Are You Stuck in Divorce Limbo?

Divorce limbo is the time period between when you file for divorce and when your divorce is finalized. Many divorce limbos can stretch out for months and even years, leaving you feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and fearful about your future. No knowing where you stand financially in a divorce prevents you from making plans for the future. So when you are stuck in divorce limbo your life is in a holding pattern. You cannot leave the past behind and start over yet because you are still dealing with court dates, lawyers and fights with ex.

My own divorce limbo lasted for 18 long, excruciating months. It seemed like my every waking thought during that time was consumed by the divorce. Looking back, it felt like I was being mentally tortured. Being on the brink of financial ruin, since my ex would not pay alimony and child support, it was one of the most stressful times of my life. My worst fear was that I would lose everything and be unable to care for my children.

Thankfully, my divorce nightmare did come to an end and I was able to clean up most of the financial mess it caused once the divorce was settled. There is no magic formula or great advice on how to survive divorce limbo. The one thing to remember is that it will come to an end and you will be okay. You may not believe that now, but hold on to that thought. No one stays in divorce limbo forever. The day will come when you are handed your divorce papers and your new life will begin and it will be better than before.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce...

Does Madonna's Husband Deserve a 76 Million Dollar Divorce Settlement?

Madonna's publicist announced today that Madonna will pay her husband, Guy Ritchie, between 76 -92 million dollars in their divorce settlement. The couple has been married for 8 years. That is a huge amount of money, even for a superstar. Should Guy Ritchie get such an enormous sum of money for only 8 years of marriage?

I think he should. Madonna, known for being a savvy business woman, made a huge mistake by not asking Guy Ritchie to sign a prenuptial agreement when they married. It amazes me that superstars like Madonna and Paul McCartney do not have the sense to protect their assets, knowing how often Hollywood marriages fail.

Since there was obviously no prenup, Guy Ritchie is entitled to half of whatever Madonna earned during their marriage. I think Madonna made the right choice settling the divorce and not fighting her husband in court like Paul McCartney did in his divorce. The couple have 3 young children who will be spared much heartache now that they have agreed to a settlement.

I am curious if the media will label Guy Ritchie a "gold digger" like they did with Heather Mills.

It seems unfair that Heather Mills was vilified in the press for wanting millions of dollars from Paul McCartney, while nothing negative is being said about Guy Ritchie wanting such a big chunk of Madonna's fortune.

Either way, whether you're man or a woman and whether you have a fortune or not, if you do not have a prenup, you can expect to share half of all assets acquired during a marriage. Madonna has set a good example by agreeing to pay her husband instead of engaging in a long, drawn out court battle.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce....

Is Your Divorce Attorney the Right Match for You?

There are so many factors to consider when hiring a divorce attorney.

His or her reputation and experience are certainly important. But have you considered if your divorce lawyer's personality and style is in line with yours? Do you share the same values?

A ruthless shark of an attorney may be perfect for someone hell bent on getting everything they feel they deserve in a divorce case but what if you want a peaceful divorce and want it to be over quickly?

You must be careful when screening potential divorce lawyers and make sure you both are on the same wave length. Make sure this is someone whose personality meshes with your own and you can actually get along with. Remember, you first instincts about a person are usually correct.

Do not make excuses for an attorney if something bothers you about them. Telling yourself "Well, he may be loud and aggressive, but I hear he is the best divorce attorney in town" will not help you if what you are really looking for is a caring, gentle attorney who believes in mediation.

Your divorce attorney can set the tone for your entire divorce. One who refuses to negotiate with the other side and is aggressive in court will prolong your divorce and may make settling your divorce in an amicable manner impossible. Keep this is mind when choosing your divorce attorney. It is better to choose the right attorney in the beginning then realizing you made a mistake and having to find new representation during the divorce.

How the Economy Can Effect Your Divorce..

I really feel for people who are thinking about getting a divorce or in the middle of one right now. With the dire economic conditions we are facing, many couples are going to have less assets to divide and a more difficult time financially supporting two separate households.

It used to be that a couple could count on the equity in their home, 401Ks and other investments to divvy up. With the housing market crisis, stocks plummeting and the cost of living rising, many couples will not have the money available to buy a new home or even live comfortably after a divorce.

Think about this. The longer you take to settle your divorce the greater risk you are at. If you filed for divorce 6 months ago, at that time your assets were worth more than they are worth today. If we continue in this downward economic spiral, your assets will lose more value and you will get less in your divorce settlement. Another scenario that can effect your divorce is if you or your partner loses your job. Child support and alimony payments will surely be affected.

To make matters worse, if you are paying a high priced divorce attorney, his fees will mount while your divorce settlement decreases. So the best advice to divorcing couples now is to settle your divorce as fast as possible. This is no time to fight it out. With assets frozen and unable to be sold during a divorce unless court ordered, you are risking your financial well being.

If you are dealing with a hard headed spouse who has refused to settle so far, maybe it is time you explain to him or her that you will both suffer financially should your divorce drag on. The quicker you reach a settlement, the better chance you have to protect your assets.

Christie Brinkley's Nasty Divorce Battle Continues...

I have been following the Christie Brinkley-Peter Cook divorce trial in the news over the last few days . This is a perfect example of how a divorce can spiral out of control ,like a tornado, damaging everyone in it's path.

The trial started on Wednesday with shocking testimony and repulsive, graphic details of Peter Cook's affair with a teenage and expensive porn habit. Yesterday the trial continued with Christie Brinkley on the stand, explaining how her life was shattered when she found out about her husband's affair.

At issue in this divorce trial is custody of the couple's two children and three properties bought by Ms. Brinkley, even though they have a pre-nup.

Here are some of the gory details, in case you have not been following the news:

Peter cook had an affair with an 18 year old who he hired because she was "beautiful" paying her $20,00 to type magazine articles into his company's website. He admits to leaving money for her in various location and having sex with her at two of Christie Brinkley's homes.

He also went on to pay his mistress $300,000 to keep quiet. Mr. Cook also admits to surfing porn and swinger websites and performing lewd acts in front of a web cam. He supposedly spent $3,000 a month on his porn habit. (Note: Peter Cook married Christie Brinkely with very little of his own money and few assets. Christie Brinkely paid the bills and supported their lavish lifestyle).

His step-daughter, Alexa Ray Joel, testified that he once pushed her head into a bucket of water after her shower leaked.

The biggest insult is that Peter Cook actually had the nerve to accuse his wife of being vengeful and angry and a "good actress". I think she has every reason to feel angry. Her husband, cheated, squandered her money and has added insult to injury by suing her for sole custody for their children.

Mr. Cook's lawyer feels that it has been 2 years and she should be over it by now. Sorry, but it does not work that way. The deep pain inflicted on a person whose spouse has cheated can take years to heal. Should she be using the trial to punish her husband? No. She needs to time to grieve the loss of her marriage and go through the many stages of grief. I don't think she is trying to get revenge here, only to protect her assets and retain custody of the children.

Should this trial be open to the public? I still think that was a mistake. The trial could of went on without everyone in the world knowing the graphic details. I can only imagine the how difficult this must be for their kids, having to hear the horrible details of their father's sexual habits and adultery.

If you are going through a divorce, let this divorce trial serve as an example of how ugly and nasty going to trial can get. Do everything possible to settle your divorce. That may mean giving up some things in order to avoid the pain a trial can bring.

Sometimes though, a trial becomes the only way to settle a divorce, especially when the issue is not primarily money, but custody of the children. In this case, both of these parents love their kids, and even though Peter Cook is not a good husband, it does not necessarily make him a bad father. He obviously has a problem and needs help. Unless there is physical or emotional abuse and evidence of one parent being a danger to the children, custody arrangements can be worked out.

In the end, Compromise is key. No one is happy with their divorce settlement and like I have said so many times before, the lawyers are the only true winners when a divorce battle drags on.

When The Divorce Never Ends....

Did you hear about the woman in Florida who has been going through a divorce for 13 years and has been through 16 lawyers and 10 judges? Sounds unbelievable, but unfortunately it is true. Even though she was awarded $240,000 and $6,000 a month in alimony and attorney fees, she has only been able to get $162,000 of that, half of which the lawyers took and the rest went to martial debt. Now Marlene Forland is on public assistance and living with her mother.

Ms. Forland continues to fight for justice and force her ex-husband, who has eluded the law by moving out of state, to pay up. What I wonder is how much has this divorce case actually cost this woman emotionally? I cannot fathom fighting a divorce case for 13 years. My own divorce battle lasted 18 months and that was more than enough.

Maybe it is time for her to let go. Yes, it is not fair. Her ex should not get away with dodging a court order and leaving his ex-wife destitute. But what if Ms. Forland decided to put all of her energy into herself and rebuilding her life? What if her focus switched to starting a business or going back to school so she could get off public assistance? I am not judging her in anyway and can completely understand her outrage and frustration. The problem is that she is caught in a web of negative energy fighting in a legal system that only benefits the lawyers. The more she fights, the higher her legal fees.

Even the judge in the case recently said, “Even if I rule 100 percent in your favor, I’m just going to add another piece of paper [to your casefile] — the next page of Volume 13.”

If she could emotionally detach herself from this and release her anger at this injustice, she might be able to create a new life without focusing everyday on how to get her ex to pay. I have a feeling this man will get what he deserves in the end, anyway. "What goes around , comes around" and someone who flees the state and goes into hiding to avoid paying their ex alimony cannot be attracting good things into his life.

Find out the three things you must know to win your divorce....

Celebrity Proves A Peaceful Divorce Is Possible...

Actor Robin Williams, who is divorcing his wife of 19 years, has vowed to have a peaceful divorce and plans to work with his soon to be ex-wife to keep their divorce as civil as possible.

Williams has said "We will strive to be honest, cooperative and respectful as we work in this process to achieve the future well being of our families,"and "We commit ourselves to the collaborative law process and agree to seek a positive way to resolve our differences justly and equitably."

After the recent onslaught of bitter Hollywood divorces-Paul McCartney/Heather Mills, Denise Richards/Charlie Sheen and Hulk Hogan and his wife Linda, to name a few, it is wonderful to see a celebrity set a good example by handling his divorce in a fair and dignified manner.

Hopefully more couples will follow the Williams' example and strive for a peaceful divorce. Couples who settle their divorces amicably are better able to co-parent their children together, have kids with less emotional problems and save a fortune on attorney fees. It is possible, although not always easy, to avoid a costly divorce battle. It takes putting aside your own emotions and anger and doing what is best for your family. If a couple can work together and come to a divorce settlement either on their own or with the help of a mediator, they will save themselves and their children stress, heartache and money.

An Important Tax Form You Must Include in Your Divorce Decree....

With the deadline to file taxes only weeks away, many divorced men and women may find themselves in a tricky position when it comes time to file their returns. In the final divorce decree, the settlement outlines which parent can claim which child. Usually, if there are two children for example, each parent gets to claim one. But some divorce parents ignore this court order and file before their ex spouse and claim both children on their tax return.

This is a clear violation of the divorce decree but since divorce decrees are usually only binding on the parties that agree to it, the IRS does not have to honor your divorce order. Meaning your ex can get away with claiming your kids. If the child lived with you for more than half a year you can go ahead and claim the child anyway, but the IRS may challenge you and you will have to prove the child resided with you.

There is an IRS form that can solve this problem. The best way to protect your rights is to tell your divorce lawyer you want your soon to be ex to sign a IRS Form 8332, waiving the right to claim the child. One must be filled out for each child. You can then in return sign one for your ex waiving any rights to claim the child he has been assigned to claim.

It amazes me that most divorce lawyers do not tell their clients about this form. It will prevent aggravation and a possible trip back to family court to enforce a violation of the divorce order later on. If you are in the middle of a divorce right now make sure to inform your attorney you want this form included in your final divorce decree.

Find out how to protect yourself and your children during divorce...

5 Things You Need To Put In Your Divorce Settlement

When it is time to finally settle your divorce and the papers are drawn up by the lawyers, it is easy to miss some of the less obvious things you need to include in the settlement. Major issues, like custody, alimony and child support are covered, but some of the things you may not be thinking about today, but will affect your financial future, are often overlooked.

Here are 5 things you need to consider putting in your divorce settlement:

1. Credit card debt. The division of credit card debt is usually outlined in the final divorce order, but you must make sure that credit card account numbers are also included. It is not enough to say that your ex will pay the american axpress card balance. You need to list the account numbers so that if the credit card company comes after you for payment you can mail them a copy of your divorce order that clearly states whose responsibility the debt is.

2. Car Insurance. If you have children , you may not know that when they reach the age to get their driver's license, most insurance companies will automatically increase your premium. If you are the custodial parent, you need to add a provision in your settlement that when the children get their licenses and your car insurance goes up, you ex will pay 50% of the extra costs. I learned this the hard way, I did not have this in my divorce order and when my daughter got her license, my insurance payments jumped up almost a $1,000 a year, even though she was not driving my car. The insurance company only assesses this fee if the child lives with you, so the non-custodial parent is off the hook. It is only fair that they help out with this extra cost too, so put it in your settlement now.

3. Birthday parties, Christmas presents, clothes, camp and other non-essentials not cover by child support. Be sure to decide now if you are going to split these or if the child support is enough to cover these expenses.

4. Braces. You may think that this would be covered under medical expenses, but it is not. Braces are considered "cosmetic", so if you have kids, make sure to work this out before signing the final divorce papers.

5. College. Again, many parents automatically assume that both parents have to split college costs for the kids. Not true. Most courts consider college an elective and will not force a parent to pay for tuition. Work this out with your ex ahead of time and save yourself grief and money down the road.

Caution: Be Careful Choosing Your Divorce Attorney!

As a divorce coach, I see many clients who are unsatisfied with their divorce lawyers. The situation is typical. They are confident in their choice of an attorney in the beginning of the divorce, but as the months and sometimes years linger on, they start to lose faith in the professional they have entrusted their future with.

Unfortunately, there are some divorce lawyers who are only interested in making money. They quickly assess your financial picture during your initial consultation. When the retainer runs out and they do not see any foreseeable way to earn more income from your case, they encourage you to settle, even if the settlement may not be in your best interest.

I am currently coaching a client in this exact situation right now. Her lawyer is advising her to take a settlement that would include no alimony, even though she gave up a thriving career years ago to be a stay at home mom. Her husband currently earns six figures a year. Based on the length of the marriage, in most states this client should be eligible for alimony, although the length and amount would vary.

So why would this client's attorney advise her to forgo alimony in her divorce settlement? I suspect it is because, due to the rapid decline in the housing market, their home has very little equity and there are no other liquid assets. It appears as though her attorney has lost interest in her case and if the case is prolonged or goes to trial , she will not make a profit.

In all fairness, lawyers are in business to make money and have high expenses they must cover. If a client does not have the ability to pay, they may have a hard time legally removing themselves from a case. Not all divorce lawyers are callous and uncaring. The problem arises when they put their own financial interests ahead of what is in the best interest of their clients.

You must exercise caution when choosing your divorce attorney. You need to interview people you know who have gone through a divorce. Consider what you hear. Did someone go through hell because they had a bad lawyer, or did a good lawyer help them through a hell that could’ve been a lot worse? Did another person’s divorce go smoothly only because there was little to contest, or did the lawyer successfully foresee problems, and settle them in advance? You may want to find someone who was in a situation similar to yours. Can this lawyer avoid crises? Can this lawyer handle crises?

It is also crucial that your personalities click. You will spend a lot of time with this person; you need to feel comfortable with him or her. In the end, consider all these factors, and allow your intuition some sway. Can you get along with this person? Do you trust them?

With the right attorney’s guidance you can work together and speed the process of your divorce. Once you find the right attorney, you will feel more confident in your divorce outcome.

Will You Have To Sell Your Home During A Divorce?

Whether or not you will be forced to sell your home during a divorce depends upon several factors. If the property is considered a martial asset-meaning it was acquired during the marriage, it is usually subject to equitable distribution, depending on which state you live in. You may want to buy out your husband's share of the equity in the home during your divorce settlement. Or you may chose to sell the home and share the profits.

There are some creative ways to handle the division of your home that you can incorporate into your divorce settlement. If you have small children, you could request that the sale of the home is delayed until your youngest child turns 18 years old. At that point, the home would be sold and the profits would be split between you and your ex husband. There are several things you need to consider with this arrangement. If you are paying the monthly mortgage, taxes and expenses for the home, then those monies should be deducted from your ex's share at the closing. You may also want to have the home appraised and set the amount of equity to be shared at what your house is worth at the time of your divorce. The home will probably be worth much more years later. Your ex would have to agree to this arrangement and be willing to wait for his share of the equity.

Another option is to waive alimony from your ex-husband if you are entitled to it. You then ask for his share of the equity in the martial home in the divorce settlement. If there is enough equity on his part to cover what you would have received in alimony,you can save thousands of dollars in taxes. Alimony is considered taxable income. The equity in your home is exempt up to $250,000 for a single person who has resided in the home as her primary place of residence for two or more years.

Thinking about selling your home during a divorce can be emotionally draining and can negatively affect your children should you have to move. Think over all options, consult with your divorce attorney and an accountant before agreeing to any division of property in your divorce settlement.

For more information on property division during divorce go to:

http://www.divorcenet.com/property_division

Protect Yourself From An Abusive Ex In Your Divorce Settlement

If you are a woman who has been abused during your marriage and are now seeking a divorce, be sure to discuss with your lawyer how to protect yourself after the divorce has been settled. The extent of abuse, and the potential for further abuse, should be the most important factors in any divorce settlement. If there is an obvious threat of further abuse to a spouse and/or children, the contact should be limited or completely cut off. The safety of the victims must be the basis for settlement.

If the abuse is confined to the spouse, and isn’t sustained or life threatening, a judge will often arrange for visitation rights with the children. If this is the case, make sure all conditions are met to ensure your own safety when exchanging children for a visit. Judges sometimes draw up conditions for these exchanges that include third parties (trusted friends or family members), performing the exchange in a public place, or other security measures. It is crucial that you protect yourself and make sure that your lawyer or the judge adds these provisions to any visitations with the children in the divorce settlement.

Also, be aware that sometimes a physical abuser can easily turn into an emotional abuser.
Your divorce may be final, but that doesn't mean you ex will automatically stop his abusive behavior. Be on guard, continue to keep your distance from your ex-spouse and keep alert to any possible signs of abuse towards the children.

How To Get Temporary Spousal Support During Your Divorce

An important issue you must be aware of when beginning your divorce proceedings is that you may be entitled to temporary spousal and child support. All too often I hear from women who are not receiving any spousal or child support while waiting to reach a divorce settlement. This can be financially devastating. It can take months or even years to reach an agreement with your ex. Unfortunately many women are not aware that they can go to court and file a motion to receive temporary spousal and child support. It amazes me how many divorce lawyers do not file a motion for temporary support.

If you and your spouse cannot reach an agreement in your divorce you can get a date in court before a Family Court Judge. This is referred to as a Pendente Lite hearing. The Judge can decide on issues such as the award of temporary child custody and support, temporary spousal support, temporary use and possession of the home, and other divorce related issues.

Remember that the results are temporary but the decision can give you some much need financial support while waiting for your divorce to become final. If you cannot settle your divorce in a timely manner, you will at least have the temporary support order to hold you over and give you time to prepare for trial.

Dealing with Friends And Family During Divorce

In a divorce it is not just mom, dad, and the kids who are affected. Your parents, siblings, in-laws, uncles, aunts, and friends are all drawn into the conflict. As you begin the divorce process, your tendency will be to think only of your most immediate world: home, children, and property. This is the core that is changing, but that can blind you to the larger world outside. As the process drags on you will discover that your entire range of relationships has changed. Some of these changes are sudden and huge. Others are far subtler.

Whose friend is whose? Will you ever see your in-laws again? What are the fault lines of your children’s loyalties? Will any of their friendships be affected? Much of this turns on the divorce process itself. The nastier it gets, the more difficult these questions become. Can you remain friends with the couple that is still on good terms with your ex? When you’re around them do you have to watch every word you say?

As with all issues of divorce, this one is easier if the split is amicable. If you and your ex are on friendly terms, that feeling will usually extend to his relatives. But if things have been ugly, then relationships change radically. The bitterness in a divorce tends to bleed into far too many other parts of one’s life.

When you are one of the people who are divorcing, you suffer not only the loss of a spouse, but a whole set of people you cared about. These may be people you spoke to candidly, folks with whom you shared holidays and vacations. You may have even thought of them as people you would confide in about anything. Suddenly they are cast into an enemy camp, and you wish you’d never said a word to them.

The easy thing to say is: be strong. The most important thing to say is: go to the friends and family who have stuck with you. When people turn against you, go to those people who are true to you. Your real friends won’t ask you to spell out everything, or to prove anything. They will simply give you love and support, and that is exactly what you need most now.

How To Save Money On Divorce Attorney's Fees

You will be able to save yourself thousands of dollars in attorney's fees by helping your lawyer prepare your motions. Remember, the more work you do, the less you have to pay your lawyer. Current divorce attorney rates range form $240 to $500 an hour, and this is not unusual for a large metropolitan area. You pay for the expertise, but sometimes you wind up paying the same rate for things they pass off to their clerks. You have the information, and as you go forward you’ll have a better idea of what you want the law to do. If you do the research, write the motion, and then give it to your attorney to review and edit, you’ll save money and time. Also, you can often focus more clearly on each goal.

Some attorneys, as a matter of professional pride, professional paycheck or both, will not necessarily appreciate you taking it upon yourself to write the motions. Remember to consult with your attorney before deciding that it will be done this way. However, if you do it this way, after your divorce is final, if your ex falls behind on support payments, or you need to modify support or visitation, you will be able to write a motion on your own and not have to pay your attorney.

The 9 Questions You Must Examine In Mediation

1. Custody.
Care of the children is your most important concern. If custody is shared, what are the terms? If it is not, what is the visitation schedule for the non-custodial parent? Don’t forget holidays and summer vacations.

2. Housing.
Who will retain the family home? Will the martial home be sold and equity split equally? Or will one party keep the house and buy the other out? (In my own divorce I kept the family home. I waived alimony payments in exchange for equity in my home. Alimony is taxable but the equity in your home is not, so keep this option in mind)

3. Alimony and child support.
How much will go to whom?

4. Tuition.
Who will pay for school tuition? Will he pay for private or public universities? Might issues regarding paying for tuition become an issue later? Don’t rely on oral promises, ”Of course I will pay for college!” is often said at mediation but not committed to writing. Unfortunately, in most jurisdictions, once a child is 18, there is nothing the Court can do to force a parent to pay for college.

5. Division of stocks, bonds and other investments.
What is the proper division/liquidation of stocks, bonds, bank accounts, and other holdings and investments? What about the 401K plans, retirement funds, and life insurance? How will this be divided? A minimum amount of life insurance should be a provision of every divorce settlement, without exception.

6. Marital debt.
Who borrowed what? Who charged what?

7. Determination of incomes.
Who made more money? Who contributed what, and what are the values of those contributions?

8. Wills.
Will you have wills drawn naming the children as the beneficiaries?

9. Health insurance.
How will health insurance be addressed?

If you are going into mediation, remember that every aspect of your financial life with your spouse has to be closely scrutinized. These will be weighed in terms of your lifestyle and your standards of living, both together and apart. You will need to itemize all household expenses, household contents, properties, bank accounts, retirement plans, vehicles, furniture, and other items of value. Make sure you take into account all childcare costs, including daycare, religious education, sports, and other after-school activities and lessons. Consider the cost of birthday parties attended, lunch money, school dues, clothing, and camp. If your children are young, adjust for expenses as they grow, and include those projections in your plan.

It’s best for you and your spouse to gather all of this information beforehand; doing this together can be useful. If you find yourselves disagreeing on something, set it aside. Agree to bring up all disputes only when you are with the mediator. If you can do this, then mediation might be the route for you. If you have problems with your spouse while gathering information, it may be a sign of bad times ahead.

How Emails Can Hurt Your Divorce Case

Do you communicate with your soon to be ex by email? If so, here is something you should know. Many divorce lawyers will tell you that email can make or break a divorce case. Remember that it is easy in the heat of anger to send an email that you will regret. With a letter, you at least have to put it in an envelope and put a stamp on it. This gives you time to change your mind. With email, once the button is pushed, it’s gone, and you can’t get it back. Don’t send any emails containing threats, emotional diatribes, or profanity. If you need to use email to negotiate things such as child visitation, stick to the facts.

If your spouse makes an email mistake in your favor, don’t delete it! Save it, print a copy for your lawyer. It might be the most useful evidence you will ever get. Respond briefly that the accusation is not true, without seeming angry. In some courts, silence in the face of an outrageous accusation might be seen as evidence that the accusation is true.

The key is to remember that you must stop and think before emailing, calling or text messaging your spouse. You do not know if your ex is taping your phone conversations. If you find yourself fighting with your spouse by email or phone, then it may be time to consider ceasing all communications and sending all messages to your ex only through your attorney.

Three Potential Pitfalls To Watch Out For In Divorce Court

A court will usually assume that your ex-spouse’s income is that which he was earning after taxes prior to the divorce. But what if your ex was working off the books? What if he hardly paid any taxes? This is something you will have to deal with early in the divorce process, when the judge is determining support levels to be maintained during the actual settlement. If you have a spouse who is making a good living, but paying little or nothing in taxes, you must discuss this with your lawyer. It may be impossible to deal with this directly in court without shutting off your spouse’s income, or greatly reducing what he gets. In such a circumstance you may want to look into alternatives, such as large cash or property settlements, if they are possible.
If your spouse is still working, but is suddenly making much less at the moment of your divorce, make sure your lawyer knows this and, if necessary, points it out. At any point in the divorce, or post-decree proceedings, a judge will become suspicious of someone who was making a decent living prior to a divorce and is suddenly broke.
Another problem comes with “disability.” Many men develop disabilities the moment they see support payments ahead. Don’t stand for it. Again, unless they can bring in a doctor and prove their disability, this won’t fly in the courtroom.

How To Survive Financially During A Divorce

What do you do if you have very little cash and are facing a divorce?First make a list of all of the available credit in your name. Check all of your credit cards for the credit limits and how much is owed. You may be surprised at how much open credit you actually have. During my own divorce I was shocked when I found a $10,000 open credit limit on a Visa card I had hardly used. That card put food on the table when my husband refused to pay spousal and child support. When the divorce is final you can liquidate assets and pay these debts, but for now credit is the lifeline of the cash-strapped spouse.

Whatever your situation, stay strong and in control. Might there be a relative or friend that you could borrow from until the divorce is over? If there are assets, such as equity in the marital home, you might be able to persuade an attorney to hold off on payment until the divorce is final. Lawyers recognize potential assets more readily than most creditors. Also, the court may award attorneys’ fees in some jurisdictions, in some cases, and if your attorney is willing to wait, that is more cash in your pocket. However, you should never plan on an award of fees from the court. Remember that ultimately, you may have to pay your lawyer, even if you believed the Court would make your spouse pay your attorneys’ fees.

Do not be shy when it comes to asking for help. Being in a tough situation is nothing to be ashamed of. You will be surprised at how people will go out of their way to help you when the chips are down. You just have to ask.

Using A Mediator To Settle Your Divorce


If you are going into mediation, remember that every aspect of your financial life with your spouse has to be closely scrutinized. These will be weighed in terms of your lifestyle and your standards of living, both together and apart. You will need to itemize all household expenses, household contents, properties, bank accounts, retirement plans, vehicles, furniture, and other items of value. Make sure you take into account all childcare costs, including daycare, religious education, sports, and other after-school activities and lessons. Consider the cost of birthday parties attended, lunch money, school dues, clothing, and camp. If your children are young, adjust for expenses as they grow, and include those projections in your plan.

It’s best for you and your spouse to gather all of this information beforehand; doing this together can be useful. If you find yourselves disagreeing on something, set it aside. Agree to bring up all disputes only when you are with the mediator. If you can do this, then mediation might be the route for you. If you have problems with your spouse while gathering information, it may be a sign of bad times ahead.

If you and your spouse can agree on a fair settlement and iron out the details of your divorce without bitterness you will be extremely fortunate. Your children will be spared any emotional trauma and you can co-parent them together. This is an ideal situation, and if you are lucky enough to have a cooperating spouse you will emerge from your divorce as unscathed as possible.