Would You Spend the Holidays with Your Ex and His Girlfriend?...

I just read on popeater.com that Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore plan to celebrate Christmas with Bruce Willis and his girlfriend, Emma Heming. Apparently, they all went to Europe with the kids to celebrate Thanksgiving too.

The article referred to this situation as being "awkward". I think it is wonderful that Bruce Willis and Demi Moore's children are able to spend the holidays with both parents. They do not have to feel torn between their parents on the holidays and obviously have not suffered emotionally because of their parent's divorce. Their parents were mature enough to put their differences aside and maintain a friendship after the divorce.

Is it common or even realistic for most divorcing couples? Unfortunately, no. I have never spent a post divorce holiday with my ex. I bet most of us haven't. We are still dealing with trying our best to not let our ex get under our skin and push our buttons. Spending Christmas dinner with our ex and his girlfriend would seem bizarre to most of us.

But flash forward 10 or more years to a time when your kids are now grown and have children of their own. Your son or daughter wants to have Christmas at their house and wants to invite both his parents and their new spouses. Is it fair to not go simply because your ex will be there? Would you miss out on spending Christmas or another holiday with your grandchildren because you still cannot stand your ex after all these years?

Wouldn't it be great if we could somehow resolve our differences with our ex, accept and embrace his new relationship and be able to sit down to dinner with our children for a holiday meal with no animosity? What would it take to get to that point? I think Demi Moore says it best in this quote:

"We had an unconventional Thanksgiving, and we will all be together for Christmas as well with our three daughters. I think the key with any past is that you recognize and hold on to what you loved and what you gained and you don't attach yourself to what you've lost."

Can we overlook what caused the divorce, let go of the hurt and anger, no matter how justified and instead think of what we once loved about our ex? Can we focus on the good qualities about him, the reasons we married him in the first place? If we could get those feelings back and view our ex as a friend now instead of an enemy, everything would change. We would no longer hold on to bitterness from the past and it would be possible to spend holidays together.

Of course none of this is easy to do and it I think it depends on how far past the divorce you are. If you recently went through a bitter divorce you need time to work through the grief and hurt feelings before being able to let go and forgive. But making peace with your ex is something to strive for. If not for yourself, then for your children.

3 Reasons Divorced People Hate the Holidays...

The holiday season has officially begun and many divorced people are feeling down. With the rest of the world spreading holiday cheer, you may

just want to curl up under your covers and not come out of your room until

January 2nd. Most people do not understand how difficult the holidays can be on someone who has gone through a divorce. Here are 3 reasons

divorce people hate the holidays:

1. Dealing with family. What can be worse than having to face your extended family at the dinner table and having to hear all of the happy family news, like which cousin is engaged, who is having a baby and so on. There you sit, alone, without your spouse, knowing everyone knows all about your divorce drama.

2. Putting up the decorations. As you decorate the Christmas tree, ornaments can be a reminder of Christmases spent with your spouse. Memories come rushing back. This can be a very sad time. Your hopes and dreams for the future with your spouse are gone and the decorations serve as a painful reminder of what has been lost.

3. Sharing the children. Not spending the holiday with your kids has to be the #1 reason divorcees hate the holidays. If it is your spouse's turn to take the kids and you are alone, it can be very difficult to get through the day.

I won't lie to you and tell you that your first or even second holiday season after your divorce will be easy. Eventually though you will find joy again in the holidays. It takes time, but one day you will find yourself looking forward to the holidays. In the meantime, do not feel guilty or try and pretend that you are okay. It is alright to mourn the loss of your marriage and the life you once knew. Cry if you feel like it and try and let go of some of those old bottled up emotions.

If there is anything you can do to cheer yourself up, then do it. Watching old holiday classic movies from your childhood is a great way to get into the holiday spirit. Take it slow and do the best you can. Any small steps you take to life your mood, even a little bit, will help you get through this holiday season.

Dealing with Your Ex During the Holidays

Thanksgiving is almost here and Christmas is around the corner. Have you figured who gets the kids for which holiday? Is it even a issue or have you and your ex hammered out an agreement in your divorce settlement setting the rules?

If you do not have plan for the holidays and now find yourself arguing over whose house the kids are going to, now is the time to take a step back and consider how your children are feeling.

You may want your kids with you, but your kids want to be with both of their parents for the holidays. Can you put your feelings aside and make that happen by splitting the day, maybe lunch with mom and dinner with dad?

Sometimes though that becomes impossible if is one parent lives a considerable distant away. My own ex-husband lives in another state, so my kids do not get to spend holidays with him anymore. They will see him for almost a week after Christmas. If you are in a similar situation, try to have your kids get to spend some quality time with their father during the holidays, even if it is not exactly on Christmas or Thanksgiving day.

The most important thing you can do for your children this holiday season is try not to bicker and fight with your ex. Keep calm and try and not to call him out on every annoying thing he does. Tell yourself that you will let things go for the holidays and then if you want you can go right back to arguing after the New Year, although it would be so much better for your kids if you could continue to try your best to get along with your ex all year round.

Who Gets The Kids For The Holidays?

With the holiday season fast approaching, an issue most divorced couples

face is who gets the kids for the holidays. Many couples specify which parent gets the kids on a specific holiday in their divorce settlement.

Some parents may fail to include a written plan in their divorce agreement and this can lead to trouble. Working out a plan ahead of time is a good idea, it can prevent many arguments about where the children should spend Thanksgiving ,Christmas and other special days of the year. The children will benefit from knowing where they will spend the holidays and are less likely to feel torn between both parents.

If you and your ex have not figured out whose house the kids will be spending the holidays with and are in disagreement about this issue, try to compromise. You both must remember to put the children's needs and feelings first. Maybe you could consider letting your ex have them for Christmas Eve dinner while you get the kids on Christmas day. You could even split the day between both parents, with you celebrating Thanksgiving with the kids at lunch and your ex taking them for dinner.

Another thing to think about is what holiday is most important to you. For me, I would have my ex take the kids on Thanksgiving so I could have them on Christmas. I also offered him Christmas Eve dinner so that I could have them on Christmas day. Again, the key is compromise. Your children will be happier and your holidays less stressful.