome.

A Single Mom's Dilemma-Spending Quality Time With the Kids

As a single mom is is sometimes difficult to find quality time to spend with the kids. After working all day, making dinner, helping with homework, making school lunches , doing laundry and the hundred other things single moms must do to keep the household running smoothly, we are ready to collapse.

This is precisely the time when you will hear the little voice of your child imploring you to play or read a story. Of course you will oblige, but what you really want to do is chill out on the couch and watch your favorite t.v. show.

As you rush through the story or play a quick game with your child, the pangs of guilt will eat away at you. You will berate yourself for craving time to yourself instead of enjoying time with your kids. So what is the solution? How can you unwind after a long, stressful day and still enjoy some quality time with the kids?

I have discovered that the key to making everyone happy is to find an activity that both you and your child enjoy. Let's face it, may of us do not find playing barbies or with trucks to be all that exciting anymore. But if you think back to your own childhood and reflect on what activities you enjoyed back then, you may come up with an activity you can do with your own child.

As a child, I enjoyed arts and crafts. My youngest daughter is also very creative, so doing some form of arts and crafts is something we can both enjoy together. Since my boys are obsessed with video games and the computer, it is a little more challenging to find something we mutually enjoy.

They do like playing Uno and Scrabble, tow of my favorite games. I have found that by spending as a little as thirty minutes with my kids doing something we all enjoy, they are more than happy to move on and occupy themselves while I get some personal time to myself.

Protect Yourself During A Divorce

Divorce can bring out the worst in people. An intelligent, sane person can become overcome with emotion and loss control during a divorce. For some divorcing women, getting a divorce can be a dangerous time, especially if there was any history of physical or mental abuse during the marriage.

This week ,a forty year old man and father of three, allegedly abducted his estranged wife in Indiana. Fortunately he released her and did not cause her any bodily harm. The couple are in the process of getting a divorce.

We do not know his motives for the alleged abduction, but we can probably assume that he is feeling out of control and distraught about the pending divorce. Some divorcing spouses can act completely out of character and do unimaginable things.

If you are in the middle of a divorce right now, make sure to protect yourself. Here are three things you can do to ensure your safety:

1. Limit contact with your soon to be ex. Do not agree to meet him alone, if he indicates he wants to meet with you to talk things over, have the meeting take place at your lawyer's office.

2. Exercise caution when coming home alone at night. If you have any reason to believe that your ex could turn violent , then make sure to have a friend or family member with you at all times.

3. Do not fuel the fire and antagonize your ex. Again limit contact, including telephone and emails. If he shows any signs of harassment, like excessive phone calls, driving by your home repeatedly or making threats, you may want to consider obtaining a restraining order against him.

You must protect yourself during your divorce by being aware of your surroundings and if your ex has given you any reason to assume he could be capable of violence , do not hesitant to contact the authorities.

Can 50/50 Joint Custody Work for you?

Years ago, the typical child custody arrangement gave the mother physical custody and the father usually got the kids every other weekend and one night a week for dinner.

But recently there has been a growing number of fathers who have challenged this arrangement and desire joint custody of their kids. Many feel that just because they are divorcing their wives, it does not mean that they must also divorce their children too. They want to be full participants in their children's lives and not be forced to be part time dads.

Some women however have a problem with this and rather go with the traditional custody arrangements when negotiating their divorce. Both parents must consider what is in the best interest of the children and put their personal feelings aside. It would be advantageous for kids to be able to have access to both of their parents, if at all possible. If there is no indications of abuse or questionable behavior, then divorcing couples should consider a 50/50 joint custody arrangement.

Some pitfalls may be the location of the parents. If one parent lives far from the other, it may not be in the best interest of the child to have to spend time traveling between both homes each week. Also arrangements where the child spends alternating weeks with each parent may be confusing and disruptive to the child's routine.

The best scenario would be if both parents live within a short proximity of each other and the kids can spend time at each home during the week. Co-parenting requires creativity, so maybe dad will have the kids on Friday night through Sunday night and then for dinner twice that week and then switch with mom the following week.

Of course work schedules, after school activities and play dates may complicate things. But if two parents can work together in agreement and be flexible, their kids can benefit enormously from having both parents actively involved in their lives. Sadly, there are many fathers who do not want to spend time with their kids and even miss their scheduled visitations. If a father acts in good faith and wants to continue to be involved in the day to day activities of his child's life, then he should be applauded for doing so.

Surviving Your Parent's Divorce

In his new book, The Bright Side, Your Guide to Surviving Your Parents’ Divorce, first time author Max Sindell provides kids of all ages with a helpful resource about dealing with divorce and making the most out of it.

During a divorce, the children, although the ones most affected by the separation of their parents, are often an afterthought. Many parents in the heat of the battle, are too caught up in their own emotional pain to be able to effectively deal with what their kids are experiencing.

This new book provides children with a new spin on the negativity of divorce, it teaches that it is actually possible for children to deal with the day to day realities of divorce and view divorce in a positive manner. The author says "that divorce doesn’t have to be as terrible as everyone says it is – In fact, between all the new people, new experiences, and new freedoms, divorce can turn out to be a lot better than anyone might expect."

The book begins with the "Divorced Kids Bill of Rights" and outlines seven rights which kids and parents need to know. To find out more about "The Bright Side, Your Guide to Surviving Your Parents’ Divorce" you can visit Max Sindell's website at http://www.survivingyourparentsdivorce.com/ There are a number a great resources for kids on the site and I will be recommending it to my own children.

Can you Be Friends With The Ex?

Is it really possible to become friends with your ex after the divorce is final? Several celebrity couples have done just that. Demi Moore and Bruce Willis even vacation together with the kids and Demi's new husband, Ashton Kutcher. Christie Brinkley and Billy Joel have also remained friendly for the sake of their daughter.

But can couples in the real world not only get along with their ex, but actually become friends? There is a company whose mission is to do just that, to educate the public about the benefits of going to mediation before engaging in costly, traumatic litigation and leaving the decision-making to their lawyers and Judges. DivorceDoneRight will encourage couples to go to mediation first, and benefit from its concept of a "Successful Divorce(TM)", which helps couples resolve family conflicts and divorce in an amiable and cost-effective manner, usually within a few months.

This can only benefit the children. All divorcing couples should try to put their differences aside and develop a good relationship for the sake of the kids. However, there are certain circumstances that may prevent a future friendship between ex-spouses, such as any sort of verbal or physical abuse. Clearly both parties have to cooperate and be willing to let go of past anger and resentment.

It is a great concept and it would be wonderful to see more amicable divorces where children are not put in the middle. The children will benefit enormously by seeing that even though their parent's marriage did not work out, they can still have a respectful, healthy relationship with each other.

Dirty Divorce Tactics

I recently met a man who told me a horrifying story of how his friend

"got over" on his ex-wife during their divorce. I will not reveal the details of what this man did, but the consequences were that she was legally unable to hire legal representation in her own town. She had to go to a neighboring town to hire a divorce lawyer. I hesitate to expose exactly how this man did this is, for fear that someone will read this devious divorce technique and use it on an unsuspecting spouse.

Unfortunately there is information on the Internet that will teach you how to plan your divorce, six months to a year in advance with the intent of harming your spouse financially and emotionally.

I believe that although you must do everything in your power to protect yourself during your divorce, you should never resort to dirty divorce tactics. However, you cannot stand back and let an out of control spouse destroy you either. My father taught me to "never throw the first punch, but if someone hits you then knock them out!"

You should try to be fair and civil in your divorce. Do your best to settle your divorce as amicably as possible. But if your soon to be ex starts using dirty divorce tactics, you must fight back. I hear too many stories of women who are financially and emotionally beaten after dealing with an ex who is out for blood. Instead of cowering in the corner, stand up and fight this bully.

Gather your strength and fight for what is yours. Although you will be drained of energy and ready to give up, gather the strength that is deep down inside you and stand up for yourself and your children.

You will be amazed at what you can do when you harness the energy and drive that is within you. And remember, as tempting as it may be, never resort to any low down, unscrupulous divorce tactics. What goes around comes and around and it will only hurt you in the end.

Can Your Divorce Lawyer Fire You?

According to www.people.com "Laura Wasser, Britney Spears' divorce attorney has stepped down as her attorney in the custody battle with

Kevin Federline. Wasser said Spears would be in "excellent hands" with her replacement and added, "I don't want anyone to perceive that we're dumping Britney."

In essence, Ms. Wasser has fired her own client. Can this happen to you

in the middle of your own divorce or custody battle? Yes. An attorney can petition the court to be removed from a client's case. If this happens to you, you can ask the court to grant you 30 days to find a new attorney. You can also fire your divorce attorney and seek new representation, although if you try to switch lawyers too far into the case, a judge may deny your request if there are upcoming court dates already scheduled on the family court calender.

Why would a lawyer want to fire their own client? In the case of Britney Spears, it is most likely her inability to take advice from her own legal counsel, therefore jeopardizing her own chances to retain joint custody of her two young sons. .In most cases, conflict of interest, personal or health problems or a lack of communication with the client can all be factors in a lawyer's decision to remove himself from a case.

Caution: Be Careful Choosing Your Divorce Attorney!

As a divorce coach, I see many clients who are unsatisfied with their divorce lawyers. The situation is typical. They are confident in their choice of an attorney in the beginning of the divorce, but as the months and sometimes years linger on, they start to lose faith in the professional they have entrusted their future with.

Unfortunately, there are some divorce lawyers who are only interested in making money. They quickly assess your financial picture during your initial consultation. When the retainer runs out and they do not see any foreseeable way to earn more income from your case, they encourage you to settle, even if the settlement may not be in your best interest.

I am currently coaching a client in this exact situation right now. Her lawyer is advising her to take a settlement that would include no alimony, even though she gave up a thriving career years ago to be a stay at home mom. Her husband currently earns six figures a year. Based on the length of the marriage, in most states this client should be eligible for alimony, although the length and amount would vary.

So why would this client's attorney advise her to forgo alimony in her divorce settlement? I suspect it is because, due to the rapid decline in the housing market, their home has very little equity and there are no other liquid assets. It appears as though her attorney has lost interest in her case and if the case is prolonged or goes to trial , she will not make a profit.

In all fairness, lawyers are in business to make money and have high expenses they must cover. If a client does not have the ability to pay, they may have a hard time legally removing themselves from a case. Not all divorce lawyers are callous and uncaring. The problem arises when they put their own financial interests ahead of what is in the best interest of their clients.

You must exercise caution when choosing your divorce attorney. You need to interview people you know who have gone through a divorce. Consider what you hear. Did someone go through hell because they had a bad lawyer, or did a good lawyer help them through a hell that could’ve been a lot worse? Did another person’s divorce go smoothly only because there was little to contest, or did the lawyer successfully foresee problems, and settle them in advance? You may want to find someone who was in a situation similar to yours. Can this lawyer avoid crises? Can this lawyer handle crises?

It is also crucial that your personalities click. You will spend a lot of time with this person; you need to feel comfortable with him or her. In the end, consider all these factors, and allow your intuition some sway. Can you get along with this person? Do you trust them?

With the right attorney’s guidance you can work together and speed the process of your divorce. Once you find the right attorney, you will feel more confident in your divorce outcome.

Catching a Cheater

Should you spy on your spouse if you suspect he is having an affair? This can be a loaded question. Are you prepared for what you might uncover? Can you handle finding proof that your husband is cheating? What if you are wrong, are you prepared for the consequences of your husband finding out you are spying on him?

Be sure to answer these questions very carefully before deciding to act on your suspicions. Finding out your husband is having an affair is an emotionally devastating experience. If you decide to investigate, make sure you prepare yourself ahead of time for the worst case scenario.

Thanks to the Internet you can now be your own detective and purchase special tools to help you catch a cheater. According to http://www.chatcheaters.com there is array of high tech spy equipment to monitor your spouses every move.

Here are few available for purchase from their website:

1. Spy Software-you can install one on your husband’s computer and record everything he does. Some of these programs even install remotely

2. You can get a GPS recording device and place it into your husband’s trunk. You will be able to track your husband’s whereabouts, including the exact location on a street map and the time of day he was there. It records for up to 18 days.

3. How about this crazy gadget- a voice changer. You can buy this device and it will actually change your voice over the phone. This way you can call those numbers on your husband’s cell phone and pretend to be someone else to gather information.

4.There is even a portable lie detector. I am not sure how you would convince your husband to use it, although if he refuses this could be a sign of guilt.

5. If you husband is getting frequent emails from the same email address, you can use "The Email Tracer", it finds the identify of the sender of the email

Before you rush out and buy any of these gadgets, make sure you are comfortable morally and ethically with spying on your husband. Trust your gut instincts, if this kind of investigation makes you feel uncomfortable, then don’t do it. Confronting your husband and seeing what his reaction is might be a better option. Deep down you will know if he is telling you the truth, we are built with the most powerful lie detector in the world, our own intuition.

Will You Have To Sell Your Home During A Divorce?

Whether or not you will be forced to sell your home during a divorce depends upon several factors. If the property is considered a martial asset-meaning it was acquired during the marriage, it is usually subject to equitable distribution, depending on which state you live in. You may want to buy out your husband's share of the equity in the home during your divorce settlement. Or you may chose to sell the home and share the profits.

There are some creative ways to handle the division of your home that you can incorporate into your divorce settlement. If you have small children, you could request that the sale of the home is delayed until your youngest child turns 18 years old. At that point, the home would be sold and the profits would be split between you and your ex husband. There are several things you need to consider with this arrangement. If you are paying the monthly mortgage, taxes and expenses for the home, then those monies should be deducted from your ex's share at the closing. You may also want to have the home appraised and set the amount of equity to be shared at what your house is worth at the time of your divorce. The home will probably be worth much more years later. Your ex would have to agree to this arrangement and be willing to wait for his share of the equity.

Another option is to waive alimony from your ex-husband if you are entitled to it. You then ask for his share of the equity in the martial home in the divorce settlement. If there is enough equity on his part to cover what you would have received in alimony,you can save thousands of dollars in taxes. Alimony is considered taxable income. The equity in your home is exempt up to $250,000 for a single person who has resided in the home as her primary place of residence for two or more years.

Thinking about selling your home during a divorce can be emotionally draining and can negatively affect your children should you have to move. Think over all options, consult with your divorce attorney and an accountant before agreeing to any division of property in your divorce settlement.

For more information on property division during divorce go to:

http://www.divorcenet.com/property_division

Is Marriage Better The Second Time Around?

If you are divorced, you might secretly wonder what marriage the second time around would be like. Would your new mate be everything your first one was not? Would he wisk you off your feet and restore your faith in true, everlasting love?

Unfortunately, statistics have proven that second marriages have even a higher divorce rate than first marriages. So why then are some us so eager to jump back into marriage so soon after divorce? Many people feel lonely after divorce and have a selective memory about what their marriage was really like. They reminisce about the good times and conveniently forgot why they got divorced in the first place.

After the initial phases of shock, anger and grief after divorce, you go through a loneliness phase. This can be a dangerous time period for a newly divorced person. You may meet someone on the rebound and convinced you are in love, make the hasty decision to remarry. What you really need to do is ride out the loneliness phase by becoming your own best friend. You need to spend time working on yourself and enjoying your own company. You cannot look to another person to complete you or fulfill you. Only when you are truly happy with your own company are you ready to begin a new relationship

Another reason why most second marriages are doomed from the start is that the issues that broke apart the first marriage have not been addressed or dealt with. Take some time to discover why your first marriage ended. Yes, it may be your ex’s fault, but what role did you have in the breakup? This is not a time for blame; it is a time for self reflection. By unearthing the real reasons for the demise of your marriage you will be better prepared to deal with these issues should they arise again in a new relationship.

Second marriages can work, but only if both parties come into the relationship free of the baggage from their previous relationships. Take your time and do not rush into a new marriage after divorce. Be wise and make sure re-marriage is something you are really ready for.

Online Dating After Divorce


Where do you go to meet someone new? Years ago it seemed like singles bars were the only permanent meeting place. They were open every night, but they were also pressure cookers that were often fueled by too much alcohol. Now there is another spot this is always open: the World Wide Web. The Internet provides many interesting options. As online dating has gained popularity it has shown itself to be more convenient than singles bars, with more possibilities as well.

One popular online dating service is Eharmony.com. This dating service makes you fill out a lengthy questionnaire aimed at matching you and a mate. The match is made on the basis of several critical components. I liked E-harmony for several reasons. One was their policy of not posting your information and photo for just anyone to see. Your data is sent only to specific matches.

Another popular site is Match.com. . They seem to have a greater selection of potential dates. At Match.com you can browse and look at available singles’ pictures and profiles. You do the choosing using the posted information. The downside is that everyone can see your photo and information on this site, including people just browsing.

There are also many social networks online where you can meet someone after a divorce. My space is no longer just for teens and there is now facebook, meetup.com, and many other sites to meet new friends. I recently started a "dating after divorce" network on ning.com. It is a place for newly single people to share their thoughts and feelings and meet other divorced people in the same situation. You can go to www.datingafterdivorce.ning.com to join for free.

If you are going to use the Internet to meet potential dating partners, be sure to protect yourself and do not give out your personal information. Communicate by email in the beginning and then slowly build up a relationship that then leads to phone conversations. If you do meet in person, choose a busy public place for the first few meetings.

Your online dating experience can be a good one if you use caution. Meeting someone new after divorce can be an adventure and by using the Internet to help you in your quest, you may find that new, special relationship you have been looking for.

Things You Can Do With Your Wedding Ring After Divorce

An innovative New York woman has come up with a creative way to store your wedding ring after divorce. She makes little coffins for wedding rings. At weddingringcoffin.com, for $30 to $35 you can buy miniature, solid-wood coffins with a mahogany finish, velvet interior and a lid allowing for an open or closed casket. The coffins also come with an engraved brass plaque with such messages as: "Bury the past and move on" or "Six feet isn't deep enough!

I find this to be amusing, but I rather get some use out of my wedding ring than have it collect dust in a "coffin". What I want to do with my ring is have it redesigned into a cocktail ring and call it my "Freedom Ring". This way every time I wear it I will be reminded of how my life has changed for the better, after my divorce, just like the ring. Instead of burying our rings, we can redesign them, just like we are redesigning our new lives.

Of course if it will give you satisfaction and relief to flush your ring down the toilet, or throw it out the window, go ahead. You may need to release your anger and getting rid of the ring may the therapy you need. Another more practical option would be just to sell it. Then take the money and treat yourself to a trip, new clothes or something else you have been wanting. Preferably something your ex would have not approved of during your marriage.

Whatever you decide to do with your wedding ring after your divorce, have fun and keep a sense of humor. The ring is a symbol of your former life. Although it may be painful to let go of the past, by letting go of your wedding ring you are paving the way for a new and exciting life.

Protect Yourself From An Abusive Ex In Your Divorce Settlement

If you are a woman who has been abused during your marriage and are now seeking a divorce, be sure to discuss with your lawyer how to protect yourself after the divorce has been settled. The extent of abuse, and the potential for further abuse, should be the most important factors in any divorce settlement. If there is an obvious threat of further abuse to a spouse and/or children, the contact should be limited or completely cut off. The safety of the victims must be the basis for settlement.

If the abuse is confined to the spouse, and isn’t sustained or life threatening, a judge will often arrange for visitation rights with the children. If this is the case, make sure all conditions are met to ensure your own safety when exchanging children for a visit. Judges sometimes draw up conditions for these exchanges that include third parties (trusted friends or family members), performing the exchange in a public place, or other security measures. It is crucial that you protect yourself and make sure that your lawyer or the judge adds these provisions to any visitations with the children in the divorce settlement.

Also, be aware that sometimes a physical abuser can easily turn into an emotional abuser.
Your divorce may be final, but that doesn't mean you ex will automatically stop his abusive behavior. Be on guard, continue to keep your distance from your ex-spouse and keep alert to any possible signs of abuse towards the children.