How To Cope When Your Spouse Has Cheated.....

At a recent divorce support group I organize, one of the members recounted his recent heartbreak about how he is dealing with his wife's affair. Although he had been separated for almost a year and his divorce was about to be finalized, he was still in a great deal of pain. He confided that just a few months ago, he was unable to even speak about his wife's betrayal. He went on to tell us how he felt sick to his stomach thinking about the woman he once loved with another man. He also spoke of feeling ashamed and embarrassed.

It may be surprising to think that a person whose spouse has cheated would feel this way. After all, they were not the one who committed adultery. But there are many "symptoms" one suffers from when dealing with the painful issue of infidelity. Here a few :

1. Shock and Confusion:You are stunned and feel numb,l ike your life's has become a bad dream and you are waiting to wake up. You just cannot fathom why your spouse would betray you.

2.Sadness. You have physical symptoms, such as nausea, stomach pain, chest pain and dizziness. You may lose your appetite and feel tired and listless.

3. Anger. You become irritable and daydream of ways to get even with your spouse and his lover.

4. Guilt: As you search your mind for answers, you start to blame yourself. You are not good enough, smart enough or attractive enough. You convince yourself that the reason your spouse strayed is because of one or all of these reasons.

5.Shame: Because your spouse has cheated, you feel embarrassed and ashamed to let others know. You feel like they are secretly thinking it must be your fault.

Know that it is normal to experience these painful emotions after discovering your spouse's affair. It will take time to heal from these wounds to your heart and soul. The most important realization that you must come to accept is that it was not your fault. Your spouse's infidelity is a refection on the kind of person he or she is, not who you are. Eventually there will be a day when you will be grateful that you are no longer married to someone who cannot be trusted.