When Will You Be Happy Again?

When you are going through a divorce you often wonder when you will begin to feel happy again. A divorce can feel like a dark cloud has parked itself over your head. With thoughts of your divorce consuming your ever waking moment, you may feel as if there no escape from the pain. You may not even remember what it felt like to be happy.

Don't worry, you will be happy once again. When is up to you. This may shock you but you could even be happy right now, in the midst of the pain, hurt and agony your divorce is causing you. You might not be be jumping for joy, but you can give yourself moments of happiness throughout your day.

How? By choosing to focus on the positive things in your life, despite what is happening with your divorce. Do your kids make you laugh? Does watching your favorite TV show or reading a good book bring you joy? What about a favorite hobby you have long forgotten? Start paying attention to the little pleasures in life. Eat your favorite ice cream, play with your dog, take your kids to the park and swing on the swing. Anything you can do to life your spirits even a little bit will help lighten your mood and help you get through the dark times of your divorce.

My good friend, Alexandra Watson is a "Happiness Expert"who coaches celebrities, Olympic Athletes and business professionals, she’s a Mom and a best-selling author and she can help turn your life around.

She is the UK’s Leading Happiness Expert and each week she shares some of her highly successful information ranging from relationships to wealth, so if you would like a regular dose of practical and proven happiness tips go visit her Blog at:

http://happyhelp.politicsandthecity.com/

Because perhaps it’s YOUR turn to be happier and if you feel that, then now’s the time to discover her significant secrets!

What I Miss About Being Married...

I have been divorced for over 3 and 1/2 years and it has been 5 years since the separation. Up until recently I could not think of many things I missed about being married. I certainly did not miss my ex and many of his annoying habits-especially his snoring! I enjoy sleeping alone in my king size bed, being free to do whatever I want and not having answer to anyone. Single life is good. Yet recently I have found myself remembering some of the things about marriage that I do miss.

I miss having a partner there to help with the kids. It is tough having to be both mom and dad, 24/7 and not being able to have someone there to share the burden. I also miss having a husband there to share the financial responsibilities. When you are married and have two incomes coming into the household, it does make life easier.

And as independent as I profess to be, I think I am starting to miss having a life partner who is always there to share in the good times and bad, someone who is not only your spouse but your best friend. I used to think of my ex as my best friend early on in the marriage. It was a wonderful feeling when I felt I could trust him and that he was always going to be there for me.

Even though my ex eventually betrayed my trust, I hope I will someday be able to trust someone like that again. Maybe then I will be ready to give marriage another try. But for now I will remain single and enjoy every minute of it.

Why a "Rebound" Relationship Can Be Good for You...

You have most likely have heard the warnings about the "rebound" man or woman. This is the first person you have a relationship with after your divorce. The typical advice is to take it slow and not get too attached because rebound relationships often do not last.

That may be true and the advice to be careful so that you do not suffer a double blow-first a divorce and then a failed relationship-is sound. But there are benefits to having a rebound relationship after your divorce.

One benefit is the distraction the new relationship provides. You may be still reeling from your divorce and having many issues lingering. Your new relationship provides you with excitement, fun and the thrill of being in love again. These positive emotions can help keep your mind off of the divorce and bring back some joy in your life again.

Another benefit is a boost to your self esteem. If your ex was emotionally abusive or did not pay attention to you and put you down often, having a new lover who showers you with attention and compliments can do wonders for your self esteem. You start believing that you are an attractive again and someone who can be loved.

So go ahead and enjoy your new relationship after your divorce. But understand that you may not be emotionally ready for a serious, committed relationship so soon after your divorce. If you have not resolved the issues from your marriage and gone through the grieving process, you could be setting yourself up for another failed relationship. The key is to keep your new relationship light and fun and enjoy it for what it is worth. Be in the moment and take it one step at a time without expectations, while giving yourself the time you need to recover fully from your divorce.

Is Your Ex Hiding Cash?

One of the most difficult problems a spouse can face during a nasty divorce battle is trying to prove that their spouse is hiding cash. This occurs frequently when the family owns a cash business, like a pizza place, auto body shop, hair salon, etc. It can be very hard to prove the actual income coming in from that business if your spouse has been the one the running the business during the marriage.

A woman I know is in a terrible situation right now. Throughout the marriage, her ex claimed about a third of what he was actually earning at his business in order to avoid paying taxes. She works and technically makes more than him on paper. In reality though, he is earning double her salary. So now she faces the possibility of paying her spouse alimony even though they both know he makes much more money than her.

Since she signed the tax returns each year she is in a very delicate situation. Should she insist her ex's business makes more than it does and has for many years, they both could be in deep trouble with the IRS. She faces the possibility of losing out on alimony that she would have been entitled to had the money been "on the books" and child support payments will most likely be calculated using the tax returns as her husband's income,while he lives the high life with all of the extra cash he has stored away.

The best thing for her to do and anyone else in this situation is to hire a forensic accountant. These accountants are expensive but well worth in this situation. They will go into the business and look at everything, giving the true value of the business. You must be careful not make claims in court that the business made more money in the past. A family court judge can call the IRS if he feels the law has be broken and that can open up a hornet's nest.

If you are currently in a marriage where you own a cash business, make sure you have your own copies of all receipts and business expenses. Keep a close eye on the business's revenue. Some people have signed tax returns having no idea that their spouse was hiding money and manipulating the books. Whether your marriage is solid or not, you have a right to know about your families finances and how much money is coming into the household.

Woman arrested for killing virtual husband...

A woman in Tokyo was so upset about her "divorce" from her online husband, she broke into his account and killed his digital character. If that wasn't strange enough, she was arrested for illegally accessing a computer and manipulating electronic data.

A similar incident took place in August when a Delaware woman plotted a real life abduction of a boyfriend she met on the virtual reality site "Second Life".

Because we spend so much time on the computer and meet people on sites like my space, facebook and virtual gaming websites, we run the risk of confusing the real world with the online world. You can safely meet new friends and potential mates online, but you have to be extremely careful. You never know if you are communicating with a mentally unstable person.

I am sure both of the victims in the above examples had no idea they were playing a virtual reality game with someone who was not in their right mind. Thankfully no one was harmed in these incidents but it is important to protect yourself online and use caution.

Personally, I have met many wonderful people on the Internet and have developed new friendships and business acquaintances, so I don't think you need to be afraid of online relationships, but you should be careful.

What to Do When Your Divorce Drags On and On...

The divorce process can take anywhere from a few months to a few years. Those couples who find themselves in a long, bitter divorce battle often suffer from anxiety, depression and anger. A divorce that has no ending in sight takes a toll on everyone involved, including the children.

You may want to settle and get the divorce over with but may be dealing with a stubborn spouse who refuses to negotiate. It is extremely stressful dealing with a spouse who won't even consider a settlement and rather drag the case through the family court system.

But since the only person you can control is yourself, there is little you can do to force your ex to settle. However, you can make this difficult time period easier by doing the following things:

1. Inject some humor into the situation. Laughter is really the best medicine and an excellent release, so go ahead and tell some jokes about the divorce and your ex to your close friends. I recently saw a photo on the web where a divorcing woman made up fliers with a picture of her ex and the caption read: "Lost Dog: Answers to Steven". I don't suggest you the same and possibly get yourself into trouble by publicly humiliating your ex, but the point is this woman definitely had a sense of humor. If she had shared that as a private joke between a few friends, it would of been harmless and a good emotional release.

2. Have faith. Tell yourself everyday that this too shall pass and your divorce will be settled soon. It is important that you change your negative thoughts about the divorce into ones that give you hope. Most divorces, even the worst ones, do eventually settle so have faith that yours will too.

3. Get your mind off the divorce. If your divorce is all that you think about you will be miserable. Now is the time to go out with friends, start a new hobby, take a vacation if financially possible or see a movie. Any action you can take to take your focus off the divorce and do something that is fun instead will help pass this time while waiting for your divorce to be over.

Finally, if the reason you cannot settle your divorce is because you are refusing your ex's low ball settlement, take some time to review it again while you feel calm and collected. It may not be that far off from what you are asking for. You also need to weigh in how much more you will spend on attorney fees if the divorce does not settle. Sometimes an unacceptable offer can be turned around into something you both can live with if you look at it logically and see where there might be some room for compromise. They say that there are no winners in a divorce case(except for the lawyers) and both spouses are usually unhappy with the settlement. Better to take an offer that you can live with than hold out for more money or assets and be miserable.

Going Out Again After a Divorce..

I run a divorce support group and at our last meeting, several members confessed that this was one of the few times they have been "out" since their divorce proceedings began. It was scary for them to get up the courage to go out and meet new people. They feel vulnerable, confused and overwhelmed yet long for companionship and someone to talk to.

Most people going through a divorce feel this way in the beginning. You want to go out and start living again but often find yourself immobilized with fear. Despite your best intentions, you never make it to that support group, night out with your friends, or party. Week after week and then month after month passes and you finally realize that your divorce has taken over your life leaving little room for a social life.

The people who did come out for the first time to my divorce support group said they had to force themselves to just do it and they were glad they did. If you find yourself turning down friend's invitations, staying home every weekend and lacking the desire to go out, the best thing to do it to commit to a night out and make yourself follow through. I promise you will feel better and may even enjoy yourself.

Whether it is a divorce support group or just a fun night out with your girlfriends, you need to start enjoying life again. As they say," this too shall pass", and it is so true with divorce. When you are feeling down and like your divorce will never end, know that soon enough the nightmare will be over and a new and exciting new life awaits you.

When You Just Can't "Move On"...

Many times during a divorce, well meaning friends and relatives will tell you that you need to "get over it" and move on already. They see you in pain and naturally want to help you, but sometimes comments like that can make you feel even more alone and depressed.

I don't think anyone can understand what it is like to go through a divorce unless they have been through one themselves. And then it depends on what kind of divorce they had. A person who resolves their issues amicably with their spouse and remains friends after the divorce is going to have a much easier time recovering than someone who is embroiled in a nasty divorce battle.

I remember clearly those awful days during my divorce where I would literally feel sick to my stomach. It seemed like the pain would never go away. The divorce consumed my life at the time and wondered if I would ever feel good again.

Thankfully, those feelings passed, but it took time. If you are suffering right now with the pain of divorce and feel like no one understands, it is important to remember that people who have not gone through the trauma of divorce might not be able to offer you much support emotionally.

A divorce support group is a good option if you want to be with others who you can relate to. You will "move on" and let go eventually of this pain and agony, but it is not going to happen overnight. Give yourself permission to grieve. There will be a day someday soon where you will find that your divorce is not the first thing you think about every day. It will start to fade into the background of your life and you will begin to feel better. The key is to not rush yourself through your emotions right now, but work through them so that you can let them go.

Can't Afford to Get a Divorce?...

Many unhappy married couples, facing a declining real estate market and rising gas and food costs, cannot afford to get a divorce. The price of running two households is just too expensive.

This could be a good thing. Some couples, who in the heat of the moment, may normally choose to run to a divorce lawyer, may decide to work on their marriage and see if there is any possible way to save it. On the other hand, couples who are miserable and should separate are being forced to live under one roof. This cannot be healthy for them emotionally.

Divorce is still very expensive and there has not been a decrease in divorce attorney fees, ranging anywhere from $250 to $500 per hour. But since many divorce lawyers count on getting paid when a couple sells their home, the housing market conditions can be a potential problem for them as well.

Couples who cannot afford to divorce, yet must live together to survive financially, are in a tough position. They may have to wait until the real estate market begins recovering until they can afford a separate home for each of them. Being in such a unique situation, where you must live with someone you do not get along with, can be explosive. Couples in this situation must come up with ways to get along, especially if they have children. Living as roommates instead of as a married couple can work if both parties come up with a plan. They need to maintain peace and order in their household and wait until conditions improve enough for them to separate.

Hopefully we will not see a rise in domestic violence as a result of these economic conditions. If a couple has a volatile relationship, then one of them may have to stay with relatives or friends until they can figure out what to do financially.

Three Stupid Mistakes Divorced People Make...

I was inspired to write about the stupid mistakes divorced people make after reading about the ongoing divorce battle between Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards. Charlie Sheen has said and done some very dumb things and hopefully you can learn from his mistakes and not repeat them during your own divorce. Here they are:

1. Do not leave threatening messages on your ex's voicemail. This should be a no brainer for anyone going through a nasty divorce. If you lose control and leave angry messages on your ex's voicemail, be certain that your ex will use it against you. Denise Richards released tapes of her ex calling her all sorts of horrible names and racial slurs.

2. When you give a gift to your children, it becomes their property and you cannot tell them to leave it at "your house" and not bring it to your ex's home. This is a huge mistake divorcing parents make, In an effort to control their ex, they will buy the kids clothes and toys that are only for their own home, not to be brought to mom or dad's. This is upsetting to the children and puts them in the middle. Charlie Sheen did this recently, when during his recent wedding, he bought his two young daughter's necklaces and demanded they take them off before returning home to their mother's house.

3. This one is obvious. Do not bad mouth your ex to anyone who will listen. Let's face it, most of us are guilty of this. We get a sympathetic ear, and off we go, bashing the ex. It makes us feel good to get someone "on our side". But what it really does is create negative energy and prolong the time it takes to recover from your divorce. Limit your discussions about your ex to a few family members or good friends. Both Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards are guilty of bashing each other and have the entire world as their audience. Unfortunately the drama and bitterness cannot end until they both stop talking and let go of the anger and hatred they have for one another.

Are Children of Divorce Spoiled?...

When you are going through a divorce, you naturally worry about your kids and how they will cope with the breakup of your marriage. Telling your kids about the divorce is painful and you want to protect them and make sure their lives are not disrupted or changed anymore than they have to be.

Parents often feel guilty about getting a divorce and it is normal to give your child extra attention during this difficult time. But all too often, in divorced families, one or both parents will start slacking with discipline. They are afraid that they will upset the child if they enforce the rules. Ironically, because of the divorce, kids will act out and behave badly. So it becomes a situation where the children are out of control and the parents are feeling too guilty to discipline them.

Children are smart and can sense when mom and dad are feeling guilty. They will exploit this weakness. What you need to remember is that the kids will do better if the rules that were in place before the divorce are still there after it. Kids crave structure and security. The best thing you can do for you kids during a divorce is to maintain your child's lifestyle without making too many changes too quickly. Sticking to your routines and familiar disciplinary measures will give your child a sense of security during your divorce.

The Divorce Ring: Symbolic or Ridiculous?...

Divorce rings are gaining popularity, with jewelry stores creating rings

specifically meant for divorcees. D. Jewelry Co. claims their rings are "not only an attractive jewelry, but act as a healing tool for broken hearts".

The rings have a separation in them to symbolize the divorce. The company states on their website that "the rings serve not only the purpose of remembering a particular separation, but also to symbolize a new beginning and positive outlook on the future."

So do divorce rings help you heal after a divorce or are they the brainchild of savvy marketers looking to make a quick buck off people who are divorced? I think a divorce ring can be helpful.

Having something to symbolize the end of your marriage can help you let go and move on. I don't think a divorce ring is something you will want to wear for long though. Eventually, when you have recovered and feel stronger, you will find that you no longer want a daily reminder of your divorce.

Another idea instead of buying a divorce ring, is to take your engagement ring and bring it to a jewelry and have it redesigned. This new ring can symbolize your new found freedom. After a divorce, anything you do that uplifts you and helps you feel better is something worth trying.