Getting Through the Holidays when You Can't Stand your Spouse..
If you are in an unhappy marriage, you are most likely not looking forward to the holidays this year. Having to pretend that everything is fine in front of family and friends can be emotionally draining. You may want to ask for a divorce now but are waiting until the first of the year so that you do not upset the entire family and ruin the holidays.
This time of year, with all of the decorations and festive cheer can also grate on your nerves. Deep down you may know that this is your last holiday together as a family and want to make it special but at the same time you feel agitated with your spouse and can't wait until you are separated.
Divorce is difficult even if you are the one who wants it. If you and your spouse have decided that a divorce is imminent and you are waiting to tell your kids and family until after the holidays, you should come up with a plan. A good idea would be to declare a truce for the next 6 weeks and avoid confrontations and fighting. If your goal is to protect your family and have a nice holiday, it won't do much good if the two of you are at each other throats. You would be better off separating now and sparing your children a holiday filled with anger and resentment.
If you can be civil to one another for the holiday season it will also prove that the two of you are capable of being civil once the holidays are over and your divorce proceeding has begun. The best and least painful way to divorce is to try and work out the details of the divorce in a fair and amicable manner. Unfortunately many people are unable to do this and their divorce quickly escalates into a battle.
Take this time before your divorce to think about what kind of divorce you want and how you can make that happen. It will require compromise and thinking with your head instead of your emotions. It is possible to get through this holiday season even if you can't stand your spouse. You may even find that the extra time you have before filing for divorce can pave the way to an easier, more civil divorce and a better relationship with your soon to be ex.
1 comment:
Thanks for the great advice, Christina. If we prepare ourselves in advance for creating a positive, harmonious holiday season we will be more able to go with the flow and handle challenges as they occur without tarnishing the spirit and experience for our children.
Let's take responsibility for our actions and decisions and we'll be on our way toward happier holidays despite our divorce.
Best wishes,
Rosalind Sedacca
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