Divorce Rage...
I spoke to a man the other day who is going through a tough divorce. After 30 years of marriage, his wife has left him for another man. This man is so enraged that he has considered hiring a hit man to do his wife in and also said he rather commit suicide rather than pay his wife alimony.
So what puts someone over the deep end during a divorce? I often say that people going through a divorce are temporarily insane. Emotions take over and perfectly normal, law abiding citizens become capable of acts they would of never dreamt possible. Let's face it, it hurts like hell to find out your spouse has cheated on you or wants to leave you. Feelings of betrayal and abandonment can overwhelm us.
Just the other day a 52 year old Tennessee woman burst into a crowded church with a gun, fired it and chased her soon to be ex-husband. Obviously this woman was in a blind rage and all rational thinking went out the window. Her out of control behavior maybe an extreme example of how divorce rage can destroy lives, but everyday restraining orders are filed against spouses who cannot control their emotions during divorce.
So how can you cool down and gain control when anger and frustration rear their ugly head during your divorce?
The key is to let it out. Do not try and bottle up your emotions, you will only explode later on. Feel the rage and the hurt and deal with it when it comes up. Punch a pillow, scream or call a friend and vent. Do not act on your impulses. Force yourself to stop and think before taking action. Anything you do to interrupt yourself during a fit of anger is good. During my own divorce, my husband's mistress called my eldest daughter a slut on the phone. You can only imagine the anger and rage I was feeling at her when I found out. I stopped, took a deep breath and then poured myself a glass of wine. I knew that if I had a drink I would be unable to drive and would not confront her. It worked. I was able to calm down instead of react.
Maintaining control during your divorce is imperative, but not easy. Acting out in anger and frustration can only lead to trouble. Calm down, take a step back and stay in control. Eventually the angry feelings will lessen and you will be at peace once again.
1 comment:
Divorce can bring out the worst in people. During divorce, most people say, do, think, and feel things that they've never done, said, thought, or felt before, and that they will never do, say, think, or feel in the future.
Statistics show that about half the divorces in America involve some kind of physical violence, and almost all of them involve at some point an exchange of harsh, bitter, and hurtful words. I remember reading my local paper one night only to find out that my family dentist was arrested for murdering his wife. Seems they were going through the divorce process, were working together in the family practice, and the unthinkable happened. I’m not looking to scare you here; I’m looking to educate you that we all react differently to stressful situations. Understand what is making you or your spouse react will help you throughout your divorce.
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