Can You Forgive Your Ex and Let Go?

If you have gone through a bitter divorce and especially if your ex has cheated, it can be very difficult to let go of anger and resentment. People tell you that you need to move on and forgive, but sometimes that is easier said than done.

I want to share a story with you about a friend of mine, who was so angry with her ex, she couldn't even say his name without seething with anger. She hated him with a passion and was more than happy to share with you all of her ex-husband's dirty deeds. This went on for over 5 years.

Then one day, as she was getting dressed, she noticed an unusual spot on her chest. She quickly made an appointment with a dermatologist. In the days leading up to her appointment her mind raced with thoughts of skin cancer and dying. She thought of her two grown children and how terrible it would be leaving them.

Then she thought of her ex-husband. Suddenly, it hit her; Did she really hate him so much that she could leave this earth without resolving her issues with him? She made the decision to call him and asked him to come over.

For hours she let her feelings out and told him how much he had hurt her but she also told him that she would like to forgive him and be civil to one another for the sake for their children. He was stunned and tears welled up in his eyes. He was thrilled to finally be forgiven and no longer the target of his ex-wife's hatred.

Her two kids were also elated. For years they could not even tell their mother they were visiting their dad for fear it would upset her. Fortunately, she does not have skin cancer. But it took a scare to turn her life around. She now feels lighter, like a giant weight has been lifted. Her ex has even offered to come over and help her with the pool in the backyard that needs work.

This story has a happy ending, but most bitter divorce battles do not end up this way. Couples go on for years and years hating each other and holding on to anger and bitterness. In order to let go, you need to start over. Right where you are now. You have to let the past go. If you continually think about what your ex has done to you and all of the terrible things you have been through in your divorce, you keep those memories and feelings alive.

As my friend has proved, anybody, even in the worst divorce cases, can forgive and let go. Hopefully you will not need a life threatening illness to wake up and realize that life is too short for grudges and hatred.

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