Should You Stay or Should You Go?
I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about her husband. She has been married for 18 years and is unhappy with her marriage. She told me about all of her husband's shortcomings, how he was not supportive of her career and how he was uninterested in the things she felt most passionate about. I could hear the frustration and disappointment in her voice.
She was angry with her husband because he would not change and become the person she wanted him to be. Divorce was looking like a viable option, a way out and a path to freedom. I explained that the grass often looks greener on the other side, and as a person who went through a divorce, no one can guess how devastating a divorce can be unless you have went through one personally.
When you are married, getting a divorce seems like a quick and easy fix when things get tough. No one is ever prepared for how divorce turns your life upside down. Everyone is affected, from your children to your friends and extended family.
What I told my friend was that the only person she can change is herself. Although it seems this couple is growing apart, it doesn't mean that their marriage is doomed. I advised her to think everyday of some of the good qualities her husband possesses. What you focus on expands, so when she continually dwells on his faults, she will experience more of them. By thinking of him in a positive light, he will feel that and may react more positively to her. Let's face it, you always know when someone is angry with you. You can feel their negative energy and it does not inspire you to react kindly to them.
Who knows whether or not her marriage will survive, but my advice to anyone who is contemplating divorce, barring any physical or emotional abuse or adultery, is to try everything you can to save your marriage before getting divorced. At least you will know that you did everything in your power to make your marriage work, even if things do not work out.
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