Children Grieve During Divorce Too

While experiencing a divorce, couples go through a grieving process. The loss of their marriage, the death of their dreams and hopes for the future, come crashing down on them in waves, much like the death of a loved one. What we sometimes forget is that children experience these emotions too, but differently than adults.

You may not even recognize that your child is grieving the loss of your marriage. Just like with depression, children often do not exhibit the "classic" symptoms we associate with grief and depression. An adult may become listless, sad and lose interest in activites while a child may act out in anger against siblings and friends, spend excessive time on the computer and video games and do poorly in school in reaction to a divorce.

Fortunately there are resources and help for children experiencing a loss. Rainbows, a non profit organization, is devoted to helping children through times of divorce, death, and crisis. Their services are free of charge and there are chapters worldwide. The organization was founded by Suzy Yehl Marta, a divorced mother of three boys, who gave up the security of her three jobs to do something she knew in her heart had to be done for children grieving over the loss of a parent through death, divorce, separation or a painful transition. Suzy is also the author of

Healing the Hurt, Restoring the Hope:How to Guide Children and Teens Through Times of Divorce, Death, and Crisis With the Rainbows Approach

Suzy says "A child’s grieving process is different from that of adults. The Rainbows program helps adults understand how children perceive loss and how to help them get beyond it with a unique approach of play-based activities. Drawing upon over two decades of experience with small groups, this guide shows how to keep misperceptions and sadness from permanently affecting children."

Rainbow is an excellent, free resource for divorcing parents looking for a way to help their children cope with divorce. If you would like to find out more information about Rainbows and find a chapter near you, visit http://www.rainbows.org/

When Divorce Becomes War

Once upon a time you were busy planning all of the details of your wedding, enthralled with the concept of marriage, convinced that you would live happily ever after with your new mate. As you walked down the aisle, vowing to spend the rest of your life with this person, did it ever cross your mind that someday this very same person could become your worst enemy?Probably not. So what happened? How could the person you once loved and trusted with all of your heart turn on you and try to destroy you in a nasty divorce battle?

Of course, not all divorces end on a sour note, but why do some divorces end peacefully while others turn into long, painful expensive battles where couples viciously attack each other?
I don't' think most divorcing couples set out to destroy each other in the beginning. Many may have hopes of resolving their differences in a mature matter and fairly splitting assets, but add in a unscrupulous divorce attorney, well meaning friends and family who give bad advice and the anger and frustration that led you to want a divorce in the first place, and you have a recipe for divorce disaster.

The difference between couples who are able to settle their divorces amicably and those who fight to the bitter end, may come down to the use of a mediator. Couples who seek out a mediator early on in the divorce process are more likely to spend less money on attorney fees, less time In family court and be able to end their marriage on a friendlier note.

If you want to aviod a divorce war, before you seek out the best divorce attorney in town, consider talking to your spouse about hiring a mediator. In the end, the only winners in a divorce battle are the divorce lawyers, everyone else, including the children, lose.

Deadbeat Parents Can Run But They Cannot Hide...

Deadbeat parents who are hiding in another country trying to avoid their support obligations are going to have a more difficult time dodging the law, thanks to representatives from 68 countries who finalized the text of a new convention .This act is intended to make it easier to catch deadbeat parents when they move to other countries.

Even though recovering international child support is currently regulated by a 1956 U.N. treaty, it is often nearly impossible to catch deadbeat parents who flee overseas.

European nations, the United States, Canada, Australia, Brazil and several Asian countries were among those who are participating in the new convention and signed the text. The act will be similar to international agreements on child custody and adoption.

This will give Country officials the power to exchange information about offenders, withhold wages, pension payments or tax refunds and revoke or deny driver licenses. Hopefully this new measure will act as a deterrent to parents hoping to avoid their child support obligations by moving to another country.

Battling Divorced Parents And the Holidays

I recently had a conversation with a friend who confided to me that she and her boyfriend are planning on having Christmas dinner with her boyfriend's father and his new wife. However, they cannot tell her boyfriend's mother of their plans because she will fly off the handle and become enraged if her son spends the holiday with his father.

This woman has been divorced for over five years and still has not gotten over her divorce yet. Not only is she living in misery, she is putting her son in the middle, forcing him into an impossible situation of choosing between his parents on the holidays.

Unfortunately, many innocent children of divorce get caught up between battling parents, especially around the holidays and special occasions. Family gatherings, weddings and other family events can cause stress and anxiety for kids of all ages who dread having their parents in the same room.

No matter how angry and bitter one parent feels towards the other, they must find a way to put their own feelings aside. It is selfish to ruin a holiday or special occasion becuase you cannot stand your ex. Making your children feel guilty by making them choose between parents is wrong.

My friend joked that if she and her boyfriend get married they will have to have two weddings, one for his mother and one for the father. Let's hope that her future mother-in-law finally comes to terms with her divorce and starts to let go of the anger and resentment she feels towards her ex. By holding on to these negative emotions, she is hurting herself and her children.

How To Get A Quick Divorce And A Vacation At The Same Time

Did you ever wonder how some celebrities are able to get divorced much faster than the rest of us? You may think that maybe this is possible because of their money, fame or connections. But the truth is anyone can get a quick divorce and it is affordable too.

The secret is taking a trip to The Dominican Republic. According to Wendy Diaz and Associates International Law Firm "A quick divorce is available to foreigners or Dominican citizens residing abroad, when both spouses agree to file this divorce before Dominican Courts. This procedure is very simple and only requires the attendance of one of the spouses during the hearing which takes usually less than half an hour and you can leave Dominican Republic the same day in the afternoon. It takes ten to fifteen days to obtain your divorce decree, which is to be sent to your home or office by courier (DHL or FedEx)."

The price for this service is relatively inexpensive, only $1,550.00 plus the cost of travel. Of course, this type of quick divorce is only for couples who have agreed on a divorce settlement and are both willing to finalize the divorce outside of the U.S..

If you and your spouse have agreed to divorce amicably and there are no settlement issues, this might be a great way to sneak in a vacation on a tropical island and get divorced at the same time. What better way to end your marriage, then by sitting on the beach, basking in the sun under a palm tree and sipping a tropical drink?

Can't Blame This Woman For Wanting A Divorce...

An Egyptian woman has filed for divorce because her husband refuses to take a shower. In this strange but true story, the husband has supposedly not showered in eight weeks. He claims he has a rare skin condition that makes him allergic to water. However, his own doctor disputes this, agreeing that his patient has a skin condition but no known allergy to water .The couple was only married for a few months and apparently only knew each other for two weeks before they wed.

Some other unusual reasons for divorce, according to AlArabiya.net:

- An engineer in Port Said filed for divorce because her veterinarian husband insisted on keeping cats and dogs in the house.
- A civil servant divorced her husband because he had bad breath from eating too much garlic and because he did not wash his feet.
- An Egyptian housewife filed for khol’a after her husband refused to let her go to her father’s funeral.
- A sorcerer's wife filed for a divorce after he refused to give up his job.

Who Gets The Kids For The Holidays?

With the holiday season fast approaching, an issue most divorced couples

face is who gets the kids for the holidays. Many couples specify which parent gets the kids on a specific holiday in their divorce settlement.

Some parents may fail to include a written plan in their divorce agreement and this can lead to trouble. Working out a plan ahead of time is a good idea, it can prevent many arguments about where the children should spend Thanksgiving ,Christmas and other special days of the year. The children will benefit from knowing where they will spend the holidays and are less likely to feel torn between both parents.

If you and your ex have not figured out whose house the kids will be spending the holidays with and are in disagreement about this issue, try to compromise. You both must remember to put the children's needs and feelings first. Maybe you could consider letting your ex have them for Christmas Eve dinner while you get the kids on Christmas day. You could even split the day between both parents, with you celebrating Thanksgiving with the kids at lunch and your ex taking them for dinner.

Another thing to think about is what holiday is most important to you. For me, I would have my ex take the kids on Thanksgiving so I could have them on Christmas. I also offered him Christmas Eve dinner so that I could have them on Christmas day. Again, the key is compromise. Your children will be happier and your holidays less stressful.

Man Wants Divorce Because The "Other Man" Is A Dog

I realize I have written a few posts lately about divorce and dogs, but I just could not resist sharing this odd story. A Japanese man filed for divorce because he was jealous of his wife's dog.

Apparently they had a happy marriage before she brought home the pooch a year ago. The marriage went downhill when she starting giving the dog attention and allowing it to sleep in their bed.

The judge is this case threw it out of court and said "the couple should try to reach an agreement on the best way to treat the pet", according to chinadaily.com

Although this story may seem strange, many men have the same sort of feelings when a new baby is born. They feel neglected because their wives are busy caring for the newborn and feelings of jealousy arise. These pent up feelings of anger and resentment can lead to arguments and even divorce.

The solution? If you are having marital issues soon after a new baby or pet has joined your family, make sure that your husband is included in the baby's or puppy's care and try to give him some extra attention so that he feels loved and wanted.

Get A Divorce Online

You knew it had to happen eventually. We are able to shop online, find a date, book a trip and now we can even file for divorce! That is of course, if you live in Broward County Florida .

With a few clicks of a mouse and for an extra $20 online filing fee, in addition to the regular $364 fee, you can be on your way to being single once again. It does feel impersonal to get a divorce this way, though. I can just imagine a spouse sending an email informing their partner that they have just filed for divorce online. Reminds me of how Britney Spears supposedly text messaged K-Fed with the news she was divorcing him.

Although filing for divorce online may sound convenient, I would not recommend it for couples with children and any assets. You need to consult with a divorce lawyer in those cases. Representing yourself in your own divorce proceedings is never a good idea, so unless you have been married for a very short amount of time, have no children and no assets, I would not suggest taking advantage of filing for divorce online.

How To Protect Your Assets During A Divorce

Most people, when considering a divorce, fail to realize that they must take certain actions to protect their martial assets. Divorcing couples usually enter into a divorce hoping for the best and believing that their spouse will act fairly. Often this is not the case and you may find out too late that your soon to be ex has put your martial assets in jeopardy.

There are things you can do to minimize the risk. One of those things is to put a lien on any martial property you may own. This will prevent your ex from trying to refinance the home or even sell it. This is especially important if your name is not on the deed or mortgage.

Once a divorce is filed a judge will usually order that no martial assets be dissipated, meaning sold or disposed of. But even with this order, spouses have been known to violate it and sell cars, jewelery and other assets. I know of a woman whose husband emptied their daughter's college fund to pay his lawyers. Protect yourself and your assets. Think smart and consult with your divorce attorney about ways you can protect the martial assets during your divorce.

How A Divorce Can Affect Your dog

We all know divorce hurts kids, but can it hurt the pets too? According to David The Dogman, dogs and cats can suffer from the turmoil and emotional upset in the home that divorce and marital problems often bring.

David says "When couples shout and argue with each other this will indeed affect the dog (and also the cat). Our blacker moods and tantrums will have an adverse effect on our pet dog. Nervous behaviour is often caused by the owner's actions. Whenever I am called to a home where owners have a howling, barking, destructive, digging, house soiling, or one showing symptoms of an anxiety related behaviour, where it is apparent that the dog has an inability to cope with life, I always ask if there has been a death, separation or indeed a divorce that could have triggered the problems, as this behaviour is a typical expression of canine anxiety."

Since our pets are treated as members of our families and are sensitive to our feelings, it would make sense that any disruption in the family would affect them adversely. The best advice on how to help your pet deal with your divorce is probably the same for your children. Avoid fighting in front of them, try to maintain a normal routine for them as possible and most importantly, try to resolve your divorce peacefully. Everyone, including your dog will benefit.

How To Get Your Ex To Pay Your Divorce Legal Fees

Britney Spears was ordered to pay her ex-husband, Kevin Federline's legal fees stemming from their nasty divorce and custody battle. She has been ordered, by the court, to pay $120,000 of the $160,000 attorney fees racked up by her ex.

So how did K-Fed get the court to order Britney to foot the bill? Most of their recent court activity has been directly related to Ms.Spears bad behavior and concerns over the welfare of the children. Also, Britney was the primary breadwinner during their marriage and earns substantially more than her ex-husband.

If you are currently in a divorce battle and the attorney fees are adding up, here are some things you should consider:

Does your soon to be ex earn more money than you? Were you a stay at home mom during your marriage? If so, you should ask your attorney to file a motion asking the court to order your ex to pay your legal fees.

Are your legal fees adding up because your ex is not paying child or spousal support? Again, this is a valid reason to ask for attorney fees to be paid by your ex. After all the reason you are in court is because of his violations and disregard for the court system. You should not have to pay your lawyer thousands of dollars to enforce a support order.

Finally, keep in mind that your own attorney may not volunteer the fact that she or he can file a motion and ask for legal fees to be paid by your ex. Some attorneys rather have you pay their fees for fear that your ex may stiff them on the bill. It is up to you to approach this subject with your lawyer and specifically ask them to ask the court to order your ex to pay your attorney fees incurred during the divorce.

The World's First Divorce Fair

The world's first divorce fair was held in Vienna, Austria recently. Instead of ferris wheels, cotton candy and carnival games, there were divorce lawyers,mediators, detectives to help catch a cheating spouse, and even a laboratory to conduct DNA tests! Also on hand were hairdressers offering extension hair pieces and makeovers to divorcing women.

Vienna's divorce rate is currently a whooping 66%, but the actual number of of divorcing couples who attended were low. I think this is most likely due to the impersonal nature of a "divorce fair". I would think that a person going through a traumatic event such as divorce would not want a circus type atmosphere when ending their marriage. It would be an overwhelming experience to visit a fair where divorce professionals are trying to sell you their products and services. You are better off sticking to recommendations and referrals when hiring divorce professionals.

How To Get Through A Messy Divorce

With endless court dates, attorney fees mounting and no settlement in sight, it is easy to become emotionally distraught and overwhelmed during a divorce. Staying calm and focused is not always easy.

But staying in control while going through a difficult divorce is exactly what you need to do to succeed. So how can you get yourself back on track emotionally while going through one of the most agonizing times in your life? Here are three ways to take back control:

1. Spend some time visualizing the outcome you desire. See yourself signing the final divorce agreement. Visualize in detail, how you feel when your divorce papers are signed. Imagine the relief you will feel and the weight that will be lifted off your shoulders once your divorce is over.

2. When you are at your lowest and feel like giving up, take some time out. You need a break from your divorce and need to find something that will distract you and help you focus on something positive instead. Get a massage, have lunch with a friend, but whatever you do, the rule is no discussing your divorce on this day. This is your break, even if it is only for a few hours.

3. When you are alone and feelings of grief, anger and depression wash over you, allow yourself to release them. Cry, punch a pillow, or write a letter to your soon to be ex letting him know just how much he has hurt you. Be sure to take that letter and burn it. Do not send it! This is an exercise for you to get rid of pent up anger and resentment.

Eventually your divorce will be over and you will be free to begin a new and fulfilling life. That day will be here sooner than you think, so hang in there and gather your strength and resources. Someday soon this will all be a distant, painful memory.

Stressed Out Single Mom? 5 Tips To Regain Your Sanity

It isn't easy being a single mom and some days are tougher than others. Driving kids to play dates, sports and dance lessons, helping with homework and dealing with the other million things that come up in a day can leave you feeling burnt out. Here are 5 tips to help you relax and give yourself some TLC:

1. Make a date with yourself. Spend an hour doing something you enjoy. Read a book, meditate or just take a long, hot bath.

2. Use some retail therapy and buy yourself a new outfit or some new cosmetics. It is always a mood lifter when you pamper yourself.

3. Call a good friend you haven't spoken to in awhile. Pick someone who is supportive and will let you vent.

4. Watch a funny movie or sitcom. Laughing is an automatic stress reliever. Don't you feel better after watching reruns of "Will and Grace" or "Friends"? My personal favorite is "Curb Your Enthusiasm".

5. Join a group on meetup.com. you can find groups that meet once a month on so many different subjects, everything from wine tasting to learning about the law of attraction. There is a group there for everyone's interests.. You can also find support groups for single moms and divorced people who want to connect and share their experiences.