Recovering Financially After Divorce

Your financial situation after a divorce depends on these factors: support and settlement payments, job status, business opportunities, time, assets, and the financial needs of you and your family. Traditionally, stay-at-home moms have had the most difficult transition after a divorce. Usually the stay-at-home mom suddenly has to find work. Most likely you did have a job before you had kids, and your first thought might be to go back to your old workplace and see what’s available.

Then you often come up against the ladder model. This is the way many businesses operate. You climb up one rung at a time, but if you get off the ladder you land at the bottom again. When a woman quits her job, and goes home to raise the kids, she loses her place in the business world. She not only misses out on promotions; she often won't even be able to walk back into the job she left. She’s gotten off the ladder. This doesn’t mean things are hopeless, but many stay-at-home moms have a lot of catching up to do, and there is no way to entirely escape the effects of lost time.

Here are three easy ways to get back on track:

1. Assess your skills. What have you learned in your years in the home? Is there any part of being a housewife and mother that you’re particularly good at? Something people pay for? Something you like? Or was there any particular thing you were good at back when you worked? Something you could develop now, and quickly develop into a service with a market? It’s important that it be something you like. I don’t believe you can be happy working full-time at a job you hate.

Make a list of all of the things you enjoy doing. Might there be a job in a field that could harness your natural talents and pay you a decent salary? For example, let’s say that you love to plan parties. Could you get a job in a party planning company? A catering hall? How about working in a hotel as an event planner? Do you love kids? How about running a daycare center out of your home? That way you do not have to pay a sitter. (Though be careful of the daycare option; it’s an idea that occurs to so many single mothers, and the field is often crowded. Before you get a license make sure you have customers.)

I could give you example after example here but the point is to find something you enjoy and find a way to incorporate that into your work. If you are marketing your skills, remember to be businesslike about it. This applies to appearance, courtesy, and confidence, but it also means watching the bottom line. Always look at what you are spending, what you are getting for it, and how much profit you’re making.

2. Assess your education. Do you already have a college degree or some other training? Can you go back to school to learn a trade? There are many short-term courses out there that can have you earning money in no time. A typical realtor’s course is only a few weeks of full-time attendance. A hair stylist can get a license in most states in nine months of full-time schooling, and it’s a job where you can make terrific money. I used to own a hair salon and the stylists made much more money than I did! Most hairdressers get high commissions and make a lot in tips. For the most part they set their own hours.

Check into other programs that can get you certified in a short time. Schools offer refresher courses in many skills. When my ex complained that he had been out of the computer field for too long and couldn’t find work, I called the school where he had learned his skills years earlier—the Chubb Institute. They offered free refresher courses and job placement. See if you qualify for such a program. We never know until we ask. But most importantly, pick something you have an interest in and that you will do well.

3. Think about starting your own business. Many businesses can be started on little or no money. In the past I have sold children’s clothing on eBay, and the eBay business model works for a lot of services. In many cities people offer to clean out garages and attics, selling the contents on eBay, and splitting the profits 50/50 with the owner. I found a huge demand for used children’s clothing. Most of us throw our kids’ clothing into those donation bins. You can sell those clothes on eBay and make money. All you need is a computer and a digital camera. Ask friends who are discarding their hand-me-downs to give them to you instead.

This also applies to antiques, collectibles, and other valuables. People have so many things they would love to get rid of but they don’t have the time. There are other options. Many women have begun cleaning homes or businesses, and soon find themselves employing others to do the actual cleaning, while they price jobs, do the hiring, and inspect the work. Of course there are countless small business ideas that you can do right from your home. Be creative. If it seems sensible, team up with a friend or partner. Owning your own business can be fun, profitable, and boost your self-esteem. It can also get you tax breaks, freedom from bosses, and it may even make you rich.

9 Tips to Easier Single Parenting

The reality is being a single mom or dad is a tough job. Trying to juggle the roles of two parents each day can be exhausting, frustrating and overwhelming.

Getting organized is one way to minimize the amount of work and run a more streamlined, calmer household. Try some of the tips listed below and before you know it you will be less stressed, more focused and able to spend more quality time with your kids!

• Time your phone calls. How many times have you spent hours chatting on the phone, only to hang up and realize that you don’t have time to do what you wanted to do? Set a timer by the phone. When it rings, politely tell the caller that you must hang up. You feel more in control and have more time to accomplish your goals.

• Clean out your kids’ book bags once a week. Take school notices and put them in a folder. At that moment go through the folder and throw out anything that does not need to be answered. Take action on all the other letters and write those checks to the PTA and book club now before you forget!

• Set your kids' clothes out every night for school the next day.If you have very young children you can save time by dressing them in their school clothes after the evening bath and letting them sleep in them. The clothes will be clean, although maybe a little wrinkled, and you can head out the door that much faster.

• Review your schedule every morning and evening. Make modifications for things that may come up unexpectedly.

• Schedule a specific time to answer your email.

• Clean your house and do laundry every day, instead of once a week. It is much easier to throw a load of laundry in while watching TV in the evening than to be overwhelmed with tons of it on the weekend. Assign a cleaning task each day, such as: Monday, bathrooms, Tuesday, vacuum, Thursday, kitchen, etc. By breaking down the big tasks you will be less overwhelmed and your house will be a lot cleaner!

Give those kids some chores! Even a young child can help fold laundry and clear the dinner dishes from the table. Have your family help out; after all they live there too!

•Be ruthless with your time! Try scheduling one hour a day for focus time: your time to decide on what is important to you.

•And remember to reward yourself. It can be anything, big or small, that refreshes you and that you enjoy.

Maybe Next Time He'll Think Before He Cheats.....

I am sure you have heard the Carrie Underwood song of the same name by
now. Most of us who have been cheated on have probably fantasized about keying our ex's car or inflicting some of the damage Carrie sings about in her hit song. As difficult as it may be, you must control your emotions.
The type of out of control behavior depicted in the song will only end you up in jail with a retraining order issued against you.

So what can we do to move through the pain and anguish of being betrayed by our spouse? Do spouses who cheat care? Do they harden themselves so that they can ignore the pain they’re causing? If they could feel the actual pain they are causing would it change them? Would they care then?

Most of us who have been the victims of adultery have been forced to ponder these questions. We look at spouses who we lovingly trusted, people with whom we’ve had children, and we see them walking away, blind to the tears, and deaf to the sobs of others. It is as if they have found a way to separate themselves from all that led up to now, and cut themselves off from the past.

As we ponder, we ask why? A woman asks: Was I not good enough? A man might ask: Was I not caring enough? Either might want to know: Did I keep up my end? Was I supportive enough? We blame ourselves, and examine every small detail. Like detectives we search for clues, leads, and turning points. We ask the questions of a spouse who is no longer there, and in the end we are left right back where we started: Why? Why would

There are no easy answers, but there are guilty feelings that can and should be dealt with. First, remember: you did nothing to make your spouse stray. This was their choice, freely made. There is always a moment (or moments) when a responsible person can say: No. The responsibility is theirs, and for those of us they abandoned the question is not: Why did my marriage break up? Instead we begin with: Did a perfectly loyal, loving spouse really suddenly turn into a cheater? It’s likely that the answer is: No. Which leads us to the question: Are there signs that we ignored?

I searched my soul, and my memory, and found that the answer was: Yes. The indications were there, and I ignored them. I had evidence that my husband was not the wonderful, trusting man I had made him out to be. I put on my rose-colored glasses, and saw him only through those lenses, filtering out anything that might threaten my family and me.

After the marriage is over, it’s often a good idea to look back and learn. This shouldn't be the kind of thinking that only leads to you torturing yourself. If you’re still at that stage, don’t dwell on the past. Only do this when you are far enough past the shock and the wreckage that you can think of it as an object lesson, and want to avoid the same traps next time.

Feeling lonely after divorce? Get a dog!

After my divorce was final, I found myself finally dealing with my feelings about the divorce. During the divorce I was consumed with court dates and legal issues and did not have time to mourn the death of my marriage or deal with the many emotions divorce stirs up.
Working through all of the different emotions and feelings of loss,betrayal, anger and disbelief took many months. One emotion I was surprised to feel was loneliness.

At first I thought that it meant it was time to go out and try and meet someone new. Then I realized that what I really craved was not a boyfriend, but attention, love and friendship.
That was when I decided to get a puppy. After all, puppies give you unconditional love. They are thrilled to see you even if you have only been gone for an hour and they are loyal, cuddly friends that will never betray you. Sine my youngest child was 7 years old at the time, I also had the urge to "baby" and take care of someone helpless again.

I adopted Luigi a 3 month old Maltese, 5 months after my divorce was settled. Luigi is a wonderful, loving, loyal little guy who has brought me an enormous amount of joy. He is truly my "best friend". He is there for me in good times and bad and I can count on his love and devotion.

If you are going through a divorce and feel a sense of sadness and loneliness,you need to work through these emotions. Meeting someone and getting serious too soon can be a mistake. If what you really crave is love and attention,think about adopting a pet. Ironically once you feel loved and needed again, you will naturally attract someone into your life will respect and honor you.

Five Tips on Working Successfully with Your Divorce Attorney

Divorce lawyers are expensive. You need to be proactive and know what is going on with your case at all times. Do not be afraid to ask your attorney questions. Too often we will sit back and assume that our attorney will do what's right and we put trust in someone who may or may not have our best interests at heart. There are reputable divorce lawyers out there, but you first need to weed out the money hungry ones who will take your retainer, file useless paperwork and drain your bank account before you even get a court date. Do not pick your attorney in haste. Go to your local family court and find out which divorce attorney has the best reputation in town and hire him or her.

Once you have hired your new divorce attorney, here are some simple rules to follow:

1. Beware of an attorney who takes a smaller retainer but does not file motions. Some spouses wait for months on end to get court orders for spousal and child support because their attorneys did not file the necessary motions.

2. Remember that when you speak to your attorney on the phone you are being charged per minute. Don’t make the mistake of chatting on and on. Get to the point and use a timer. If it is a routine question, such as the date of a hearing, speak with the support staff rather than the attorney. Time for support staff is often not billed, and if it is the fee is at a much lower rate than an attorney.

3. Follow your attorney’s advice to the letter. These people go to law school; they should know what they are doing. Making stupid mistakes, like calling your spouse repeatedly, picking fights, and not protecting yourself, can lead to bills, violence, and restraining orders. You should limit all contact with your spouse. Only discuss your children and any business you may have together. Let the lawyers do the talking for you whenever possible. That’s what they are paid for.

4. Follow the law. The most important thing you can have is self-control. There will be times when you want to act out, call your spouse names, or be vengeful. These actions can only land you in hot water. Taking your spouse’s credit card on a shopping spree can give you legal troubles you simply do not need.

5. You have hired an attorney to protect you legally. That attorney is also a huge expense and you want to keep track of what you are being charged. Keep a log of every meeting, phone call, and their durations. Also it is a good idea to record in a journal any incidents with your spouse, so that it will be easier to recall the details in court later on.

Most of all, know that although this is one of the most painful times of your life, you will survive. Finding the right attorney will give you confidence in your case. Your attorney is working for you and together you can plan for and obtain the best possible outcome.

Helping your Children Through Your Divorce

Dealing with a divorce is difficult for everyone, including the kids. It is a life altering event that can take a toll emotionally and physically . This is especially true for children. Children need additional support during this tough time. They need to know and understand that it is not their fault and that both parents still love them very much.

You and your soon to be ex are going to have to work hard at putting aside your anger and hard feelings toward each other. If the both of you can sit down and make arrangements for the children, it will be much easier, less painful and less expensive than having to go into court and having the court decide custody arrangements for you.

You should not keep the divorce a secret from the children. You need to explain to them what a divorce is and what is going to happen. Try to give them some notice and time to adjust before you or your spouse moves out of the martial home. This way the children can have time to deal with it and ask questions. Reassure the children that both parents are still going to be there for them and that the divorce is in no way their fault.

When you talk to your kids about the divorce, do not blame your spouse or badmouth him. It is important that the children know that they still have two dependable and trustworthy parents that love them and will be there to take care of them. Be truthful, but spare the details about the divorce.

Often children will secretly hope that their parents are going to get back together. You want to make it clear to them that you are not going to reconcile, but that you hope to remain friends. Tell them that there is nothing that they can do to change the situation. Also make it clear to them where they are going to live and when they will be able to see the other parent. If your spouse has a new apartment or house, make sure he takes the kids to visit it. This will make it less traumatic for them when they spend their first overnight visit there. Providing the kids with a sense of security is crucial. Give them the opportunity to ask you any questions that they may have.

Giving the child the right information but not too much information is important. You want to minimize their worry and anxiety. Despite your best efforts, expect that your children will go through some rough patches during the divorce. This is a major upheaval in their lives. Children do not like change and it will take time for them to accept this new way of life.

How To Protect Yourself In Divorce Court


I recently met a woman who has been divorced for about the same amount of time I have-about 2 years. She was telling me a story about how she recently took her ex-husband back to court to increase his child support obligation for their four children.

What she told me next was shocking and disturbing.Even though her ex was making more money than when their divorce was finalized,his support was actually LOWERED by the judge! She is now expected to support four kids on only $203 dollars a week.

How did this happen? Well, first of all,she filed a motion on her own ,without a lawyer's help,to modify the support order. That is fine, and you can do that, but you must first prepare and gather your evidence before bringing your spouse to court. Although her ex was ordered to show proof of his income, he never supplied the court with his tax returns and the judge recalculated the child support based on his income from 2 years ago.

Was this fair? No. But the family court system rarely is.Since the judge reviewed her case without requiring her and her ex to be present, he probably spent about 5 minutes glancing over the paperwork and made a decision based on misinformation that is financially hurting the children.

Whether you are thinking about divorce, in the middle of a divorce battle right now or already divorced, you need to realize that the family court system cannot be trusted to protect your rights in your divorce.

You must be proactive. Do not assume the judge will do the "right thing".The system just does not work that way. It is overcrowded and filled with some money hungry divorce lawyers ready to pounce and take every penny they can from both you and your spouse.

Now I am not saying that all divorce lawyers are unethical or that all Family Court Judges do not care,but my divorce cost me $40,000 and a year and half stuck in the family court system.

Protect yourself and your finances. Don't go to court unprepared or rely completely on your divorce attorney. Gather your own evidence to bring into court. Make sure to have copies of all important documents and proof of all assets owned.

If you would like a step-by-step plan to save thousands on attorney fees, protect yourself financially and maintain your current lifestyle, go to:

http://www.secretsofdivorce.com/ and receive a free chapter of the best selling divorce book,
Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce-what every woman needs to know

Keeping positive during a divorce

If you are facing a divorce, you may be feeling very depressed and upset. These feelings are very normal. You cannot predict what is going to happen when you get married. Some marriages work and others do not. It is important to understand that this is not the end of the world and things like this happen all the time.

You are not a bad person because you are getting a divorce. If you and your spouse cannot longer get along, there is no reason to live together in a situation that makes you unhappy. You need to worry about your future and the well being of yourself and your children if any. Sometimes a divorce can be avoided with the help of a marriage counselor, but often there is just no hope.

Altohugh it is difficult to keep a positive outlook when you are going through a divorce., you cannot let yourself be taken down by what is happening around you. If you are being accused of untruthful accusations, you have to keep strong so that you can defend your name and your reputation.

Do not give up. You have to gather all of your strength an inner resources. If you are determined to get something that is rightfully yours, you need to stand up for it. Getting what you want in a divorce is not always possible, but you have to stand up for what you believe in.

Keep yourself surrounded by others that are positive as well. Keeping your friends and family around you is important. You need to make sure there is humor and laughter in your life even though you may feel like falling apart. This will keep you in a state of positive energy and keep you ready for what is ahead.

Once the divorce is over and done with no matter what the outcome, you have to be ready to go on with your life. You may not believe it now, but you will have an exciting new life to look forward to and make your dreams come true. Your life is not over even if you think that it is. There are always second chances and you deserve to have one. Your time will come for love again and if it does not, you will know that you are better off without your spouse.

You are being given a chance to start over again and you get to choose whether your life will be filled with happiness and joy or bitterness and hate. Slowly over time you will begin to let go of the bitter feelings that once consumed you.

Remember life is a choice. What happens to you ultimately is based upon how you choose to live your life.

Life After Divorce-Coping As A Single Parent

When the ink has dried on your divorce papers, and the dust finally starts to settle, you will find yourself facing an entirely new set of problems. Now you are alone with your responsibilities. The scheduling of your life is different, and probably more difficult.

If your husband is limited to brief visitation rights, then the day-to-day responsibility for your kids is now completely yours. Even if your spouse has your children part of the time, you will discover that you are more limited. If your ex did anything at all around the house you will now have to do it yourself. If he did any of the family bookkeeping, or helped the kids with schoolwork, or took them here or there, that service is no longer available. You have a household. Once there were two people who could take on the duty of running it. Now there’s one.

You will probably begin to see this happening from the start. During your divorce these things present themselves. But in some ways they aren’t as obvious then. This is partly due to the incredible turmoil you are already facing. There may also be other factors disguising the truth. Your friends and family knew what you were going through while the battle was still raging. Often some of them stepped up to bat, and helped in so many ways. Your best friend drove your boy to sports practice through an entire season, and maybe your sister took your daughter to shop for clothes. But that was when your days were endless cycles of lawyers, court dates, and searching for records. Now life is supposed to be normal.

The only problem with that is the workload: it seems to be permanently bigger.
In most cases the ex-spouse should be of help, but there are almost always problems and disagreements. Most likely these will last as long as your children are still underage and a shared responsibility. How much support and help your ex is giving you with the kids is usually a measure of your sanity. I’ve had my own problems with this, as does nearly every parent who keeps custody most of the time. My ex-husband’s mandated times with the kids only cover a couple of weekends and some weekday evenings each month. Often the evenings simply don’t happen.

Many divorced parents face the same dilemma: doubled responsibility not only for kids, but for shopping, cleaning, paying the bills, taking care of the pets, doing the laundry, and the list goes on and on!

Being a single parent is no easy task. For each of us the new responsibilities take different forms. When they are still together most parents gradually take on some aspects of the good cop/bad cop relationship with their kids. Sometimes dad is the one who is judge and jury, while mom seems willing to listen. Or those roles might be reversed. Maybe your ex-spouse was the disciplinarian; while you were the sympathetic one they could always come to. Whatever role you played before, now you must be both. If your boy gets in a fight, or your daughter mistreats a schoolmate, you have to dole out the punishment. Yet, if there were extenuating circumstances, you also have to understand. How can a person do both? It seems almost impossible.

This is aggravated even more by the divorce. A split inevitably sets up a competitive situation. In a conflict people always look for allies, and in a divorce both parents want the kids to be on their respective sides. This doesn’t end with the decree.

If dad was once the disciplinarian, but now only sees the kids for a few days a month, he’s likely to be much less help when they do something wrong. He’ll want his house to be the place where they have fun. At the same time, mom is going to get tired of always being the one to give punishments. She doesn’t want her children to hate her. This often turns into a competition for affection that can only hurt the children.

What every parent in a divorce must learn is that their children still have the same needs they had before the divorce. That means they need the adults in their lives to take on adult responsibilities. For instance, if you are about to leave your children off at your spouse’s, don’t work extra hard to leave the best impression. There’s no need to make your last stop one at a fast food joint where you fill them full of sugar and empty calories. Instead, just make them understand that you love them, and are concerned with their well being in every way. Ease them into the transition by assuring them of their place in your life, while helping them see that they still have that place in your spouse’s life as well. If your spouse doesn’t cooperate, try to resolve it when the kids aren’t there. Do all you can to make sure that the facts of custody are not rules of engagement, but rather are simply a structure for your children’s benefit. If you and your spouse still have lingering differences in this area, the best way to help your cause is to simply be the best parent you can be.

But whatever your arrangement is with your ex-spouse, life can’t help but be more difficult alone. So what do you do in the face of overwhelming odds, and the seemingly inevitable nervous breakdown?

First, remember you are not alone. There are millions of single parents out there facing the same thing you are. You probably know other mothers (and/or fathers) who are, or have been, in the same situation. Don’t be afraid about turning to them now. They may know things you don’t, and if not, they can always lend a hand, or at least some sympathy.

Others who have gone through the same thing will realize what pressure you are under. This isn’t simply a matter of finances (though that issue usually has a lot to do with it). You are now the one that your children come to every day of the week. They need you desperately for their own sense of security, especially after their world has been turned upside down from divorce. You are the one who picks up after them, feeds them, and gives them allowances. You are the one who talks to their friends’ mothers and fathers. You get the call from school. You talk to their teachers. You are the first one to hear about bills for education and health. If your children are about to go to college, you are the one they talk to about those possibilities.

If you are the parent they stay with most nights, and you are the parent they see in the morning before they go to school, then you are simply the one.

Because it used to be different, because there used to be two of you, and because there used to be two parental roles being played in this house, you now have to learn something new. Now you must develop some skills you never needed before. If you can do what is necessary you’ll find that this new order isn’t that scary. If you can adapt, you will not only survive, but thrive. A new exciting life is just around the corner. Your job is to figure out how to keep from getting so exhausted that “just around the corner” turns out to be an impossible distance to cover.

Your job as a newly single parent may not be easy, but in time you will adjust, fall into new routines, and discover a new found strength you never thought you had.

Christina Rowe interviews Best selling author, Alexandra Watson,THE HAPPINESS COACH

For the last decade Alexandra has helped countless women lead happy and fulfilling lives thanks to her easy-to-follow, highly-effective happiness techniques, tips and tools or system in her best-selling book, The Happiness System for Women.

John Gray author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus says her book `takes you on a vibrant and exciting journey to the center of your soul!`

Susan Jeffers, Ph.D. author of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway and The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love says, "Alexandra's wisdom helps you 'pick up the mirror', take charge of your experience of life, and ultimately gain the happiness you so richly deserve."
Find out how you can bring more happiness into your life today!

Click below to listen to Christina Rowe, author of the best selling book, Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce, interview Alexandra Watson, best selling author of The Happiness System for Women

I wanted to share this amazing article written by my friend, author Natasha J. Rosewood:

SEPARATING PEACEFULLY
by
Natasha J. Rosewood


Parting can be such sweet sorrow . . . or hell on earth. The only constant is change. But because we are always either infecting or affecting others, it is how we deal with those changing relationships that reflect what we are really made of.
All kinds of people come and go in our lives, some leaving footprints in our hearts and some leaving a hole in our souls and/or our bank accounts. So what price do we pay for perpetrating more anger and hurt during a separation? We can make a different choice. We can choose to separate peacefully.
Although each separation is as unique as the individuals involved—the following tips offer a way to leave our relationships with grace and our souls intact.
Don’t leave it too late. Take positive action while you still have something to salvage in the relationship.
Focus on a higher purpose than yourself. E.g. Your children or world peace. Then keep your eye and heart on the goal. Don’t waver from that vision!
Remove yourself from the game. Walk away from the who-did-or-didn’t-do-what power (less) struggle. If you have safety concerns while dealing with the other person, contact your local social services.
4. Treat the other person as able and willing. People often unconsciously respond and behave according to that higher version of themselves.
Speak the truth with compassion. When communicating your grievances, use the sandwich technique; positive (e.g. I appreciate you for this . . .), negative (However, I feel hurt/angry/disrespected when you) and always finish with positive (I would like to . . . remain friends/thank you for . . .).
Take responsibility for your part in the breakdown of the relationship. Once we accept our part in creating the problem, we also have the power to solve it.
Welcome the opportunity to grow. Whether we are the "dumper" or the "dumpee," we can acknowledge that this milestone is an opportunity for a new life.
Say thank you for all that person has taught you. Give each other something good to take away from the relationship. Be specific and be generous in your praise.
Give above and beyond. “Generosity is the virtue that creates peace,” say the Buddhists. Give more than is fair or expected or what the lawyer tells you. (If you follow these tips, you won’t need a lawyer.)
Embrace the FEAR. (Fictional Evidence Appearing Real) Be aware of what your fear is and ask yourself if it is, indeed, real. Only deal in facts, not emotions.
Ask for help. You are probably hurting. The physical equivalent of what you are experiencing might be having your skinned ripped off, exposing raw nerves. Get support from counselors, friends, family or strangers. You are not alone unless you choose to be.
Be kind to yourself and the other person. If you are the dumper, you may have being going through the leaving-grieving process for years. If your loved one is ambushed by your departure, give them time to catch up and come to terms with it. Be gentle in all your dealings.
The greatest gift of all in separating peacefully is knowing that although the context of your relationship has changed, you can look back with pride. Perhaps you have inspired others to do the same. Because if peace begins with you, here is your opportunity to bring peace to the world. Amen/Awomen!

Natasha J. Rosewood is an International Psychic Coach, Facilitator and Author of Aaagh! I Think I’m Psychic (And You Can Be Too). For details about her services, to purchase her book or subscribe to her newsletter visit: www.natashapsychic.com.

Relationships On The Rebound: Can they be dangerous?

I recently came across this article and wanted to pass it on to you because the subject is so important. When you end a relationship, whether through divorce or a break up wit a boyfriend, you need to be careful when dating again and choosing a new mate. Read what Author Sandra L.Brown has to say about the dangers of relationships on the rebound.

Grief and It’s Impact on Relationship Selection
BY: Sandra L. Brown, M.A.
Author of: How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved

Grief can have devastating effects on the type of person you choose for a relationship while you are still actively grieving the loss of a previous relationship. Many people do not realize they are grieving when a relationship ends which actually places them at-risk of choosing dangerously while being impaired by their grief.

Some people assume that grief is related only if your partner has recently died and if you are currently still saddened by the loss. But actually grieving occurs when any relationship ends—whether it is anticipated, desired, prepared for, or not. The longer the relationship existed, the longer the grief normally takes.

Persons are often distressed to learn that there should be a ‘time out’ from dating or future relationships when one relationship has ended. The rule of thumb is 6 months time-out for every 5 years of relationship. So if you were with someone (married or not) for 10 years that would suggest you take 1 year off from being in a relationship or dating. I get horrified reactions to that because most people think ‘just get your self back out there. The best way to get over someone is with someone else.’ Nothing could be further from the truth.

Many of my clients ended up in counseling with me because they did exactly that. While still grieving from a previous relationship, they hooked up and made some bad choices in the selection of their next relationship which caused them even more problems and pain. When you are coming out of a relationship, you are in pain even if you aren’t acknowledging it, even if you wanted out of the relationship, even if you had planned for the ending of it. When we are in pain, we are not in our best decision-making mind. When issues of the previous relationship are not resolved, many people go on to choose someone just like the person in the relationship they ended. Subconsciously they are trying to work out those relationship issues—but with a new person, instead of the one they just left.

Drastically, many people jump from one relationship to the next to avoid being alone. Alone does not necessarily have to mean = loneliness. But in these cases, people don’t really care about the quality of the next relationship they only desire to avoid themselves and the feelings of the lost relationship. These are issues for the person to work out with a professional because people who cannot be alone are at a significant risk of choosing anyone to avoid being alone.
The baggage we carry from the last relationship has the ability to impact current and future relationships. Ideally, none of us want to hurt new relationships with our old relationship issues that are unresolved. That’s why time off from relationships help us get some distance where we can assess the good and bad things of the relationship, our part in it, the types of people who we tend to select and whether we need to make some changes. These insights do not happen overnight or even within a few weeks. That is why following the formula listed above protects you from your own impaired relationship choices. Sometimes it allows enough time that you see you might need a few counseling sessions to work out your anger, fear, or look deeper at your relationship selection patterns.

The longer we wait and the more we work on ourselves in-between relationships the better chances we have of bringing a more healthy self to the next relationship and being able to spot potential bad dating choices.

For more information on how to spot a dangerous man go to:

http://divorcecr.howtospot.hop.clickbank.net/?tid=DIVORCE

Lessons From A Millionaire

Tonight I held an amazing seminar where I interviewed

Best selling author and millionaire, Tracy Repchuk.

Tracy is the author of Millionaire Marketing Miracles.

I think the most important lesson I learned from Tracy

was on how to use pain and adversity to your advantage.

Tracy describe a time in her life when her business was in

over $100,000 in debt. What she did was make a list of all

of the creditors she owed money to and put that list in front of her each day to keep her motivated.

She realized that there was no way she could pay off that kind of money by getting

a regular job, so she plugged away at her business day in and day out with a fierce

determination to take her business to the top.

Today she owns 4 successful companies and is financially secure. But she still

uses pressure tactics to keep her on the top of her game. What I realized as Tracy

was talking was that sometimes we get too comfortable in life and we do not

take action.

Maybe we aren't even happy in our relationship or job but we stay because it is familiar and comfortable. It is too painful to think of taking a chance and possibly failing. So

we stay stuck in the same place.

That is why sometimes divorce or getting fired from your job can be the best

thing that has ever happened to you. you force yourself out of your rut because now you have to. It is a matter of survival.

So not all pressure is bad, leverage the stress and pressure you feel and make it work

for you, not against you. Let it push you to new levels in your life you never thought

were possible!

If you would like to find out more about Tracy and her book, go to:

www.millionairemarketingmiracles.com

How One Woman Overcame Her Brutal Divorce

Do you sometimes feel that life has given you a raw deal? Are you sick and tiredof going to work each day and then coming home to more problems at home?

If you are tired of struggling financiallybut wonder how on earth can you achieve your dreams when you are bogged down with personalissues, such as separation, divorce or beinga single parent, listen up.

Remember the post the other day about the woman who went through a terrible divorce, turned her life around and became a best selling author and millionaire?Well, I am honored to be able to interview her live, this Wednesday night, May 2nd at 9:00pm EST.

There is no charge for this lifechanging call for the first 50 people who signup. go to:www.christinarowe.com/internetmillionaire.htm

Tracy Repchuk is the best selling author of"31 Days to Millionaire Marketing Miracles". Tracysuffered through a violent marriage and a brutal divorce. She nearly lost it all, including her business.Find out how Tracy turned it all around and went on to build a fabulous new life and career and how you can too!

I am especially excited for this call because I face the same problems you do. I am a divorce mother of four and let's be honest, it is difficult trying to support my kids on my own. I am looking to learn from Tracy on Wednesday night and find out just how she reached millionaire status.If she can do it, so can we!

Just go to www.christinarowe.com/internetmillionaire.htm

Make sure you sign up now-spaces are very limited!

Invite miracles into your life today!

Today, May 1st, 2007, I'm coming to your home and bringing a large number of the greatest masters of our time with me.

http://promos.hayhouse.com/promos/mccoll/050107email/

That's right!Along with me, you will find Neale Donald Walsch, Deepak Chopra, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson, Gregg Braden, Debbie Ford, James Twyman, Louise Hay, Bob Proctor and many others.Our intention is to share with you the wisdom of our most profound teachings without asking for anything in return except that you advance in your own future growth by investing in the amazing new book Your Destiny Switch by Peggy McColl.

Neale Donald Walsch wrote the Foreword for this book and in it he said: "This may be the most important book you have ever read. I'm grateful to Peggy McColl for having written it.

"http://promos.hayhouse.com/promos/mccoll/050107email/

My friend, international author and renowned success coach Peggy McColl, has written Your Destiny Switch, a life-changing book that reveals the unlimited force of your feelings, the real powerhouse of your destiny creation.In this unprecedented offer Peggy not only provides you with the elusive secret ingredient for mastering your life, she also gives you many valuable gifts from the acclaimed masters of attraction. http://promos.hayhouse.com/promos/mccoll/050107email/

Your Destiny Switch - in the simplest, most direct way - delves much deeper into the Law of Attraction, commanding your attention not merely to what you think, but more importantly to what you feel.Your Destiny Switch is a valuable, practical guide. In it Peggy gently leads you through the discovery process of emotional awareness. Through easy to understand every day applications you can pay closer to your feelings mastering them and creating a wonderful new destiny.

http://promos.hayhouse.com/promos/mccoll/050107email/

Peggy provides brilliant techniques, such as "illuminators" which demonstrate how your thoughts and feelings often unconsciously impact your life, and switching, an empowering process that guides you step-by-step to new emotional habits to create a life of mastery filled with joy and abundance.Click below to find all of the great details. You will also find my gift along with those of many of the greatest experts in the world. Please invest in your destiny today and get yourself a copy of YOUR DESTINY SWITCH.

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I wanted to tell you about a woman I met last week at a seminar,in which she was profiled as a bestselling author of her book that just launched called “31 Days to Millionaire Marketing Miracles’,and the reason I want to talk to you about her, is because she went through a violent marriage, and brutal divorce, but bounced back to millionaire status, and she wants you to do that too.
Tracy has 2 stories, the one she lets other people read,and the one she usually keeps buried under the most embarrassing and devastating time of her life. She shared both stories with me,and I know by hearing them you will know that there is a better life just around the corner.
Here is what everyone knows - Tracy Repchuk is the CEO of4 successful companies, the first she started in 1985 at the age of 19. She is a Canadian Entrepreneur of the Year and Chamber of Commerce Business Woman of the Year nominee,and corporate, product and volunteer award recipient. This is her second book - her first "The Poetry of Business" was a huge success, and she has been involved with computers for over 22 years.
This is the side very few people know about - She started her first company while she was still in college at the age of 19, in 1985. Together with her college boyfriend, they planned our life together. She had made the big leagues by time she was 22 years old, driving her BMW, buying properties, extravagant vacations, Mercedes, the works.And then, she got engaged, but it's not what you're thinking,because 2 weeks before the wedding, he called it off. He was with someone else, and she had gotten pregnant, and he was going to marry her. She worked side-by-side through agony and heart ache,and watched him with her, while she still loved him. But the pain did not stop there. She did something foolish, and that was start to see someone who was clearly not right for her.And then yes, in June of 1989, she got married, while she was still reeling from this original devastation.
That is where her problems began, because within the very short9 months she was married, it was clear he had a temper, and it took her almost 4 years to get a divorce, cost thousands and thousands as he fought for every ounce that he could get out of her, emptied their personal bank account, emptied the house of the furniture while she was at work (he had just graduated as an Engineer so hadn't established his own career yet), and then he went after her company.

But, that wasn't the hard part. It all came tumbling down with the full fury of a tsunami, when during all of this, running a company,watching her ex-fiancé with his new wife and daughter, the wife wanted her out of the company. So, the locks to her business were changed, her business credit cards were cut off, the husband had cut off all of the personal credit cards, and he tried to keep her away from her company.She had 2 men vying for her company at the same time.
So what did she do? Well after months of trying to determine what had he done to the company that he needed her to not discover, she found out it was $100,000 in debt in her name, and the company still owed over $200,000 in deliverable custom programming projects, most of which all the money had been collected, taken as personal wages,and no work had occurred. Now what - right? Well, here's what she did.She got a loan for $80,000 and bought him out. She brought in a partner,which has now been her husband for 15 years, and pulled that company out of bankruptcy, restored the credit, delivered all of the projects with no funding to pay for them, and started again. While he moved directly across the street, doing the same thing, and stole all of her staff.
So what is the moral of her story? It could be many things, but today,it is about knowing that no matter what you are facing today, around the corner is something completely new – and you just have to keep walking forward, and not looking back.
Tracy saw a way for anyone to make their way out, and has written a beginner’s step-by-step guide to help people put their plan together. She saw the overwhelm of information they were experiencing, the frustration of not knowing where to start, the sense of failure as desire didn't meet expectations, and knew there needed to be a step-by-step plan that created a blueprint and order of what needed to be done, and when - so that you can rocket ride your progress, stay focused,and have a direct path to internet profits.
Over 300 pages to implementing the Internet Marketing strategies you need to build a solid foundation and keep you moving closer to your dreams.
She wants you to succeed - so for my subscribers she is going to offer over $625 in free gifts, if you get it today. Here's a glimpse of those including a free coaching session:
http://www.amazonleap.com
It's a fantastic book that will help put it all together for you.Be sure to take advantage of it.
Get it directly from Amazon today: http://tinyurl.com/2zn8rm
After purchasing, simply go here to collect your gifts:
http://www.amazonleap.com/gifts.htm
There is a way out. Together we'll make sure you get there.

One of the questions I get often is "How can I

write a book?". I think everyone has a story in

them that they want to share.

When I began writing my book, I knew very little

about publishers, editors, cover designers, interior

designers and printers. The process can be quite

overwhelming.

I started writing my book by simply opening up

a Microsoft word document and writing. Every evening I would

write after my kids were asleep. I then hired an editor to help me

edit the book, chapter by chapter.

Recently my good friend, Jess Kennedy Williams, author of

Heartbreak-Free Dating, created an amazing new book writing

program that helps you start writing your first book tonight.

Jess has done such great job simplifying the book writing process and providing invaluable resources every new author needs.

If you are thinking about writing your first book, Jess is giving away

a free 5 day mini-course with the steps that you need to begin writing your book right away. Go to: www.authorguru.com to sign up.

How wonderful it would be if everyone shared their life experiences and challenges to help and inspire others. Get your story told and impact the world!

Dear Friend,
I am celebrating the official launch of my book Seven Secrets to a Successful divorce in a big way.
My goal is to make Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce a NUMBER ONE BEST- SELLER on Amazon.com on Thursday, April 12, 2007 and with your help I can do it!
I wrote this book because I learned the hard way about divorce. I was a happily married mother of four when she caught my husband cheating and my life spiraled out of control. What followed were two years of hell. i went through it all, money problems, dealing with a deadbeat ex-husband, navigating the court system, corrupt lawyers and more.
Eventually my life got better. I made it through the storm. In my hard hitting, tell all book, I reveal the secrets to a successful divorce for women. I share the survival skills you must know to have a positive divorce outcome.
Because of my difficult divorce and my desire to help other women and children, I am donating 100% of the profits from Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce to The Child Support Disaster Relief Fund when you purchase the book on April 12th (which is also my birthday!) at amazon.com .
www.secretsofdivorce.com/freebonuses.htm
You will also receive over $700 in valuable gifts from some incredible well-known authors and businesses when you purchase the book. Just go to www.secretsofdivorce.com/freebonuses.htm to order Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce on April 12, 2007.
Imagine how good it will feel to help another human being go for a goal...a dream…go for what is in her heart and ATTAIN it!
You can feel good that 100% of the profits today from the sale of the book is going to help children who are suffering.
There are 17 million children in the U.S who do not receive child support. No hurricane, fire or flood devastates more children. With your help today, we can make a difference.
www.secretsofdivorce.com/freebonuses.htm
Thank you for making Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce a number ONE best-seller. Your effort to make this happen is appreciated more than you will ever know. May your kindness and willingness to help someone else be returned to you blessed and multiplied.

PS- please forward this email to your friends. Let's remember the single mothers today who are struggling to make ends meet and support their children. Non-payment of child support is an issuethat affects us all. Many women are forced to go on welfare or lose their homes. Today we can help.
www.secretsofdivorce.com/freebonuses.htm

Angry Deadbeat Dads Protest Pizza Place

The Deadbeat Dads are upset because a Ohio child

enforcement agency worked has put their pictures on pizza boxes at

three local pizzerias.

They decided to hold a protest outside one of the pizzerias this weekend.

Instead of complaining about how "unfair" it is that they have to pay support and that the court system is out to get them, why don't they use their time more wisely and go out and work so they can pay the support the owe? This way they won't have to worry about seeing themselves on a pizza box the next time they order pizza.

I am starting to get some emails from angry deadbeats myself. Here is one

I received today:

"Why do you people keep saying child support goes to the children? It goes to the custodial parent (mom) and she does whatever she wants with it. It's a blatant lie to describe it any other way. You are duplicitous and clueless about the realities of the system and it's effects on children. You care about mom not the children."

Here is my reply:

"I think the children need to come first, not the parents.
As a mother of four children whose ex-husband did not pay
child support for a year, I think I do know first hand how
devastating it is to the children. My ex left his family with no money,
a mortgage, credit card bills and household expenses.

The child support my ex now pays goes to feed my children and
that is about as far as it goes. I pay for all
clothing,activities, sports,camp ect.. Not to mention the roof over
the heads.

I do not know your situation. But did you know there are
also mothers who do not pay child support? There are much
more men, hence the term "deadbeat dads".

Most women who do not receive support for their kids
are struggling to take care of them.Do some women abuse
the system? Possibly, I have not personally encounter a
single mom who has used her children's support for herself, but
I am guessing that you may have. The majority are just trying to support
their kids in the best way that they can. It is hard to be a single
parent with sole financial responsibility for your children.

Thank you for writing. I hope your situation, whatever it may
be improves."

So what do you think? Do you agree with me that Deadbeat parents

should be displayed on pizza boxes?

Check out my Slide Show!

Pizza boxes deliver wanted posters of dead-beat dads
Associated Press
Last update: March 25, 2007 – 11:26 AM

CINCINNATI — Customers at some suburban pizza parlors are getting something extra with their pepperoni and mushrooms — wanted posters for parents accused of failing to pay child support.
The idea came to Cynthia Brown, executive director of the Butler County Child Enforcement Agency, while she was ordering pizza.
"It suddenly dawned on me that most people running from the law don't eat out, they order pizza," said Brown, whose county is north of Cincinnati.
Enforcement agencies across the country use a variety of methods to locate support scofflaws and collect past-due payments. Virginia has issued subpoenas to cellular phone companies seeking addresses and phone numbers. California's Kern County seizes and auctions parents' vehicles, with proceeds going to the children, said Kay Cullen, a spokeswoman for the National Child Support Enforcement Association.
State child support agencies collected more than $23 billion in child support for 17.2 million children in 2005, but the cumulative past-due child support since the agencies were first formed more than 30 years ago is $106 billion, Cullen said.
"While we have made progress, putting the wanted posters on pizza boxes is an example of the innovation and commitment that we need," she said.
Other Ohio counties put posters on their Web sites and work with local Crime Stoppers programs, and a few contract with companies that can track people through rental and cell phone records, according to the Ohio Child Support Directors Association. Some include fliers in water and sewer bills.
Butler County has printed posters with mug shots of its 10 most-wanted parents, placing them in post offices and other government buildings and sending them to Ohio's 87 other counties. The lineup, chosen by prosecutors, is changed twice a year.
The Butler County sheriff's office served 1,224 nonsupport warrants last year, said sheriff's Sgt. Todd Langmeyer. The county has about 350,000 residents.
Brown approached several restaurants and chains with her idea of affixing the posters to pizza boxes, but so far only three pizzerias are participating.
Since the first pizza posters appeared in August, they have led to one arrest, Langmeyer said. "It's a good idea any time you can put the faces out there," he said.
The owner of Karen's Pizzeria hasn't heard any complaints about her participation in the poster program.
"Some customers joke about it and say they're glad they aren't on it," Karen Willis said. "Most seem to think it's a good idea."
An attorney who focuses on fathers' rights cases called the tactic "horrible."
"It's just a way of shaming people," said Maury Beaulier, whose firm is in Eden Prairie, Minn.
Many circumstances can cause people to get behind in support payments, but that doesn't make them deadbeats, he said.
Widespread public shaming also can devastate the children, said Michael McCormick, executive director of the American Coalition for Fathers and Children.
"Think how children feel to see a parent on a wanted poster and know their friends might see it," he said.
Brown said her agency tries to work with parents by trying to help them find work and seeks most payments through civil court. Criminal charges are a last resort. Conviction on a felony count of failing to pay child support brings a prison sentence of up to 18 months, with fines usually set in the amount of the support owed.
"We aren't trying to penalize these people," Brown said. "We are just trying to help the kids who have a right to be supported."

I think this is a great idea! Some might be critical of it , but if you think non-payment of child support is not your problem, think again. Many families who do not receive child support are forced to go welfare.

There are 17 million children in the U.S. who are owed 107 BILLION in child support payments.

No hurricane, fire or flood leaves more children devastated. On April 12, 2007 I am donating 100% of the profits from my book "Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce" to The Child Support Disaster Relief Fund (A.C.E.S) on www.amazon.com

We all need to become aware of this problem and do what we can to help. Check out those pizza boxes!

I recently started a divorce support group in my area. Our first meeting was Thursday night and it was wonderful to meet other people whoare either getting a divorce or are already divorced.
I would like to invite those of you who live in the New Jersey area to join my group on Meetup.com.
http://divorcesupport.meetup.com/298
Meetup.com has divorce and single parent groups all across the world! Membership is free and it is a great way not only meet people in the same situation you are in, but be able to share your feelings with someone who has been there and understands.

Have you seen this?
Man Chainsaws House in Two for DivorceReutersBERLIN (March 9) - A 43-year-old German decided to settle his imminent divorceby chainsawing a family home in two and making off withhis half in a forklift truck.
Police in the eastern town of Sonneberg said on Fridaythe trained mason measured the single-storey summer house -- which was some 26 feetlong and 6 meters wide -- before chainsawing through the wooden roof and walls.
"The man said he was just taking his due,"said a police spokesman. "But I don't think his wife was too pleased."
After finishing the job, the man picked up his half with the forklift truck and drove to his brother's house where he has since been staying.

Well, I thought I had heard it all, but I guess not! Thankfully most of our divorces will not go this far.
This is a perfect example of how divorce can make even the saniest person go a little crazy.
So remember when your ex or soon to be exstart pushing your buttons, take a deep breath,count to 10, and think about the peaceful outcome you desire!

Five Simple Rules To Follow During An Ugly Divorce

Why does divorce turn ugly? What makes one partner turn on the other? I have often pondered these questions. It amazes me that two people who stood at the altar and vowed to be together until death do us part, can ultimately destroy each other.

While I was married the thought of a couple going through
a vicious divorce made no sense to me. I always thought that when a couple decided to divorce they should simply divide their assets in half and part ways amicably. There was never a reason for a bitter divorce, I naively thought.

I was stunned when during my own divorce my ex husband refused to settle and split our assets. What followed was a long, expensive legal battle. I never imagined that I would be engaged in the same kind of divorce I once scorned.
I decided to research why divorce becomes ugly. I found that one of the main causes of a bitter divorce is that one or both spouses are receiving bad advice. Sometimes this advice comes from an attorney. Other times it is from family members or friends.

But no matter who provided the advice, it is always received by an angry, vengeful spouse. This is the spouse who feels betrayed, who wants to hurt his or her mate. The spouse who cannot let go and move on with their life. This person has a need to get even. In the emotionally weak state one is left in during the wake of a divorce, he or she is easy prey for a greedy divorce attorney or a mother-in-law who hated her daughter-in –law from day one.
Are more men guilty of being unfair and using devious tactics in divorce than women? I think the playing field is about even. There are probably just as many women as men who resort to despicable behavior during divorce.

You may be tempted to act out and strike back at a spouse that is causing you pain. Remember that the more in control you are of your behaviors and actions, the better you will come out in the end. You are being provided with an inside view of what some men are capable of during divorce. Some of this information is shocking and startling.
You may think that your ex would never do this to you. Hopefully he or she won’t. But you need to be on guard and prepared for battle at all times.

The woman who have already suffered at the hands of a husband who has played dirty tricks will tell you they never saw it coming. Never in a millions years did they believe their husbands could be capable of such actions. Yet it still happened to them. Be forewarned, armed and ready.

5 Simple Rules To Follow During A Ugly Divorce:

1. Watch who you confide in. You must be careful of who you tell your divorce woes to. someone who you consider a friend may pass information either knowingly or unknowingly to your spouse.

2. Do not try and reason with your spouse. Let your lawyer do the talking for you. That is why you hired him. Engaging in conversations with your husband about your divorce can make things a lot worse. He may be setting you up. You cannot trust him. If you could then your divorce would be settled by a mediator.

3. Be prepared financially. Make sure you have the funds available to pay for your attorney’s retainer fee and support you and your children. In my book “Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce-what every woman needs to know” I go into great detail explaining what you need to do to protect yourself financially.

4. Always control your emotions! Any out of control behavior
will cost you in the courtroom. You better believe that your
husband will be making a list of anything you do that is questionable.
Are you driving by his home? Calling his cell phone?
Harassing him by email? Your husband will use these kinds
of behaviors to portray you as a unfit mother,
crazy woman etc.


5. Be proactive and be involved in your divorce process. You cannot depend on your divorce attorney to win your divorce for you no matter how much you are paying him. Your lawyer cares about his fee. This is his business, how he makes a living. He is not your best friend, or confidante. What you can expect from him is to represent you to the best of his abilities. You need to become involved and stay in control of what goes on in your case.

I hope the information I have given you will help you prepare for your divorce so that you may have the best possible divorce outcome!

SEVEN SIGNS OF A CHEATING HUSBAND
1. Is your husband suddenly paying more attention to his appearance? Is he wearing new clothes, using cologne, and making sure his hair is combed? If this is not his normal behavior then this is a huge sign your husband is having an affair.
2. He is critical of you and has been picking fights lately. This is another big sign.
My ex was very cranky around the time he was cheating. I couldn’t understand why he was so angry at me. I remember one night he got dressed, put on his shoes, and brushed his teeth. I thought it was odd because it was late and it looked liked he was going somewhere. Instead he sat on the couch. As I was finishing something on the computer, he yelled, “So you’re not going to spend any time with me? Fine, I am going to my friend’s house,” and he got up and left. I realized later that he was purposely picking a fight with me so he would have an excuse to leave the house. His “friend,” of course, was his lover!
3. Watch out if your ex is suddenly too nice to you. If this not his normal behavior then he could be feeling very guilty and trying to assuage his pangs of guilt.
4. He doesn’t want you using his cell phone. This is how my divorce began. My ex twisted my arm when I wouldn’t give him back his cell phone. He knew of course that I would discover the calls to his lover. Ask your husband if you can use his cell. See his reaction.
5. Is he staying up late surfing the Web till the wee hours of the night? He may be having cybersex, looking at pornography, or instant-messaging his lover. If you are computer savvy, you can check your computer and find out where your husband has been on the Internet. There are also programs you can install on your computer to monitor activity and find out what is really going on.
6. Does your husband have a newfound interest in hanging out with the guys? Did he just start a new hobby or join the gym? Is he gone certain evenings of the week? You may want to discreetly follow him one evening and see where he is really going. My ex started hanging out with one of his buddies several times a week. This was the same guy he would go out with maybe once every few months. It became obvious later that the “buddy” was his girlfriend.
7. Is he no longer interested in having sex with you? Was he always wanting to be with you in the past but now has lost interest? This is another huge sign. Sometimes though it can be the opposite, the guilty husband syndrome. He may want to be intimate with you even though he is getting it somewhere else too! I coached a woman who found out that her husband was cheating the morning after he made love to her. Apparently he had been intimate with his mistress the day before too!

The Divorce Blame Game

We all begin the divorce process convinced that everything is the other spouse’s fault. All of the pain is a direct result of their bad behavior. Your ex is acting in complete disregard for your feelings. If your ex would only behave the divorce would go more smoothly. That you might have a part in this mess doesn’t even occur to you. No, your spouse is to blame. He is one who cheated, lied, and betrayed you. How could you be responsible?But when the dust settles you may start asking yourself some difficult questions. Was it really all your ex’s fault? Was there anything you might have done or not done that could have contributed to this divorce?

This is where it gets tough. No one likes to think that they were responsible in any way for the failure of their marriage. It just has to be your ex’s fault. Don’t you have that long list of sins? How could anyone draw a different conclusion?Chances are that in most ways you are right, and your ex is wrong. Some of his actions might seem unforgivable. So, after all of the stress, heartache, and pain, why bother to accept any blame?If you look inward instead of outward, you will be able to take control. With this power you will emerge from your divorce with greater insight, and valuable lessons for any future relationship.

Only a victim looks at an ex-spouse and says: “Because of you I do not trust anyone. Because of you my life is empty. Because of you I am in pain.” In doing that, the victim gives her ex-husband a controlling power over her behavior. You are making your ex responsible for your life. In saying: “It’s not my fault,” you are holding yourself back from the hard work of recovery. The longer you harbor this victim mentality, the longer you will deny yourself a chance at the life you deserve to live.Don’t hide from yourself. Dig deep into the memory of your past actions. Look at them, learn from them, and let them go. Forgive yourself. Until you do that you won’t find forgiveness for anyone. Once you do it you might be pleasantly surprised that the anger you feel for your spouse is diminishing.The willingness to let go of the past, and truly move on to a better place, is the key to peace and happiness.

Christina Rowe is the author of the new book Seven Secrets To A Successful Divorce-What Every Woman Needs To Know . Find out the survival skills that will save you time, money and heartache during your divorce.For a free chapter of the book go to : http://www.secretsofdivorce.com

How To Deal With Your Ex-Husband’s New Girlfriend

Many of us find a new mate immediately after divorce. Your ex-husband may be one of them. This can be hard on you emotionally. My own ex took no break whatsoever. His relationship was the cause of our breakup. She moved in with him two months after he left my home. She left him after little more than a year. I was elated.Her departure was satisfying on several levels. My feelings stemmed from my own hurt, and they also came from the disruption and pain she’d brought to my children’s lives. But I admit that revenge was a factor. I liked the feeling that my ex was finally getting his comeuppance. Now he would feel the sting of rejection. I wanted him to suffer this. I had good reason. He had thrown out 13 years of marriage, and I wanted him to pay for it.His girlfriend had been a painful reminder of all that, and I couldn’t help but feel relief that her life no longer intersected with mine or my children’s.But these feelings of relief and satisfaction were quickly tempered by the fact that he soon found another girlfriend. I decided that any woman was better than the last, but still I wondered, how could anyone want to date a broke, often-unemployed, overweight, balding man?His new girlfriend was only 24, 14 years younger than he was. She seemed nice enough, but deep down it still bothered me that he was happy. Despite all the books I had read on spirituality, forgiveness, and love, I still felt rage.Try as I might, I couldn’t understand these feelings. I no longer had any physical attraction to this man. I didn’t even like him. Why would I care? The real reason was that I wanted him to suffer for what he had done to me.It is normal to have confusing feelings long after the divorce is final. An ex’s new partner can stir hostility whenever she comes in contact with your children. This is inevitable. Your life has been turned upside down. The familiar and routine are changed forever. Even if your marriage was filled with anger, it was still the life you knew. Some inmates find security in a prison cell. Marriage can be the same.With divorce new people enter your life, some not by choice. You must find a way to deal with your ex’s new love. This is difficult if you are not currently in a relationship yourself. Why him, but not me? You ask over and over.You feel you are a good person, and you deserve love. You feel as if your ex deserves loneliness and pain. Stop taking it personally. The right person will show up. Though it may not seem so now, he will arrive at exactly the right moment. Be cautious. Look before you leap. There’s no need to risk repeating a painful experience. Take your ex’s success as an omen. You know that if it can happen to him quickly, you too will find love. If his new love proves fleeting, don’t rejoice or worry about it. The longer you wait the better chance you have for a truly lasting love.Don’t jump into something just to prove yourself. This is not a competition. This is a serious search for a love that will last a lifetime. You do not need to suffer again.That doesn’t mean you should ignore your negative emotions. Release them. Talk to a friend or therapist. Punch a pillow. Wait until you are alone, then call your ex every dirty name in the book. Shout it and scream it. Let all of it go. Let go of all of the pain, hurt, and betrayal. The process may take months, or even years, but you will feel better in time.That special someone will come, and your divorce will fade into memory. You will no longer harbor hateful feelings toward your ex. You will come to accept your ex for who he is and wish him well.

Christina Rowe is the author of the new book "Seven Secrets To A Successful Divorce-What Every Woman Needs To Know". Find out the survival skills that will save you time, money and heartache during your divorce.

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The Key to Winning in Divorce Court

The rule to remember is: Anticipate and prepare. Think about what your opponent (your spouse) wants, and what he or she will do to get it. Consider their possible defenses and offenses, and then do your homework. Find information to counter what they have to say. Look on the Internet, go to the library, and find magazines and books. When you fight back you need to always back yourself up with proof. Anybody can say anything, but having facts in print is imperative.All of this must be in the context of the law, and the law can be a brutal thing. The first time you enter a court you may feel overwhelmed. The judge’s rulings may seem unfair to the point of being ridiculous. Here is an example: your ex isn’t paying any child support and you receive a shutoff notice for the electricity in midwinter. You don’t have a court date for another three weeks. Your attorney informs you that you must wait until your court date to get any help. Emergency orders are rarely granted. So your electricity can be shut off while you wait for your court date. You wait, hoping they won’t shut it off before the court date. Then, with two days to go, your lawyer calls. Your court date has been postponed! This happens all the time. The calendars of family courts are always overcrowded. You may sit waiting through a whole day, paying your lawyer more with each hour that passes, only to be told that your case has been delayed for two weeks.Your lawyer will know these things, but don’t rely too completely on that. A good lawyer is an expert, but a lawyer is also your representative and your advisor. He or she is there to convey your case to the court. To do the job well a lawyer must know exactly what you are after. But you must have some knowledge of the law as well. Only then can you ask the right questions, and make informed choices when the lawyer presents you with options and decisions. It’s essential for you to learn as much as you can about the family laws in your state. These are the laws governing marriage, children, common assets, and divorce.Every day women suffer travesties of injustice in courtrooms. It is a bruising process. Realize that from the start. Form a thick skin. If you don’t, you will be constantly frustrated and upset. I shed many a tear from frustration as my husband walked away without paying our children a dime. At each juncture I returned to a home where every responsibility was mine. I still thank God I had a family that helped me through those dark days. I often think of the women who do not have such support, and wonder how they manage.Once again, the rule is: Anticipate and prepare. If you realize the road will be a long and hard one, you can anticipate the difficulties, and prepare with the support of your family.
About the Author:Christina Rowe is the author of the new book "Seven Secrets To A Successful Divorce-What Every Woman Needs To Know". Find out the survival skills that will save you time, money and heartache during your divorce.For a FREE chapter of "Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce" go to http://www.secretsofdivorce.com