Monday, March 12, 2007

Five Simple Rules To Follow During An Ugly Divorce

Why does divorce turn ugly? What makes one partner turn on the other? I have often pondered these questions. It amazes me that two people who stood at the altar and vowed to be together until death do us part, can ultimately destroy each other.

While I was married the thought of a couple going through
a vicious divorce made no sense to me. I always thought that when a couple decided to divorce they should simply divide their assets in half and part ways amicably. There was never a reason for a bitter divorce, I naively thought.

I was stunned when during my own divorce my ex husband refused to settle and split our assets. What followed was a long, expensive legal battle. I never imagined that I would be engaged in the same kind of divorce I once scorned.
I decided to research why divorce becomes ugly. I found that one of the main causes of a bitter divorce is that one or both spouses are receiving bad advice. Sometimes this advice comes from an attorney. Other times it is from family members or friends.

But no matter who provided the advice, it is always received by an angry, vengeful spouse. This is the spouse who feels betrayed, who wants to hurt his or her mate. The spouse who cannot let go and move on with their life. This person has a need to get even. In the emotionally weak state one is left in during the wake of a divorce, he or she is easy prey for a greedy divorce attorney or a mother-in-law who hated her daughter-in –law from day one.
Are more men guilty of being unfair and using devious tactics in divorce than women? I think the playing field is about even. There are probably just as many women as men who resort to despicable behavior during divorce.

You may be tempted to act out and strike back at a spouse that is causing you pain. Remember that the more in control you are of your behaviors and actions, the better you will come out in the end. You are being provided with an inside view of what some men are capable of during divorce. Some of this information is shocking and startling.
You may think that your ex would never do this to you. Hopefully he or she won’t. But you need to be on guard and prepared for battle at all times.

The woman who have already suffered at the hands of a husband who has played dirty tricks will tell you they never saw it coming. Never in a millions years did they believe their husbands could be capable of such actions. Yet it still happened to them. Be forewarned, armed and ready.

5 Simple Rules To Follow During A Ugly Divorce:

1. Watch who you confide in. You must be careful of who you tell your divorce woes to. someone who you consider a friend may pass information either knowingly or unknowingly to your spouse.

2. Do not try and reason with your spouse. Let your lawyer do the talking for you. That is why you hired him. Engaging in conversations with your husband about your divorce can make things a lot worse. He may be setting you up. You cannot trust him. If you could then your divorce would be settled by a mediator.

3. Be prepared financially. Make sure you have the funds available to pay for your attorney’s retainer fee and support you and your children. In my book “Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce-what every woman needs to know” I go into great detail explaining what you need to do to protect yourself financially.

4. Always control your emotions! Any out of control behavior
will cost you in the courtroom. You better believe that your
husband will be making a list of anything you do that is questionable.
Are you driving by his home? Calling his cell phone?
Harassing him by email? Your husband will use these kinds
of behaviors to portray you as a unfit mother,
crazy woman etc.

5. Be proactive and be involved in your divorce process. You cannot depend on your divorce attorney to win your divorce for you no matter how much you are paying him. Your lawyer cares about his fee. This is his business, how he makes a living. He is not your best friend, or confidante. What you can expect from him is to represent you to the best of his abilities. You need to become involved and stay in control of what goes on in your case.

I hope the information I have given you will help you prepare for your divorce so that you may have the best possible divorce outcome!

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